please help

[drummingman]

im having a real hard time with these struggles on my salvation. i know that you have heard all this before, but please pray for me. tonight i just lost my temper and said some things out of anger because i was having such a hard time. im not sure what i said but i was talking about feeling like God wants me to walk away from him and other things that i cant remember. my fear is that i rejected God by these things that i said. i have been begging God to forgive me and to save me and take me back but im having a very hard time feeling like i have been forgiven and taken back. i hope with all of my heart that i did not reject God or walk away from him and im begging for Gods forgivness if i did reject him and walk away from him. i just am having a very hard time feeling forgiven and taken back.
i feel like im pushed to the brink of what i can take and then when i fail its just more wrong that i feel like i have to deal with. nearly everyday i feel like i reject God and walk away from him and then when i pray and beg God to forgive me for whatever way i have rejected him and walked away from him i feel like i cant get forgiveness because of the things that i feel like i do wrong when begging and because of the awful thoughts that i think when begging. so i have to keep praying for forgivness and to be saved and taken back over and over again non stop until i feel like i have been forgiven and saved and taken back. this could take anywhere from a few minuets to hours. it is a battle that makes me so depressed and upset and this happens everyday, over and over again on some days. im afriad that God wont forgive me and take me back if i rejected him out of anger and with this awful things that i may have said. i feel like im lost. and the verses in the book of hebrews (chaper 6 verses 4,5,6 and chapter 10 verses 26,27) say that once a person has rejected God and walked away from God they cant be taken back and saved again. but im still begging for God to forgive me if i rejected him and/or walked away from him and to save me and take me back. i just hope that he will forgive me if i rejected him and/or walked away from him and i hope that he will save me and take me back.
i also hurt myself tonight when i lost my temper and that is bothering me as well because im afraid that that will effect my drumming because it is my hand that i hurt.
if any of you have any good advice or any thooughts now would really be the time that i need to hear it.

 

[RachelZ]

Hey Drummingman...so sorry you've had such a rough evening and are suffering so much at the moment! I really pray God gives you some peace and heals your hand!

I know how it can feel like when we write stuff people have heard it all before and yet I also now how excrutiatingly painful this disorder can be. I wish I knew what to say that would help but I know all too well that when OCD tells us something it's hard to not believe it. I don't know what the things are you think you've said and/or done that God will reject you for but as I've just said in another thread, if there was anyway we could be good enough for God, Jesus wouldn't have had to die...to me that means that whether someone is a Hitler or a Mother Theresa, the need for Christ's atonement is the same...one may miss God's standard by a mile, one by only an inch, but He died to make is possible for us to receive full and utter forgiveness. One thing that may be worth thinking about...when you feel better do you still think you have been condemmned? I know for me that when I feel better it's hard to even understand why I felt and thought such distressing things.

Sorry, I don't know what to say to really help...I hope others will have more wisdom for you...I will pray for you...take care, Rachel

 

[forgiveable]

Drummingman,
I know the scriptures that you are talking about but every time that you come back to God consider in Romans 8 that it says there is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..
Also consider that Peter ( one of the disciples) out right denied Christ and was still forgiven.
That would be the same as rejecting him. He will take you back everytime.

 

[QUannie]

Prayed for you Drummingman...i'm so sorry for what you are going through!!!
Jesus is always there, He never leaves us.....

Q

 

[Jayangel81]

Im sorry you are going through these struggles. Hebrews are takin so out of context and scares alot of people. Im making a thread on it for you.

 

[drummingman]

thank you all very much for responding to me in this thread, it really does mean a lot to me. todays has been better for me. i have been begging God to forgive me if i rejected him or walked away from him by anything that i thought or said or did.
rachelz, when it comes to still feeling like i have been condemned when i feel better its hard to say. i know that when i feel better its easier the struggles. but a lot of the times if i dont feel better i feel depressed and worried. as is i am feeling better then what i was but i still feel worried that in my anger and in my frustration i may have rejected or walked away from God. i have begged God to forgive me if i rejected him or walked away from him by anything that i said or thought or did when i was angry and upset. but i am repentant if i did reject God or walked away from God out of my anger and frustration.
those verses in hebrews are still very hard fro me to think about because they really seem to say that if a person walks away from God or rejects God God wont forgive them and take them back. those verses are very scary to me.

 

[Jayangel81]

i have been begging God to forgive me if i rejected him or walked away from him by anything that i thought or said or did.

Getting mad at God and rejecting Him are two different things.. as was said even peter denied Christ and was forgiven. No sin is too big for God to forgive.

If you really rejected God you wouldnt be here right now

those verses in hebrews are still very hard fro me to think about because they really seem to say that if a person walks away from God or rejects God God wont forgive them and take them back. those verses are very scary to me.

You arent even in the same situation as the people in Hebrews. I made you a thread on it, did you read it

Being an apostate and getting mad at God or even backsliding are nowhere in the same ballpark.

You have to understand exactly what was being said. To say God wont forgive us and take us back after we screwed up is a total contradiction to Gods Word. You cant take Hebrews and apply "what your afraid of". Because it will just contradict Gods Word.

This is why I tell people you cant just read the bible verse to verse but you need to find out the context of it by reading the bible in whole. Or you will be very vulnerable to having the enemy twisting scripture around on you. And He will do it whether you are sick or not. He even did it to Jesus in the desert. Jesus wasnt moved by it because He knew His Word in context of the situations. Thats what we need. We need to seek out the Holy Spirit for guidence to the right meaning of the verse/s

I say this because OCD people arent the only ones who deal with this. You are in a very real spiritual war and im telling you and others in here if you are not equipped with the sword of the spirit you are in serious trouble.

The enemy knows scripture like the back of his hand. You need Gods Word. and you need to burn Gods Word into your heart.

Im not trying to sound harsh, I know where you are coming from. for instance, if you were wielding the Sword of the Spirit (Gods Word) than worrying about this unforgivness and condemnation wouldnt be a problem. Yes your prone to doubts but you got something to fight those doubts with.

Im not saying start an argument with yourself in the head, we need to let "certain" thoughts be. and im not talking about canceling things out that can cause more anxiety, But when you say have these "feelings" that your not forgiven. You would know in your heart that, that is bogus because the promises of God say otherwise. You need to remind yourself of Gods Word. Wield it in your hand drummingman. And the rest of you who struggle with this need to as well.

OCD or not the enemy is gonna take your OCD and turn it against you any way He can. And im sorry noone can deny this. It will happen. The enemy isnt gonna play it fair, it will get you where it hurts and when you are weak. And we all are weak because our OCD causes us to doubt so easily. It causes us to seek reassurances but in truth we are supposed to live in Faith and by every Word that proceedeth from the mouth of God! (Matthew 4:4) Jesus made this point for a reason.

No execptions! sick or no sick. we all need to be prepared. And the only way we as OCDers will be prepared and im speaking directly to the ones who are religious wise, is if we take up the Sword.

Im not saying your OCD is a spiritual problem but im telling you and alot of other people in this forum it can be fought back by resting and leaning on Gods Word instead of our feelings. Alot of us are very uneducated in Gods Word. If we expect to fight this good fight of faith and these doubts. They need to be fought on the battleground. and your weapon is the Word of Truth.


God gave me a huge lesson on this. and I will never forget it. God gave me many personal revelations.
sick or not we must put the armor of God on.

Reassuring "feelings" isnt what we need. We need to be fed. God doesnt lie no matter how we feel. God is more powerful than our fears and feelings.

It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.
Psalm 118:8​

How much time per week do you spend in Gods Word? I know with blasphemies and such it is Very hard to read Gods Word, especially when we are surrounded in anxiety. Personally I went with Bible MP3s. I found it easier and was smoother on my mind.

If you are afraid that God will not forgive you and that He will abandon you, than my friend you need to listen to what God says. Its hard i know. I spent 3+ years in living hell. But without the Word of God we will lose. And taking Gods Word in context is very very important.

Im praying for you my friend


Ps.

Also consider that Peter ( one of the disciples) out right denied Christ and was still forgiven.

I think this is important to remember, you brought up a good point. peter denied Him 3 times. He was with Jesus, He ate with Jesus. This was serious. and yet God forgave Him.

Drummingman dont ever let anyone tell you that you cant come back to the Lord. Because it just isnt true. Jesus told us to forgive 7x70 (In context you would never remember the number but He is telling you to just keep forgiving)

God is much more merciful than man is.

 

[drummingman]

hey jay. thanks so mcuh for your post and for starting the thread on hebrews. im going to get into that thread tonight or tomorrow for sure.
thanks again!

 

[Jayangel81]

dont mention it brother, give thanks to the Lord for the Spirit speaks through me

 

[GryffinSong]

Hugs to you, and I hope you feel a bit better. You have an illness. I'm not christian, so I can't speak with the expertise that these others have, but surely a loving god knows of your illness, and that when you say these things they're the illness talking, not your heart! Take care, and I hope you find peace with this.