Pray for me

[LovesEnduringPromise]

I had an eating disorder from age fifteen yrs old. I am now twenty. Ive been recovered for a year. During that time I would sometimes go into ED mode, thinking about it, counting calories, etc. I was anorexic/ bulimic/binge eater. All of it. I almost committed suicide twice, cut, was on meds, sought therapy. The only thing that healed me was God(Thank you GOD!!!) Ever since last may(two-thousand and six) I have been saved...I was always Christian but didnt know what it meant until last year when I was baptized...and God just changed me miracuously. Suddenly my ED vanished....over time. I used to pray to get over it all the time, but now Ive stopped thinking I would be okay w/o God on that situation...well find out Im not. I know it lingers in the back burner of my life, and it will always be a memory....but lately since my husband and I are moving and going through some stress, and lately I keedp thinking about losing weight...and how it will make me feel better. I am already underweight(even being recovered)...I just have a small frame and always had....When I look in the mirrorI know Im not fat, but I have this feeling.....this feeling of disgust w/ my body it feels fat, but isnt...that make sense? Recently also I have bought cellulite cream, weight loss products..and I dont even need them...and my husband found them....I tried to explain to him that I go disllusioned and just bought them b/c I was in the moment..which I was and I dunno if I was or not...b/c I keep thinking about it...and Im afraid that maybe I never got over my ED...it was just hidden for a while...and Im afraid God will punish me for this...I just need lots of prayer!!!!

 

[startingxthexjourney]

Hello there!
I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. It sounds like you have had some triumphs, though. And that's good. God IS good, and He has plans for our struggles and battles. It's something I try to keep in mind a lot! It has proven very helpful
Anyways, in response to your post....
Have you ever heard of Body Dysmorphic Disorder? It sounds like something you could look into.
It's interestingly similar to what you were discussing about how you felt.
these are # sites i found on it: http://www.athealth.com/Consumer/disorders/BDDInterview.html
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/body-dysmorphic-disorder/DS#####
i am definitely not an expert on any of this stuff...but it might be a possibility.
Hopefully you have a doctor or psychologist you can discuss this with.
Hope this helped.
Praying for you.
~ME

 

[Soulwings]

LovesEnduringPromise.

One thing that I need to point out immediately is that God is not going to punish you for relapsing into ED(ish) feelings. As long as you don't willingly detroy your body, then I think He understands. I'm not God, obviously, so I can't know for sure.... but I know that He understands what it's like to have an ED.... the only thing that He wants, is for you to take care of your body. Slipups are acceptable. Doing things willingly is NOT okay. Doing things willingly because you know that He will forgive you is NOT okay. But if you are of a true heart, He will forgive you when you ask. (However, as stated above, don't take His forgiveness as a "way out" of sticky situations, as a given, as a reason to do bad things.) Anyway, on to the next topic.......

I also think that you should look into body dysmorphic disorder. Other than that... I'll be praying for you. Take care of yourself in the healthy way, the way that you know how to, the way that you know that you should. Your husband should be there for support and encouragement, and I know that we're here as well. Are you seeing a counselor, or a nutritionist, or anyone? and if not, can you?

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

Thanks to both of you guys! Sometimes I feel like Im not christian if I slip....I dont know....its just a fear the devil puts in me I guess.I know God understands....but what if I slip back into it knowingly knowing its wrong and harming my body...? I dont know....Im so confused, I know its wrong....but then again its squishing me, and Im lead to believe its the devil that causes the ED...but what do you guys think about this??? I used to think it was a mental illness, but its caused from evil(addiction like anything else alcohol, drugs)...I duno thats what my husband says and I believe it....but Im soooooo in love with the Lord, and why do I have this lurking over my heard of this ED still....I know God forgives....but I just dunno if he could forgive me if I slipped and I have the right mind knowing its wrong....its just this strong urge to lose weight......I hope you guys can underrstand what I mean and would appreciate support and stories of your own.....its hard to explain how I feel...Im confused myself.....No I am not seeing a nurtrionist or anybody....th eonly thing Im doing is praying...well lately I havent been about this certain subject....maybe because I havent been praying for it its crept back up? I need to vent more but Im in a rush...and I want to be understood...ill post more when I have more time....thanks again guys!!! You both were helpful....but please reply again and Id like to know your all input....about anything like this and if you have ever recovered and slipped back in when you knew God...and how do you feel about knowing God but having an ED?

 

[GoGators]

I've heard that the devil always attacks us at our weakest spot. And that is usually where we have the least amount of trust and faith in God. If we don't seek God's help in those area's, we are going to fail miserably. But that doesn't mean your not a Christian anymore or that God doesn't love you. He will ALWAYS love you, no matter what. I've never met the "perfect Christian." We are going to continually fall into old sins and struggles. I think God understands though. He knows that we are human and that we aren't perfect. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to improve on our situation. He's there waiting to help you, you just have to let Him.
Philippians #:##- I can do ALL things through CHRIST who gives me strength.
I'll be praying for you sweetie!! PM me if you ever need someone to talk to.

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

I've heard that the devil always attacks us at our weakest spot. And that is usually where we have the least amount of trust and faith in God. If we don't seek God's help in those area's, we are going to fail miserably. But that doesn't mean your not a Christian anymore or that God doesn't love you. He will ALWAYS love you, no matter what. I've never met the "perfect Christian." We are going to continually fall into old sins and struggles. I think God understands though. He knows that we are human and that we aren't perfect. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to improve on our situation. He's there waiting to help you, you just have to let Him.
Philippians #:##- I can do ALL things through CHRIST who gives me strength.
I'll be praying for you sweetie!! PM me if you ever need someone to talk to.

Thanks hun! Thats encouraging, and I know this is the weakest area in my life, and Satan is attacking me most definetly.

 

[suthurngurlluvsthlord]

I had an eating disorder from age fifteen yrs old. I am now twenty. Ive been recovered for a year. During that time I would sometimes go into ED mode, thinking about it, counting calories, etc. I was anorexic/ bulimic/binge eater. All of it. I almost committed suicide twice, cut, was on meds, sought therapy. The only thing that healed me was God(Thank you GOD!!!) Ever since last may(two-thousand and six) I have been saved...I was always Christian but didnt know what it meant until last year when I was baptized...and God just changed me miracuously. Suddenly my ED vanished....over time. I used to pray to get over it all the time, but now Ive stopped thinking I would be okay w/o God on that situation...well find out Im not. I know it lingers in the back burner of my life, and it will always be a memory....but lately since my husband and I are moving and going through some stress, and lately I keedp thinking about losing weight...and how it will make me feel better. I am already underweight(even being recovered)...I just have a small frame and always had....When I look in the mirrorI know Im not fat, but I have this feeling.....this feeling of disgust w/ my body it feels fat, but isnt...that make sense? Recently also I have bought cellulite cream, weight loss products..and I dont even need them...and my husband found them....I tried to explain to him that I go disllusioned and just bought them b/c I was in the moment..which I was and I dunno if I was or not...b/c I keep thinking about it...and Im afraid that maybe I never got over my ED...it was just hidden for a while...and Im afraid God will punish me for this...I just need lots of prayer!!!!

Praying already--Listen God does not punish you--there is no condemnation in Christ. He will convict you, and this is good, for you need to realize that you are being tempted and not fall back into that temptation. Sata is the one who prowls around and is ready to pounce on us at all times to destroy us. We must be on alert at all times and never let our guard down. Do not get comfortable in your recovery--it will be a lifetime thing and one well worth the work and effort to keep out of your life. You are under stress, and are feeling out of contraol, so you are wanting to go back to that thing you thought you had control over--your ED. Tell ED to get the H out--in Jesus name--Ed does not have control over you unless you give it to him. And please know this--there are no perfect christians--if there were, we would never have needed Jesus in the first place. He came to redeem sinners, and just becuase we have been born again does not mean that we do not sin again. We are made up of spirit , soul and flesh. The Holy Spirit dwells within our spirit--our soul and flesh are still of the world, so we do struggle with ourselves to do what we know is right. God has given us the ability to be victorious though--but it is not easy. We are in a battle for our very minds--please don't give up--and if you do slip--don't worry--Jesus is there to help you back up, brush you off, soothe your cuts and bruises and point you back in the right direction. He loves you!!