I've been talking to a counsellor for around 4 months and I am starting to see the roles and patterns in my family's system. It's very toxic, and I realised I was/am the scapegoat of the family, programmed to be constantly ashamed or feel guilty. I never knew where that huge amount of guilt came from, I always thought I am just repenting often for every little thing and doing a good thing, but so often I make up stories in my mind of how bad I am and God will send a sudden punishment in my life, for me just simply saying 'no' to others or standing up for myself. I have anxiety and panic attacks which gets severe sometimes. I don't really share much about this with my family, because they wouldn't understand it, there are 2 malignant narcissists in my family, and when I did share similar things in the past I got mocked and bullied for it. They will bring this up forever, whenever I disagree with them or don't want to do what they want me to.
The best for me is to be distant with them, to be able to heal and breath, but that is also making me feel guilty, like I am neglecting my family members.
My question is, how can one get rid of the shame and guilt, that has become so natural, automatic? I feel it's too much to handle sometimes.
I've had to deal with this issue like many of us, and I'm still being subjected to harsh treatment by my family, but I no longer feel any guilt or shame. For the most part, God has removed it. Things are not like I would like them to be, but my days are not filled with guilt. I can see clearly who is at fault.
It took a while because something was missing to aide my healing: The Cross.
I want to share that we don't always understand what Christ has given us when He died on the Cross. Our old man (carnal nature, fleshly man) has been crucified with Christ, Romans 6:6, and we walk in newness of life. What that means is any guilt or shame we continue to be plagued with, whether from others our ourselves, has already been dealt with on the cross.
Shame and guilt belongs to the carnal nature; the carnal nature is sin of the law, and we have no power over it. God loves us and helped us out and crucified the carnal nature on the Cross with Christ. That's what is meant by God was in Christ reconciling the world unto himself, 2 Corinthians 5:19. God was crucifying our sinful nature on the cross with Christ. Now as believers, we are to live in the light of Christ; it is the Power of the Cross that removes guilt from our consciousness, by believing, by holding on to the faith of it, 1 Timothy 1:19. If we don't see what the gospel is saying, we can't believe it. If we don't believe what the cross did for us, then we can't benefit from its Power. Because salvation is based on God's grace, which require faith, Ephesians 2:8-9. It's not just confessing, but also
believing that if we confess, the cross of Christ frees us, Romans 8:1-2, Romans 6:22. There is a benefit to believing. God require that we believe first before we receive His Power; which can be an immediate release from the carnal man's influence on our mind.
The Power of God is Mighty in Christ by the gospel. We just need to be shown what the gospel is telling us, and we must
believe it and follow it. We all must stay on top of the grace of God, and all His benefits through the gospel, and not fall back to self-effort like the Galatians did. I'm guilty of this as well; it's a growing process.
The Power of the Cross eliminates our need to continue to figure things out: Why am I worried? Whey did they treat me that way? Why do I feel so bad? God's grace has provided us an answer to put to death the sin nature; it is by His Power that heals us from shame and guilt. Not our power!
You've heard "look to the cross." Well people will say "look to the cross" but they don't explain it. For years I wondered how do I look to the cross? I have even cried about it because I did not understand, and those I was around did not know either. So due to lack of knowledge we are left without knowing the Power of the cross, and how our life changes greatly in Christ because of it. It's what's called, "Real Healing" because Christ is LIFE!
The thing I don't want to do, I do......, Romans 7:14-25. That's I don't want to continue to be dealing with false shame and guilt. But I can't stop. Why? The bible gives a clear cut answer and that's what we are to be following, studying, and digesting, to get relief. God has not left us without His Power to overcome. It's not by rehashing how we feel, and what they did, which is what I did for years, but looking to the cross of Christ to be given freedom from the carnal nature. Looking unto the Cross is using my faculties to "
believe".
This is the Power of the Cross: Believe this! We died with Christ, that is, we have been crucified with Christ and we no longer live; Christ lives in us, Galatians 20:20. So where is our power then? Gone! We now operate by the Power of God, by His grace when we believe -
as a gift. We are only required to
believe what God has said, and He blesses us when we obey Him!
Your guilt and shame have been crucified with Christ, and they no longe live in you; Christ lives in you and He comes with Power to subdue your guilt and shame, and negative thoughts.
Stay on the verses, pray about it, digest it, God will bless you and heal you in Christ Jesus.
