Polyamory

[Amber the Duskbringer]

Not for me but more power to those who make it work I tend to be very territorial over my mate. Personal quirk but whatevs.

 

[Blackwater Babe]

Would you like your daughter to be polyamorous as a teenager?

Not really a fair question, is it?

I have a daughter, and I am quite happy fantasising the myriad tortures I will inflict on any teenage boy who ever comes within 100 feet of her. Ask me about my attitude towards teenage sexuality in general and its a very different one.

Trying to obfuscate sincere, rational discusion by muddying things with emotion and sentiment is NOT the way to enlighten anyone. At best, it serves as a cheap distraction to sidestep otherwise uncomfortable truths, as I suspect you well know.

 

[drstevej]

Not really a fair question, is it?

I have a daughter, and I am quite happy fantasising the myriad tortures I will inflict on any teenage boy who ever comes within 100 feet of her. Ask me about my attitude towards teenage sexuality in general and its a very different one.

Trying to obfuscate sincere, rational discusion by muddying things with emotion and sentiment is NOT the way to enlighten anyone. At best, it serves as a cheap distraction to sidestep otherwise uncomfortable truths, as I suspect you well know.

If you think parental role modeling does not impact teens, you are in for a future awakening. And the little scolding lecture technique you are trying to use on me will fall on deaf ears when you try to lecture your daughter with the "do as I say not do as I do" ploy.

 

[drstevej]

Hey Mling,

Short answer, so long as everyone involved gives their fully informed adult consent? I say more power to you, and much happiness may it bring.

ETA: There's a book you may be interested in called "Sex at Dawn" Sex at Dawn about just how much of human monogomay and alternatives are biological, and just how much is socially conditioned. Well worth a read. I'm happy to lend you a copy if you promise to return it.

From website...

Ryan and Jethá show that our ancestors lived in egalitarian groups that shared food, child care, and often, sexual partners. Weaving together convergent, often overlooked evidence from anthropology, archeology, primatology, anatomy, and psychosexuality

You got to buy a copy for your daughter! Would not want her unenlightened, would you?!? Can't fight DNA and primal urges. Let's go ape. Back to the Future.

*sheesh*

 

[Blackwater Babe]

If you think parental role modeling does not impact teens, you are in for a future awakening. And the little scolding lecture technique you are trying to use on me will fall on deaf ears when you try to lecture your daughter with the "do as I say not do as I do" ploy.

Of course role modelling is important... but that wasn't what you asked.

You asked "Would you like your daughter to be polyamorous as a teenager?" to which I'm sure most parents would respond, "no of course not!" because most parents are terrified by the thought of their kids growing up and having sex, especially our girls. So, with your trap well and truly baited, yopu then spring "ha ha! well how can you say you are for something if you don't want your own daughter doing it!".

And I'M saying thats not a fair question. It is possible to maintain an objective, rationally informed opinion that one does not emotionally agree with.

For example... Would I like to never have to pay tax again? You bet! This does not mean, however, that I do not appreciate that taxes are a necessary evil in this world. Would I want my daughter to join the military and deploy to a combat zone? No I would not. Does this mean I don't want anyone joining the military and deploying to a combat zone? No it doesn't.

So, now we've covered all that, lets discuss the issue on its merrits, rather than trying to play to people's sense of guilt for having inherent double standards when it comes to their own kids, k?

 

[Blackwater Babe]

From website...



You got to buy a copy for your daughter! Would not want her unenlightened, would you?!? Can't fight DNA and primal urges. Let's go ape. Back to the Future.

*sheesh*

Are you suggesting I should hide information from my daughter, because I find it inconvenient or embarrassing?

 

[drstevej]

Of course role modelling is important... but that wasn't what you asked.

You asked "Would you like your daughter to be polyamorous as a teenager?" to which I'm sure most parents would respond, "no of course not!" because most parents are terrified by the thought of their kids growing up and having sex, especially our girls. So, with your trap well and truly baited, yopu then spring "ha ha! well how can you say you are for something if you don't want your own daughter doing it!".

And I'M saying thats not a fair question. It is possible to maintain an objective, rationally informed opinion that one does not emotionally agree with.

For example... Would I like to never have to pay tax again? You bet! This does not mean, however, that I do not appreciate that taxes are a necessary evil in this world. Would I want my daughter to join the military and deploy to a combat zone? No I would not. Does this mean I don't want anyone joining the military and deploying to a combat zone? No it doesn't.

So, now we've covered all that, lets discuss the issue on its merrits, rather than trying to play to people's sense of guilt for having inherent double standards when it comes to their own kids, k?

Struck a nerve didn't I?

try this link

 

[Eudaimonist]

So...what do people think about it?

My personal reaction is negative because polyamory strikes me as shallow, but I tell myself that polyamorous people may be different than myself in a similar way that homosexuals are different than myself. There may be some different brain-wiring involved.

Polyamory is based very heavily on the idea that being in a relationship with somebody doesn't mean you own them.

Neither does monogamy. Exclusive relations aren't slavery. They are an expression of commitment, and a recognition that lives have become intertwined in a way that one can't simply untangle in order to accomodate more people in the relationship.

I am 100% against radical polyamory that tells monogamous people that they are wrong to be monogamous.

And, as there's no reason why a person would only desire the company of one other person in the world, or be enhanced by one other person, people may have multiple romantic relationships at the same time.

I know that this is 100% false for me, at least. A romantic relationship can be with only one other person at a time, period.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[drstevej]

Are you suggesting I should hide information from my daughter, because I find it inconvenient or embarrassing?

Nope. But if you are going out of your way to loan this to others why not inculcate these values in your daughter?

Maybe you could develop a curriculum True Love Goes Ape

 

[Blackwater Babe]

Struck a nerve didn't I?

Yep... my "people using cheap emotional shots to make it look like they are winning a debate when in fact all they are doing is derailing it" nerve.

 

[Blackwater Babe]

Nope. But if you are going out of your way to loan this to others why not inculcate these values in your daughter?

Because she's 5?

Maybe you could develop a curriculum True Love Goes Ape

Maybe if you were a little more open to new information, and a little less condescending, you might learn something occasionally.

 

[Eudaimonist]

By ALL means ANYTHING that makes her HAPPY is beyond questioning. That just plain old self-ism.

Actually, monogamy is very much self-ism -- one "selfishly" desires exclusivity with one's partner -- which is one reason why it appeals to me. Polyamory is relatively selfless, which does nothing for me.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[drstevej]

Because she's 5?


Maybe if you were a little more open to new information, and a little less condescending, you might learn something occasionally.

Blink your eyes twice and she's 15. You'd be surprised how fast it will go.

Somehow, without this "new" information I have navigated 37 years of monogamous fidelity and raised a son and daughter (now 25 yrs old +) without regrets.

Might reread your own posts before calling others condescending, just saying.

 

[drstevej]

Actually, monogamy is very much self-ism -- one "selfishly" desires exclusivity with one's partner -- which is one reason why it appeals to me. Polyamory is relatively selfless, which does nothing for me.


eudaimonia,

Mark

monogamy can be self-ism; biblical monagamy is not -- it advocates building up the other person and giving oneself to the other person.

 

[Eudaimonist]

biblical monagamy [...] advocates building up the other person and giving oneself to the other person.

I'm sure it does, and so can non-biblical monagamy.

However, if there is anything the least bit romantic about a monogamous relationship, biblical or otherwise, there is selfism. Romantic relationships may include that "building up" aspect, but include "selfish" elements as well.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[nom]

monogamy can be self-ism; biblical monagamy is not -- it advocates building up the other person and giving oneself to the other person.

like christians are supposed to do anyway, minus the sex. so what does introducing sex into that change anything about the selfishness of it?

 

[drstevej]

like christians are supposed to do anyway, minus the sex. so what does introducing sex into that change anything about the selfishness of it?

The biblical view of marriage certainly includes sex. Sex, like other aspects of marriage has the other person in mind and is not self focused.

 

[Eudaimonist]

Sex, like other aspects of marriage has the other person in mind and is not self focused.

Great, then if you thought that your wife would benefit from having sex with another man, you'd have no objection, and would consent to the polyamorous arrangement with gladness in your heart.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[drstevej]

Great, then if you thought that your wife would benefit from having sex with another man, you'd have no objection, and would consent to the polyamorous arrangement with gladness in your heart.


eudaimonia,

Mark

Nope, desires are to be met within the covenant of marriage. Adultery is an attack on that covenant before God.

 

[Alan7388]

> Some say polyamory is a synonym for promiscuous sex.

NO!! Polyamory is a small, specific subset of non-monogamy: that's about caring relationships between more than two people with full knowledge and approval of everyone involved, with good will and often heart connections all around.

The basic defining point is that polyamory involves everyone closing the loop -- whether it's a bonded multiple life partnership, or if parts of the loop are merely caring behavior among friendly acquaintances, or anything in between.

Alan M.