- Sep 23, 2005
- 2,001
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- Country
- United States
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- Female
- Faith
- Methodist
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- Married
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- US-Republican
I have had a really rough week. Quite possibly the worst week of my life. I am lost and confused and don't know what to do... 
Let me tell you what's going on. I graduated from college in 2005. I have heard God's call to become a pastor, so therefore I applied and was accepted to a seminary in Washington, DC. (Please keep any comments against women in ministry to yourself. I do not have the strength to debate them right now.) But I couldn't find work in the area. Instead, I accepted a position as a Director of Christian Education and Youth Minister at a small church near where I grew up in PA. I was there only a little over a year before I was told basically that the church couldn't afford to pay my salary anymore. So, after much prayer, I found a church in Northern VA. When I visited the church for the interview, everything felt right. I knew that this was where God wanted me to be. That was just this past November. I moved from PA to VA on faith that this was what God wanted me to do. This past week, I lost that job, after only 6 months. I wasn't even given a chance to make a difference. No chance to share my ideas. No chance to do what I felt God called me there to do. The thing is, I know it was mostly my fault. I have been struggling with depression for years, and convinced myself I was getting better. The pastor at the church I served saw this and made countless recommendations for me to get help. For reasons that I cannot fully explain, I didn't do it. So, in order to force me to get help, and to allow the church to grow without a sick Christian Educator, I have been forced to resign. I am officially on administrative leave until May 7, and they will give me a month's compensatory pay and benefits after that. I know I need to see a counselor and possibly get on medication, that much is clear. I have an appointment for Monday. But I have no idea what to do next. I feel like a failure. Even worse, I feel like I let God down. And I've realized that I've strayed from God, He just wants me back, but I am so lost, I don't know how to find the way back. I feel like such a failure. All of my skills and experience are working in a church. Churches are notoriously slow in making hiring decisions. Besides, I'm not sure that a stressful ministry position is what I need right now. I don't know what skills or gifts I might have to bring to the secular world. All I know is that I can't do this alone! I'm scared!!!!
Please pray that I find another job, soon, and that I will be able to afford to keep my apartment so that I don't have to go home to live with Mom and Dad. Not that that's a bad thing, I just don't want to do it because I enjoy being on my own. And pray that I will get through this depression and find hope again so that I can be the minister that God is calling me to be. And pray that I somehow find my way back to God.
If you made it this far in the post, thanks for listening. And thanks for your prayers. And if you have any kind words of advice, that'd be great, too.
Let me tell you what's going on. I graduated from college in 2005. I have heard God's call to become a pastor, so therefore I applied and was accepted to a seminary in Washington, DC. (Please keep any comments against women in ministry to yourself. I do not have the strength to debate them right now.) But I couldn't find work in the area. Instead, I accepted a position as a Director of Christian Education and Youth Minister at a small church near where I grew up in PA. I was there only a little over a year before I was told basically that the church couldn't afford to pay my salary anymore. So, after much prayer, I found a church in Northern VA. When I visited the church for the interview, everything felt right. I knew that this was where God wanted me to be. That was just this past November. I moved from PA to VA on faith that this was what God wanted me to do. This past week, I lost that job, after only 6 months. I wasn't even given a chance to make a difference. No chance to share my ideas. No chance to do what I felt God called me there to do. The thing is, I know it was mostly my fault. I have been struggling with depression for years, and convinced myself I was getting better. The pastor at the church I served saw this and made countless recommendations for me to get help. For reasons that I cannot fully explain, I didn't do it. So, in order to force me to get help, and to allow the church to grow without a sick Christian Educator, I have been forced to resign. I am officially on administrative leave until May 7, and they will give me a month's compensatory pay and benefits after that. I know I need to see a counselor and possibly get on medication, that much is clear. I have an appointment for Monday. But I have no idea what to do next. I feel like a failure. Even worse, I feel like I let God down. And I've realized that I've strayed from God, He just wants me back, but I am so lost, I don't know how to find the way back. I feel like such a failure. All of my skills and experience are working in a church. Churches are notoriously slow in making hiring decisions. Besides, I'm not sure that a stressful ministry position is what I need right now. I don't know what skills or gifts I might have to bring to the secular world. All I know is that I can't do this alone! I'm scared!!!!
Please pray that I find another job, soon, and that I will be able to afford to keep my apartment so that I don't have to go home to live with Mom and Dad. Not that that's a bad thing, I just don't want to do it because I enjoy being on my own. And pray that I will get through this depression and find hope again so that I can be the minister that God is calling me to be. And pray that I somehow find my way back to God.
If you made it this far in the post, thanks for listening. And thanks for your prayers. And if you have any kind words of advice, that'd be great, too.
for you 
s
