Please Just Help.

[Finch09]

Hi, so I'm not really sure where to start. I think this might go more under mental health but there's no general mental health topic only specific problems and it's not exactly any, I don't want to define it that way. Well basically I had mental health problems all my life since I was a young child, but a variety of different things. I'm sixteen almost seventeen now. Since I gave my life to Jesus, I recovered an incredible amount, He stopped me from cutting and an eating disorder and numerous other things. When I was younger I attempted suicide and was in and out of hospitals. There's always a time of year that things get really bad for me, and it's starting around now but usually gets worse and peaks around late November/early December. Not going to get into everything from the past/all of what's happened. But this year I thought would be different. I expected it to be easy. I didn't expect to really be challenged the way that I have in the past. Silly me. I'll say, so far, it's been far easier than in the past. I've relied on God and kept my committment not to hurt myself again. Unfortuantely, it feels like I'm going downhill....

I feel bad for saying anything to anyone besides that I'm hugely happy and God is wonderful *which, He really is*. I feel like I should never show any unhappiness, because the bible talks about not causing anyone else to have doubts. And if I show that even with Jesus in my life, I still struggle, might that not cause someone to doubt? So I've been bottling stuff up. But that doesn't seem to be going over well. My bottle's leaking. And I'm scared that when it does show and when I do screw up (which seems to happen more and more), I'm being disobediant. Now I'm being tempted to just be outright disobediant. I am tempted to do so many awful things, and to reject and turn away from God. I'm having a hard time with life. With school, with myself. With the way that I feel. I've lost most of my friends, the people that I hang out with sometimes aren't all that emotionally close. I love my family very much but they aren't Christians and they have a lot of problems and it seems to only cause problems when they know that I'm struggling with something. So I feel like I have no support. I'm isolated. Sometimes I'm tempted to kill myself or do something else really stupid. But I have so many reasons not to! God's been doing amazing things with my life. Plus a close friend killed herself almost two years ago and I know how awful it is for people left behind. I don't want to hurt my family or break my committment to God. I don't understand how my way of thinking can change so drastically, and I can go from being so happy to so sad or so calm to so anxious so fast. I'm just struggling, and I'm trying to eat/sleep/take vitamins and take care of myself. I don't know. I'm scared that I'll choose something stupid. I'm struggling, even though I should be quiet about it, I don't know, I'm not. I'm sorry. If anyone could help at all that would be great. Thanks.

 

[Broken Hearted]

Hi finch09 its good to let it out and its ok to. Dont be scared to because thats gonna make you feel so much worse. I myself am a work in progress. And people here are loving and caring and want to be here for you. I want to be here for you. If your not comfortable to put it all out for people to read I would love to talk to you. You can always pm if you need to. Because we hurt and we need to know its ok to hurt. Never be quiet about anything thats why God gave us people like me and you to help each other out in bad situation. To support one another. I know I cant make it with out people helping me out. Ive been and still am where you are talking about I suffer from SI, Abusing meds, Suicidal thoughts, and alot of grief and hurt. Im 27 and lived a life of trials and hurt. So please dont give up. Look to God and lean on him and learn to lean on people who care. I care for you and Im here for you anytime.
Im praying for you

 

[goldenviolet]

hello sweetheart! i'm dee. i'm curious if you can look at this another way? sometimes we are called to minister to others. sometimes we are called to be ministered to. both things bring blessings to us and praise our Heavenly Father.
bless your heart for not wanting to cause others to stumble. this also can you see differently? highs and valleys are not sin. we all have our seasons of hardship and trial. it's how we handle it, or ignore it, that cause others to struggle. but we are suppose to suffer together; so it is up to us to find a balance, so that we are not just being needy, but being part of the ministering cycle. ~ xo dee

Ecclesiastes 3
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What does the worker gain from his toil?
10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men.
11 He has made everything beautiful in its time.
He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; y
et they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.
13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God.
14 I know that everything God does will endure forever;
nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.
God does it so that men will revere him.

 

[joey_downunder]

First of all- congratulations! It sounds like God has been doing wonderful things in your life. You've got quite a testimony for a young chick like you.

There's always a time of year that things get really bad for me, and it's starting around now but usually gets worse and peaks around late November/early December.

Do you get down as winter comes along? That is Seasonal affective disorder and so if it feels bad enough don't be too shy to visit a medical doctor for help. I felt down during Winter this year (southern hemisphere's winter June-September).

I feel bad for saying anything to anyone besides that I'm hugely happy and God is wonderful *which, He really is*. I feel like I should never show any unhappiness, because the bible talks about not causing anyone else to have doubts.

Jesus felt everything emotion there is - sadness, doubt, guilt, despair, anger - and He never sinned. He has felt everything you have felt so go to Him whenever you feel overwhelmed. Hebrews 4:14-16 .

And if I show that even with Jesus in my life, I still struggle, might that not cause someone to doubt?

Maybe someone might feel honoured that you trust them enough to be open with them about what you are going through? I trust honest people and want to be close to people who are honest with me and don't pretend to have it all together.

I am tempted to do so many awful things, and to reject and turn away from God. I'm having a hard time with life.

Yes when I have been too hard on myself in the past I have also felt like giving in to all my negative feelings as well. Like me, you don't have to do that. Look to God for His help. He loves you and wants to help you always.

I've lost most of my friends, the people that I hang out with sometimes aren't all that emotionally close.

Yes sometimes people just grow apart and don't have anything in common with each other any more. I also have no family members who are christians so I know how hard it can be.

Plus a close friend killed herself almost two years ago and I know how awful it is for people left behind. I don't want to hurt my family or break my committment to God.

To use an illustration - if a friend of yours had a bad fall and broke their arm, would you tell them to put on a clean shirt and just wear a smile because they should be grateful it wasn't a leg as well? NO WAY! You would try to get them to hospital so they would get their arm in a cast, take pain medicines, antibiotics if needed - whatever treatment that would make the healing fastest.

You need to do the same for yourself -do you really think you are going to heal inside for good by wearing a smile and pretending that all is good? People with any sensitivity at all are able to pick up that someone is pretending to be OK when they are not. You don't think there are any out of that type of person out there? Well I am sure one of those people who gets peeved with people with a front.

Do you need counselling? At the very least I think you need a good strong christian friend you know you can lean on.

I'm struggling, even though I should be quiet about it, I don't know, I'm not.

No you should not be quiet about it. I think it is time for you to approach a trustworthy person or professional and tell them everything you have typed on this entry.

I have a lot of hope for you. You express yourself very maturely. You obviously have a lot of potential with such a caring and sensitive nature. Please seek whatever help you need. When you are healed then you can help others as well.

 

[blueberry2118]

I will keep you in my prays and God is with you. The greater the struggle the better the outcome. Your latter days will be better then your previous. Speak positivity and claim victory in your life. Read verses from Job and Psalm. You will come out of this in the name of Jesus.