I don't know where to start. I started going out with this guy. He was very clear about waiting til marriage to start having sex. (I thought it was pretty easy, me being a virgin and wanting the same thing. I figured it would be horrible on him... since he had had sex before...) Well, it turned out to be the other way around and I ended up pushing and pushing to the point where I don't know how he could've said no. Well, we decided that after that time, we would stop... and that didn't happen either...
We're signing the lease for our apartment in 8 days. I don't have anywhere else to stay. I left my previous home, and situation being what it was, I can't go back. So I have to do this, or I won't have anywhere to go.
And on top of all this, I just found out that I was pregnant (when the tests actually said negative - so I thought my period was just being irregular like normal - not unlike me to go a few months without periods) because I went to the doctor over a 2 week period and come to find out I've been miscarrying. And I think it's my fault. I was on caffeine pills pretty heavily for the last two months, and I've eaten fish and drank alcohol (not gotten drunk or anything... but still)....
This man's son has become so attached to me and I'm afraid to hurt him. He's told me twice (today and yesterday) that he loves me - something he doesn't even say to his real mom. I've also come to realize that I love him more than words can say. I don't know how to be a stepmom, but I'm trying hard. I'm getting so overwhelmed with things going on at my job, moving, stepping into this role, and the baby news... I don't know that I can be what my fiance needs me to be. I want to be... but I've already affected another life in such a crucial way... I can't get it back.
I'm feeling so much... and my fiance is trying to understand... but I don't know what to do... I'm failing God, I'm disappointing everyone around me, and I can't stand myself. I just really really need prayer.
We're signing the lease for our apartment in 8 days. I don't have anywhere else to stay. I left my previous home, and situation being what it was, I can't go back. So I have to do this, or I won't have anywhere to go.
And on top of all this, I just found out that I was pregnant (when the tests actually said negative - so I thought my period was just being irregular like normal - not unlike me to go a few months without periods) because I went to the doctor over a 2 week period and come to find out I've been miscarrying. And I think it's my fault. I was on caffeine pills pretty heavily for the last two months, and I've eaten fish and drank alcohol (not gotten drunk or anything... but still)....
This man's son has become so attached to me and I'm afraid to hurt him. He's told me twice (today and yesterday) that he loves me - something he doesn't even say to his real mom. I've also come to realize that I love him more than words can say. I don't know how to be a stepmom, but I'm trying hard. I'm getting so overwhelmed with things going on at my job, moving, stepping into this role, and the baby news... I don't know that I can be what my fiance needs me to be. I want to be... but I've already affected another life in such a crucial way... I can't get it back.
I'm feeling so much... and my fiance is trying to understand... but I don't know what to do... I'm failing God, I'm disappointing everyone around me, and I can't stand myself. I just really really need prayer.
