I don't know if it's accurate to say that I'm feeling suicidal. But I am hoping that the Rapture happens today; and that the Lord takes me out of the world and up to Heaven today. My unsaved therapist would call that "passive suicide ideation" but that's just psychobabble. Well, maybe the miserable life that I have is God's chastening of me; for going to a secular mental health clinic at all in the first place.....
I'm sorry for what you're going through, Tom. I have had severe problems in that area off and on for many years. I'm struggling a little right now, but I'm keeping my eyes on the Lord and believe He is seeing me through and the liar, the deceiver will not win this time around. He sounds like a roaring lion and acts like a roaring lion, but he is impotent if we fight him with the Word of God. He will run away like a scared little dog.
You poor guy--God isn't doing this do you. He loves you
T-H-I-S much and is wrapping His arms around you in love. Its the devil who is telling you that isn't so. And if other people are telling you that, they are just letting the devil use them. When you leave those people's presence, don't give their words another thought. Don't let the devil bring those things to you over and over. They have no right to judge you--Jesus said to take the telephone pole out of your own eye before you take the toothpick out of someone else's.
ALL of us are strong in certain areas and struggle in other areas--don't let anyone tell you different. ALL of us have weaknesses and don't you know that God is
so patient with us? Think of the ideal human mother or father. HOW MUCH
MORE does He love you and I and want good things for us?
Keith Moore's Sunday service spoke to what I've gone through. He was with Brother Hagin for 18 years. Where could you get better training! It was a really good sermon. I never thought I could control all those bad thoughts I had many years ago and was struggling with this week. I didn't think I was a good person, I didn't think anyone loved me, I didn't think . . . I didn't think . . . the negative, bad, ugly thoughts just came over and over and I just didn't
believe I could fight them--my emotions were too strong and I convinced myself that those thoughts were really true and all the Bible teaching, the praying, etc didn't apply to me. I just didn't think I was "enough." Well, doggone it, that's just a lie. And if its a lie for me, its a lie for you too, Praise God!
A wonderful woman of God talked to me years ago and tried to help me understand that I needed to control those thoughts. She gave me a list of scriptures about how much God loves me and how He has a good plan for my life. Its the devil who wants to knock us out
in any way he possibly can. He's out there seeking whom he may devour with his deception--and he headed straight for you and I! You know, that must mean you're headed for something really special with God, otherwise the deceiver would just leave you alone. We will be victorious over this trial he's bringing against us and it will just make us stronger in the Lord! Now, that
really scares the devil!
Brother Keith talked last week about the importance of casting down those thoughts/imaginations every time the devil brings them to us. (you can listen to the message at mooreministries.org. Click on "watch live service" if you get there before Sunday and click on the Sunday message. After that it will be under the "recent messages" tab). And his sermon actually scared me into taking his words
very seriously this time because he surely was speaking right to me at home in my little house! He quotes part of a chapter in Brother Hagin's book on Visions.
In my own experience, satan comes with those thoughts and imaginations and I tell him he must leave me in the Name of Jesus, that what he is telling me is a lie from the pits of hell. About 1 1/2 seconds later, the thought (or a new thought) comes again, and again I tell him he must flee--the Blood of Jesus covers me. It's imperative that we continue doing it just as long as we have to. Just remind him that Jesus died on the cross for EVERYTHING you have to go through in this life and we can just kick him in the shins and he has to go. Eventually he will see how serious we are--he has to flee. I'm determined not to give him place in my life this time around.
So, choose some scriptures and write them and keep them with you and tell yourself every day how much GOOD God wants for your life.
Your life, not every other Christian
except you. You are special to God and
if you were the only person on earth, he still would have sent Jesus to shed His blood just for you, Tom.
Just for you. Isn't that amazing to think of the magnitude of that?
I went so far as to make a cassette tape years ago with those scriptures on them. I had heard that we believe our own words more than someone else's so I made my own tape. I listened to it all the time. I went to bed listening to it at night and woke up to it in the morning. I carried it in the car with me and listened to it everywhere I went. I kept the printout with me and read those scriptures over and over. I used to be very quiet and it was hard for me to speak--but its much more effective if you say these scriptures out loud--shout them if you need to! Picture the devil hearing that and he puts his hands over his ears, yelling LALALALALALA, he can't stand it! Then just laugh, and laugh and laugh and laugh. You may not feel like it, but start --laugh, laugh, laugh--make the devil mad! You may not feel like it when you begin it, but just keep doing it--your feelings will follow at some point!
Someone around here will probably get to it before I can because I'm so pressed for time this week, but I'd like to get some scriptures on here and post them for you to use. You can just copy and print them out or do the same thing I did with the tapes (or hopefully CD or smartphone now!). Start with Jeremiah 29:11-13--He has a good plan for your life, Tom! Speak it, sing it, yell it, pray it.
You're not the exception to God's rule. You're a child of GOD's and greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world!
One other thing I'd suggest is to read Paul's letter to the Ephesians. See Chapter 1:16-23. Its a great prayer to pray for others, but you can also write it out for yourself like so: "I pray, God, that You give me a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the deep, intimate knowledge of You, By having the eyes of my heart flooded with light, so that I can know and understand the hope to which You have called me and how rich is Your glorious inheritance in me, TOM, a set-apart one, and so that I can know and understand what is the immeasurable and unlimited and surpassing greatness of Your power in and for ME who believes, as demonstrated in the working of Your mighty strength . . . "
That's from the Amplified Bible, but any translation of Paul's prayers for the churches is good!
I hope I didn't overwhelm you. You don't have to do all these things. If one of them speaks to you, do it! And keep doing it until you get a "release," until you feel better, until you WANT to live and do the work of the Lord that he has especially for YOU. And if (or probably when) the devil starts doing it again, just do the exact same thing.
I know this is long, but I know God is using this to help me, because I need to hear it at least as much as you may! The Bible says to keep the Word before you--day and night and even after all these years, I have to do it over and over and over. This message to you is helping me to grow in Christ because I need it! David encouraged himself in the Lord and we can do the same thing.
Most of all, please don't kick yourself when you're already down. I'm not crazy about doctors, but many of them are Christians and are doing what they can in the natural to help us. God will and does use them to help us! I'm watching Rhema's Campmeeting this week online and Pastor Hagin talks about his recent knee surgery. Do you see him feeling guilty about it? Great man of faith, came up under his father, Brother Hagin. It is NOT, I repeat, NOT a sin to get the help we need at the time we need it. I had to do it. I know God still loves me just as much as He did before, although I admit the devil used that against me, too a long time ago.
God meets us exactly where we are. He is a good God, accept His mercy and grace because he loves you.
God doesn't chastise you by giving you physical, spiritual or mental issues. He chastises us through His WORD, and he speaks to our hearts. Get really quiet before him and really listen and hear him whispering to you how very much He loves Tom. I'll be praying for you to feel His love and be blessed by it. Don't give up, Tom--your blessing is right around the corner!