I am currently face with a problem that I don't know how to deal with. Me and my Fiancee whom I love very much are getting married in July. She is graduating this April. Our families live about 2.5 hours apart. She is currently living in the same area I am because that is where she is going to school. The problem that we are faced with right now, is that she wants to move back in with her parents for the time between when she graduates, and when we get married. We plan on living in the area we currently both live, because I am employed here already, and it would be easy for her to find employment as well. During this past summer, it was the first time that she had spent the summer away from home, and it was really hard for her to deal with. She is a very family oriented person. Seeing how hard being away from them for the summer was for her, it brings me much concern because I think that if she moves back in for 2-3 months, it is going to be even harder for her to adjust to be married and the letting go of family that happens. She says that there will be lots of things that need to get looked after when it comes to the wedding, which is why she wants to be there, but I offered that most of it is already done, and if she goes back for a week or two, it can all be taken care of then. I just think that it would be more practical for employment, because she would still have to find a job for those 2-3 months that she goes back or we will end up not being able to pay for the wedding. I just really don't know what to do, how to approach her with all of this. We have had some converstations about it, but it has continually lead to tears, frustration, and confusion. Have an of you been in a similar place, or have any advice. It would be great to hear it. Feel free to PM me.
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Please Help Me!!!!
- Thread starter soundguy
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Let her be with her family, it's important and they can provide a different kind of support during the planning.
My parents went through an unusual engagement and wedding. My mom was in Oregon, my dad in California. He was in the army (Vietnam) and they got married on a 3-day pass, he left Friday and had to be back on base Monday morning. She went from living with her family to suddenly being 1500 miles away, unable to visit her family and friends back home, knowing nobody, with a husband in the military. Not an easy transition to make.
I was talking to her recently about the transition of marriage, and trying to make it as easy as possible. She stopped me and said "But Josh...it's FUN!". I knew then that anybody can enjoy the first part of a married life, and just love being with the person they love.
Basically I'm just saying that you don't need to worry about her missing her family. She will of course, but they're relatively close. At least she can see her family on a weekend if she needs to. But the important thing is that she wants to be with you, or you wouldn't be getting married in the first place. You just need to trust her and it'll all work out.
My parents went through an unusual engagement and wedding. My mom was in Oregon, my dad in California. He was in the army (Vietnam) and they got married on a 3-day pass, he left Friday and had to be back on base Monday morning. She went from living with her family to suddenly being 1500 miles away, unable to visit her family and friends back home, knowing nobody, with a husband in the military. Not an easy transition to make.
I was talking to her recently about the transition of marriage, and trying to make it as easy as possible. She stopped me and said "But Josh...it's FUN!". I knew then that anybody can enjoy the first part of a married life, and just love being with the person they love.
Basically I'm just saying that you don't need to worry about her missing her family. She will of course, but they're relatively close. At least she can see her family on a weekend if she needs to. But the important thing is that she wants to be with you, or you wouldn't be getting married in the first place. You just need to trust her and it'll all work out.
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flounder7786
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i think she should go to her family for that time. Her family was with her first anyway. I know it will be tough, but she is really going to need her family at that time. I know i plan on doing the same thing, moving back into their place a few months before my boyfriend and i get married. THink about it from her parents point of view too...they would probably enjoy having their daughter stay for that time before she leaves their family and creates her own. I think it just holds sentimental value for both the girl and family.
Yes, she'll have to adjust to being married, and that may be tough at first, but im sure that she'll pull through and realize that you're going to be her family now.
maybe you should sit down and tell her how you're feeling about her going...but think about it, and pray about it first, so that you dont want her to stay for your own reasons.
Yes, she'll have to adjust to being married, and that may be tough at first, but im sure that she'll pull through and realize that you're going to be her family now.
maybe you should sit down and tell her how you're feeling about her going...but think about it, and pray about it first, so that you dont want her to stay for your own reasons.
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kiora
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My boyfriend and I have spoken about engagement alot lately and I know it is going to happen soon- we are going to look at rings tomorrow. I am very much teh opposite to what most of you are saying here. I am going to live near my boyfriends family and nto my own thsi si because my boyfriend already has a job here and I will have eben living here for 4 years (because fo uni) when we get married. Also I want to make a fresh start because my city where I was born brings me too many bad memories because my parents had a very bad split when I was 16 and my Dad now lives in Spain with his new wife. what does everyoen else think about this ? It is breaking my mother's heart because she can tell what I am thinking - just like all mummy's can !!! - I hate that soemtimes
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Babymine
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Are you really concerned that she'll have a hard time separating from her parents? I dont think your SO is going into this blindfolded; she knows what marriage entails, she knows that she will be leaving them after she is married, and she will prepare herself for that.
It seems that you feel that if she doesnt move it will be easier on her, but marriage is not an easy adjustment in many cases.
I think that it will be even harder on her if she does not have this time to go and spend with her family. This will be a memory that she will have for the rest of her life, the time she went to spend with her family as a daughter in preparation for becoming a wife.
If most of the plans are already together, and the commitment to one another is strong, I believe God will make a way for you to pay for your wedding. He is in the businees of making a way out of no way.
Im wondering if this fear is really for your fiancee. Sounds like there is probably another fear there. Like if she goes away, she wont want to get married anymore or something.
It seems that you feel that if she doesnt move it will be easier on her, but marriage is not an easy adjustment in many cases.
I think that it will be even harder on her if she does not have this time to go and spend with her family. This will be a memory that she will have for the rest of her life, the time she went to spend with her family as a daughter in preparation for becoming a wife.
If most of the plans are already together, and the commitment to one another is strong, I believe God will make a way for you to pay for your wedding. He is in the businees of making a way out of no way.
Im wondering if this fear is really for your fiancee. Sounds like there is probably another fear there. Like if she goes away, she wont want to get married anymore or something.
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Singin4Him
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Exactly!Babymine said:
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE HERE:I was away at school right before I got married. It was an hour from home, my mom and I would try to plan the wedding on weekends but it became impossible so I decided to go home for the last few months before the wedding. It was such a blessing to me. I am VERY close to my family, that will never change nor should it. You should not expect that when your fiance marrys you should will not be as close to her family but that you will come first and she will put them second. You are marrying her with the knowledge that she is close to her family and that is something it sounds like you're maybe having a hard to dealing with, not the other way around.
For me to go back home for a while and leave my fiance/now husband at school was a blessing because I got to spend a lot of mother daughter time planning the wedding. I strongly believe that SHOULD be a bonding time for the mother and daughter because this is something they both dream of doing together. It was a blessing for my husband and I because the distance made us closer because we didn't see each other every single day it made the antisipation of the marriage grow so much stronger.
Don't worry that she will have a hard time putting you first in marriage, chances are that won't be an issue. Allow her this time at home before she gets married, as I did she may feel it's her last time to spend with her family as a single woman and she needs that time. Let her have it without giving her a problem about it. Like I said before though, don't marry her with the expectations that her closeness to her family will change much other than the fact that you should come before them as I'm sure she knows.
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That's not too big a deal then, you can still see each other on a regular basis. It will be an adjustment, but it shouldn't be too big a deal.kiora said:
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flounder7786
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exactly FatBurger...she is really going to need that at home time to prepare for marriage
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Pope Gonzo
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Pray about it
But I'd say my advice would be let her go home. Being apart for the last few months will help you guys with physical temptation. I don't know if you have a problem with it, but better safe than sorry, right?
But I'd say my advice would be let her go home. Being apart for the last few months will help you guys with physical temptation. I don't know if you have a problem with it, but better safe than sorry, right?
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Let me see if I get this...you are so concerned about her well being that you dont want her to go back home because it will be hard for her to adjust to marriage, yet when you two talk about it, the conversation ends in confusion and tears? Where is your concern for her then?
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Thanks for all the advice os far, just to clarify a few thing, The reasing behind all of this is because the adjustment she made this summer living away from her family tore her apart, she had may tearfilled day, and sleepless night, the same thing happend over the christmas holidays, I don't want to deny her time with her family, but I know that it is going to be harder for her to let go of them so to speak once we get married if she moves back, as appossed to living here. I am very concerned for her well being because, it want to make this as easy as possible for her, and if that means making it hard now, but easier in the long run, then I am willing to do it.
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lonnienord
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Pray!! First and formost Pray!! Pray together about this. I think the above advise is good. It is probably very important for your future wife and her family to have this time together. You need to get used to putting her first! If you love her you will want what's best for her and that is probably to spend this time with her family. again the most important thing you can do is to pray (let go and let GOD!!)
all for JESUS!!
lonnie
all for JESUS!!
lonnie
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Singin4Him
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I'm not sure I understand why you keep saying by her going home it will make it harder to let go of her family. Does she have to let go of them ever? NO, she does need to put you first in her life when you are her husband but she never has to let go of her family. It will be a change whether she goes home for a few months or whether she stays there with you. Marriage a HUGE life change, it takes a while to get used to no matter what. If she's marrying you she needs to already be in the mind set that you will come first in her life and if she is in that mind set even as she goes home she will continue to feel that way and it will make things much easier for her as she adjusts to marriage. It's a choice she has to make way before she leaves her family and gets married, not just the day she moves out and gets married.soundguy said:
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