Post here when you feel like cutting

[Ramona]

I feel like I need to. And I feel like I'll feel like I need to forever. I'm terrified.

 

[Nobility]

Praying Hallie You honestly are doing so much better than you think, and when you look back on this day in 20 years time - you'll know that

 

[ChristInAction]

I am never going to beat this.
Sure I've been 2months without.
But why does that matter when every single night I'm up trying so so so hard not to give it & keep fighting.
I feel like i need to hurt myself to justify the fact that i'm alive.
If i have to be alive, I should to punnished to taking up space & for being needy & a burdon on the world.

 

[flying_kiwifruit]

I really really want to right now, everything that was at least semi stable in my life is crashing down, it feels like I'm on a floor that keeps giving way except for one part that stay strong and that's SI. I want my control back I need that control of SI. I really need it.

 

[Arianna]

Ari, you are not useless at all Hun You can get through this!
I am praying.
And please PM me if you want to talk.

You are a daughter of the most High

Loved and valued by Him, and many others

No one deserves to be hurt, whether by themselves or another.





How about one step at a time. Try and work on getting through the next hour, even half an hour when you make that goal, give yourself a mental pat on the back, and then set another time, perhaps an hour or hour and a half.

When things are really bad, its easy to get lost in the associated despair and to not be able to see the wood for the trees. However one small step at a time, its important to set small goals, that you know you can accomplish


There maybe most likely times when you hit speed bumps, however its important to realise that they are just that, speed bumps, and just because you hit one, it doesnt make your other progress any less valid or awesome achievement.


You can do it, just remember, small steps at a time

Thank you all SO MUCH! It means more to me than you probably know right now.

As for what's been happening, well, it's hard to explain...my mood swings are making me difficult to deal with...the people I love haven't told me, but I know it is. I just wish I could stop...but I can't. And it hurts worse than burning does.

I know that I can overcome it, but the urge can be really strong...like, really strong. I guess I can elaborate more via PM, it's really to personal to post publically.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words.

Arianna and Katey, please hang in there. Arianna, I saw that you'd made it a year without SI, that is FANTASTIC! You have so much to be proud of. And Katey, I remember you responded to my survey in the BPD subforum, and I can tell that you are a fabulous person who deserves nothing but happiness. BPD is a monster, and you seem to be dealing with it with maturity and grace. That is wonderful.

Love to all.
~Hallie

Thanks so much to everyone who replied to me - It meant a lot that you listened. Thanks.
(and sorry not to reply for so long..i've just been so busy)
Small steps are a good idea Freitag - I really do get caught up in things too easily and can't think straight.

hope you're all ok
xxx

 

[Arianna]

how are you doing, Ally?
xx

 

[ChristInAction]

how are you doing, Ally?
xx

still not good.
its getting harder everynight.
each night i want to cut & even though i dont.
i feel like i fall one step back in my recovery.
Now, I feel like i'm back as far as i was 4years ago when i started & that aint good.
i have no idea what to do.

 

[meetwithyouagain]

I feel like I will never be delivered from this, and that is the problem. I want to cut, and it's so hard not to when I feel this hopeless. I know the Lord is waiting for me, but I don't know how to get to the point of complete surrender.

Tomorrow will be two weeks.

 

[Arianna]

sorry Ally :-(

I certainly know the feeling of not knowing what to do :-( Do you have anyone you can talk to?

*hugs* meetwithyouagain - two weeks is great!

 

[Jesusfreak4life8629]

I REALLY feel like cutting right now.....my ex boyfriend is harrassing me....yelling at me...threatening me....cussing at me, and much, much more.....I can't deal with this!! I know I've been clean for almost a month now....but....I just...can't do it.....

 

[Arianna]

:-(

 

[Loopi]

I'm failing, totally, at everything. College especially. I'm failing at holding off cutting too. Now i'm home alone and the urge is there and i'm failing, i deserve to be punished to be hurt.
But then there's this stupid little voice saying i don't. *sigh*

 

[Arianna]

I'm so pathetic, I should be a lot stronger than this (especially after so long) ...but I'm not. It's so tempting, I feel I really need to - and I haven't got energy to waste on resisting.

 

[flying_kiwifruit]

I want to and I need to. Already went for a walk, didn't help. Why do I hav to be so stupid and fail at everything in life, I even fail myself

 

[bubblefish]

I want to and I need to. Already went for a walk, didn't help. Why do I hav to be so stupid and fail at everything in life, I even fail myself

Nat, you are definitely not a failure! We all make mistakes and slip but it does not mean we have failed. You have no idea how proud of you I am Hun. After everything you have been through you are still such an amazing person and an amazing friend who I am very blessed to know.
You can get through this. I know you can. Don't give up And remember, I am always here if you want to talk sis.

 

[flying_kiwifruit]

Nat, you are definitely not a failure! We all make mistakes and slip but it does not mean we have failed. You have no idea how proud of you I am Hun. After everything you have been through you are still such an amazing person and an amazing friend who I am very blessed to know.
You can get through this. I know you can. Don't give up And remember, I am always here if you want to talk sis.

No I can't make it through this because I didn't.

 

[bubblefish]

No I can't make it through this because I didn't.

How are you doing Nat?

 

[flying_kiwifruit]

How are you doing Nat?

Things are still rough but I'm surviving just. Mainly because my BF is going through a rough phase so I'm to busy talking to him about his problems to worry or even think about my own.

 

[cat1]

to everyone if you ever feel like cutting, do somehing comepletly different like walk or watch some tv sit on ur hands if u have too lol, talk to someone on here just send random posts if it helps to get ur mind off it, try anything that you can tihnk off, if anyone wants more support PM me i am more than willing to help and listen and support god bless you all

 

[Mrs.Sidhe]

I haven't talk to you very much but if you want to talk Pm me or hit me up on MSN. Its on my profile or Hallie can give it to you.

I know how it is to not self harm in awhile and then all of a sudden to feel that feeling wash over you and to be so tempted to do it.

We're here and we're listening, so keep typing.