Hello, everyone!
I have some things pressing upon my heart. I'm sure that most of us here would agree that writing is therapeutic. I can think of nothing more uplifting than being in the presence of God and His children. I'm seeking advice and prayer from anyone willing to spare a moment or two.
I have always struggled with jealousy. I openly admit that I am insecure. I cannot get to the root of the problem. I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that I am loved and though I have had my struggles, my life has been a cakewalk compared to others that I have met.
Daily, I do my best not to conform to this world. I seek to develop character rather than appearance, but I cannot help but be discouraged. I abhor the person I see in the mirror, but I fully embrace my heart and it's desire to do as God wills.
I have a perfectionist mindset. Perhaps it is because I could never please my mother. She was constantly comparing me to others. Nothing I did seemed to be right and I rarely, if ever, received praise from her. Our relationship is much better now, yet I have been scarred for life. My friends were no better. I was ridiculed for being involved in school (sports and extracurriculars) and wanting to save the world. I was determined to not be enslaved by money and a desire for material things.
As for my relationships, the majority of my boyfriends have left me for other women, including the one that I am currently with. However, this happened seven years ago when we were around fifteen or sixteen years old. Sometimes I have trouble forgiving him for what happened and though he has received his fair share of women leaving him afterwards (poetic justice?), I still have this fear that history will repeat itself. Strangely enough, he expects me to leave him as well, so in a sense, we're both struggling and comforted -- if that makes any sense.
It almost feels as if the devil has me trapped. It's permeating and sabotaging my life. I don't know how to let it all go. I've done what I can to acknowledge that I have a problem. At this point, I don't know what else I can do. I can't help but feel inferior. Then again, it seems better to feel inferior than superior, no?
I've also committed myself to being more open and honest with people. Unfortunately, it isn't well-received. Is this evidence of a crumbling society? I am shocked. Did we once not say that honesty was the best policy? Does the truth not hurt? I'll surely say it does. It reminds us of the condition we are in and that we are in need of God's Saving Grace. With this, I have been accused of being high and mighty -- pretending that I am better than everyone else. Is this a sign of relativity gone too far? I cannot accept that ANYTHING goes. What is right is right. What is wrong is wrong. I will not say that someone is right when he/she is wrong.
How do I answer the question, "Who are you to say what is right and wrong?" This is another issue that I have been struggling with spiritually. In my heart, I know that everyone will give account of everything (good and bad) in the presence of God. How does a warrioress continue to battle the damning philosophies of this world when ears refuse to listen? How can I just stand by and watch as they continue to suffer by following what they think is right in their own eyes?
Unfortunately, this has turned into a rant. I am truly sorry, everyone. I just needed to vent and see what it is that I'm doing wrong. This is only scratching the surface. Thank you for your time.
I have some things pressing upon my heart. I'm sure that most of us here would agree that writing is therapeutic. I can think of nothing more uplifting than being in the presence of God and His children. I'm seeking advice and prayer from anyone willing to spare a moment or two.
I have always struggled with jealousy. I openly admit that I am insecure. I cannot get to the root of the problem. I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that I am loved and though I have had my struggles, my life has been a cakewalk compared to others that I have met.
Daily, I do my best not to conform to this world. I seek to develop character rather than appearance, but I cannot help but be discouraged. I abhor the person I see in the mirror, but I fully embrace my heart and it's desire to do as God wills.
I have a perfectionist mindset. Perhaps it is because I could never please my mother. She was constantly comparing me to others. Nothing I did seemed to be right and I rarely, if ever, received praise from her. Our relationship is much better now, yet I have been scarred for life. My friends were no better. I was ridiculed for being involved in school (sports and extracurriculars) and wanting to save the world. I was determined to not be enslaved by money and a desire for material things.
As for my relationships, the majority of my boyfriends have left me for other women, including the one that I am currently with. However, this happened seven years ago when we were around fifteen or sixteen years old. Sometimes I have trouble forgiving him for what happened and though he has received his fair share of women leaving him afterwards (poetic justice?), I still have this fear that history will repeat itself. Strangely enough, he expects me to leave him as well, so in a sense, we're both struggling and comforted -- if that makes any sense.
It almost feels as if the devil has me trapped. It's permeating and sabotaging my life. I don't know how to let it all go. I've done what I can to acknowledge that I have a problem. At this point, I don't know what else I can do. I can't help but feel inferior. Then again, it seems better to feel inferior than superior, no?
I've also committed myself to being more open and honest with people. Unfortunately, it isn't well-received. Is this evidence of a crumbling society? I am shocked. Did we once not say that honesty was the best policy? Does the truth not hurt? I'll surely say it does. It reminds us of the condition we are in and that we are in need of God's Saving Grace. With this, I have been accused of being high and mighty -- pretending that I am better than everyone else. Is this a sign of relativity gone too far? I cannot accept that ANYTHING goes. What is right is right. What is wrong is wrong. I will not say that someone is right when he/she is wrong.
How do I answer the question, "Who are you to say what is right and wrong?" This is another issue that I have been struggling with spiritually. In my heart, I know that everyone will give account of everything (good and bad) in the presence of God. How does a warrioress continue to battle the damning philosophies of this world when ears refuse to listen? How can I just stand by and watch as they continue to suffer by following what they think is right in their own eyes?
Unfortunately, this has turned into a rant. I am truly sorry, everyone. I just needed to vent and see what it is that I'm doing wrong. This is only scratching the surface. Thank you for your time.
Dear Lord, you know the troubles and pain Humblegyrl is going through. i ask for You to guide her, and make her make right decisions. Our lives are in Your hands. We ask this in Jesus' name, Amen. 
