Please Help!

[CalledbyHim]

I'm been struggling with blasphemous thoughts for a while now. They seem to get worse and worse. I have the feeling of unforgiveness a lot of the times. I can't stand it. They happen most when I get really mad or happy.
Today I got pretty mad, and some blasphemous thoughts went thru my mind. Now I'm really worried that those thoughts were mine.
I cried for a long time about it. I'm still really upset about it. I've been thinking about suicide. I don't wont to, but It's hard to live with this feeling. I'm writing my suicide note right now, but I'm not 100 percent about doing the act. I want to live a godly live. But I have the feeling as God will not want to forgive someone like me.
I feel just like John Bunyan felt:
"I would be daunted with such conceits as thinking that God mocked my prayers, saying in the audience of holy angels, “This poor simple wretch hankers after Me, as if I had nothing to do with my mercy but to bestow it on such as he. Alas, poor soul, how are you deceived. It is not for such as you to have favor with the Highest.”

 

[ShyFlower]

No matter what you've done, or what you're feeling, please know that god would never want you to kill yourself. *hugs*

Have you gone to anyone in your daily life to discuss this with anyone? It always helps to have a friendly ear, to have someone listen.

 

[CalledbyHim]

No matter what you've done, or what you're feeling, please know that god would never want you to kill yourself. *hugs*

Have you gone to anyone in your daily life to discuss this with anyone? It always helps to have a friendly ear, to have someone listen.

Nope, I have'nt talked to anyone about this, yet.

 

[kaykay637]

Please don't do anything rash. God will always forgive if we sincerely come to Him for forgiveness. (1 John 1:9) And often OCD makes us feel like we've done something that is in truth just an OCD spike. So sometimes it's not even grounded in reality. Praying for you tonight.
kaykay

 

[CalledbyHim]

Please don't do anything rash. God will always forgive if we sincerely come to Him for forgiveness. (1 John 1:9) And often OCD makes us feel like we've done something that is in truth just an OCD spike. So sometimes it's not even grounded in reality. Praying for you tonight.
kaykay

Thanks for your prayer!

 

[ShyFlower]

Do you go to church? If so, you should try going to confessional and speak with a priest.

 

[kaykay637]

Thanks for your prayer!

You are welcome. If you want to talk to me by private message, feel free to pm me. As shyflower pointed out though, it would be good if you could seek out someone in real life to confide in--like a pastor, a counselor.

 

[LongAgoNThGarden]

Hi CalledByHim,


We all mess up at times, and the Bible even tells us,


“For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23


So when we mess up, we go and pray to God in Christ and the Bible tells us,


“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9


Here is a Successful 3 Step Program that I have found to be very helpful.

Step 1 Pray

Step 2 Pray

Step 3 Pray

God bless you in Christ.

Pray about it.

Garden

 

[rubycakes]

Called By Him,

Please dont do anything rash! Like they said, talk to someone about this. I truely believe that OCD makes us all feel like killing ourselves at one point or another. I know that has happened to me before but I didnt kill my self and that God I didnt. The thoughts have always passed and God has always shown me a way to get help.

I will be praying for you. Please stay strong.

 

[unpardoned1]

Called!!!!...don't despair, please. GOD LOVES YOU!!! Please check out this thread, I started it 2 years ago and I have the same struggles and this thread describes how when I was 18, (I'm 30 now) I had a really bad thought against the Holy Spirit and have always wondered if I was forgiven or not. I still struggle with this today, wondering if maybe I commited the unpardonable sin back when I was 18. Please read it, its still a very active thread and I know it can help you because you will find people you can relate to. It will be like you could have written it, trust me.

Here is the thread link: http://christianforums.com/t3317964-blasphemy-against-the-holy-spirit-ocd.html

 

[unpardoned1]

Its funny that I see Marcb at the top because he was one of the guys I was going to recommend to you to talk to!!! God works in funny ways. I haven't been on lately and I just decided to visit this morning or I wouldn't have seen your post.

 

[marcb]

Called By Him,

Know that God loves you and does not want to see you hurt yourself. Please get some professional help in this. Please be honest with them like you have been with us about contemplating suicide. Something in your brain chemistry is "off" just like the rest of us. Please don't judge yourself because of that.

Please keep posting on this thread to let us know you are ok and update us on how you are reaching out for help. Thank you for being open with us.

Praying for you,

Marc

 

[CalledbyHim]

Thanks everybody!
I'm doing a little better today.
But I hope that if that thought was mine that God will forgive me.

 

[gracealone]

Hi Called,
Yes by all means, I wholly agree with the others, don't give up or despair! There is help available to assist you in overcoming these horrible feelings. We with religious OCD have all had them and we know how tortured they can make you feel. I too felt like I wanted to die at the peak of my disorder nearly 30 yrs. ago. But I was able to get better and learn how to manage my disorder and live a happy and productive life. You can too. It's time to go to a Dr. and open up about the emotional turmoil you are in. You aren't alone - we all empathize with you and want to see you start down the road to recovery.
Never, never, never give up! Just do the right thing and seek help.
I'll be praying for you, please let us know how you are doing.
Mitzi

 

[gracealone]

Good Called,
Glad to have you back with us. Welcome, by the way. An abberent, intrusive and unwanted thought cannot undo the Grace, (unmerited favor) of God toward you. Nor do our horrific feelings of terror about that thought mean that the thought is valid or defines our real will or intentions concerning our relationship to Christ.
Having said all that, the battle with OCD isn't conquered in a day. If you go to a doctor and open up about the nature of these thoughts you will be doing yourself much good as then you will be able to get to the root of problem. It sounds, very much, like this is religious OCD of the pure "O" kind but you need to get diagnosed, if you haven't been already, by a professional in order to gain an education about it and in order to treat it in the correct manner.
OCD is called the doubting disease. It will press us and press us to keep on searching for reassurance about the questions that it poses. But the more we do this the deeper we get in to the obsessive cycles and the more frightening the original question will become.
So glad to have you back. There are so many folk here who can encourage you by sharing their own struggles with and victories over OCD.
God Bless,
Mitzi

 

[jc9992]

i know how you feel "calledbyhim".It would be a good idea for you to see a counselor since youve considered suicide, but dont let OCD intimidate you from praying and seeking God because in my experiences ive found that praying is the best remedy when OCD has got you down.

 

[QUannie]

Called,
You are precious to Christ, that is why He died for you......
do not lose hope......
I know your pain!
Please seek someone out who is a trusted friend or pastor to talk with!!!
I prayed for you brother,
Q

 

[renewedmind]

Hi calledbyhim I am new to this forum. I just registerd a few mintues ago. Be encouraged. These thoughts are not you. I am 44 yrs old and and I have been having blasphemous thoughts since I was 18 yrs old. For years I have doubted my salvation, and that God really loved me.At first the thoughts were about the Holy spirit. But inspite of the thoughts I stilled pursed God. when I first had the first thought I totally freaked out, but was afraid to talk to anybody for fear they would just confirm my worst fear that I'd committed the unpardonable sin. Then I did seek out help. Some tried to cast the Devil out of me, others just didn't know how to help me.Through out the years I've had answers to prayer , I've lead people to the Lord, I've prayed for people to be healed of sicknesses and some haved healed. In spite of this my mind would tell me it was coincidence.But I sill didn't know why I was having these thoughts.Four yrs ago I was sitting in church and out of no where I had a blasphemous thought about Jesus. I became so sacred and full of fear. I would lay in bed totally tormented by the thoughts and fear.Untill one day out of the blue my wife felt prompted to google ocd blasphemous thoughts. low and behold I started to read about other people having blasphemous thoughts. untill that point I thought I was the only one in the world that was struggling with this.During this this time I also found a spirit filled therapist. Its was He that talked to me about ocd at all that relates to it.I started taking medication. But thats all I did to treat it. Last yr in Nov. I decided to go off the Meds but in jan of this yr I had a real bad spike.I began to have bad thoughts about many things pertaining to my faith in Christ.So I went back on the meds 3 wks ago.I think they started to kick in because I'm not obbessing as much. I also came across this book called OVERCOMING OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS how to gain controls of your ocd. by chrisitine Purdon I just started reading it has focus excercises. I've read it has helped other people. It introduces cognitve behavioral therapy. so far it has been helpful.Discovering that other people are going through the same thing helps me believe that God our father understands. I tell myself that no one can come to the Lord unless he is drawn so just the fact that u desire to rid your self of these thoughts and that they bother us is a Good indication of God in our life. I could forgive someone knowing how ocd produce these intrusive thoughts truly we can't be more merciful than God. God knows all things and most of us recieved christ before these thoughts and he sill drew us to himself.there is more I can say be I'll end it here In christ forfever.

 

[BeccaLynn]

Dear CalledbyHim,

I understand the pain you spoke about. I have struggled since I was 13. The first unwanted thought popped into my head in my pre-algebra class. It was so weird that I remember it happening. I battled privately for so long and thought I was alone until I talked with my mother (after about 8 years of torturing thoughts!) and found out she had struggled in much of the same way. Until about 6 months ago, I still felt so alone. My mother was the only one I knew of who had experienced thoughts like I did on a regular basis. I believe that God has led many to this website to offer us hope. Although I don't struggle much with those kinds of thoughts anymore thankfully, I do struggle with ocd in other ways. If you would have told me a few years ago that I wouldn't be experiencing those horrid thoughts, I'd been happy, but I probably would've had a difficult time believing it since I dealt with them most of my life. If there's hope for me, there truly is hope for anyone. Please believe me. I went through so many feelings of wanting it to all be over. I didn't really want to die, but I just didn't want to live like that anymore. It was too draining and there was absolutely no peace within. Please do find someone who is compassionate and who understands ocd. It can make such a difference. One day you can look back on all of this and see how far God has brought you and be a blessing to others who thought they too were hopeless. Don't give up! Be honest with God and ask Him to lead you to the right person to counsel with. I'm praying for you. You are more precious to God than you can possibly realize.

Love,
Rebecca

 

[gracealone]

Hi calledbyhim I am new to this forum. I just registerd a few mintues ago. Be encouraged. These thoughts are not you. I am 44 yrs old and and I have been having blasphemous thoughts since I was 18 yrs old. For years I have doubted my salvation, and that God really loved me.At first the thoughts were about the Holy spirit. But inspite of the thoughts I stilled pursed God. when I first had the first thought I totally freaked out, but was afraid to talk to anybody for fear they would just confirm my worst fear that I'd committed the unpardonable sin. Then I did seek out help. Some tried to cast the Devil out of me, others just didn't know how to help me.Through out the years I've had answers to prayer , I've lead people to the Lord, I've prayed for people to be healed of sicknesses and some haved healed. In spite of this my mind would tell me it was coincidence.But I sill didn't know why I was having these thoughts.Four yrs ago I was sitting in church and out of no where I had a blasphemous thought about Jesus. I became so sacred and full of fear. I would lay in bed totally tormented by the thoughts and fear.Untill one day out of the blue my wife felt prompted to google ocd blasphemous thoughts. low and behold I started to read about other people having blasphemous thoughts. untill that point I thought I was the only one in the world that was struggling with this.During this this time I also found a spirit filled therapist. Its was He that talked to me about ocd at all that relates to it.I started taking medication. But thats all I did to treat it. Last yr in Nov. I decided to go off the Meds but in jan of this yr I had a real bad spike.I began to have bad thoughts about many things pertaining to my faith in Christ.So I went back on the meds 3 wks ago.I think they started to kick in because I'm not obbessing as much. I also came across this book called OVERCOMING OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS how to gain controls of your ocd. by chrisitine Purdon I just started reading it has focus excercises. I've read it has helped other people. It introduces cognitve behavioral therapy. so far it has been helpful.Discovering that other people are going through the same thing helps me believe that God our father understands. I tell myself that no one can come to the Lord unless he is drawn so just the fact that u desire to rid your self of these thoughts and that they bother us is a Good indication of God in our life. I could forgive someone knowing how ocd produce these intrusive thoughts truly we can't be more merciful than God. God knows all things and most of us recieved christ before these thoughts and he sill drew us to himself.there is more I can say be I'll end it here In christ forfever.

Hi Renewed,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It's such a common thing for people with this type of OCD to go for years and years not knowing what is wrong with them. The fear to open up about it is nearly as intense as the fear itself. For me, nothing is more encouraging than to encounter other Christians who know exactly what it's like to live with this disorder. So you're presence here on the forum is such a blessing. Hope you'll stick around because God already has and can continue to use you to encourage others.
God Bless you for your willingness to share.
Mitzi