The thrill of it all loses its appeal in a short time. While I prided myself in having multiple relationships, there was an emptiness. It would seem that increased physical, emotional, mental intimacy is correlated with monogamy (within my own life). At times, I envision myself in my senior years. Personally, I romantise the seniors who have been married for 50 plus years. Devoted to each other, through the best and worst, and committed to the end. There's something special about that and at least to me, it wouldn't be there if I was with different people throughout the years.
Well, the relationship I have now has already been through some incredibly difficult stuff. The emptiness you're talking about is
not what's going on here--it isn't a bunch of hot, thrill-seeking flings. It's that gf and I have a strong bond, with mutually compatible morals and complementary personality traits--she has a lot of trouble with anxiety and depression, and I am very good at helping her cope with those; I am very 'spacey' and ADD, to the point where I stagnate in my life and can't accomplish anything--she's very good at helping me organize the mundane details of my life. Together, we are both infinitely more successful and competent, as human beings, than we are apart, and we have complementary life goals for the long term.
And sometimes, when I'm not able to something for her that she absolutely
needs--like when she has a nasty concussion and no balance, and she just can't be alone for days at a time-- I feel incredibly
lucky that I'm not the only one who has bonded with her in such a way that they will readily put aside what they're doing to help her out. Or, when we
are talking about sex, well...she has needs I can't fulfill, and yes they're sexual--or sometimes tangentially related to sex-- but why should that be a shallow thing? It contributes to emotional health and happiness in a lot of ways, if you let it. Likewise, I have...maybe not
needs, but very strong desires that
she's not able to fulfill.
If we were
restricted to only each other, we'd both be a lot more nervous about
committing to only each other. As it is, I'm not worried about "I want X type of relationships dynamic, and I've
never had it, and I've wanted it since I first discovered relationships exist, and if I stick with her, I'll
never get it." If we were monogamous, that would be true, and it might be just enough to make me
verynervous about committing to her, and possible enough to fester and make me resent her, or lead me to trying to get her to do things she's just not comfortable with and adopt a role she can't healthily maintain. As it is, I know we can build something on the vast majority of ways that we
do complement each other...and I can look for fulfillment in this one area somewhere else. And likewise with her.
When she read over this thread, actually, her response was that the way she saw us, if we end up marrying and sticking together for the long haul, was that we'd be almost monogamous, but each have our little thing we went out to once in a while, (how frequently depending on stage of life, of course; can't have two parents each taking a night off a week, if you've got young kids!)
As for would I want my daughter doing it---I have to go for the moment. Will return and answer, later this evening.
Short answer: yes. Maybe. Depends.
