[poem] Unnamed

[yakkmeister]

This is a modified sonnet (2x Quatrains and 2x triplets but without real meter)
The point of the poem was to be evocative: to try to bring a feeling of serenity and melancholy.
Some have said I did ok; others not so.

What do you people think?

(and be savage if you like)

----------------------

When I was young,
He taught me.
In my dawn,
He fed me.

While I grew,
He'd guide me.
My morning,
He loved me.

The sun is high,
At noon’s tall peak,
My lessons learned and kept.

I thought about his sacrifice,
A wistful sonnet.
I wept.

 

[katelyn]

I like its simplicity. It's evocative, but I felt it only in a very subtle way. Which is not necessarily a negative statement.

 

[yakkmeister]

I like its simplicity. It's evocative, but I felt it only in a very subtle way. Which is not necessarily a negative statement.

The subtlety was planned ... i was after a whistfulness, A soft melancholy.

Was that achieved?

 

[katelyn]

I believe so. I felt I had to pay attention to fully "catch" it, I guess, but I did feel it.

 

[sr. scholls]

Liked it. Simplistic, yet thought-provoking.