Pray for me please

[AirForceTeacher]

I'm having a terrible day - I am so depressed I can't stand it. I feel my marriage slipping away and it's all my fault and I don't know that I can do to arrest it and go back upward. I have a counseling appt in an hour - please pray for peace of mind!

 

[Canuk]

Praying for you...

 

[Rebekka]

I'm praying for you and your wife. I'm wishing you courage and strength. May God help you and your wife to survive this marriage crisis.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

I am praying for you. Please keep faith in God and that He joined you together for a reason. Even when times get tought and you don't know the reason, remember that God does!

 

[Restoredsoul]

Hey hope the appointment went well. Praying that you will feel peace about the situation and know that God is sovereign.

Rs xxx

 

[sf49erfan]

I'm praying and hope that your session went well.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

My session went well today, and I came away energize, but then talked to my wife on the phone and she wants to go to dance lesson by herself tonite. Ever since we talked on Sunday she thinks I've been like an overbearing parent. I'm not trying to be, but what she said scared me.

She wants me to chill out and relax, and things will get better. I'm doing a terrible job of it right now, and work is really hitting me hard. She did tell me in an email today that she needs me too, but I'm pushing her away by being so nervous and clingy.

I've got to figure out how to relax, but I'm so afraid she's gonna go off with some other guy. So, my freaking out is probably gonna do exactly that, drive her away.

Please pary for me to relax and trust her, and for her to be safe.

 

[MilkandHoney]

I am praying for you - Air Force Teacher, please keep the faith and know always that God is with you.

 

[MaidforHim]

Praying for you here too.

The Mrs. should remember that being understanding goes both ways. ANYONE who feels threatened naturally begins to cling. It might not be the right thing to do, but it's a natural response.

When you feel the need to hang on to someone cling to God, He won't ever turn you away and He can bring peace and healing to you both.

God be with the two of you.

 

[Xinnamon]

I hope you don't mind if I add you to my prayer list. Praying for you.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thanks everyone. I'm trying to be calm. I'm pretty sure my wife is going to stay out really late tonite because she's afraid that I will argue with her when she gets home. She says that last week when I was out of town it was a nice, stress-free week. Ouch! I know the some of the things I do to stress her, but I just find it so hard not to. I left a cell message for her asking her to come home earlier so we can lay together and watch TV. I told her that I know that probably scares her because she thinks I want to get into it about the dancing and the marriage. I told her that I promise I wouldn't, to have fun and learn something she can show me.

I hate feeling so worthless and insecure. I'm going thru counseling to work on it, and the counselor says it's going well, but I'm afraid it won't work fast enough to keep her - there's so much hurt in us.

Thanks all...

 

[Cordy]

Hey AirForceTeacher,

I will pray for you and your wife right now.

A suggestion for if she comes home late: have a plate of delicious cookies (or other snack she enjoys) waiting, give her a kiss, tell her you love her, and then go to bed – or something along those lines. Make coming home to you a relaxing experience where she feels she love, but not smothered.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I left a dozen roses on the kitchen counter, and I'm not going out there when I here her come in. I'll just wait for her if I'm awake. I hope she comes home early ... I'm so scared of her being out late dancing, but I know that she's doing it more to avoid an argument with me than anything else. Doesn't help my obsessive thoughts any ...

Thanks mbams!

 

[Restoredsoul]

Hey,
Just want to say that it shows you obviously really care about your wife and your marriage and that it's a great step to be seeing a counsellor.

I know it's hard when you feel paranoid and worried about what she may or may not do but remember that you are joined in union as one.

I understand it is hard for you because your wife is asking for space and that makes you feel uncomfortable but hang in there. It is clear you are making a huge effort and i'm sure that she will begin to see that.

Don't be so hard on yourself.
Hugs
Rs xxx

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thanks, RS. She came home before I went to sleep, and we lay together to watch TV. No serious talk, and she cuddled right up against me. It got a little tense, but it was ok, I guess. We have our joint appointment tonight after work, and I knnow it wil be difficult. I told her to open up and share where she was at. She thought I couldn't handle it. I tried very hard, but she was right. I'm upset about it and I know she feels betrayed. All I can do is try to do better next time, and hope I don't run out of bext times before the healing is through.

 

[Restoredsoul]

It's not easy to hear your wife say things that you will find diffcult. We all hate to be criticised even if constructively it's one of the hardest things!

What you really have to try to do is give her the space in your joint sessions to say what she needs to and to make sure you don't jump to the defensive before she has finished.

This isn't going to be an easy time but you can do this.
She didn't stay out late like you thought and she did come back and watch tv with you as you asked so she is listening to your requests - you now need to listen to where she is at and it will be hard but you can do it!

Rs xxx

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I know - I've been doing a good job of listening in oour sessions. I listened to her on Sunday when she shared - it was my emotional reaction since that was the issue.

I want to call her so badly right now, but I'm trying not to -she's asked that I don't call during the day unless I need something because her day is packed (homeschool four kids!) and that hurts - I like to chat with her and touch base in the middle of the day, but I know she's busy. If I wasn't so sensitve it wouldn't be an issue, but it seems that there's no way to settle this without hurting one of our feelings. I hate that! I want to have something different for my marriage. We're working toward it, but it gets discouraging.

 

[Restoredsoul]

I see where you are coming from with wanting to speak to your wife but it's because she's busy she can't, not because she doesn't want to.

I used to speak to hubby at lunchtimes when i worked in a mainstream school but now i'm in a unit it's not possible - it's something we got used to.

I'm sorry you are feeling sensitive and it must be hard for you not to talk to her but i hope you understand why she says that? Is it not possible to text each other or something like that? Just so that you get the contact but it doesn't take as long as a phone call?

You can't always help the way you react to things and your wife should understand that some ofthei ngs she shares may be hard for you to hear, if you need a little more contact then is it not possible for a short time?

i'm kind of posting blind here as i don't know the ins and outs but am doing my best to help.

Hugs
Rs xxx

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

Prayers going up that God will restore your marriage.

 

[Cordy]

Hey AirForceTeacher,

I can understand the desire to want to touch base with your wife during the day; I often like to do so with my husband, too, but sometimes our activities don’t allow for that.

Your counsellor has much more experience and training than I do, but my suggestion is to develop your own interests that help you grow as your own unique person. I don’t mean interests that will pull you away from your wife, but things that you can personally identify with and invigorate you and cause you to grow in your personal confidence and strength.

It looks like you depend on your wife for your security and support, and although some healthy dependency is good in marriage, it works best when both parties are also strong individuals. You will be a better husband if you are confident and happier with yourself, rather than seeking to find your identify and security in your wife.

When you start to feel anxious, start memorizing scripture. Memorize passages that encourage you in your faith and remind you that your identify and security are in God.