please help this isnt a joke =(

[LostInDarkness85]

hi my name is mark, to tell you the truth i dnt really know why i'm here i just feel really confused and completly lost. it may sound stupid and unbelievable but i am being 100% truthful and this is was my last resort and even while i typing something in my head is telling me to delete and move away from the computer.. i am 26 and was bought up at a catholic school called st monicas then went to st josephs colledge for 2 years before transfering to a state school coz i was not a believer,, when i was 20 i had my first child kaydanse lee and was in a long term relationship, when that relationship fell apart (2006) i lost the plot, i blamed god.. late one night after giving up on everything i went down to our local church where i burned the bible on the front steps and cursed at god how i hated him and pledged my life to satan then returned to the flat i had moved into earlier and attempted to take my life.. after that is when things really went bad... i was descovered unconcious and taken to the hospital were i spent the next few days before i was released into my familys care, but since then everything was different, like there was something standing beside me everywhere i went and late at night that something would torture me, i could hear it in the room with me sometimes just breathing, sometimes trying to talk to me, sometimes leading me to look for things.. i told my doctor about what was going on because i was unable to sleep and totally freaked out, he pretty much just said it could be stress from the break up and gave me sleeping pills and sent me home,. a few weeks after that the real terror started, late at night when i was awake alone i could hear a voice telling me in my head that my life was worthless, that i needed to take my life and come with him, that in death my pain would be gone, i remember from when i went to church the name jesus could drive of anything evil so i tried using his name, telling whatever was talking to me to get away from me. to wich it just laughed and told me its all a crock of s#@t and if i wanted any chance to be happy i needed to die or spit in the face of god.. he told me it was god who was making me feel this pain and he has come to help me.. that night was the second time i tried to take my life and came so close to doing it..
i was diagnosed wit bipolar type 1 and given lithiun seroquel and zoloft and told that i was having delusions due to mania and not sleeping and the pills worked for a lil while, the strong dose of seroquel kept me sedated, i met a girl during this time and me and her had a child ella-louise, but this relationship was a destructive one and for some reason i just couldnt let her go even though i knew she was bad for me, i'd be ready to leave and then that voice would always talk me out of it and i would always end up hurt. she get annoyed wit me for anything then break up wit me, then want me back, then break up with me again (you get the picture) when our younges child turned 1 me and her had been broken up for 16months but we were trying to work things out but she ended up running off with some other bloke.. one again i was a wreck and once again the only "friend" i had was the thing that seemed to haunt me. he led me to believe that it was gods fault this was happening and by this stage i hated god, i hated everyone that believed in him.. i started collecting grimoires and practicing magic, i took a keen interest to laveyan satanism, i started wearing around a shirt wich read "god is a c#@t" and introducing everyone i knew to the satanic bible..
after that everything seemed fine, like what was wit me had left and i was free of it... i been off my medication now for 10 months and been feeling pretty good even managed to get back into work, but in the last month i been starting to sense something with me again, hearing something there, feeling a presence with me, i sat down and was scarred that i was loosing it again and was getting upset coz i never want to be on the medication again and be like a zombie.. i tried to think of something that was different and then my eldest daughter reminded me of something... she had been learning about god and jesus at school and had become very interested in it and with alot of debate wit me and her mother we ended up letting it be kaydanse choice what she wanted to believe and bought her a childrens bible which she kept here in her room (i thought it was at her mothers house) it seems that having it in the house and having my daughter as a believer is something not sitting well, but i love my daughters so much and i not going to take it away from her. i have been getting very sick lately mainly at night with vomiting and stomach pains and it felt like someone was holding me down the other night pushing on my chest and my skin was on fire. i need it to stop coz i starting to think that whatever it is isnt my friend and this all probably sounds stupid to all of you but could it be something demonic?? could i just be loosing my mind and it all coincidence?? i am now 26 and afraid of the dark and afraid to be alone, even as i write this i can hear thing like someone beheind me, footsteps, breathing... please can someone tell me whats going on i beg you, help me, sorry this is so long there is so much more that i could put, i need it to end and i feel maybe i have lost my soul forever

 

[someguy14]

This may help. Gods desires that none should perish.


Psalm 35
1 Plead my cause, O LORD, with them that strive with me: fight against them that fight against me. 2 Take hold of shield and buckler, and stand up for mine help. 3 Draw out also the spear, and stop the way against them that persecute me: say unto my soul, I am thy salvation. 4 Let them be confounded and put to shame that seek after my soul: let them be turned back and brought to confusion that devise my hurt. 5 Let them be as chaff before the wind: and let the angel of the LORD chase them. 6 Let their way be darkhttp://www.biblestudytools.com/kjv/psalms/35.html#fn-descriptionAnchor-a and slippery: and let the angel of the LORD persecute them. 7 For without cause have they hid for me their net in a pit, which without cause they have digged for my soul. 8 Let destruction come upon him at unawares; and let his net that he hath hid catch himself: into that very destruction let him fall. 9 And my soul shall be joyful in the LORD: it shall rejoice in his salvation. 10 All my bones shall say, LORD, who is like unto thee, which deliverest the poor from him that is too strong for him, yea, the poor and the needy from him that spoileth him? 11 Falsehttp://www.biblestudytools.com/kjv/psalms/35.html#fn-descriptionAnchor-b witnesses did rise up; they laid to my charge things that I knew not. 12 They rewarded me evil for good to the spoilinghttp://www.biblestudytools.com/kjv/psalms/35.html#fn-descriptionAnchor-c of my soul. 13 But as for me, when they were sick, my clothing was sackcloth: I humbledhttp://www.biblestudytools.com/kjv/psalms/35.html#fn-descriptionAnchor-d my soul with fasting; and my prayer returned into mine own bosom. 14 I behaved myself as though he had been my friend or brother: I bowed down heavily, as one that mourneth for his mother. 15 But in mine adversityhttp://www.biblestudytools.com/kjv/psalms/35.html#fn-descriptionAnchor-e they rejoiced, and gathered themselves together: yea, the abjects gathered themselves together against me, and I knew it not; they did tear me, and ceased not: 16 With hypocritical mockers in feasts, they gnashed upon me with their teeth. 17 Lord, how long wilt thou look on? rescue my soul from their destructions, my darlinghttp://www.biblestudytools.com/kjv/psalms/35.html#fn-descriptionAnchor-f from the lions. 18 I will give thee thanks in the great congregation: I will praise thee among muchhttp://www.biblestudytools.com/kjv/psalms/35.html#fn-descriptionAnchor-g people. 19 Let not them that are mine enemies wrongfullyhttp://www.biblestudytools.com/kjv/psalms/35.html#fn-descriptionAnchor-h rejoice over me: neither let them wink with the eye that hate me without a cause. 20 For they speak not peace: but they devise deceitful matters against them that are quiet in the land. 21 Yea, they opened their mouth wide against me, and said, Aha, aha, our eye hath seen it. 22 This thou hast seen, O LORD: keep not silence: O Lord, be not far from me. 23 Stir up thyself, and awake to my judgment, even unto my cause, my God and my Lord. 24 Judge me, O LORD my God, according to thy righteousness; and let them not rejoice over me. 25 Let them not say in their hearts, Ah,http://www.biblestudytools.com/kjv/psalms/35.html#fn-descriptionAnchor-i so would we have it: let them not say, We have swallowed him up. 26 Let them be ashamed and brought to confusion together that rejoice at mine hurt: let them be clothed with shame and dishonour that magnify themselves against me. 27 Let them shout for joy, and be glad, that favour my righteous cause: yea, let them say continually, Let the LORD be magnified , which hath pleasure in the prosperity of his servant. 28 And my tongue shall speak of thy righteousness and of thy praise all the day long.


1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

God protects all of His own. God is a loving God.

 

[1watchman]

Often, a depressed person feels hopeless and not worthy of living, but that is a clever lie of Satan to destroy one of God's creatures. He turns one against God, and makes one feel pity on self. If one listens to that they are deliberately choosing Satan's ways over the Creator-God. What profit is there in that?

There is always people who suffer and are deeply hurt forever by one who took their own lives --family, friends, etc.. If one can stop looking within, and think of how they might help others who are having great trouble in life, it will turn off the depression and bring purpose to living. This is not even mentioning the opportunity to be saved for Heaven while living. There is not salvation after death.

One needs the seal of God --the Holy Spirit now. Look up always, receive the Lord Jesus into your heart in a personal way, and determine to not allow Satan to plant self-destructive thoughts.

 

[MuffinTheMan]

You need to repent and place your faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior! No medication or incantation can solve the real problem. The real problem is that you are spiritually dead--cut off from God because of your wickedness and sin (I was in that position once too!).

The Bible teaches us that we have all sinned (broken God's commandments). "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." - Romans 3:23

The penalty for sin is death...eternity spent separated from God in a place of eternal torment (hell). "For the wages of sin is death..." - Romans 6:23a

But God sent Jesus Christ to live a perfect life and offer Himself as a sacrifice. He died on the cross and raised back to life three days later so that we may be saved from hell! "...but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 6:23b

You need to "...confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead..." - Romans 10:9-10

Only God can save you, my friend. Turn away from your life of wickedness and call upon Jesus to save you and become the MASTER of your life. Everyone has a master. It's either satan, or it's the one and only God.

This is not about saying a magic prayer or anything like that. This is about realizing that you can do nothing to help yourself; you must surrender your life to Jesus Christ.

- Caleb

 

[docpotter]

" something in my head is telling me to delete and move away from the computer "

Is more like a someone that is your true enemy , and wants you not to be helped, or get advice from Christians . Good Luck to you , and remember Christ is the way the truth and the life . You wanna live you better get on to calling on Him real fast

 

[saved24]

Jesus loves you, no matter what. Praying for you.

 

[vespasia]

Mark,

Please try and contact your local mental health support service ASAP.

I have posted a much more detailed response in your other thread.

May I also suggest you contact Sacredote- he is one of the Chaplains here and works in providing spiritual support in the medical care field.

Find him in the 'Ask a Chaplain' folders. Ask a Chaplain - Christian Forums

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

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