please help

[brokengirl]

i really really need help. its a long story.. but here goes...

i started seeing a really great guy last october. things were going really well and we were soo in love. he even asked me to marry him and we made plans to move in together and have a family and things like that.
around the end of june we started arguing... and he confessed that he got drunk one night and cheated on me. i was angry and heartbroken, but after awhile i accepted that he had made a mistake and forgave him. he said he still loved me but he couldnt take me back after what he did. i asked why not and he said he couldnt live with what he'd done to me. soon after he started treating me like he barely knew me. it hurt so much.
i tried talking with him to reason with him and see if we could try again but he just wouldnt go for it. we still planned to move in together later in the year. he had a conversation with one of my best friends and he told her that he was still in love with me and was going to ask me to marry him again when we lived together and that he hides his feelings for me because thats just how he is. that made me soooo happy u have no idea... but i dunno.... the way he acts towards me.. it doesnt feel like he loves me at all.. he makes mean comments and flirts with other girls constantly.. i dont know what to think..
i still love him so much i cry over him every single day. im so depressed and it feels like i'll never be okay again... i just cant pick myself up and move on and i dont know what to do anymore and then i thought "hey i could sell my soul to satan" and i know that sounds REALLY stupid but i just feel like im at the end of my rope and theres nowhere else to turn and no one understands ... i keep thinking that its the way to get what i really want, which is to be with him... but then im so afraid that if i do it i would just get screwed over big time in the end... and there would be no turning back.. but im so lost and lonely without him i would do anything to have him back. but i dont want to resort to losing my soul but im afraid one day ill be pushed too hard and i'll end up doing it please someone just help me and talk me out of it i dont know what to do anymore i dont want people to think im stupid or anything but i jus felt i should talk to ppl who mite understand before i do something drastic please help

 

[EvangeliGirl]

Dear Brokengirl,

Satan is not the answer. He will only continue to leave you more hurt and confused. You are broken, and this 'guy' cannot fix you, even if he tried. These painful, consuming emotions you are feeling are deeper and go further back into your life than this present rocky relationship. Do not turn to Satan to receive this person's love; turn to Christ to receive God's love. It is good to seek help, but you also have responsibility and there is no way around that. No person will 'save you' or 'rescue you', but may help you along the way. As long as you continue to be this dependent on people you will be prey to every wrong teaching that is out there. There is an end to the pain in Christ, but you must also learn to walk with Him in your suffering.

If you'd like to continue to correspond, please PM me so that I will be notified in my email, as I am not able to come to this site often. Otherwise, you may email me directly.

May God keep you.

 

[£amb]

i really really need help. its a long story.. but here goes...

i started seeing a really great guy last october. things were going really well and we were soo in love. he even asked me to marry him and we made plans to move in together and have a family and things like that.
around the end of june we started arguing... and he confessed that he got drunk one night and cheated on me. i was angry and heartbroken, but after awhile i accepted that he had made a mistake and forgave him. he said he still loved me but he couldnt take me back after what he did. i asked why not and he said he couldnt live with what he'd done to me. soon after he started treating me like he barely knew me. it hurt so much.
i tried talking with him to reason with him and see if we could try again but he just wouldnt go for it. we still planned to move in together later in the year. he had a conversation with one of my best friends and he told her that he was still in love with me and was going to ask me to marry him again when we lived together and that he hides his feelings for me because thats just how he is. that made me soooo happy u have no idea... but i dunno.... the way he acts towards me.. it doesnt feel like he loves me at all.. he makes mean comments and flirts with other girls constantly.. i dont know what to think..
i still love him so much i cry over him every single day. im so depressed and it feels like i'll never be okay again... i just cant pick myself up and move on and i dont know what to do anymore and then i thought "hey i could sell my soul to satan" and i know that sounds REALLY stupid but i just feel like im at the end of my rope and theres nowhere else to turn and no one understands ... i keep thinking that its the way to get what i really want, which is to be with him... but then im so afraid that if i do it i would just get screwed over big time in the end... and there would be no turning back.. but im so lost and lonely without him i would do anything to have him back. but i dont want to resort to losing my soul but im afraid one day ill be pushed too hard and i'll end up doing it please someone just help me and talk me out of it i dont know what to do anymore i dont want people to think im stupid or anything but i jus felt i should talk to ppl who mite understand before i do something drastic please help

Definately do not move in with this guy if he offers. He may try to sway you into doing it, but refuse it. What will you do if you move in with him and he makes another mistake? Will he leave you alone like last time with the mortgage to pay? Do you understand what I'm saying? I think you should hold off on marriage with this guy also. You two have alot of problems to work out. Especially for him to grow up. If he's making mean comments and flirts with girls now...what's going to change if you move in with him or marry him? I think you need to be the wiser one in this situation and not fall for any bait. I feel that you'll only end up hurt again. And besides, selling your soul to satan won't get you what you want.

£amb

 

[Komichi]

If he does ask you, then all is lovely. It seems obvious you won't be content until you give it a try.

 

[bethdinsmore]

It was wise of you to come here to ask for comments. I have had feelings like this in the past, and it wasn't till I went to Christian counseling and Christian recovery groups like Overcomers Outreach that I was helped. I would have come here too, if I had know it existed. Your feelings seem pretty deep-seated, mine were too and came from the lack of love and acceptance I felt as a child. Not blaming my parents, because it was a generational thing.

That relationship sounds pretty unhealthy. He seems to be a controller and user, and they often become physical abusers. It only gets worse with time, I know. Ask God for the strength to get out of this relationship, and then I suggest you get some Christian counseling, so you won't pick the same type of person in the future. (That is common, without help). Please keep in mind, tho, I am not a counselor - just had similar experiences, and that's what worked for me. If you're interested, see my website for details. Or pm me.

And watch out about getting close to Satan. I was demon oppressed after playing an occult game, and it was like living "hell on earth". You think what you are going thru now is bad......

God bless you, friend. There is a bright future out there, and it's worth working for.
Aloha in Jesus. I'll pray for you.

 

[Anti Existance]

dump him , you should never give out a signal to a person that they can mess with you and get away with it; you are giving him a green signal that its ok to hurt you:

 

[xristos.anesti]

Yep, dump him... If a man can not treat his woman (principle of the matter), he does not deserve her.

Dump him now so you do not have to do it when you are 35 and have kids...

In the end, baby, self-preservation. If he is an idiot and does not do the right thing by you, if you are hurting because of love (in a bad way).... cut it off... He is not worthy.

Look around sweety, I bet there is some guy that gets all red when you look at him... or at least does not know what to say when you talk to him pr gets all confused... go from there.

No-one, who does not return your love is worth anything...

 

[AvgJoe]

Along with the other advice you have received, the following link is to an ebook that may be helpful to you.

http://www.cathedraluniversity.com/depression/index.asp

You can download the ebook for offline reading. It is a free download.

God bless!

 

[Johnnz]

Seems to me he wants to keep his choices open. He wants you to move in, meaning he wants you to be sexually available, but he also wants the freedom to try other girls too. Welcome to the world of guys. You can do betterthan that.

John
NZ

 

[sabby4life]

don't let losers who say they love you and then break up with you get back with you

 

[heron]

Great advice! Have you noticed that no one has taken the "follow your passion" route?

Brokengirl, feelings can consume every waking moment...do you want them to? There's an angle to this that we enjoy, being obsessed with another person. The culture tells us that's the way to happiness.

Being in love is a great thing, but remember that there are physiological things like pheromones and seratonin that gush freely when we are with that person. When we're no longer high on love, we're left with chemical depletion. Or somebody's bratty brother.

Take a look at some older couples that you know. Are they still consumed with love for each other? Very few established couples feel that they can't live without each other, after compiling many tense conversations over the years. They might have a level of respect for each other, work well with each other, recognize needs and aspirations..but very few are revved with passion.

Look at other areas of your life, and see if it was safer to have him dominating decisions than to take some risks of your own. You set aside time for him that could have been spent building other areas of your life. You might have changed your educational goals or location in order to be with him. Think about whether you saw this as a productive move, an achievement, one more thing taken care of (until he overturned the project).

Sometimes people are so intimidating, we spend all our energy proving to them that we are faithful or dedicated or worthy of their love. When they toss us aside, we scramble harder to prove our value. Some battered women find themselves falling for the same personality type over and over; that's how they're used to relating.

Would he help you achieve your personal goals when they don't relate to his? Would he have supported you unselfishly?

In marriage, we give away chunks of our lives. This investment can prove wonderful and provide stability and comfort, or it can send us further downhill than we thought we could go-- into the other's debt, unpredicatable crime, addictions, or second and third families. I can't tell you how many people I know were thrown off course.

Think again about the couples you've known. Picture what they must have been like when they made the decision to marry. No one plans a despairing life.

Tell your emotions that you are in charge now. You want the best for your life. Your success and contentment is not dependent on another person--it rides on a choice to be content in the midst of turmoil.

 

[GreenPartyVoter]

You are so young. Please do not rush into anything! Give youself time to see the world and meet lots of people.

 

[AmiracleComputers]

brokengirl,

A lot of good post have been made regarding your situation, especially the immediate post following yours. Stay true to what she said as she has much wisdom in her words.

Definitly stay away from this man until the both of you truly know what love is. Love is not a deep despair to latch onto someone else. You need to be your own person self-sustained in Jesus before your ready to committ. Life is completely about prevention, prevent what happens in the future by making the right decisions right now. Then go ahead and praise Him in your for making the correct choices, knowing how bad it realy could be. Humans only have one power throughout life, and that is decisions and choices. That is the only thing you can claim as your own. Choose Him and you will NOT be dissapointed. God has your man out there, and it currently is not him. When you are at your weakest, God is at His strongest. Now is the time to act, start giving parts of yourself to Him and replace yourself with Him. Use His heart, his mind, his Holy Spirit. Find your identity there. And never forget that it is God within you that does well, not yourself.

In Christ,
Erik Fritsch

 

[SassySDA]

Brokengirl,

I'm sorry you are in pain, and hurting so badly. Before I became a Christian, and I was going through painful events in my life, I failed to realize something...and that is that Jesus was holding me up or carrying me through it all. Christian or not, He is there with His arms open wide. All He wants is for you to turn away from the world, if even for a few minutes and run back to Him. He is the answer, the only answer.

Your first clue as to whether or not you should run not walk away from this guy was when you forgave him and he said he could not live with you, or be with you because it would remind him of what he did to you, and I'm assuming he's saying that would be too painful. Puh-leeze.

Wipe the dust off of your feet, and as the old commercial used to say, get ready to "wash that guy right out of your hair".

The advice for you to seek counseling is well-founded. If you don't seek it, you may never get rid of this jerk completely, and even if you do, the odds that you will turn right around and fall for an even bigger one, are pretty good.

Begin by praying to Jesus to help you. Praying is just talking to God. I have talked to people who are fearful of praying at first, some even thought there was a "special way" to do it, and that they'd mess it up because they didn't know how. It's really very simple, "Dear Jesus," and go from there. Tell Him you want Him to come into your life, that you are sorry for the sins you have committed, and you want to start walking a new life with Him. That's a start, and it's the best "start" you will have ever made.

With Jesus all things are possible...but this guy is no good for you, and Jesus only wants the best for His children.

You deserve a man who loves you back as much as you love him. Trust me when I tell you this idiot does NOT deserve you.

I wish you the best, please let us know how you are doing.

 

[heron]

When flirting is part of his personality, you will have to face that regularly in marriage. Having the patience for that is one thing, but absorbing the disrespect year after year grates on the soul.

We haven't talked much about selling your soul. To my knowledge, this is a lie of the enemy. Even if you thought you "gave up" your soul, you always have the right to it. Satan has no right. Even if you destroyed your life through alliance with the Adversary, Jesus could take it back with one word from you (and a few decades of therapy).

 

[melmelmel]

i think you're very brave and i admire that you can identify what mistakes will lead u to Satan if you commit them.. therefore.. half the battle is already won because you're expecting it . You can only be shielded from it and fight it if your sould is fill with CHrist. PRay Pray PRay hun and God will lead you through this. As long as you have CHrist, you have peace and PEace is the certainty that you are never alone. So, if it doens't end up working out with this guy, sure it'll hurt, but God will help you heal and you WILL get through it. GOd Bless you.

 

[PurchasedByChrist]

Ok I am a guy....and this is what I think, Follow Christ. your boyfriend did the only act that God said was a reason for divorce. because he knows how hard it is to reform that broken bond. and what will be this guys next excuse...he will have one. for one good reason. he is not a Christian and has no moral code of conduct. and I am not talking about someone who believes in God...even demoms believe and shudder in fear.
he is untrustworthy...and you are emotionally caught up. I know of that I speak...my girlfriend dumped me...because she felt God was telling her to...good for her. she made the right choice. and now she is married and happy to a man that loves her. but God Chose the man...and I am truly happy for her. God has someone for you to....and I promise he will be worth your wait....seek God's heart and his purposes for you life and he will give you the desires of your heart..God loves you that much.

 

[SuperNova]

First of all I know you care for him, But he did not understand how precious you are. You don't want a man who doesn't find you absolutley precious. Also, you need to not judge your self worth by the opinons and actions of other people. There's only one who will never leave nor forsake you and that's Jesus. Put your faith and trust in him by inviting him into your heart as your Lord and savior. Measure your self worth by what he thinks of you and no one else. He is absolutly crazy about you! How many people do you know who died for you? After that, gage any man who may want you by how precious he finds you based on the Lord's standards which are in his word, and judge your self worth by what it is in the eyes of Jesus who loves you more than you can ever know!

 

[L.A.W.]

brokengirl,

Do not give up hope, but have faith and trust in Yahushua (Jesus). Pray to Him whenever you feel troubled. Pray for your boyfriend and for yourself. Read the scripture daily too that your heart may be in the Lord's words. Don't give in to your temptations. You are going through hard times, everyone has their own tribulation to undertake. Bare with it, but do not give up faith. Always trust in Yahushua. Bring all your troubles, confusion, and pain to Him. Seek Him for advice and answers.

 

[EbonNelumbo]

Speaking from personal experience that happened :when I was your age: *makes me feel older...it happened last year:
My fiance and I moved in together amidst a failing relationship. He was cheating on me and I was in denial and all the while physical problems were happening. He did want gratification in sexual ways, only for himself, and when things, of any sort, got out of hand he would get either completely silent for days on end to me or become violent.
It ended badly and nothing good happened except perhaps the experience which I can now pass on to you..no matter how bad it is do not give up.
My best friend and I started dating, weve now been engaged for three weeks today. It does get better, no matter how much that person meant to you, it does.
Speaking from experience, I was depressed for about 6 months straight, 4 suicide attempts later, failed obviously and hurting friends and family I realized I should have just never moved in with him.
PM me if you wanna chat more.

Oh, and know this: God is the ONLY thing that got me through.