Please help

[Magnus Maximus]

Please help me. I have bad anxiety and PTSD as well as OCD. It all revolves around protection issues, that I can't protect my kids and others.

My OCD is preventing me from enjoying Church, praying and I am becoming very scrupulous and doubting God loves me

I am convinced I stepped on a dead racoon even tough it was 8 feet away from me and it had rabbies (even though no raccoons and only one skunk had rabies in my state last year and that was 4 hours away from where I live). I was outside at 0430 saw a dead animal on the road outside my truck. Then I thought what if his brains had splattered over here and they got on my shoe, then I tracked it in the truck. Then somehow it made it home and I infected my kids.

I am very nervous about driving my vehicle even though its been 6 weeks and I have sprayed it with disinfectant, shampooed it and had it steam cleaned it twice. I keep on thinking what of I missed a spot, and that got my kids sick.

I think what if I was wrong and it was a skunk and not a raccon (but surely I would have smelled it).

I worry about going to church and infecting people there, I find it hard to pray and concentrate.

Going through this is hell, I hate it and right now I hate who I am.

 

[SkyWriting]

Please help me. I have bad anxiety and PTSD as well as OCD. It all revolves around protection issues, that I can't protect my kids and others.

My OCD is preventing me from enjoying Church, praying and I am becoming very scrupulous and doubting God loves me

I am convinced I stepped on a dead racoon even tough it was 8 feet away from me and it had rabbies (even though no raccoons and only one skunk had rabies in my state last year and that was 4 hours away from where I live). I was outside at 0430 saw a dead animal on the road outside my truck. Then I thought what if his brains had splattered over here and they got on my shoe, then I tracked it in the truck. Then somehow it made it home and I infected my kids.

I am very nervous about driving my vehicle even though its been 6 weeks and I have sprayed it with disinfectant, shampooed it and had it steam cleaned it twice. I keep on thinking what of I missed a spot, and that got my kids sick.

I think what if I was wrong and it was a skunk and not a raccon (but surely I would have smelled it).

I worry about going to church and infecting people there, I find it hard to pray and concentrate.

Going through this is hell, I hate it and right now I hate who I am.

I see a lot of internal focus. Replace all your current focus with helping others.
For example, can you draw? Ask people for requests.
Then create drawings for them. Just an example.

Work from your talents and offer your services to others, even for free.
Focusing on others needs is a solution.

 

[Magnus Maximus]

I see a lot of internal focus. Replace all your current focus with helping others.
For example, can you draw? Ask people for requests.
Then create drawings for them. Just an example.

Work from your talents and offer your services to others, even for free.
Focusing on others needs is a solution.

My biggest worries is that I will hurt others (esp my family) because of my negligence

 

[SkyWriting]

My biggest worries is that I will hurt others (esp my family) because of my negligence

Then you need to practice being responsible.
Its a task we all do every day. No point in shirking your responsibilities.

 

[Magnus Maximus]

Then you need to practice being responsible.
Its a task we all do every day. No point in shirking your responsibilities.

I do-- that isn't the problem, I am over responsible if anything, I take it to the extreme-- I served in combat 3 times I think that is the root of it

 

[Offeiriad]

Dear Magnus,
I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time with the PTSD, and (especially at the moment?) the OCD. I'm no expert in these things, but I know they are serious psychiatric illnesses, not the kind of thing you can resolve through a straightforward 'mental fix' or self-help therapy. Do you have access to a competent therapist? Do forces veterans have ongoing access to support for PTSD? What kinds of thing have helped you through previous 'bad patches'? There are some approaches to Spiritual Direction that can help with an over-sensitive conscience, but it sounds like you need the support of a caring therapist first of all. Do not doubt that God loves you, and is close to you even if you can't 'feel' him at the moment.

 

[Mari17]

Sounds like OCD to me!! I've had this type of obsession before. You definitely need to start treating the OCD if you haven't already. Do you have access to medication, therapy, resources about OCD...? I'd be happy to share some of my favorite resources if you want. OCD can be managed and even to a large part overcome, but you have to be willing to work on it. Do you know anything about CBT/ERP therapy?

And yes, you are being hyper-responsible. Very classic behavior in people with OCD!!

 

[God is good]

Please help me. I have bad anxiety and PTSD as well as OCD. It all revolves around protection issues, that I can't protect my kids and others.

My OCD is preventing me from enjoying Church, praying and I am becoming very scrupulous and doubting God loves me

I am convinced I stepped on a dead racoon even tough it was 8 feet away from me and it had rabbies (even though no raccoons and only one skunk had rabies in my state last year and that was 4 hours away from where I live). I was outside at 0430 saw a dead animal on the road outside my truck. Then I thought what if his brains had splattered over here and they got on my shoe, then I tracked it in the truck. Then somehow it made it home and I infected my kids.

I am very nervous about driving my vehicle even though its been 6 weeks and I have sprayed it with disinfectant, shampooed it and had it steam cleaned it twice. I keep on thinking what of I missed a spot, and that got my kids sick.

I think what if I was wrong and it was a skunk and not a raccon (but surely I would have smelled it).

I worry about going to church and infecting people there, I find it hard to pray and concentrate.

Going through this is hell, I hate it and right now I hate who I am.

Just so you know, you're not alone, I also struggle with my prayer life and at church and it's very hard to deal with but we have Jesus as our Lord and Savior and He is all we need. God bless you and Jesus is Lord.