Please, please, please help.

[Historicus]

I'll pray for you both.

 

[Marie D]

I can semi-relate to your daughter on this. I went through the same thing just not at 14, I think I was 18 or 19, but I had struggled with those feelings ever since I can remember, just acted on it at a later age.

When I told my mom she was devistated and cried for days, I wasn't even gonna tell her cause I knew it would hurt her.... but she figured it out. She told me she didn't approve and God didn't approve, but I already knew that. She didn't whip out the bible on me but instead let me live my life the way I wanted to, which I believe was the right thing to do cause I would have strayed from her if she would have lectured me about, whether it be with the bible or her lecturing me about her thoughts on the subject.

I was born and raised Lutheran. That is the reason why I waited soo long to act out on those feelings (cause I believe it is a sin). I believe that for a good 10+ years of struggling with those feelings was just a long test that God had given me. During that time I kept thinking more and more about acting on it. I couldn't stop thinking about it. The devil had indeed been working on me for that long of a time, but I won't get into that. I held it off for 10+ years before I finally failed the test and gave into my fantasies.

A couple years went by and low and behold I fell in love with my best friend who was a man. We dated for about a year before finally saying our I do's. This comming up Febuary we will be celebrating our 5th wonderful year of marriage.

The point in my telling this story of my life is because I believe that if you hear someone elses situation that is pretty much exactly like yours and seeing how others dealt with the situation will hopefully help you with yours.

As in my case my mom got what she wanted (me with a man). I just hope yours will turn out the same way.

Did you tell your husband about your past before you married him? How did he feel about it?

 

[Saucy]

How many things get screwed up in this world because the ones who are supposed to be responsible refuse to be! I'm sorry, but the state of this thread makes me upset. Most of you are pretty much saying, "It's okay that she's kissing girls. Don't worry about it." Are you kidding me! You need to stand up and be her mom, not her friend. Stop trying to keep harmony with your daughter because it's screwing up harmony with God. I know, her father isn't around. It's the father's responsiblity to protect his family and keep them from harm. You may not realize that this is hurting your daughter and the more she gets away with and indulges, the further she gets into the sin and the harder it will be to bring her back. That's the way sin works. Be strict with her, but keep reminding her that you love her. Tell her homosexuality will not be permitted as long as she's living in your house. If she tries to run away, call the cops. She's only fourteen.

 

[Kitana]

yes we were actually friends when I was dating women. I held nothing back from him, he knew everything about me b4 we got married, I wanted no secrets at all between us. He is on this forum as well I'll let him answer the how did he feel about it question.

His name is Raistlinorr

 

[Raistlinorr]

Did you tell your husband about your past before you married him? How did he feel about it?

I'm her hubby.

She told me but inside I did not believe it.

She worked at the same place I did at the time I had heard it from others but didn't believe it. After a split up with my GF at the time I became friends with my wife. And I knew we would end up together. Others told me no because of how she was but I didn't listen to them. After a year or so of being friends we started dating and in the end now we are married.

As for her past it's no worse than mine in different was so it never bothered me and as I said I never belived she was realy that way to start with I knew we were for each other.

God Bless
Raist

 

[AnarKiss]

How many things get screwed up in this world because the ones who are supposed to be responsible refuse to be! ... Be strict with her, but keep reminding her that you love her. Tell her homosexuality will not be permitted as long as she's living in your house. If she tries to run away, call the cops. She's only fourteen.

That's not love. That is demanding conformity OR ELSE!

 

[Marie D]

That's not love. That is demanding conformity OR ELSE!

I think it's both of these things. If you love someone, and you're in charge of their moral leadership, it's your duty to explain what's right and wrong.

 

[Marie D]

I'm her hubby.

She told me but inside I did not believe it.

She worked at the same place I did at the time I had heard it from others but didn't believe it. After a split up with my GF at the time I became friends with my wife. And I knew we would end up together. Others told me no because of how she was but I didn't listen to them. After a year or so of being friends we started dating and in the end now we are married.

As for her past it's no worse than mine in different was so it never bothered me and as I said I never belived she was realy that way to start with I knew we were for each other.

God Bless
Raist

I think you're a wonderful man for being so understanding and non-judgemental towards her and helping her back onto the right path. God bless you both!

 

[Saucy]

My pastor has a saying...kids are like a canoe...best steered with a paddle. Solomon talks about punishment and making sure your kids obey you and are brought up and good, Godly way.

 

[wblastyn]

I pray that your daughter will find support and acceptance elsewhere if you are not willing to give it to her. I pray that she does not become involved in drugs, depression, suicide, etc as many other gay teens do when they are rejected by their loved ones.

Amen!

 

[wblastyn]

How many things get screwed up in this world because the ones who are supposed to be responsible refuse to be! I'm sorry, but the state of this thread makes me upset. Most of you are pretty much saying, "It's okay that she's kissing girls. Don't worry about it." Are you kidding me! You need to stand up and be her mom, not her friend. Stop trying to keep harmony with your daughter because it's screwing up harmony with God. I know, her father isn't around. It's the father's responsiblity to protect his family and keep them from harm. You may not realize that this is hurting your daughter and the more she gets away with and indulges, the further she gets into the sin and the harder it will be to bring her back. That's the way sin works. Be strict with her, but keep reminding her that you love her. Tell her homosexuality will not be permitted as long as she's living in your house. If she tries to run away, call the cops. She's only fourteen.

I really feel sorry for this poor girl.

 

[Marie D]

My pastor has a saying...kids are like a canoe...best steered with a paddle. Solomon talks about punishment and making sure your kids obey you and are brought up and good, Godly way.

LOL!
I agree with you though, if the OP wants to help her daughter fight off this demon then she should not be slow to beat her if she commits sexual sins (which can include fantasizing, not just 'doing things') relating to this perversion.
My sister used to be addicted to self abuse and our father basically beat her every time she did it, or even thought about doing it. She had a horrible life for about 3 months but is so grateful to him now .

 

[Raistlinorr]

I think you're a wonderful man for being so understanding and non-judgemental towards her and helping her back onto the right path. God bless you both!

Well I used to be a pagan witch and do alot of other sinful things so it would have been wrong of me to cast the first stone. She helped to settle me down the rest of the way also so we work well together.

Seeing how the Lord accepted me after every thing I've done I find it easy to become friends with ppl who do not follow him and I use this friendship to speak to them about the Lord. Thats how I became a Christian and I feel that we should accept ppl for who they are not what they do. After all even a killer or rapist can be saved and all were created in his image it just depends on where our free will takes us.

Jesus told use to love our enemies and thats what I try to do.

God Bless
Raist

 

[Chajara]

LOL!
I agree with you though, if the OP wants to help her daughter fight off this demon then she should not be slow to beat her if she commits sexual sins (which can include fantasizing, not just 'doing things') relating to this perversion.
My sister used to be addicted to self abuse and our father basically beat her every time she did it, or even thought about doing it. She had a horrible life for about 3 months but is so grateful to him now .

No... you don't beat kids. Especially teenagers. We have laws against it for a reason, and that reason is that it messes people up.

I don't care how wrong I was in something, if either of my parents had ever laid a hand on me past the age of 7 or 8, I'd never have forgiven them and probably would not be in contact with them at this point (Well, okay, I'm not in contact with my dad anyway but there are other reasons for that.) You can't beat the sexual urges out of anyone, you'll only make them so that when they engage in sex as adults they have a ton of possibly marriage-destroying problems with it. It's cliche, but violence is not the answer.

I agree with those that say she's only 14, it's a phase. Many of us have a time where we're like "Wait.. am I gay or what?" I did, but I grew out of it and became straight. At this point it's too early to tell but chances are she'll look back on this when her sexual personality develops and think "What the heck was /that/ all about?"

 

[selfintercession]

I'm going to admit I didn't read through the entire thread, but I'm a bit worried about some of the posts I've seen here already (not all of them)... since I'm currently struggling with my sexuality, and have been for years, I know that if you sit down with her and do what some people are saying like "all I can really think of is showing her in the Bible how God views homosexuality. It is an abomination." and "You need to stand up and be her mom, not her friend. Stop trying to keep harmony with your daughter because it's screwing up harmony with God." you're going to ruine her life. No offence, but a lot of the people in here clearly haven't gone through this or they would understand that they're advice is terrible.

Of course you need to be her friend! Of course you need to "keep harmony" with her... if you don't, not only will it hurt her and put her through even more pain than she will be going through over the next few years, but any advice or counsel that you give her will be 100% ignored by her.

Your role as a mother is not to judge her, but to help her, and if you sit down with her and start showing her the places where the Bible says homosexuality is an abonimation and get really tough with her, eventually you will drive her all the way away from you.

You need to talk to her about what she's going through, ask her about her feeligns, tell her about your's as gently as possible and explain not only that homosexual acts are wrong, but WHY they are wrong.

Be nice, be warm, be open to questions, be honest be firm but DO NOT be judgmental or she won't care about anythginy you tell her and you won't be able to help her at all.

The way some of you people are so quick to judge this poor little 12 year old girl really makes me angry. We're here to help each other -- and that doesn't mean telling people to change or get ready for hell.

 

[blessedhusband]

Very sad Mon,

You have some computer savvy so I suggest, if you haven't done so already, that you do a Google search of homosexuality and teenagers. I know that there are a number of sites that address this issue in teens, although their names are not available to me right now. One that I can recommend is pureintimacy.com (or .org) . I think it is geared more toward adults but there might be links to teen struggle sites. It will definitely help you understand what's happening with your daughter.

Hope this helps.

your brother, Argent

another excellent search engine is dogpile.com

 

[Saucy]

Well, I guess we can agree to disagree. I'm not saying she should beat her child, but so many parents are afraid to discipline their kids. She needs to explain sexuality to her daughter...tell her that it's natural and God-given to have natural, sexual feelings as she gets older. Explain to her that sex is supposed to be shared between married couples. Teach her about abstaining until marriage to a man and that God didn't design sex for people of the same sex. It's perversion. If, after you explain this and she still tries to date a girl or whatever, then you put your foot down.

 

[Marie D]

You can't beat the sexual urges out of anyone, you'll only make them so that when they engage in sex as adults they have a ton of possibly marriage-destroying problems with it. It's cliche, but violence is not the answer.

I don't agree - my sister used to be addicted to self abuse (like twice a day, sometimes even more) and our father beat her every time she did it. It took about 3 weeks to get rid of 90% of the problem and it was totally gone after about 4 months.

She's now a very happy wife and mother.

 

[VerySadMom]

Thank you for your prayers, they really mean a lot to me. Can I please ask you to continue to pray for my daughter and for me? She tried to kill herself yesterday. She is okay for now. She is now in a mental institution for a while. This is totally not expected from the kind of girl she is. She is a church going, saved, virgin, and a really good-hearted kid. She has friends, but they are mostly steering her in the wrong direction. She knows it is against the Lord to end her life, and I think that is why she ultimately did not do it. Praise the Lord. I am at my wits end and don't know what else to do. I've taken her to a Christian psychiatrist, I've talked with her many times about her life, but she continues to lie to me at every turn. She just wants to live her life the way she wants to live it. I've received materials from Focus on the Family, I've tried to love her through all of it, but it is not working.


To make a really long story short, she was going to run away yesterday, and brought a friend to my home while I was still at work, and the friend went out her window when I came home. This friend is supposedly straight and has a boyfriend, but who knows what the truth is anymore. She said her friend was going to help her run away to some boys house, I don't even know. I told her I was going to get on the phone with the police to let them know what the plan was and to have them speak to her friends parents as well. When I picked up the phone to call, she got up and picked up a knife and pointed it at her stomach and said she was going to kill herself. I had 911 on the line while all this was happening. I asked her to put down the knife at least a dozen times, and she ran into the bathroom with the knife and locked the door. The police wanted to talk with her on the phone, so I said they want to talk with you, and she opened the door and when I gave her the phone I was able to get the knife away from her. Praise the Lord. Now, I cannot return to this site often, but would surely appreciate your prayers and some good advice if you would be able to help. Thank you so much. VerySadMom

 

[Chajara]

Uh, wow. Yeah, the homosexuality issue needs to go on the back burner for now. Keep that girl in the mental ward for a little while and then I'd start figuring out what to do to figure out why she's acting out. It's probably hormones, but she may need some medication. I had to bite the bullet and go on Zoloft because I was flipping out and making everyone around me miserable every month when PMS hit.

If I were you I'd get her away from those friends of hers, if you have to pack up and move to a different state. Friends can make all the difference. Try to help her find some good ones.

Lastly, try not to fret too much. Many teens go through stages like this. I never actually threatened or attempted suicide, but I was miserable and at one point when I was 13 or 14 I wouldn't have cared if a semi hit me and ended my life right there. Combination of living situation, hormones, retarded parents who fought all the time and never tried to get me one of the most basic things every human needs which is social interaction, and school. If you have to and if you can, take a week off work and just do fun stuff with her. Go to an amusement park and ride even the rides you're scared to, for her sake. If my mother had bothered to show me she cared like this I would have been floored. All I ever got was "No, find another ride, I have better things to do." Don't be my mom