Praying so hard for him!

[hugnluvable]

Ok, here I am.. with a bit of an update... some of you might like what I've done... some of you might tell me to do something else which I so dont believe God wants me to do... yet anyway!

Ok, so those of you who have seen one of my threads "Sex...houses...then marriage?" will most probably know what i'm on about... if not quick explanation.

I was having sex with my non-Christian boyfriend. He wants to live with my before we got married. I said no to sex... he found it really hard to understand - and FREEZE! thats pretty much where we got up to

Now, after talking to sooo many people about it all I've come to some conclusions for now. Alot has happened since the last time I wrote about my relationship with my boyfriend....

A week after we spoke about the non-sex thang... we had a serious talk about it and where we reckoned our relationship was going. My boyfriend really couldnt understand why I didnt want sex and how I could just "STOP" like that with him. I suddenly admited to him that I was having sex with him because I thought I wasnt making him happy and that we'd break up if nothing happened in that department. I broke down in front of him. It was the first time I was honest with myself about it as well really! I said that although deep down I knew it was wrong I carried on because I wanted to make him happy - and hurt myself at the same time. I said that I love him but now if he decided to want to have sex then so be it our relationship would be over if he couldnt honour what I believed in.

And the unexpected happened.... i so thought that he was going to turn round and say "What about me? I want to have sex with you and I'm not prepared to go out with you if you dont!" but he said....

"If I knew that it hurt you like this I 'd never dream of doing that to you." He didnt want to break up with me, in fact he loves me too and he'd do anything for me to be happy... which I feel quite amazed by!

Now, since then we've been able to be soooo honest with each other. I'm talking to him about God - because he wants to know about my beliefs and I really feel God working in my boyfriend through me!

I've spoken to my minister about it and he got in touch with a lovely lady to mentor me through it all. She told me to be careful... because in alot of cases women who fall for non-Christian boyfriends usaully turn away from Jesus rather than their boyfriends turning away from their old selves. Thing is, some day soon our relationship will want to go to a higher level - but it wont be able to do that until my boyfriend honours Jesus. And I'm praying so hard that that day will come soon!

One question that I'm going to ask him soon is though.... "What stops us from getting married now?" Any suggestions how to react to any potential answers?

Love, hugs and prayers
Erica
xxx

 

[Living4Him03]

Move on. You have made a mistake. You can't change your boyfriend. If you want to date a non-Christian, fine, but just know that guys DO lie. If it were me I would really consider breaking things off with him and pray about whether or not God wants me to have that relationship. Let me ask you this, is your boyfriend TRUTHFULLY enhancing your relationship with God and helping you grow closer to Him or leading you further away (now and in the past as well)? If yes, that's one sign you should break things off with him. As for the question of marriage, do you want to marry a non-believer? Check out the unequally yoked section to see what different things women married to non-believers have been through! I'm sure many of them have loving husbands, but with a non-believing husband there are so many things you will not be able to share with him! Don't wait for your boyfriend to become a Christian...that may or may NOT happen. I know it's hard to break things off with someone you care so much for and that you've given so much of yourself to, trust me I have been there! But, in the long run, you will likely be so glad you didn't continue in a relationship with a non-believer, as sweet and wonderful as he may be You need to decide who you want to marry and what qualities you won't compromise on before you even THINK about marriage and you also need to know who YOU are first! Slow it down and decide what it is you must have in the man you marry before you rush into things. Those things should stop you from getting married now. That's my suggestion for how to react, no matter what he says. Keep talking to your mentor and asking her to pray for you. God's will will be done. God bless!

 

[Living4Him03]

P.s. I know my post above may seem somewhat harsh, but I know how it is to be in such a place and I just want to help you out ! Oh and another p.s. hehe..my birthday is april 8 of 82 I saw yours is the 13th! April babies are the best!

 

[SelfProtect]

"What stops us from getting married now?"

First, your unequally yoked.

Second This:

"If I knew that it hurt you like this I 'd never dream of doing that to you."

I think you should give it more time and make sure his words are followed up by consistant actions (which means over at LEAST a 3 month period). I don't know your whole story or how long you've been dating (hopefully at LEAST a year). I'm merely trying to state the facts and stay out of the whole emotional part and about how hard it really would be. I was married for 13 years by someone who claimed to be a Christian, maybe he was, maybe he wasn't but the point is that it was a miserable period of my life because I ignored a lot of the warning signs and namely the fruit. Marriage is hard enough as it is let alone if you don't have a level playing feild of both being Christians. My now exh was continually unfaithful throughout the 13 year period. Now I have a reverant fear of marriage, the good kind of fear like "fear the Lord" awesome kind. Keep posting...

 

[hugnluvable]

Hi there, thanks for the post.... when I asked the question about marriage.... I know EXACTLY what stops us from getting married! And I dont intend to marry him if he stays a non-Christian. But if its God's will for me NOT to be with him then thats going to happen!

I know that it'd be very very hard to spend the rest of my life with someone who doesnt honour Jesus - the very one person I live for! But I truthfully feel that my relationship with him is helping me grow with God and also helping my boyfriend at the same time. Yes its hard! For me and for my boyfriend... he is lovely and he does respect my beliefs! And in time, God willing he'll honour God in the same way I do... it might not happen for AGES either with me or without me. Then again it might never even happen... but unless follow God's plan - how else is any of it going to happen?

Love, hugs and prayers
Erica
xxx

PS: April babys are fab!

 

[hugnluvable]

"What stops us from getting married now?"

First, your unequally yoked.

Yep, good reason!

Second This:

"If I knew that it hurt you like this I 'd never dream of doing that to you."

I think you should give it more time and make sure his words are followed up by consistant actions (which means over at LEAST a 3 month period). I don't know your whole story or how long you've been dating (hopefully at LEAST a year).

I've been out with him well over a year and I've known him for almost 4 years now! I am going to give it more time and make sure his words are followed up by consistant actions. Before this he's always made sure that I'm happy and has gone out of his way to make sure of that!

Thank you for your reply, it really really helps hearing off others
Love, hugs and prayers
Erica
xxx

 

[hugnluvable]

Something that suddenly came to me a few moments ago... I cant change my boyfriend! In fact I dont want to! All I want is for him to get to know Jesus, a really close friend of mine who I know wants to have a relationship with my boyfriend!

Love, hugs and prayers
Erica
xxx

 

[Knarf188]

Hi hugnluvable,

That is so awesome that you are trying to put God first in your relationship with Christ... So many people change what they live for when they get in a serious/non-christian relationship (like me =p), mostly for the other person they are involved with(which can be seen by your previous actions, I've done it too)... maybe you are the person who will make changes in your boyfriends life... maybe you will lead him to Christ... THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME!!!!!! that is just one more person who will be dancing with us when that day comes... but it seems that you want to do God's will... well from reading we can discern that you should not be in a relationship with someone who is not equally yoked.. I know it stinks... but maybe you should honor this... tell him how you are feeling (your bf)... tell him about the awesome love Jesus has for you and the love you have for your savior... and if you can manage just be his friend for a time... see how his relationship goes with Christ... this cannot be your relationship with Christ in him...but his personal relationship with Jesus Christ... I wanted to do the same thing with my ex.. for her to get 'equally yoked with me' so that we can go out... but I knew thathtis was wrong... for my prayers should/and are that she would have an awesome relationship with our father in heaven... for this is our goal in lives to bring others to Christ.... maybe God wants to see who you love more Him or your bf... I know this is the current situation in my life... just be his friend...see where his walk is going after you tell him about Christ... if it is meant to be it is meant to be... but know that God has such an amazing plan in your life... maybe with someone different or maybe with your current boyfriend, maybe doing some mission work you never know... just open your eyes and focus on God's Will and not your boyfriend, we only plant the seed and water it...we do not make it grow... that is God's Job... and what better hands then our father God =)..well take kare and God Bless... I hopd this helped you out some... laterz =)
In Christ,
Frank =)

 

[desi]

Typical, you want the man to change so he will be 'right' in your eyes. If you cannot accept him the way he is you are not being fair to him or yourself. You are wasting both of your time. Would you respect a man who said he was a Christian because you want him to? God works in his own time in his own way. Unless you feel God is explicitly leading you you should bail out for both of your sake before a doomed marriage occurs.

 

[hugnluvable]

Typical, you want the man to change so he will be 'right' in your eyes. If you cannot accept him the way he is you are not being fair to him or yourself. You are wasting both of your time. Would you respect a man who said he was a Christian because you want him to? God works in his own time in his own way. Unless you feel God is explicitly leading you you should bail out for both of your sake before a doomed marriage occurs.

Desi:

1.) I dont want my boyfriend to change so he will be right in my eyes! I love him to bits and all I want is for him to know God! Thats all! Not for me! Not for our relationship! But for my boyfriend! And if that means breaking up for him to grow closer to Him then so be it! I accept him for the way he is and he accepts me! We're still learning about each other at the moment... after 3 years of knowing each other we're still learning and always will do....

2.) NO WAY do I intend to marry him yet! I am being soooo careful about this issue... and my boyfriend is too! He knows that there'd be issues that will be hard to work out if we have different principles! He knows that we'd disagree on alot of things - before we get married we need to learn about each other more, and accept these things.... if not then guess where the relationship leads to - either an end or a "doomed marriage occurs!" We're both aware of this fact... and my boyfriend wants that even less than I do! He's experienced the trauma of parents splitting up etc - its really affected him, and he would never wish the same upon anyone else ever! Let alone his children!

3.) Yep, God works in His own time, in His own way. I'm waiting on Him, and whatever situations He gives me! Honestly!

Love, hugs and prayers
Erica
xxx

 

[DaveKerwin]

Erica, mad props to you for being honest with yourself, your God, your boyfriend, and your church. Good move. Now, it seems like this man is a reasonable person. BUT, what stops you from marrying him, is the instruction of the Lord. God tells us not to unequally merge with unbelievers. Keep yourself at a certain distance from him, guarding your heart. Pray for him, and be ready to make another hard decision if need be. You are strong, and you can make it. Peace.

 

[hugnluvable]

Erica, mad props to you for being honest with yourself, your God, your boyfriend, and your church. Good move. Now, it seems like this man is a reasonable person. BUT, what stops you from marrying him, is the instruction of the Lord. God tells us not to unequally merge with unbelievers. Keep yourself at a certain distance from him, guarding your heart. Pray for him, and be ready to make another hard decision if need be. You are strong, and you can make it. Peace.

Thank you Dave, and I really respect your opinion. I was thinking to myself when I was posting and looking at answers: "I could do with a DaveKerwin post right now!"

When the time comes - and it inevitably will - to talk about marriage n stuff it'll be challenging. But I am ready to make another hard decision if thats what God wants me to do. I feel that GOd has touched my boyfriend through me and thats the main reason why I'm in this situation now. And I'm going to learn from this soooo much whatever the outcome is!

I'm going to stick with my mentor and speak with her about these issues especially when it comes to marriage - so that God can constantly remind me and emphasise to me the fact that I should be following HIS will and fulfilling my fullest potential for him!

What stops us from getting married? He feels money and the fact that we arent ready for it as a couple yet. And I feel we arent ready as a couple yet as we dont honour God together. And I'm praying so hard for God's will to be done in thie situation.

Love, hugs and prayers
Erica
xxx

 

[hugnluvable]

Hi there - I'd just like to thank everyone who as answered my posts about this issue over the past year. Reading through all the stuff that has been written in the past has encouraged me even more now when I look at whats going on in my life at the moment.

So I thought I'd give an update on it all.....

Reading through Self Protect's post in February motivated me to write it down so I'm going to quote from their words:

Self Protect "What stops us from getting married now?"

First, your unequally yoked.

Yep, that'd still be the case! Still praying!

Second This:

"If I knew that it hurt you like this I 'd never dream of doing that to you."

I think you should give it more time and make sure his words are followed up by consistant actions (which means over at LEAST a 3 month period). I don't know your whole story or how long you've been dating (hopefully at LEAST a year).

Well, 8 more months have passed and we are still both together and still loving every second together. His words have certainly been followed up by consistent actions - since the conversation in February about the non-sex thang he has been so supportive of my faith.


At times when I feel like I'm moving further and further away from God he has been the one encouraging me to keep persevering and seeing things through rather than using it to his advantage.


He has noticed my faith and how I have strength to carry on in situations where things are really emotionally and physically tough and draining and we are forever talking about perspectives on life. He's even starting to look further into Christianity on his own back and has been a regualar attendee of his local Alpha course for about 5 weeks now and intends to see it through. In fact I'm starting to think he's quite enjoying it!


We have both been so blessed through all the many situations that have gone on over the past few months. Our relationship has grown stronger through the decisions that I made to witness God's way and no matter how hard the struggle has been - we have both overcome it through the Lord and I am so grateful!


Love,hugs and prayers
Erica
xxx

 

[FaithfulServant]

opps, sorry

 

[flounder7786]

well i think you need to continue to pray about the whole situation...and dont get married yet...give it some time, wait and see if he becomes a christian...and then go from there.