Please pray for me.

[Tredoslop]

I have been really harassed and agitated by my OCD for the past 2 months. Even though I had it since 2007, the last 2 months (or maybe even 3 months) have been really unbearable for me.

It all had to do with my worry about vocation. I knew that God called people to do certain things, and I really had my heart set on being a Christian philosopher. I was really into apologetics. It's funny because it was partly because of OCD I got really into philosophy and enjoyed it.

But last year, however, I felt I really wanted to know God and He became a reality in my life. I realized that in the past, I was just one of those self-professing hypocrites (and still am), but I really felt God working in my life. I wanted Christ to be the centre of my life and I wanted a Spirit-filled life.

However, then I started to wonder about idolatry. It's a serious thing. I was looking into my heart and found out that one of the things that I was really passionate about, was an idol. However, I didn't want to admit it. But at the same time, God became such a reality in my life and I wanted Him to have my all. And basically, I tormented myself a little bit by thinking about my calling and hoping that my passion wasn't really my idol, or that I could 'stop idolizing' and still serve God through professional philosophy and theology. But by the end of the year, I did a little fast and just prayed and though I felt little conviction about what the idols in my heart were, I just prayed and said, "Lord, I think these are my idols..."

And at the same time, I was glad that I did. I entered this year with a new desire to want to grow into more obedience to Christ.
But now, as I was somewhat shook up by my admission, I still found my heart clinging on to Christian philosophy. And I still enjoy reading on academic theological and philosophical matters, but found my heart fluctuating and going back to old habits of getting caught up in academic matters.
And so, I decided to not get too into philosophy, but my heart wanted another way to serve Christ. But I wanted something I could be passionate about.

Unfortunately...
OCD got in the way, and I now I find myself worrying about disobeying God, and not following His calling for my life. On the one hand, I want to serve Him passionately, on the other, my OCD just makes me feel guilty and that I JUST have to do this one thing. I have this obsession about God...

-k, don't think I'm weird -

...wanting me to be a Christian hip hop artist kind of ministry.
The thing is, I don't like hip hop and rap at all - I really don't feel it is my calling - in fact, it just seems so random and weird, but at the same time, I feel like there's a voice in my head saying "well, then you haven't really made Christ your Lord."; I'm the last one to be passionate about any ministry like that... but the thoughts have been so tormenting and it's almost now I have to do this or I won't be saved, even though I know salvation is by grace through faith. And my OCD just preys on my moral fibers and my not wanting to disobey God.

And what's worse, OCD barely lets me think clearly or feel comfortable...I can only be a skeptic. And sometimes, when I worry about one thing, it brings a whole bunch of other worries down and I'm just overwhelmed; for instance, I've gone back to the doubting one's own salvation issue', or whether I'm a regenerate Christian or not, and other fears. To me, it's almost as if I just need 100% comfort and certainty. It really is a parasite to me. And I feel really trapped, but at the same time, I don't want to disobey God and go to hell. I mean, I am willing and able to do that kind of ministry, but it's really just not me.

And now, I've been really paralyzed and can barely do anything. It's just the prospect of hell and cursing down God in hell seems so scary and I just need more certainty.
I even am considering quitting this school semester (or at least drop some of the courses), and life is really joyless, and scary - my world feels really upside down. At the same time though, I've been hoping in God even more now.

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

Thanks for sharing, the things you are going through, the manifestations of your OCD just goes to show us all that OCD can take any form we let it. Over the years it has morphed into countless things in my life. Now the focus is on when I pray to God, am I actually praying to the true God or to some idol I have made....

OCD is tuff, the thing about OCD that really gets me, is that we all know that our fears are ridicules, but the anxiety that it creates makes it feel so pressing and real. We are not crazy, we just suffer from this relentless maze of thoughts that it seems we can do nothing about it.

I could tell you tredoslop that your fears are false, that they are not in reality and that they do not affect your relationship with God, which would be true and you also deep down already know that. You could also say the same thing to me with my prayer compulsions.

All I am going to say though bro is that God sees us, I do believe that He knows what we are going through better than we do and that He hates this disorder that we have. It was not a part of His original plan for creation to have mental problems, it is result of the fall (as you know) but for some reason He has allowed us to be in this state. He may heal us one day but until He does I believe we are to trust in Him with all we are.

It is really all we can do, we know He is in control and that all things will work together for our good because we love Him and know Him.

 

[Tredoslop]

Thanks for the reply.
Yeah, I'm still shaken up, but it comforts me to know that others who are in Christ are being tormented just as much as me. It's just that OCD feels so real and the thought of disobedience and going to hell seems so real.

I've practically been unable to make decisions without killing myself (metaphorically) and yeah, I feel like I have no freedom. On the other hand, I feel like He has been able to show me the things of my heart that I clung onto in my life with OCD and also other things. I'm just worried about whether or not everything I do is motivated by some idol. And then I just get caught up worrying about God's wrath and all that.

See, it's just that I want to be obedient to God, but it's so hard. I don't know if he's calling me to do something, or if it's my OCD impelling me to do something with guilt because I know that for Christ to be my Lord means to do the Father's will...

And what sucks is that I feel I'm just not willing to do His will...which is scary.
It makes me think I never really accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior to begin with and I just feel so agonized and confused.

 

[kaykay9.0]

OCD obsessions DO feel very real, but that doesn't make them so. Usually, after you overcome one, you can see just how UNreal it was, but it FELT real at the time. Prayed for you tonight. I would suggest treating the OCD not just the symptoms if you have not...which may mean meds and/or counseling.

 

[connor24]

Yes you will be prayed for... God bless you.

 

[Tredoslop]

Thank you very much guys!
It's just that I feel like, "this time, I actually do have reasons to be upset about."
And it's starting to feel really scary and paralyzing.

And yeah, I'm seeking help this week. Right now though, I feel like I also need to talk to Spirit-filled Christians as well, because I feel like there actually is a spiritual aspect to this problem.

I feel like OCD is making demands from me, but at the same time, I don't want to act as if Christ wasn't my Lord.
"Oh, you gotta to have this kind of ministry and make people know you for this kind", "Oh, you gotta make a rap music video/hip hop music video or that basically means you don't want Christ as you Lord."

And if I think of a reason for not doing those things, OCD just comes up with another "reason" and I just go back and forth through this maze.

And it gets worse, because this also ties with my exacerbated 'worrying about my own salvation' problem. Because I keep thinking, "Well, okay God, please release me from this torment, I'll do you will - anything!" But then my heart goes, "Just not that kind of ministry...it's just so...foreign to me." And then I feel super guilty.

And yeah, I'm just rationalizing in my head and now I can barely concentrate on others things such as studying.

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

I'm just worried about whether or not everything I do is motivated by some idol. And then I just get caught up worrying about God's wrath and all that

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

If you are scared and fearful then you can be sure it is not from God. God does not want to frighten you or scare you into something, which seems to be what your OCD is trying to do.

The Lord is holy and just and a God of righteous wrath, but remember we are His children and He loves us, He treats us as children because of Jesus. The Lord is our Shepherd who guides and directs our paths and He is our comforter, helper and friend.

He will in His time show you what you are meant to be in His will, but I do not believe He will show you by making you agitated and fearful, the Holy Spirit is not like that, just leave what you will become up to Him, let Him open the doors, until that time just trust in God and work hard at wherever the Lord has you right now, God bless. SoS

 

[RuthD]

I understand OCD very well and it makes us doubt our motivations and intentions. I had to go on medicines and relax as much as I could to help myself. Talking and praying to God has helped me a lot. Somehow the answers come to me. I am praying for your healing. God bless you my brother in Christ.

 

[VZ2011]

Extreme spiritual fearfulness (over blasphemy & going to hell) & doubting (even while you are pursing God, reading his word, and in prayer)are forms of spiritual OCD. They and other racing negative fearful thoughts are the result of a vitamin deficiency which causes a chemical imbalance in the brain and is treatable with extreme daily doses of vitamines. If you or a loved one experience extreme spiritual fearfulness, Bi-Polar, manic depression, OCD or schizophrenia tendancies (paranoia, visual hallucinations, hearing voices), depression, insomnia, racing thoughts, panic attacks, anxiety, other mental distresses, do yourself a favor and reasearch depression, schizophrenia, OCD vitamin and orthomolecular therapy and the work of a canadian doctor named Abram Hoffer. Basically he developed a treatment (that truly WORKS) with Vitamines. It's a minimal cost to incur to invest in your physical and mental AND SPIRITUAL wellness. I am not peddling anyone's vitamines. You can get any brand at Walmart or a grocery store or a vitamine store on line. These Vitamin supplements have been a tremendous help to my relative and myself who continue to experience greater and greater healing each day that we continue with this vitamine therapy. Relief comes within the first couple of days and continues as you continue to take the vitamine supplements. You must take them for the rest of your life or risk a relapse.

1000 mg niacian daily (get a combination of flush-free and regular niacin) the regular will cause you to flush--(you will get red and hot but this means it is working--the longer it takes you to flush the more you needed it. the redness goes away in about 15 minutes. The flush-free niacin will not make you flush. only take the Niacin in such a high dose for a few days if you are having extreme trouble controlling thoughts and/or experiencing sleeplessness. If you start to feel nauceaous, lower the dosage or skip a day altogether with it, then take a "normal" dosage, like 100-500 mg. An extremely high dose like 2000-3000 mg is for when things get extremely uncontrollable and it should only be temporary. It's too much to take regularly. After a day or two you could start to feel naucious from that much, but it will jumpstart the seratonin in your brain to help you relax and control your thoughts, then you can lower it to 500.

2000-3000 mg Vitamine C take 1000 mg 3x a day

HTP5 - At least 100 mg daily

Vitamine B 8 - (inisitol) - 10-18g per day depending on severity of your OCD (it's alot but take it)

Vitamine B combo vitamine 2 or 3 per day (with B1, B6, B12)

Essential Omega Fats (with fish oil and flax) take 2-3 per day.

Results will be notable within a day or two, with the greatest results starting at around 6 weeks of taking these.

Swear off all junk food, all artificial sweetners, all refined white sugar products, all alcohol, eat GOOD NUTRITIOUS FOOD, fresh and frozen vegetables, fruits, unsweetned fruit juice, filtered water or spring water, cut down on caffeine. Going gluetin free is also good but it's not necessary for everyone.

Please research these things on line yourself as I am not allowed to post URLs on this site. I would have posted them if I could have.

Please, also understand that you must honor Jesus Christ and trust his shed blood and ressurection fully for salvation. Read the word daily and pray, and live according to biblical principals and this along with proper nutrition, will eliminate spiritual OCD and extreme spiritual fearfulness.

 

[VZ2011]

Father, i pray for this child of yours in Jesus name, I pray you give the revelation of the love and the sound mind that Jesus provides, and the wisdom and discernment from the Holy Spirit if we but ask. I pray a willingness for this child to receive wisdom from you for this situation, to forgive all who have hurt or wronged him or her, I pray a willingness to come before you humbly in prayer and spending time in your word to receive the blessings, the help and encouragement you said you would give to those who seek you diligently and with all their heart. I come against the schemes of the devil, i come against all false doctrines, i come against all evil, wicked spirits of deception, confusion and fear, and I also come against spiritual and physical nutritional deficiency ignorance. Please open the eyes and ears of this child, and give them the desire to want the good and hate the evil and want will help them and disdain that which harms them in the forms of food, drugs, thoughts, deeds, and imaginations. I come against all wicked spirits in high places that have come against this child of yours, I come against all confusion, all fear, i come against any spiritual apathy, hopelessness, lack of faith, I speak healing and health to this child of yours, spirit, mind, and body, in Jesus name, because of what Jesus has done for us with his suffering and dying and being raised from the dead. By his stripes we WERE healed. It's already finished. I pray this child of yours receives that revelation today and enters into the fullness of wellness and spiritual healing you have for him or her. In Jesus name, I thank and praise You Lord, for you are good and You yourself have said, "IT IS FINISHED" you overcame the devil and made us more than conquerors, and I pray this child receives the revelation of that, receives courage from you and help from Your precious Holy Spirit and good angels from above. Thank you Lord. You are good and you keep your promises. Reveal yourself as the bread of life to this child and increase their appetite for You and all your peace, truth and love, for he who you set free is free indeed, set this child free now and forevermore.

 

[singpeace]

Thank you, Lord, that You are Tredo's strength. Help him trust You and not fear. You have given him a spirit of love, power, and a sound mind. Take his fears from him and cause his thoughts to become agreeable with Your will. Thank You that You will show him the way out of anxious thoughts and give him courage.



Here is a prayer I think is great for anyone with OCD:

In Jesus name, I cast down all imaginations of rejection, failure, worthlessness, and any thoughts that are contrary to Your word. I rebuke the spirit of fear that would try to torment me and I command it to flee in Jesus’ Name. I have been made righteous by Your blood, Jesus, and I can do all things through You because You strengthen me and give me favor and wisdom. I choose not to think negatively or worry about what man thinks of me, but I will think about things that are good and praise-worthy. I will put into practice the things You have taught me, and I will follow Your leading. I will fear no evil for You are with me. You go before me, Lord, and You are my rear guard. You comfort me when I feel weak. Your plans for me are for good and not for calamity. I praise You, Lord, for Your unfailing love and faithfulness. You are awesome and almighty and I am humbled by Your grace.

Help me to comprehend Your unfailing love for me for Your love is perfect and casts out all fear. I want to walk in your peace that surpasses understanding. Help me to put You first in my life above all else keeping my mind focused on You and Your faithfulness and grace.

I submit my life to You, Lord, and I give you the glory for every good thing for all good things are from You. You are glorious and just and I praise Your Holy name. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.