Please Please can someone help :(

[chrissy34]

I have religious OCD and obsess about everything. Any number or illness can be a trigger. Any time I hear anything bad It's like I'd wish it on me or on the holy spirit and because I am so scared about them happening to me e.g bad illness or dying I'd say for it to happen to the holy spirit and that part is from my own will obviously but the main thought obviously was triggered from my OCD.
Day by day it just keeps getting worse. Today I got a thought about dying in 9 months, then I said if the holy spirit could die, i'd rather the holy spirit to die rather than me. I said that bit out of my own will and now I am so scared it is going to happen or that God will punish me and kill me and I got so angry at myself that I said that about the holy spirit I don't know what to do. Is this part of the OCD or is this just me having an evil soul

 

[lyndseyb]

It's OCD, more specifically 'Scrupulosity'.

Please google Grantley Morris as others have suggested.
His website is so awesome. It helped me. Even if it's just to read others stories and feel less alone.

Oh and you say

Any time I hear anything bad It's like I'd wish it on me or on the holy spirit and because I am so scared about them happening to me

Ok so the part in bold is your trigger. You hear bad things and your OCD attacks you with them.
Your OCD is holding on to the bad things it hears and making you obsess over them.
This happens to me if I see/hear/read anything bad, I think 'Oh no! that's not a very nice thing to think about, need to stop myself thinking that' and then almost always straight after I will end up having a blasphemous thought incorporating the bad thing I just heard/saw/read about.
Why? because I am trying to stop myself thinking about something and that is not easy to do.

 

[Gods warrior 1]

It's all OCD Chrissy. God loves you He won't let you go. You are the apple of His eye. Praying for you.

 

[SarahsKnight]

Chrissy, please first take the suggestion the others have posted of visiting Grantley Morris' site about this kind of thing, here:

Who is Grantley Morris? A Christian testimony

There are several testimonies here that will at least let you know you are not alone in this.

And then, if you have not yet, please see my suggestions I posted a couple of hours ago in the other thread you started. Know that we'll be here for you, no matter what, even just to listen. And in any event, you are not evil. God knows this. And even the ocd itself is what is causing you to wonder if you are doing and thinking these because you are evil. It's a trap, and a vicious one.

 

[James Is Back]

I feel for you hun. I had it bad a few years ago and now it spurts off here and there.

God loves you so much don't ever forget that!

 

[Gods warrior 1]

God loves you Chrissy. He has got you in the palm of His hand precious. He will never let you go. Remember the thoughts whether spoken or not are not sin it's all OCD. Praying precious. Hang in there.

 

[chrissy34]

thank so much all of you. The thing I don't understand is that I will say bad stuff on purpose even if it is not on my mind at the time. The bad stuff could be a bit of a previous thought I had before against the holy spirit. Then I feel bad and guilty and question myself how I could say such a thing. Like before I had a thought about the holy spirit getting a bad illness so today I purposely said if I go on holiday hope the holy spirit gets a bad illnesses and that was from my own will I don't understand why I am doing this although the root has to be Ocd right?

 

[single eye]

Have you considered it could be something in your diet?

 

[chrissy34]

How can ocd be related to diet?

 

[single eye]

toxins that have been added to food products and nutrient defieciencies can cause all kinds of ocd symptoms.

 

[chrissy34]

I never got told that by my specialist

 

[Gods warrior 1]

Chrissy OCD makes us think we think and say things on purpose your OCD will try and get you to believe this. Chrissy you have not done this on purpose and I know because it is the nature of OCD my sister to make you think it's purposeful but it's not no matter if you were feeling angry fearful or irritated at the time the thoughts or spoken words hit. The anxiety and guilt it causes is a result of the OCD you have not sinned. Praying for you. Please always feel free to PM ok. I am here for you just like every other precious soul on here.

 

[single eye]

It is inconceivable to me that anyone would make a diagnosis like that w/o first eliminating dietary issues. There is a great deal of detective work that you can do on your own. Start keeping a diet journal. Write down details of everything you put in your mouth and swallow. Keep a second journal to record when your symptoms are the most severe. After several days of journalling, patterns shoud begin to reveal themselves. Those patterns are the beginning of where to focus attention.

 

[Gods warrior 1]

I have been learning about OCD it is an illness of our brains our brain is not receiving serotonin and this causes distressing thoughts to not be processed properly and therefore cannot be dismissed easily so the thoughts get stuck in our brain so they keep circulating around and around and this causes the sufferer extreme anxiety and distress. It is not our fault it is an anxiety disorder. Praying for your Chrissy and every precious person who has posted here.

 

[lyndseyb]

Chrissy, I'm wondering if voicing these thoughts has become like a compulsion to you?
I remember you saying that you originally started trying to reverse the thoughts - was that by saying them out loud? If so then that is a compulsion.
This is where we get anxious about something and carry out compulsions to manage the anxiety. For example, I have contamination OCD so my biggest compulsion is obsessively washing my hands.

With you it seems like maybe your compulsion started out as reversing the thoughts to show that you didn't mean them, and that has someone turned into you saying the thoughts without reversing them.
I don't know why. I'm not a doctor but what I do know is that OCD can manifest in different ways. I also know that whether you are doing this purposefully or not, you feel awful and guilty about this hence your frequent posts on here so you are not evil.

If you haven't tried medication yet, please consider it. What do you have to lose?
It might really help you.

 

[chrissy34]

You're right, I never thought of that. I'm going to try medication. What are you on? Do they take long to work?

 

[lyndseyb]

You're right, I never thought of that. I'm going to try medication. What are you on? Do they take long to work?

Well one of the mistakes I first made when I realised I had OCD was that I compared myself to others with OCD. And if their symptoms, compulsions etc didn't match mine then I felt awful because I thought 'well that must be from me not my OCD because that's nor what others are describing'.
Well no, it doesn't work that way! We are all different and OCD doesn't follow the same pattern in all of us. I have had/still have certain Scrupulosity compulsions that I haven't seen mentioned on here. That doesn't mean that these still aren't OCD obsessions/compulsions. It just means my OCD is unique to me, as is yours to you.
These seems like a strange compulsion you've developed but OCD isn't logical in the way it works, is it?

I was on Sertaline, which is also called Zoloft.
It worked pretty quickly I think but not all OCD medications work on the same timescale. You sometimes have to try a few before finding the right one for you. Your doctor can help you with this.

 

[Savedd]

i praying for you. Don't be scared, God will not punish you. He is on your side and loves you and understand your pain and doubts. The holy spirit can't die because it's divine

 

[JesusThisWay]

Sorry singleye,

I Think you're a little tough on Warrior, The torment of a person diagnosed with OCD has nothing whatsoever, to do with diet. As a sufferer for over 38 years, there is quite a bit of evidence that diet and OCD are even scarcely related.

 

[single eye]

JesusThisWay, OCD is a label that refers to a particular set of symptoms, not a cause. As far as I can tell no one claims to know what the cause is. "...has nothing whasoever, to do with diet" is a personal opinion stated as if it were an absolute fact. Journalling is not "being tough on someone" it is merely a way to gather information and organize it in a way that enables us to learn what we currently do not know. There is no down side or negative side effects. I wasn't accusing warrior of anything, just offering more options.