I am a 25 year old woman who up until now, has never once experienced any form of physical abuse in my life.
My Story so far:
I met "Bob" about 6 months ago. I am doing well in life and he was not doing so well financially speaking. I took him under my wings and have somewhat grown this 31 year old boy into a man. Atleast I thought so.
Anyways, over time I have become deeply attached to him. I don't get involved too quickly or much with men and this would be the 3rd "serious" relationship in my life. He is the most caring, loving sensitive person I think I have ever met. He would do anything for me..................
About 2-3 months into our relationship, we would g out a have a few drinks and then we would end up arguing and fighting (including myself)--senseless behaviors. The difference was that he started destroying property of mine and his. He would push me around and scream in my face and/or spit on my one time. This has happened about 4 times until 2 days ago. We began drinking and I noticed that he was bothered by the fact that I was talking to my friend after he came home. He wants my undivided attention. Anyways, to make a long story short, I mentioned I might want to see other ppl as I felt this was getting to intense-too quick, before long he has slapping me and hitting me and threatening to kill himself and even cut his throat and his fingers. I became so enraged that I had to defend myself and punched him. The next morning, half hung over and half confused, I stumbled to the bathroom to see my battered face.....I calmly told him to get his belongings and leave, and again, the assault started
all over and it was like he was in a literal fog of weirdness and I literally was like "Bob, STOP THIS--WHO ARE YOU?" and it was like he started calming down. Either way, I know that he is out of control and needs help. Obviously I cannot help him. He says he doesn't understand this, and that he wants help and that he is abusive but has never been this way with any other girl. It makes no sense to me, how when sober he can be possessive here and there, but is calm and gentle with me and then when he drinks, (not everytime) but like I said this would be the 4th time in 6 months and it's always when drinks excessively. I will not blame the alcohol anymore. I need to know whats wrong? And is there any hope at all? The sick thing is, I still care for him a great deal. I am physically hurting and look terrible but I am hurting more inside. I know I should just get out but I feel hopeful and I know I shouldn't. I am an attractive woman and know I could get many other guys but I had really fallen for him but I need some help understanding what is going on. Can he really change? I think he feels honestly sincerely bad but then again, it may all be a game. how can one minute the man in your life look at you and make you feel like the most beautiful, amazing, intelligent woman then turn around beat you basically? I am so hurt and overwhelmed. I had to reach out. Until this, I had no patience when woman came to me telling me the same thing-I would just say "Just get out and don't put up with it!" Now I am involved and I am in deep and feel helpless.
The one thing I will mention is "Bob" never belittles me or makes me feel like any of these bizarre happenings are my fault.
After the other day, he called his mother-and told her (she is a guidance counselor or something) that he is abusive and needs help. What does that mean? Is it sincere? I don't know. And he is starting AA for the drinking. Is he fooling me? That's what everyone is telling me or that's what I read that these ppl cannot change, but lie and make you think they want to and even will go through the motions but sooner or later with or without alcohol, they will explode again and it will just keep getting worse.
Please tell me what you all think.
Hurting and alone and confused,
Starlet
