please help,need advice

[redridinghood]

hi..i really need some advice about what i should do..
i'm 20 years old..i've been in a very serious relationship for almost 4 years now...plans to get married,etc etc..
my parents dont know anything cuz when i first got into the relationship,they felt i was too young,but i still continued with it behind their back through these last 4 years..they dont even know i still talk to him..
recently..bout a few months ago..things began changing..i have become closer to the Lord and i'm very enthusiastic about my new life in Christ..but my boyfriend isnt..my brother(whom he hates) has accepted Christ into his life..and my boyfriend calls him "retarded"..he is disgusted with the changes my brother has made to be better and thinks i'm gonna become "retarded" too,in his words
all the years i had been with him,i was a foolish kid..i assumed everything that happened in the relationship was normal..our fights would leave me miserable to the point that i'd wanna kill myself...he made me feel unloved,and always blamed me for everything that went wrong..
about 4 or 5 months ago..our fights had started getting abusive..till he finally called me a '*****' cuz i didnt wanna get physical(as in..kissing and stuff) anymore..he told me i was heartless..and again,everything was MY fault according to him..a member of my family passed away a few weeks later,and he was selfish enough to still fight with me during my time of grief about my decision not do anything physical till we were married..
after that..i had slowly found myself drifting away from him and closer to God..
i've been getting the feeling that God is trying to tell me to end it..i've been getting many signs that this is not what i want for the rest of my life..
but i've been very confused..everytime i decide "ok,i'll end it"..something pops in my head and i think about all our good times together,when we were happy..i love him..i know i do,i just dont know if i can live with someone like him forever..then i tell myself "i'll keep praying things change,God has brought me to him for a reason,to change him for the better,God will make it better"..i'm just not sure what decision to make and i really need some advice on what to do..
please please please help me..

 

[Singin4Him]

First of all before I give you any advice I want to tell you that I have been there in the exact same situation when I was 18. I was in love with a man who did nothing but tear me down constantly. It started out great and we did have some "good times" but the bad out weighed the good by far. He too pressured me to become physical with him by calling me names and telling me I was basically selfish. I had the hardest time ending it because we had such a strong emotional attachment. I did finally end it because he actually got physically abusive and began to get jealous of my friendships with girls and guys to the point it was SCARY what he might do. My life was so much better once it was over.

You said:

i've been getting the feeling that God is trying to tell me to end it..i've been getting many signs that this is not what i want for the rest of my life..

Sweetheart God is not giving you "feelings" that you need to end it, he is probably screaming "END IT NOW!" Don't ignore those gut feelings, that is the Holy Spirit trying to lead you down the right path, a much safer path.

i tell myself "i'll keep praying things change,God has brought me to him for a reason,to change him for the better,God will make it better"

You cannot change him, that is something I found out the hard way. Only God changes people, we do not no matter how much we love them. God may have brought you to him for a reason OR is more likely that you made a mistake in choosing to lie to your parents, create a relationship based on a lie, and remain in this relationship? Do you really think something based on a lies and sneaking around is something God brought you to?

You need to get out of the relationship before it becomes worse. This is not a relationship the Lord would want his precious beautiful daughter in, he has something so much better for you. He has a man out there for you who will love you like he does, would will treat you like a princess. People told me that after I ended my abusive relationship and I didn't believe them. But I am living proof that your prince does come. I married a godly man who loves me like Christ and treats me like a precious creation from him. There is nothing better! Please get out of the relationship, PLEASE.

 

[f U z ! o N]

as usual great advice singin4him!

 

[charligirl]

Your boyfriend displays all the classic signs of an abuser, this will only get worse if you continue with the relationship. I was in a relationship at 19 with a guy who was verbally abusive and controlling and believe me, you can't change them.

God is indeed telling you get out now, as singin4him said, he's probably screaming it!You need to make a fresh start and concentrate on God and how much he loves you, how much YOU are worth. I would suggest you run from this man who obviously has no respect for you or God and have a time where you have no boyfriend at all, time to heal and get to know yourself and what you want... so you can be wise in your future choice and not fall for a similar man.

Yes it will hurt, there will always have been good times, he might even be all contrite and loving and upset if you try and end it to make you feel that there is some good in him, you might think 'look how upset he is he MUST love me' believe me these are all CLASSIC signs of an abuser. Speak to any battered wife and she will tell you there is always a honeymoon period after a beating where he says sorry and makes it up to her... it's a cycle that never ends.

God has a great future for you, start it now

 

[invisiblebabe]

I'm with the previous posters. I would also say that he is abusing you currently.

 

[FaithfulServant]

I agree its an abusive situation. He should never pressure you against your beliefs, if he respected you then he wouldn't act that way.

 

[redridinghood]

thanks so much everyone..for your advice..
i guess i know what i have to do..will let u all know how it goes..
thanks again!!

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

remember God will be w/ you through it all. He loves you so much