Please, please, please help.

[ascribe2thelord]

Half of the responses on here seem openly affirming of the homosexual culture. This is a sad day for us here at Christian Forums.

Few understand the impact homosexuality can have on a born-again believer. Especially a girl who's only 14. She's been told (by her peers, and in the schools, by the media and everywhere else) that because she kissed a girl - was tempted to, wanted to see what it was like, and then actually tried it, then she has an unnatural form of sexuality coursing through her veins. And because so many are openly affirming of that, she believes it is who she is and that she is OK living like that. Homosexuality is a prescribed lifestyle.

I think what she has is a perfectly natural strain of curiosity combined with the sinful nature and a quite normal sex drive.

She's probably not going to believe that now, because of all the brainwashing she's incurred. You don't realize it but many people in otherwise "conservative" churches (at least in mine, and I'm a Southern Baptist!) laugh out loud at gay jokes. Just as many are openly affirming of this disordered sexuality that has entered into the mainstream in these past few years.

I caution you that your daughter is not going to be your daughter for the next few months, at the least. It may even take years, or even a decade, for her to repent / come to her senses - depending on whether or not she really has taken up a Sodomite complex. But if God has his hand on her, then she will, and once she has she will serve God and honor you even better than before.

That is a commandment by the way. Honor thy father and thy mother. You openly-affirming softies ought to remember that one. You don't change the parents. You conform the child. At her age, it is still proper for her to conform. If she does not, it will be damaging to her in the long run.

The next thing she may try is sleeping with a man. Be forewarned about that. Many said "lesbians" get into that kind of stuff, randomly. It's kind of a paradoxical lifestyle.

That's the best I know. Just whatever you do, don't listen to people who have been brainwashed into the gospel of "celebration" ...

... remember the pagans, and their errant ways ... always celebrating their diversity ... and never knowing the true God of Israel.

 

[Vedant]

Thank you for your prayers, they really mean a lot to me. Can I please ask you to continue to pray for my daughter and for me? She tried to kill herself yesterday. She is okay for now. She is now in a mental institution for a while. This is totally not expected from the kind of girl she is. She is a church going, saved, virgin, and a really good-hearted kid. She has friends, but they are mostly steering her in the wrong direction. She knows it is against the Lord to end her life, and I think that is why she ultimately did not do it. Praise the Lord. I am at my wits end and don't know what else to do. I've taken her to a Christian psychiatrist, I've talked with her many times about her life, but she continues to lie to me at every turn. She just wants to live her life the way she wants to live it. I've received materials from Focus on the Family, I've tried to love her through all of it, but it is not working.


To make a really long story short, she was going to run away yesterday, and brought a friend to my home while I was still at work, and the friend went out her window when I came home. This friend is supposedly straight and has a boyfriend, but who knows what the truth is anymore. She said her friend was going to help her run away to some boys house, I don't even know. I told her I was going to get on the phone with the police to let them know what the plan was and to have them speak to her friends parents as well. When I picked up the phone to call, she got up and picked up a knife and pointed it at her stomach and said she was going to kill herself. I had 911 on the line while all this was happening. I asked her to put down the knife at least a dozen times, and she ran into the bathroom with the knife and locked the door. The police wanted to talk with her on the phone, so I said they want to talk with you, and she opened the door and when I gave her the phone I was able to get the knife away from her. Praise the Lord. Now, I cannot return to this site often, but would surely appreciate your prayers and some good advice if you would be able to help. Thank you so much. VerySadMom

I see two issues, VerySadMom. One is your daughter's sexuality. The other, which I'm not sure others are thinking about is the relationship between you and your daughter. People normally don't want to kill themselves or threaten to kill themselves, and I think she's trying to communicate something that hasn't been communicated or understood properly. Before trying to approach your daughter's sexuality, please, please, please repair the relationship between yourself and your daughter. I live amongst a highly homosexual population, and everything you've written I've heard before from other homosexuals.

Tell her that you love her no matter what. Hug her long and hard. Cry with her if she cries, and let her vent her anger on you. Kiss her and tell her everything will be okay. She is so young, a kid, and she wants love, like any human. Listen to what she is telling you.

Despite my extensive experience with homosexuals, I really can't give you an answer for her sexual behavior. I don't know myself, but I have suggestions. PM me please, if you have any more questions. I'm praying for you.

 

[Sitswithamouse]

I kissed girls when i was 14 too. I turned out very, very straight.

She is likely exploring her sexuality and trying to find ways to express and understand the emotions and hormones that are taking over her life.

You need to love her. Just love her. Tell her how precious she is to God no matter WHAT is happening in her life, WHAT she's doing, or how she's feeling. Build her up with the hope and promises of Jesus! Whatever you do, don't condemn her - ripping out the bible verses at how wrong it is might not get you very far.

Faith, hope and love. The greatest of these three are love.

What Juliekenz said

I too had issues with my sexuality in my teenage years and it is more likely a(for want of a better word) "phase" she is going through.
Be understanding, communicate with her and let her open up to you. If you can listen to her without judgement, you may just get her side of emotions and she won't be afraid of rebuttals. treat her with love and not condemnation .

I hope things work out for both of you .

 

[ottaia]

Please help me with my daughter. She is 14 years old, gave her life to Christ when she was 12, and now claims she is a lesbian. She has only kissed a girl, but that is enough.

I do not know what to do, I've cried, I've prayed. I love the Lord with every fiber of my being, and know that all tribulation will eventually glorify Him. In the meantime, I could really use some advice. Please help us to sort this out. I will check in from time to time and any help or advice is truly welcomed.

Also, we really need prayer, please pray for her to find her way back to Christ, and to be unconfused about her sexuality. Please pray that God steers her in the right direction towards hetrosexuality and to like boys. May He bless you for your intercessional efforts on our behalf. Thank you.

Have you tried just loving her?

 

[MSV3672]

Your last message made it seem like you are at work a lot, and she's home alone. I know that if my mom and dad were gone regularly, I'd probably get into trouble, too. A 12 year old should never regularly be left at home alone. Once things get a little better, I'd see if there are any places that she could go while you're at work (a friend's house, a Church activity, school activity, etc)

Good luck! You're both in my prayers.

 

[Athene]

I pray that your daughter will find support and acceptance elsewhere if you are not willing to give it to her. I pray that she does not become involved in drugs, depression, suicide, etc as many other gay teens do when they are rejected by their loved ones.

Gay teens become depressive and suicidal because of lack of support and understanding from friends and family. I'm sure hoards of 'well meaning do gooders' hounding me and calling me an abomination and telling me I'm going to burn in the firey pits for all eternity would send me too depression.

To the OP, you need to wait and see what's going to happen, it could be that this is a phase, puberty is a strange time, lots of hormones and feelings towards same sex isn't that uncommon, I've been through it as have many of my friends. But it could also be that she really is a lesbian, in that case you need to be very careful that she gets the love and support she needs that she doesn't get depression. Some people may consider her an abomination but she's your daughter who you love.

 

[Im_A]

Please help me with my daughter. She is 14 years old, gave her life to Christ when she was 12, and now claims she is a lesbian. She has only kissed a girl, but that is enough.

I do not know what to do, I've cried, I've prayed. I love the Lord with every fiber of my being, and know that all tribulation will eventually glorify Him. In the meantime, I could really use some advice. Please help us to sort this out. I will check in from time to time and any help or advice is truly welcomed.

Also, we really need prayer, please pray for her to find her way back to Christ, and to be unconfused about her sexuality. Please pray that God steers her in the right direction towards hetrosexuality and to like boys. May He bless you for your intercessional efforts on our behalf. Thank you.

this may not be gracious, or nice or understanding or loving. but before i say this, i will pray for your daughter, and for you.

i'm not a parent, but there is something i must say.

you are the mom. whether homosexuality is right or wrong, your child at her age, needs you to love her no matter what and to show it more than telling her that her sexuality is wrong. to accept things that you cannot change, and that you cannot agree with, and just love.

she's at a confusing time in her life. do you remember what it is like to be a teenager? and this confliction between you two, can't you see as possibly leading her to committ suicide? i would hate to have my own child's blood over my head, because i could not accept something that i do not agree that is right.

if anything, maybe your love that accepts her no matter what, will lead her away from being a lesbian. or maybe she will remain a lesbian. her age it's impossible to tell anyways.

i found out years later, that my father thought i was gay, to which i'm not. and then i remember the sickening things he told me.

the best advice i can give you is, if your daugher thinks she is a lesbian at the age of 14, maybe just sit and talk with her that maybe she needs to not worry about relationships at this time. if she is so confused about her sexuality, then dating boys or girls is the wrong thing to do. she needs to figure it out herself, and that takes time. i

'm not going to get into the differences between homosexual orientation, and homosexuals that choose to be that way. if you want a Christian perspective on that, read some of Tony Campola. he mentions about Christians that he knows that are gay, but they remain celibate, but this doesn't really have anything to do with the discussion because of the young age of your daughter. the Tony Campola mention is something for you to research if you want to.

i'm bluntly pleading with you for the sake of your daughter, to accept who she is. who is she? she's your 14 year old daughter, the girl that came out of you. nothing more, nothing less and that's so much bigger and more amazing than your daughter being straight or gay.

.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

"She is a church going, saved, virgin, and a really good-hearted kid."
The number of these I talk to on here who are emotional disasters and wastelands almost causes me to despair.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

My pastor has a saying...kids are like a canoe...best steered with a paddle. Solomon talks about punishment and making sure your kids obey you and are brought up and good, Godly way.

I know girls who have been beaten and raped by their fathers and their father's friends, with or without the father participating in that. I knew a girl at the place I worked at whose father got her hooked on heroin when she was 5. She was used as a sex toy for him and his friends. As she got older she began prostituting herself in order to afford her drug habit...before she was ever a teenager.

Solomon. There's some wisdom for you. Before he was done he was allowing altars for child sacrifice.

Speaking of fathers. Where is this girl's father?

 

[truthquest]

I don't know what methods you've tried to help her with but I would not recommend most of the suggestions on this thread. I've heard everything from beating her, calling the cops on her to telling her she is an abomination according to the Bible. It doesn't take a psychology major to realize those tactics will have an adverse effect on her. If people around her make her think she is an abomination then she may grow to loathe herself. You would also be inadvertantly pushing her away from you. Love is the key, not judgment. This is not a time to go Old Testament on her. Jesus fellowshipped with what was considered the lowest of society. Tax collectors and prostitutes. He didn't judge them, he GUIDED them and he was never forceful or coercive. He didn't say to the prostitute or the thief, 'you are not worthy of me' or 'you are an abomination.' He fellowshipped with them, supped with them and loved them all the same. He was their friend. By all means be a friend to your daughter, fellowship with her and say you are there for her no matter what she is going through. I'm not going to go too deep as to what is a sin and what isn't. I'm sure my take on homosexuality as a sin is very different from yours. Religion misinterprets much of the Bible and blows stuff out of proportion. People are naturally programmed by what they are told all their life. So from your perspective, you consider it a sin. Would you feel differently or as strongly if the sin your daughter was committing was telling lies or never returning books that she checked out from the library? God doesn't rank sins with homosexuality being his favorite one to hate. Sin is sin and we all sin and we won't escape it until the day we die. All we can do is ask God to forgive us for what we do and accept his grace that he so freely gives. I'm certain God will forgive her sins if she is willing to receive his gift just like he forgives your sins and forgives mine.

Blessings to you and your daughter,
Brian

 

[Tealjackit]

I think your daughter is getting stressed out incredibly by the way she is being treated. She needs your compassion more than strictness or a talk with the police or any psychiatrist. Tell her in full honesty your fears. But once you've done that, there is no point repeating it. The decision is hers to make, and the only person who is going to convince her is God.

I think that she is going to have to make the decision to explore her sexuality, not you. I think offeriing any guidance you can, when she asks it of you is a good idea, but imposing your ideals on her will not work. A parent's job is to guide her kids in the right direction, but you can't drag them there.

Right now, she is probably thinking that those closest to her have betrayed her, trying to supress who she really is. She needs extreme compassion and acceptance. Be gentle with her. She may be hanging out with the wrong crowds, but instead of taking them away from her, which is not possible, why not introduce her to a youth group or something.

I can't imagine the confusion, worry , and despair you must be feeling. Despite the possibility of "stamping out the homosexuality" quickly, I think a slower process led by your daughter herself is better.

 

[Eruliel]

14 is a terrible age to be. You're gaining independance, you're going into highschool, as such peer pressure intensifies as you try to find a place on the pecking order, you're not even completely used to your hormones. The 14 year old mind is a very fragile thing, and vascillates alot. I think that adults forget that just because a teenager has an adults body doesn't mean that they think like an adult, or can make up their mind like an adult. Your daughter needs you now, and YOU have the power to decide whether or not she does become a lesbian for sure. If you shun her, and brow beat her you might just push her to do what you don't want her to do, just to irritate you more. It's called Rebellion...and teenagers are famous for it.
Slainte!
Eruliel

 

[ottaia]

14 is a terrible age to be. You're gaining independance, you're going into highschool, as such peer pressure intensifies as you try to find a place on the pecking order, you're not even completely used to your hormones. The 14 year old mind is a very fragile thing, and vascillates alot. I think that adults forget that just because a teenager has an adults body doesn't mean that they think like an adult, or can make up their mind like an adult. Your daughter needs you now, and YOU have the power to decide whether or not she does become a lesbian for sure. If you shun her, and brow beat her you might just push her to do what you don't want her to do, just to irritate you more. It's called Rebellion...and teenagers are famous for it.
Slainte!
Eruliel

Do you mean SHE has the power to decide if she becomes a lesbian or not? That would make moree sense but is still questionable because homosexuality is NOT a choice.

 

[vanillagirl]

I wouldn't worry much about kissing, as long as that's all it is. It's become sort of a fad for girls to make out with each other, just to experiment or get attention. A lot of my friends do it and they'll be the first to say they aren't gay. I used to practice kissing with my best friend when we were 12 or so. It wasn't about being in love, we just thought it would make us more sophisticated. I grew up to be straight and haven't ever been attracted to girls.

Just tell her you don't think it's right and ask her how she feels and why she does it. Some of the suggestions sound really harsh. They probably won't work. They'll backfire and she'll really resent you. Being 14, this isn't really something she's built her life around, so she could just be curious or maybe she's trying to get your attention. Be calm and loving, pray for her and offer a listening ear. God will help her figure things out.

 

[VerySadMom]

Hi, thank you for your advice, it is really appreciated. I haven't been on here in a long time, but I appreciate your messages. It helps me to know there is someone out there who wants to help. I wish I could answer all your questions, but let me tell you the latest at least. The reason I am on here now is the latest thing I found out this morning. My daughter is no longer a virgin. I can't even describe to you how this breaks my heart. She said well mom, you said how great it would be when I would be with a man. Nice. She blames me because she wanted to see what it was like. I have always raised her to wait until marriage, even when I said someday you will know how great it could be with a man...she took that someday and couldn't wait. Thank the Lord she is not pregnant, but I don't know what to expect next...I was feeling so great about life just the past week or so, she has been doing better in school and everything...even wearing pink and thinking more girlish thoughts, but this is just too much the other way, besides she still insists she is a lesbian because she hated it. She is so confused and niave (sp) The first time is always horrible, but I won't tell her that now for fear that she will want to try it until it feels good. Sorry I am being blunt. I am in shock that she has given something so precious away so easily. I am just going through the motions today, and grieving so hard for her. My heart is crying for her lost virginity and what could have been in her life with a good Christian husband someday. I don't want to run her life, but I want her to have the best life, and knowing what I know now all I can do is tell her what God's best for her is, only it seems to me she will be one who will have to learn the hard way. I don't know what I can do. I am trying to love her through all of this, but it is really wearing on my nerves. It is kind of like being on the most horrible roller coaster ride from hell. I just want to get off. Please pray for us. We have a lot of fun stuff planned for the next two weeks, and my heart is not in it now. I'm broken again.

 

[Vedant]

*sigh*

The hardest most difficult thing about being a parent is allowing your children to do what they want, whether it's bad or good for them. It's the natural progression of growing up. She's not an adult, technically, but soon will be.

 

[Friendshipcake]

Praying for you and yours......

 

[GiGi13]

I have to say here...that I know, something of the pain that you are feeling.

My son, well, he's my "adopted" son...(he came into my life through being a co-worker) is 21 years old and is gay. Long story there, but I will make it quick by saying, ...my son had a very terrible family life/upbringing, so far as having been placed in a boy's home at the age of 15 when his father lost custody of him and his siblings after their mother died. Afterwords, his father "decided" he was gay. My son followed suit about four years later.

I know that since I did not birth him nor raise him, it can't be the kind of torment you are going through. However, I spend much time crying and praying to God to just TAKE IT AWAY from him. My son, has, in the last 3 weeks, broken up with his boyfriend, and although he maintains "residency" in the same apartment with him, he sleeps on my sofa every night.

I know that he loves being with my daughters and myself because he loves us (and we him) but I also know that a lot of this is so that he is not faced with the temptation of being near the ex-boyfriend.

He has started attending church with us, and things are looking up most of the time. However, he refuses to, yet, call himself "NOT GAY." Even though, he SAYS he wants to turn straight. Sometimes I think he may just be telling me that because he knows that's what I want to hear.

In anycase, I will definately be praying for you and all loved ones suffering through this.

I also would encourage you to get in touch with the Spatula minitries. I don't know their web address or anything, (you can do a web search) but I have read a couple of the founder's books, and the ministry is a great blessing to parents of homosexuals.

I ask, in return, for prayers for my son, and for myself and my daughters so that we will stay in God's will, while still accepting this young man in our lives. He desperately needs salvation through Jesus.

God bless you WAY BIG!!

 

[Donnywazoo]

I think Nitz's message back some time ago really captured the essence of the issue.

I'd like to add that, VerySadMom, it appears your daughter did listen to you and tried to check out your idea (certainly, not how you intended, but still she did). Can you not do her the same courtesy and actually try to put yourself in her shoes? Imagine, for whatever reason, you are getting feelings about a person of the same sex. Imagine that your parents think it is wrong, that God maybe thinks it is wrong, but your mind and body are telling you something else. Think about the impact it must have on the persons emotional feelings and feelings of self-worth. Incredibly difficult. Turning away from feelings that she is having would be harder than never eating your favourite foods - or even thinking about your favourite food - ever again... and spending your life eating those things you find foul at worst or less than desirable at best.

But, it's not food... it's something much more... it's her sexuality... Who knows, what she will decide her sexuality is, ...'thou shalt not judge'? It's harder than it seems. she really needs your support and wisdom. don't surpress it because it's much better faced.
Things might seem bad at the moment for you, but what about for her. Teenagers go through a difficult time - sexuality being just one issue. You must be aware that some teenagers begin to indulge in self-harm ideas too - wanting to escape from what they feel is inescapable and feeling that they are worthless. I feel that regardless of your daughters sexuality or your views on sexuality, she should know she is loved and accepted. This does not mean you necessarily agree with the choice (if and when it is made) but you accept that she has made the decision she feels is right for her. You need support her to the best of your ability. Don't help make what you feel is a terrible situation an even greater tradegy that you spend the rest of your life regretting! Yes, hard words that you may hate... but if you find them irrating, then ask yourself why. Maybe you'll find a grain (or more) of truth.

 

[Mling]

My best friend and I, around this age, both developed crushes on girls. It is not uncommon for young teens to be confused about their sexuality. She ended up being (mostly) straight, I ended up (mostly) gay. If you "attack" her sexuality--try to repeatedly prove that she is wrong/offending God, try to convert her or beat her sexuality out of her as somebody suggested (a clue: sexual assault is not a good parenting tool), you will send a couple of different messages:

a) you love a fake image of her that you have in your head, but do not love the actual person who is your daughter.

b) since homosexuality is an affront to God, she has to choose between being Christian and being gay.

Clearly, you want her to give up being gay and choose God, but many, many people who are forced to make that choice realize that they cannot be anything but gay. And where does that leave them? Thinking that God has turned his back on them, and, in response, throwing out everything they once believed. The promiscuous, drug saturated world that many people (mistakenly) associate with the "gay lifestyle" is little more than slow-motion suicide, being commited by people who have forgotten what they should be living for.

If you want your daughter to remain Christian, don't try to convince her that she cannot be that, and gay too; if she really is gay, she will figure out soon enough that she cannot not be gay, and will not make the choice you want her to.

I am exceedingly thankful that my church and family did not teach me that for me to love somebody would be antithetical to Christianity. I am Christian, gay, planning to "save myself" until I am married, and, while not yet in a relationship, completely in love with the idea of being in love.