Please help me, someone.. my life and eternity is OVER.

[DevastatedNate]

Hello everyone, I'm Nate, and I am devastated to put it very lightly. I deduced through reading many posts on here that this would be the best forum to post this.
My story is sort of long, but I'll try to condense it down to a manageable size and make small paragraphs because I know too much info can be exhausting to a reader.

If someone would be as lovingly kind to offer me help, I, Nate, will be so kind as too make this story/nightmare/predicament as easy to read as I can. I'd like to thank anyone in advance who offers any response whether it helps the situation I'm in or not because it truly is the thought and willingness to offer that counts, so my foregraritude is extended unto you.

So where do I begin? I guess from the beginning would be best because it all starts there.
My mother was not a Christian and neither was my father, though they had belief in God. My mother sent me to Sunday School with my Grandfather who was a humble Christian that I was very close to and loved dearly. I didn't really understand what I was taught in Sunday school and it had no impact on me that I could tell. At home I would ask my mom about God, and she would speak from the book of Revelation a lot and somehow I grasped that more than the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, etc..

I grapsed it probably from the sheer terror it caused me, a feeling of doom would settle in on me and I would imagine seeing these events in the clouds but would shake it off but I would always surface in my life from time to time for years to come. I continued Sunday school but couldn't grasp the lessons taught as I had no interest as my young my mind wasn't geared for Holy thinking, to my utter detriment.

At around Maybe age 12 a family member who read tarot cards did a reading on a friend of theirs and I was present. I saw the card which had the devil on it and was fascinated by it. I snuck in one night and snatched the card and did a self thought of ritual to this card, afterward, I felt odd and didn't know what came over me to do that.

By the time I reached age 14 my cousin told me one day that a person we knew, that I'll call Steve, was saved. I had no clue what that even meant despite years of Sunday School, and inquisitive, I asked him "what does that mean?" His Reply shocked me as he said "that's how you avoid going to Hell!" Fear came over me as I stated to him that I thought Hell was only for the devil, and maybe for some super evil dictator.. I was floored and terrified!

After weeks of research I had dug myself into a hole of paralysis of being convinced that I had commited the unpardonable sin, which in retrospect, I had not! Nights of being unable to move in the floor from fear got old and after some weeks I learned that even though I wasn't saved, I had NOT commited it and I recovered promptly.

I kept all this in my mind the next few years but lived like a normal teen until around 17 years old I became interested in Church because my best friend would talk to me about God. Eventually I went to the alter after a call and asked God to forgive me and save me from Hell; I actually made a prayer of attrition, not contrition, snd didn't fully repent in hindsight and struggled for a year or two keeping my eyes to the floor at school so I wouldn't lust. It was torture and I couldn't take it anymore, I broke down and masturbated one day and slowly fell away from church. In hindsight, this happened because my repentance wasn't genuine and the Holy Spirit wasn't present to assist me. I still wanted to sin, but I knew it was wrong and feared judgement.

I eventually began to disdain Christianity and wrongly viewed it as a control tactic and abhorred the idea of Hell and became a militant atheist and probably one of the worst that's ever been. I couldn't stand the thought of loved ones being tortured for eternity and could not grasp it. I spent years tearing down Christianity logically but erroneously and said, and thought the most vile and evil things a human being could ever say. Somewhere along the line, in retrospect I'm nearly positive that I commited Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit (I'm an idiot to Nth degree, all my fault) but at the time I chauked it all up to control tactic fantasy.

Years went on by and I was hardened into this view against Christianity because of Hell, no other factor put me off from it jn a disdainful manner but Hell only. Eventually I logically concluded there must must be a creator of the universe after studying astronomy and physics, but I clung to Deist, and other new age ideas of God because I could not accept one who would torture me or my loved ones, or anyone for that matter (this was my thinking at the time) and I was unable to believe in what I now now know to be the true and only God. So now I will begin to wind down my story to the present, self induced nightmare I live in and this is where things may bet hard to belive for some as I have been told by some, blatantly that they did not belive my testimony, and that's okay because it is something that was personal and I'm not offended when I'm met with disbelief, I guess I deserve it for not believing in God for a chunk of my life. But if one of you belive me and can help put a hault to this madness, I'll be forever grateful.

So most of my adult life has been happy and fulfilling and I've been a strong self reliant and joyful man, always getting about anything I wanted. Selfish in some ways, arrogant to a high degree by denying the true God in retrospect, but didn't see myself that way at the time. But the point being I was happy, no mental illness or real fear of anything. Had many friends who loved being around me as I was super positive amd level headed and could help them find solutions to life's problems. I would give you the shirt off my back, I gave to the poor even as an atheist and would cry at the starving child, or animal commercials. I was sensitive to people who were bullied and cried if a teddy bear was left in the rain. I couldn't stand to see people hurt. I was macho in ways, rugged outdoorsman and attractive to women. Prideful in a lot of ways, and humble in other regards, like most of us are.

So my life was AMAZING and I had everything going for me but was never too stingy with anything, if someone wanted something of mine all they need was ask and I'd do my best, or offer any help I could. I was the happiest I'd ever been and then all Hell broke loose one day! And I had an event that nearly killed me, a heart attack. I was in my chair one night and it woke me up. I knew it was a heart attack cause I had had one prior. This time was different though.. I noticed my feet started to burn hot, like a stove and it began creeping up my legs; paralyzed with fear I couldn't move and I saw a lake of fire appear in front of my eyes, then I knew what was happening. I saw people bobbing up and down in it. I just knew I was about to experience the very thing they lead me to atheism; what an idiot I had been. What you must understand here is that I was not dead or in Hell like NDE's some have reported, but I was alive and getting the heat on my feet and legs and saw this appear in front of my eyes. Then something remarkable happened, and to this day it gives me chills, despite my crushing terror.

A cross decends from above and floats across my vision above this lake and I audibly hear a voice speak. Not in my head but I actually heard it and it was Jesus and he says calmly yet firmly "I died for you". Now immediately I felt a sense of my whole life and my state of heart toward God Almighty and felt like the lowest of the low and I was..

I was ambulated to the hospital right away and treated, had a stay there then was sent home. I was gripped in terror but thankful to be alive.

Now I've never had mental health issues but shortly after this event I started being tormented be something sinister that gives me no rest, no peace of any kind; and this is something I hear with no pause whatsover. It's not talking voices or anything but my hearing has been altered in such a way that almost every sound is crushing and dark, almost like druid chants but not that. It comes from outside me and has replaced normal sounds and is not in my head at all and there is no way I can explain it. I've begged God for repentance and relief and have seen and still see a pyschiatrist, Christain therapists and I attend church regularly but there is no peace or relief from this tormenting spirit which tangibly keeps me in agony 24/7. This has continued for the better part of year now.

At first I tried making deals with God which I learned was a no no after studying scripture. I tried all manner of prayer that lasted day and night and still does to the point of exhaustion. I've had churches pray, Christians in my family and others.

If anyone has commited blasphemy of the Holy Sprit, it's probably me.. and I was sooooo bad that my punishment has began on earth. One of my counselors who's is a Christian looked at me with a look of amazement and asked me frankly, "so what you're telling me is that you have sinned so grievously that God himself has targeted you personally with a spirit of torment, and you have sinned so much worse than anyone else!?" I responded "YES, I'm saying just that!".

So here is where I am today.. crawling on the floor slobbering in agony with my teeth rotting from lack of hygiene, and going for walks amd collapsing in the forest from mental and emotional exhaustion. Seeing physchiatrist and counselors and taking medication prescribed to me but no help.

God will not hear my cries for repentance even though in my flesh I have given up my sins the best I can do, but it's agonizing as I have no help from the Holy Spirit to maintain this. I have zero comfort day and Night and just looking at my pet cat being relaxed and calm puts me in a state of envy that physically hurts. I've never had an envious mind as I was always happy for other people in their successes, but now I'm completely in envy of even insects that scurry about with no eternal fate awaiting them. Cars go casually by and it physically hurts to watch. I don't want anyone to hurt or be like me, I just want to be like they are. Level headed again, with a chance at salvation.

I'm going to say out of what hope I can dig for deep down that I'm 99.99999999999 percent certain I'm unforgivable, and I will reference the Bible which states "With God all things are possible" and take some hope I can find someone that the Lord would consider a humble Saint who walks upright and knows him in fellowship. The prayer of a righteous man (one made righteous through Christ because that's the only way) availeth much. Ask that person to intercede on my behalf because the Bible speaks of people interceding for other people, and see if they can state my case before the Lord as he won't hear me. My case is this: I'm a terrible, horrible, wretched sinner who is sorrowful for what I've done.. I've done nothing good in my life by Holy standards, please have mercy on me. I have no legs to stand on my own.

Please pray for me, and anything you can say I will listen. Just to see someone communicate with me is like Gold to me.

I know all this is my own fault and I take responsibility for my nightmare.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read my mess. You are greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Nate.

 

[eleos1954]

Hello everyone, I'm Nate, and I am devastated to put it very lightly. I deduced through reading many posts on here that this would be the best forum to post this.
My story is sort of long, but I'll try to condense it down to a manageable size and make small paragraphs because I know too much info can be exhausting to a reader.

If someone would be as lovingly kind to offer me help, I, Nate, will be so kind as too make this story/nightmare/predicament as easy to read as I can. I'd like to thank anyone in advance who offers any response whether it helps the situation I'm in or not because it truly is the thought and willingness to offer that counts, so my foregraritude is extended unto you.

So where do I begin? I guess from the beginning would be best because it all starts there.
My mother was not a Christian and neither was my father, though they had belief in God. My mother sent me to Sunday School with my Grandfather who was a humble Christian that I was very close to and loved dearly. I didn't really understand what I was taught in Sunday school and it had no impact on me that I could tell. At home I would ask my mom about God, and she would speak from the book of Revelation a lot and somehow I grasped that more than the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, etc..

I grapsed it probably from the sheer terror it caused me, a feeling of doom would settle in on me and I would imagine seeing these events in the clouds but would shake it off but I would always surface in my life from time to time for years to come. I continued Sunday school but couldn't grasp the lessons taught as I had no interest as my young my mind wasn't geared for Holy thinking, to my utter detriment.

At around Maybe age 12 a family member who read tarot cards did a reading on a friend of theirs and I was present. I saw the card which had the devil on it and was fascinated by it. I snuck in one night and snatched the card and did a self thought of ritual to this card, afterward, I felt odd and didn't know what came over me to do that.

By the time I reached age 14 my cousin told me one day that a person we knew, that I'll call Steve, was saved. I had no clue what that even meant despite years of Sunday School, and inquisitive, I asked him "what does that mean?" His Reply shocked me as he said "that's how you avoid going to Hell!" Fear came over me as I stated to him that I thought Hell was only for the devil, and maybe for some super evil dictator.. I was floored and terrified!

After weeks of research I had dug myself into a hole of paralysis of being convinced that I had commited the unpardonable sin, which in retrospect, I had not! Nights of being unable to move in the floor from fear got old and after some weeks I learned that even though I wasn't saved, I had NOT commited it and I recovered promptly.

I kept all this in my mind the next few years but lived like a normal teen until around 17 years old I became interested in Church because my best friend would talk to me about God. Eventually I went to the alter after a call and asked God to forgive me and save me from Hell; I actually made a prayer of attrition, not contrition, snd didn't fully repent in hindsight and struggled for a year or two keeping my eyes to the floor at school so I wouldn't lust. It was torture and I couldn't take it anymore, I broke down and masturbated one day and slowly fell away from church. In hindsight, this happened because my repentance wasn't genuine and the Holy Spirit wasn't present to assist me. I still wanted to sin, but I knew it was wrong and feared judgement.

I eventually began to disdain Christianity and wrongly viewed it as a control tactic and abhorred the idea of Hell and became a militant atheist and probably one of the worst that's ever been. I couldn't stand the thought of loved ones being tortured for eternity and could not grasp it. I spent years tearing down Christianity logically but erroneously and said, and thought the most vile and evil things a human being could ever say. Somewhere along the line, in retrospect I'm nearly positive that I commited Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit (I'm an idiot to Nth degree, all my fault) but at the time I chauked it all up to control tactic fantasy.

Years went on by and I was hardened into this view against Christianity because of Hell, no other factor put me off from it jn a disdainful manner but Hell only. Eventually I logically concluded there must must be a creator of the universe after studying astronomy and physics, but I clung to Deist, and other new age ideas of God because I could not accept one who would torture me or my loved ones, or anyone for that matter (this was my thinking at the time) and I was unable to believe in what I now now know to be the true and only God. So now I will begin to wind down my story to the present, self induced nightmare I live in and this is where things may bet hard to belive for some as I have been told by some, blatantly that they did not belive my testimony, and that's okay because it is something that was personal and I'm not offended when I'm met with disbelief, I guess I deserve it for not believing in God for a chunk of my life. But if one of you belive me and can help put a hault to this madness, I'll be forever grateful.

So most of my adult life has been happy and fulfilling and I've been a strong self reliant and joyful man, always getting about anything I wanted. Selfish in some ways, arrogant to a high degree by denying the true God in retrospect, but didn't see myself that way at the time. But the point being I was happy, no mental illness or real fear of anything. Had many friends who loved being around me as I was super positive amd level headed and could help them find solutions to life's problems. I would give you the shirt off my back, I gave to the poor even as an atheist and would cry at the starving child, or animal commercials. I was sensitive to people who were bullied and cried if a teddy bear was left in the rain. I couldn't stand to see people hurt. I was macho in ways, rugged outdoorsman and attractive to women. Prideful in a lot of ways, and humble in other regards, like most of us are.

So my life was AMAZING and I had everything going for me but was never too stingy with anything, if someone wanted something of mine all they need was ask and I'd do my best, or offer any help I could. I was the happiest I'd ever been and then all Hell broke loose one day! And I had an event that nearly killed me, a heart attack. I was in my chair one night and it woke me up. I knew it was a heart attack cause I had had one prior. This time was different though.. I noticed my feet started to burn hot, like a stove and it began creeping up my legs; paralyzed with fear I couldn't move and I saw a lake of fire appear in front of my eyes, then I knew what was happening. I saw people bobbing up and down in it. I just knew I was about to experience the very thing they lead me to atheism; what an idiot I had been. What you must understand here is that I was not dead or in Hell like NDE's some have reported, but I was alive and getting the heat on my feet and legs and saw this appear in front of my eyes. Then something remarkable happened, and to this day it gives me chills, despite my crushing terror.

A cross decends from above and floats across my vision above this lake and I audibly hear a voice speak. Not in my head but I actually heard it and it was Jesus and he says calmly yet firmly "I died for you". Now immediately I felt a sense of my whole life and my state of heart toward God Almighty and felt like the lowest of the low and I was..

I was ambulated to the hospital right away and treated, had a stay there then was sent home. I was gripped in terror but thankful to be alive.

Now I've never had mental health issues but shortly after this event I started being tormented be something sinister that gives me no rest, no peace of any kind; and this is something I hear with no pause whatsover. It's not talking voices or anything but my hearing has been altered in such a way that almost every sound is crushing and dark, almost like druid chants but not that. It comes from outside me and has replaced normal sounds and is not in my head at all and there is no way I can explain it. I've begged God for repentance and relief and have see a pyschiatrist, Christain therapists and I attend church regularly but there is no peace or relief from this tormenting spirit which tangibly keeps me in agony 24/7. This has continued for the better part of year now.

At first I tried making deals with God which I learned was a no no after studying scripture. I tried all manner of prayer that lasted day and night and still does to the point of exhaustion. I've had churches pray, Christians in my family and others.

If anyone has commited blasphemy of the Holy Sprit, it's probably me.. and I was sooooo bad that my punishment has began on earth. One of my counselors who's is a Christian looked at me with a look of amazement and asked me frankly, "so what you're telling me is that you have sinned so grievously that God himself has targeted you personally with a spirit of torment, and you have sinned so much worse than anyone else!?" I responded "YES, I'm saying just that!".

So here is where I am today.. crawling on the floor slobbering in agony with my teeth rotting from lack of hygiene, and going for walks amd collapsing in the forest from mental and emotional exhaustion. Seeing physchiatrist and counselors and taking medication prescribed to me but no help.

God will not hear my cries for repentance even though in my flesh I have given up my sins the best I can do, but it's agonizing as I have no help from the Holy Spirit to maintain this. I have zero comfort day and Night and just looking at my pet cat being relaxed and calm puts me in a state of envy that physically hurts. I've never had an envious mind as I was always happy for other people in their successes, but now I'm completely in envy of even insects that scurry about with no eternal fate awaiting them. Cars go casually by and it physically hurts to watch. I don't want anyone to hurt or be like me, I just want to be like they are. Level headed again, with a chance at salvation.

I'm going to say out of what hope I can dig for deep down that I'm 99.99999999999 percent certain I'm unforgivable, and I will reference the Bible which states "With God all things are possible" and take some hope I can find someone that the Lord would consider a humble Saint who walks upright and knows him in fellowship. The prayer of a righteous man (one made righteous through Christ because that's the only way) availeth much. Ask that person to intercede on my behalf because the Bible speaks of people interceding for other people, and see if they can state my case before the Lord as he won't hear me. My case is this: I'm a terrible, horrible, wretched sinner who is sorrowful for what I've done.. I've done nothing good in my life by Holy standards, please have mercy on me. I have no legs to stand on my own.

Please pray for me, and anything you can say I will listen. Just to see someone communicate with me is like Gold to me.

I know all this is my own fault amd I take responsibility for my nightmare.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read my mess. You are greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Nate.

There are many things in life that He will use to show us our depravity.

However, you have returned to Him and you need to pick yourself up and walk with Him again .... we do indeed fall down but He picks us up that we may begin again.

Blasphemy? No .... receive His forgiveness and begin a new ;o)

Take a minute ... go here ... close your eyes.

May the Lord bring you peace to your heart and mind and may His Love cover all your pain. In the name of Jesus .... AMEN.

 

[Sketcher]

God will not hear my cries for repentance

That ain't Biblical.

"All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out." - John 6:37

 

[God is good]

Hello everyone, I'm Nate, and I am devastated to put it very lightly. I deduced through reading many posts on here that this would be the best forum to post this.
My story is sort of long, but I'll try to condense it down to a manageable size and make small paragraphs because I know too much info can be exhausting to a reader.

If someone would be as lovingly kind to offer me help, I, Nate, will be so kind as too make this story/nightmare/predicament as easy to read as I can. I'd like to thank anyone in advance who offers any response whether it helps the situation I'm in or not because it truly is the thought and willingness to offer that counts, so my foregraritude is extended unto you.

So where do I begin? I guess from the beginning would be best because it all starts there.
My mother was not a Christian and neither was my father, though they had belief in God. My mother sent me to Sunday School with my Grandfather who was a humble Christian that I was very close to and loved dearly. I didn't really understand what I was taught in Sunday school and it had no impact on me that I could tell. At home I would ask my mom about God, and she would speak from the book of Revelation a lot and somehow I grasped that more than the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, etc..

I grapsed it probably from the sheer terror it caused me, a feeling of doom would settle in on me and I would imagine seeing these events in the clouds but would shake it off but I would always surface in my life from time to time for years to come. I continued Sunday school but couldn't grasp the lessons taught as I had no interest as my young my mind wasn't geared for Holy thinking, to my utter detriment.

At around Maybe age 12 a family member who read tarot cards did a reading on a friend of theirs and I was present. I saw the card which had the devil on it and was fascinated by it. I snuck in one night and snatched the card and did a self thought of ritual to this card, afterward, I felt odd and didn't know what came over me to do that.

By the time I reached age 14 my cousin told me one day that a person we knew, that I'll call Steve, was saved. I had no clue what that even meant despite years of Sunday School, and inquisitive, I asked him "what does that mean?" His Reply shocked me as he said "that's how you avoid going to Hell!" Fear came over me as I stated to him that I thought Hell was only for the devil, and maybe for some super evil dictator.. I was floored and terrified!

After weeks of research I had dug myself into a hole of paralysis of being convinced that I had commited the unpardonable sin, which in retrospect, I had not! Nights of being unable to move in the floor from fear got old and after some weeks I learned that even though I wasn't saved, I had NOT commited it and I recovered promptly.

I kept all this in my mind the next few years but lived like a normal teen until around 17 years old I became interested in Church because my best friend would talk to me about God. Eventually I went to the alter after a call and asked God to forgive me and save me from Hell; I actually made a prayer of attrition, not contrition, snd didn't fully repent in hindsight and struggled for a year or two keeping my eyes to the floor at school so I wouldn't lust. It was torture and I couldn't take it anymore, I broke down and masturbated one day and slowly fell away from church. In hindsight, this happened because my repentance wasn't genuine and the Holy Spirit wasn't present to assist me. I still wanted to sin, but I knew it was wrong and feared judgement.

I eventually began to disdain Christianity and wrongly viewed it as a control tactic and abhorred the idea of Hell and became a militant atheist and probably one of the worst that's ever been. I couldn't stand the thought of loved ones being tortured for eternity and could not grasp it. I spent years tearing down Christianity logically but erroneously and said, and thought the most vile and evil things a human being could ever say. Somewhere along the line, in retrospect I'm nearly positive that I commited Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit (I'm an idiot to Nth degree, all my fault) but at the time I chauked it all up to control tactic fantasy.

Years went on by and I was hardened into this view against Christianity because of Hell, no other factor put me off from it jn a disdainful manner but Hell only. Eventually I logically concluded there must must be a creator of the universe after studying astronomy and physics, but I clung to Deist, and other new age ideas of God because I could not accept one who would torture me or my loved ones, or anyone for that matter (this was my thinking at the time) and I was unable to believe in what I now now know to be the true and only God. So now I will begin to wind down my story to the present, self induced nightmare I live in and this is where things may bet hard to belive for some as I have been told by some, blatantly that they did not belive my testimony, and that's okay because it is something that was personal and I'm not offended when I'm met with disbelief, I guess I deserve it for not believing in God for a chunk of my life. But if one of you belive me and can help put a hault to this madness, I'll be forever grateful.

So most of my adult life has been happy and fulfilling and I've been a strong self reliant and joyful man, always getting about anything I wanted. Selfish in some ways, arrogant to a high degree by denying the true God in retrospect, but didn't see myself that way at the time. But the point being I was happy, no mental illness or real fear of anything. Had many friends who loved being around me as I was super positive amd level headed and could help them find solutions to life's problems. I would give you the shirt off my back, I gave to the poor even as an atheist and would cry at the starving child, or animal commercials. I was sensitive to people who were bullied and cried if a teddy bear was left in the rain. I couldn't stand to see people hurt. I was macho in ways, rugged outdoorsman and attractive to women. Prideful in a lot of ways, and humble in other regards, like most of us are.

So my life was AMAZING and I had everything going for me but was never too stingy with anything, if someone wanted something of mine all they need was ask and I'd do my best, or offer any help I could. I was the happiest I'd ever been and then all Hell broke loose one day! And I had an event that nearly killed me, a heart attack. I was in my chair one night and it woke me up. I knew it was a heart attack cause I had had one prior. This time was different though.. I noticed my feet started to burn hot, like a stove and it began creeping up my legs; paralyzed with fear I couldn't move and I saw a lake of fire appear in front of my eyes, then I knew what was happening. I saw people bobbing up and down in it. I just knew I was about to experience the very thing they lead me to atheism; what an idiot I had been. What you must understand here is that I was not dead or in Hell like NDE's some have reported, but I was alive and getting the heat on my feet and legs and saw this appear in front of my eyes. Then something remarkable happened, and to this day it gives me chills, despite my crushing terror.

A cross decends from above and floats across my vision above this lake and I audibly hear a voice speak. Not in my head but I actually heard it and it was Jesus and he says calmly yet firmly "I died for you". Now immediately I felt a sense of my whole life and my state of heart toward God Almighty and felt like the lowest of the low and I was..

I was ambulated to the hospital right away and treated, had a stay there then was sent home. I was gripped in terror but thankful to be alive.

Now I've never had mental health issues but shortly after this event I started being tormented be something sinister that gives me no rest, no peace of any kind; and this is something I hear with no pause whatsover. It's not talking voices or anything but my hearing has been altered in such a way that almost every sound is crushing and dark, almost like druid chants but not that. It comes from outside me and has replaced normal sounds and is not in my head at all and there is no way I can explain it. I've begged God for repentance and relief and have see a pyschiatrist, Christain therapists and I attend church regularly but there is no peace or relief from this tormenting spirit which tangibly keeps me in agony 24/7. This has continued for the better part of year now.

At first I tried making deals with God which I learned was a no no after studying scripture. I tried all manner of prayer that lasted day and night and still does to the point of exhaustion. I've had churches pray, Christians in my family and others.

If anyone has commited blasphemy of the Holy Sprit, it's probably me.. and I was sooooo bad that my punishment has began on earth. One of my counselors who's is a Christian looked at me with a look of amazement and asked me frankly, "so what you're telling me is that you have sinned so grievously that God himself has targeted you personally with a spirit of torment, and you have sinned so much worse than anyone else!?" I responded "YES, I'm saying just that!".

So here is where I am today.. crawling on the floor slobbering in agony with my teeth rotting from lack of hygiene, and going for walks amd collapsing in the forest from mental and emotional exhaustion. Seeing physchiatrist and counselors and taking medication prescribed to me but no help.

God will not hear my cries for repentance even though in my flesh I have given up my sins the best I can do, but it's agonizing as I have no help from the Holy Spirit to maintain this. I have zero comfort day and Night and just looking at my pet cat being relaxed and calm puts me in a state of envy that physically hurts. I've never had an envious mind as I was always happy for other people in their successes, but now I'm completely in envy of even insects that scurry about with no eternal fate awaiting them. Cars go casually by and it physically hurts to watch. I don't want anyone to hurt or be like me, I just want to be like they are. Level headed again, with a chance at salvation.

I'm going to say out of what hope I can dig for deep down that I'm 99.99999999999 percent certain I'm unforgivable, and I will reference the Bible which states "With God all things are possible" and take some hope I can find someone that the Lord would consider a humble Saint who walks upright and knows him in fellowship. The prayer of a righteous man (one made righteous through Christ because that's the only way) availeth much. Ask that person to intercede on my behalf because the Bible speaks of people interceding for other people, and see if they can state my case before the Lord as he won't hear me. My case is this: I'm a terrible, horrible, wretched sinner who is sorrowful for what I've done.. I've done nothing good in my life by Holy standards, please have mercy on me. I have no legs to stand on my own.

Please pray for me, and anything you can say I will listen. Just to see someone communicate with me is like Gold to me.

I know all this is my own fault amd I take responsibility for my nightmare.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read my mess. You are greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Nate.

Just remember that God really really loves you and Jesus is always with us. The fact that you are worried shows that you have the Holy Spirit with you. God bless you and Jesus can save us from all sin.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Thank you for sharing your story, I get the sense from the story that you have dread of blaspheming the Holy Spirit.

The first piece of advice that is almost always given (and it is correct) is that if you care that you blasphemed the Holy Spirit, you wouldn't be able to have a repentant attitude towards doing it.

I also recall reading that Jesus forgives all sins, and that all judgment is entrusted to the son, who forgives all sins. So taking these two points together amounts to good news.

What you are experiencing is the effect of sin covering the eyes of your heart so you cannot see God. However, God is still there, you have just lost awareness of Him.

So regardless of how you look at it, Jesus didn't die in vain. If you trust in Him, He is completely able to save you.

Don't lose heart.

 

[DevastatedNate]

Just remember that God really really loves you and Jesus is always with us. The fact that you are worried shows that you have the Holy Spirit with you. God bless you and Jesus can save us from all sin.

Thank you so very much for the encouragement.

 

[Unqualified]

The unforgivable sin is to live and die without Christ. Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved. I’m sorry you can’t feel His forgiveness, but you are forgiven and haven’t died yet.
Just hang in there and seek God in his word through all your trials. Maybe it is some physical thing manifesting like this. I know I needed God and my affliction continues maybe comparable to yours. But I hang in there and fight for my reality in Christ, what the Bible says.

 

[Rene Loup]

If this is a witch's curse, here's a prayer that can help, just BELIEVE IT WORKS:

Breaking Curses --- In The Name Of The Lord Jesus Christ...

I proclaim that The Lord Jesus Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it written: 'Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree'" (Galatians 3:13).

By the blood of and in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I now bring the fullness of His cross, death, blood, and sacrifice, His resurrection, life, and empty tomb, His authority, rule, and dominion; I bring judgment from The Lord Jesus Christ against every foul power, all witchcraft, all black arts, and all curses. I bring The Lord Jesus Christ cursed for me against all curses that have been raised against me--written, spoken, unspoken, willed, or transferred to me.

[If you know what the exact curses are, it helps to name them. For example. "all curses of death," or "all curses on my marriage or my health," etc. or simply, "all curses against me."]

[…] I bring the blood sacrifice of The Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, His blood shed upon the cross, against all blood sacrifices and rituals and their every claim against me.

[…] I bring The Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, sacrificed for me, against all ritual sacrifices and their every claim against me.

[…] I bring the dedication of The Lord Jesus Christ for me in death upon the cross against all ritual dedications.

[…] In the name of and by the blood of The Lord Jesus Christ, I break the power and hold of every curse that has come to me through ritual or ritual sacrifice.

[…] In the name of and by the blood of The Lord Jesus Christ, I break the power and hold of every curse that has come to me through transfer by another human being.

[…] In the name of and by the blood of The Lord Jesus Christ, I break the power and hold of every curse that has come to me through words spoken.

[…] In the name of and by the blood of The Lord Jesus Christ, I break the power and hold of every curse that has come to me through occult practices.

[…] In the name of and by the blood of The Lord Jesus Christ, I declare every legal hold and every legal ground of the enemy broken, disarmed, and destroyed. Satan has no hold over me now through curses or occult practices, through sacrifices or any ritual of any kind. In the name of and by the blood of The Lord Jesus Christ, I am free. Thank you, Lord Jesus Christ, for setting me free. I order these curses and claims utterly disarmed and dismantled now, by the power of the blood of and in the name of The Lord Jesus Christ.

[…] BY the blood of and in the name of The Lord Jesus Christ, I command all demonic spirits that have gained access to me through curses and rituals cut off and banished from me and my household, by the blood of and in the mighty name of The Lord Jesus Christ.

Lord Jesus Christ, I ask You to send Your angels now to completely disarm all curses and black arts from me; disarm their every device and render them completely destroyed. I ask Your angels to remove all foul spirits involved in these curses and black arts and bind them to Your feet for judgment.

I now claim every spiritual blessing that my Heavenly Father has given to me in The Lord Jesus Christ (Ephesians 1:3). I claim those blessings right here in the very place of all cursing, by the authority and power of The Lord Jesus Christ, and in His name. Lord Jesus Christ, may these things be fully accomplished now through Your mighty name. I give You thanks and honour and praise. All of this I pray by the blood of and with authority and in the name of The Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth, Who came in the flesh. Amen and amen.

Here is a website that may help, it has helped me before with certain kinds of spiritual attacks, but has incomplete information, based on my own research:

Bible Knowledge Ministries - Bible Teaching Website

This one is written by Germaine Copeland, and has greatly helped me as of late:

Deliverance From Satan and His Demonic Forces

If the person for whom you are interceding has not confessed Jesus as Savior and Lord, pray specifically for His/her salvation, if you have not already done so. Stand and thank the Father that it is done in the name of Jesus. Then pray:

Father, in the name of Jesus, I come boldly to Your throne of grace and present __________ before You. I stand in the gap and intercede in behalf of __________, knowing that the Holy Spirit within me takes hold together with me against the evils that would attempt to hold in bondage.

I unwrap __________ from the bonds of wickedness with my prayers and take my shield of faith and quench every fiery dart of the adversary that would come against __________.

Father, You say that whatever I bind on earth is bound in heaven, and whatever I loose on earth is loosed in heaven. You say for me to cast out demons in the name of Jesus.

So I speak to you, Satan, and to the principalities, the powers, the rulers of the darkness and spiritual wickedness in high places and the demonic spirits of __________ (names of spirits) assigned to __________.

I take authority over you and bind you away from __________ in the mighty name of Jesus. You loose __________ and let him/her go free in the name of Jesus. I demand that you desist in your maneuvers now. Satan, you are a spoiled and defeated foe.

Ministering spirits of God, you go forth in the name of Jesus and provide the necessary help to and assistance for __________.

Father, I have laid hold of __________ 's salvation and his/her confession of the Lordship of Jesus Christ. I speak of things that are not as though they were, for I choose to look at the unseen—the eternal things of God. I say that Satan shall not get an advantage over __________ for I am not ignorant of Satan's devices.

I resist Satan, and he has run in terror from __________in the name of Jesus. I give Satan no place in __________. I plead the blood of the Lamb over __________, for Satan and his cohorts are overcome by that blood and Your Word.

I thank You, Father, that I tread on serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy in __________'s behalf, __________ is delivered from this present evil world. He/she is delivered from the powers of darkness and translated into the Kingdom of Your dear Son!

Father, I ask You now to fill those vacant places within with Your redemption, Your Word, Your Holy Spirit, Your love, Your wisdom, Your righteousness and Your revelation knowledge, in the name of Jesus.

I thank You, Father, that __________ is redeemed by the blood of Jesus out of the hand of Satan. He/she is justified and made righteous by the blood of Jesus and belongs to You—spirit, soul and body.

I thank You that every enslaving yoke is broken, for he/she will not become the slave of anything or be brought under its power, in the name of Jesus.

__________ has escaped the snare of the devil, who has held him/her captive, and henceforth does Your will, Father, which is to glorify You in his/her spirit, soul and body.

Thank You, Father, that Jesus was manifested that He might destroy the works of the devil. Satan's works are destroyed in __________'s life in the name of Jesus. Hallelujah! __________ walks in the Kingdom of God, which is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit! Praise the Lord! Amen.

If you fear blaspheming The Holy Spirit, read these following Bible passages to know what it really means:
Luke 11:14-26, Mark 3:22-30, Matt. 12:22-32.

Here's what helps me whenever I believe I blasphemed The Holy Spirit:

"The Holy Spirit, I love You, I respect You, and I appreciate everything You have done for me."
(Deut. 6:5, Eph.4:25-32, 1 Thess. 5:16-18, 2 Pet 3:9)

Recite it over and over again until you feel at peace. They're extremely persistent, and seemingly endless in numbers. NEVER LOSE HOPE NOR GIVE UP!!!

Rebuke, Pray, and Quote Scripture too:

Rebuke: "The Lord rebuke you." (Jude 1:8-10, Zech. 3:1-2)
Pray: The Lord's Prayer (Matt. 6:5-15)
Quote Scripture: Self explanatory (Luke 4:1-13, Matt. 4:1-11)
Fast: Detox, medication, physical and psychological therapy, and anything else that helps us biologically. DO NOT THROW THE BABY OUT WITH THE BATH WATER!!! (Mark 9:28-29, Matt. 17:19-21)
Discern: Practising Cognitive Behavioural Therapy helped me this way: Write down what is known rather than "what if," line it up with Scripture, God's principles (Matt. 22:34-40, for starters), and does it give you peace (as in hope)? It's a way to test the spirits too (1 Cor. 12:1-3, 1 John 4:1-6, 1 Thess. 5:19-22), because God Himself doesn't change, He only changes His mind because He adapts accordingly to our free will.

BELIEVE THEY WORK, GOD REQUIRES FAITH, NOT WORKS (Eph. 2:8-9, Heb. 11, Mark 11:24, Matt. 14:22-33)

Give God the glory for this, never me. God bless!

On November 27, 2021, at roughly 6:05 PM Eastern Time, I have added the "Discern:" subsection. My apologies, I'm a flawed human being who is predisposed towards selfishness.

 

[Neogaia777]

@DevastatedNate

You know, you might want to consider that God could be allowing you to go through this for just right now because maybe, just maybe, you might be one of the chosen, or one of the ones God is trying to select or choose or call/draw, etc, and this tormenting spirit might be there to actually make you better, and qualify you, so you can maybe go on up higher, etc...?

He usually has His ways of qualifying the called but it's usually an "uncomfortable" experience to say the least sometimes, etc... Also accept that your never going to be perfect also, but that you will aim and shoot at the target and try to always hit the bullseye best you can every single time if you can, OK, and tell God that you will need His help to make you a more accurate shot over time and do what you can't, etc, and ask for his help a lot during this, OK

I also think I know what hell/LOF really is truly also, if your ever truly interested, etc, might want to PM me on that bit though, as it takes the laying of a little bit of groundwork first that requires a little bit of explaining, etc, so if you ever feel like it, just PM me whenever or anytime, OK...

I'm also not quite so sure you have committed the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit full well knowingly either, and if you want to talk about that ever, you can PM anytime on that as well, OK...

But, it is not uncommon for someone God is trying to choose or qualify or call or draw to be put through some things that many, many other people may not ever have to go through or have any trouble with, etc, but "It/this too shall pass", etc, and will not last forever or for the rest of your entire life here, etc, "It will pass", etc, eventually, etc. In the meantime I'd suggest you try to find out the real reason and purpose for it, maybe one that you might think a God would have in mind for it, who "wastes not" at all ever, etc...

PM me about anything anytime OK. I can probably answer quite a few of your questions but I'd have to lay some of the groundwork first like I said...

I'm going to pray for you, OK...

God Bless!

 

[Chesster]

“I'm 99.99999999999 percent certain I'm unforgivable”

Not true, don’t believe it! This is a distraction the devil uses to make you despair and take your focus off of God. He does everything he can to upset your inner peace, don’t give him the pleasure.

Have you considered talking to a Catholic priest? I’m not saying you need an exorcist but it sure sounds like you need a spiritual director and a priest may be able to help in some way or at least point you in the right direction.

 

[childeye 2]

Hello everyone, I'm Nate, and I am devastated to put it very lightly. I deduced through reading many posts on here that this would be the best forum to post this.
My story is sort of long, but I'll try to condense it down to a manageable size and make small paragraphs because I know too much info can be exhausting to a reader.

If someone would be as lovingly kind to offer me help, I, Nate, will be so kind as too make this story/nightmare/predicament as easy to read as I can. I'd like to thank anyone in advance who offers any response whether it helps the situation I'm in or not because it truly is the thought and willingness to offer that counts, so my foregraritude is extended unto you.

So where do I begin? I guess from the beginning would be best because it all starts there.
My mother was not a Christian and neither was my father, though they had belief in God. My mother sent me to Sunday School with my Grandfather who was a humble Christian that I was very close to and loved dearly. I didn't really understand what I was taught in Sunday school and it had no impact on me that I could tell. At home I would ask my mom about God, and she would speak from the book of Revelation a lot and somehow I grasped that more than the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, etc..

I grapsed it probably from the sheer terror it caused me, a feeling of doom would settle in on me and I would imagine seeing these events in the clouds but would shake it off but I would always surface in my life from time to time for years to come. I continued Sunday school but couldn't grasp the lessons taught as I had no interest as my young my mind wasn't geared for Holy thinking, to my utter detriment.

At around Maybe age 12 a family member who read tarot cards did a reading on a friend of theirs and I was present. I saw the card which had the devil on it and was fascinated by it. I snuck in one night and snatched the card and did a self thought of ritual to this card, afterward, I felt odd and didn't know what came over me to do that.

By the time I reached age 14 my cousin told me one day that a person we knew, that I'll call Steve, was saved. I had no clue what that even meant despite years of Sunday School, and inquisitive, I asked him "what does that mean?" His Reply shocked me as he said "that's how you avoid going to Hell!" Fear came over me as I stated to him that I thought Hell was only for the devil, and maybe for some super evil dictator.. I was floored and terrified!

After weeks of research I had dug myself into a hole of paralysis of being convinced that I had commited the unpardonable sin, which in retrospect, I had not! Nights of being unable to move in the floor from fear got old and after some weeks I learned that even though I wasn't saved, I had NOT commited it and I recovered promptly.

I kept all this in my mind the next few years but lived like a normal teen until around 17 years old I became interested in Church because my best friend would talk to me about God. Eventually I went to the alter after a call and asked God to forgive me and save me from Hell; I actually made a prayer of attrition, not contrition, snd didn't fully repent in hindsight and struggled for a year or two keeping my eyes to the floor at school so I wouldn't lust. It was torture and I couldn't take it anymore, I broke down and masturbated one day and slowly fell away from church. In hindsight, this happened because my repentance wasn't genuine and the Holy Spirit wasn't present to assist me. I still wanted to sin, but I knew it was wrong and feared judgement.

I eventually began to disdain Christianity and wrongly viewed it as a control tactic and abhorred the idea of Hell and became a militant atheist and probably one of the worst that's ever been. I couldn't stand the thought of loved ones being tortured for eternity and could not grasp it. I spent years tearing down Christianity logically but erroneously and said, and thought the most vile and evil things a human being could ever say. Somewhere along the line, in retrospect I'm nearly positive that I commited Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit (I'm an idiot to Nth degree, all my fault) but at the time I chauked it all up to control tactic fantasy.

Years went on by and I was hardened into this view against Christianity because of Hell, no other factor put me off from it jn a disdainful manner but Hell only. Eventually I logically concluded there must must be a creator of the universe after studying astronomy and physics, but I clung to Deist, and other new age ideas of God because I could not accept one who would torture me or my loved ones, or anyone for that matter (this was my thinking at the time) and I was unable to believe in what I now now know to be the true and only God. So now I will begin to wind down my story to the present, self induced nightmare I live in and this is where things may bet hard to belive for some as I have been told by some, blatantly that they did not belive my testimony, and that's okay because it is something that was personal and I'm not offended when I'm met with disbelief, I guess I deserve it for not believing in God for a chunk of my life. But if one of you belive me and can help put a hault to this madness, I'll be forever grateful.

So most of my adult life has been happy and fulfilling and I've been a strong self reliant and joyful man, always getting about anything I wanted. Selfish in some ways, arrogant to a high degree by denying the true God in retrospect, but didn't see myself that way at the time. But the point being I was happy, no mental illness or real fear of anything. Had many friends who loved being around me as I was super positive amd level headed and could help them find solutions to life's problems. I would give you the shirt off my back, I gave to the poor even as an atheist and would cry at the starving child, or animal commercials. I was sensitive to people who were bullied and cried if a teddy bear was left in the rain. I couldn't stand to see people hurt. I was macho in ways, rugged outdoorsman and attractive to women. Prideful in a lot of ways, and humble in other regards, like most of us are.

So my life was AMAZING and I had everything going for me but was never too stingy with anything, if someone wanted something of mine all they need was ask and I'd do my best, or offer any help I could. I was the happiest I'd ever been and then all Hell broke loose one day! And I had an event that nearly killed me, a heart attack. I was in my chair one night and it woke me up. I knew it was a heart attack cause I had had one prior. This time was different though.. I noticed my feet started to burn hot, like a stove and it began creeping up my legs; paralyzed with fear I couldn't move and I saw a lake of fire appear in front of my eyes, then I knew what was happening. I saw people bobbing up and down in it. I just knew I was about to experience the very thing they lead me to atheism; what an idiot I had been. What you must understand here is that I was not dead or in Hell like NDE's some have reported, but I was alive and getting the heat on my feet and legs and saw this appear in front of my eyes. Then something remarkable happened, and to this day it gives me chills, despite my crushing terror.

A cross decends from above and floats across my vision above this lake and I audibly hear a voice speak. Not in my head but I actually heard it and it was Jesus and he says calmly yet firmly "I died for you". Now immediately I felt a sense of my whole life and my state of heart toward God Almighty and felt like the lowest of the low and I was..

I was ambulated to the hospital right away and treated, had a stay there then was sent home. I was gripped in terror but thankful to be alive.

Now I've never had mental health issues but shortly after this event I started being tormented be something sinister that gives me no rest, no peace of any kind; and this is something I hear with no pause whatsover. It's not talking voices or anything but my hearing has been altered in such a way that almost every sound is crushing and dark, almost like druid chants but not that. It comes from outside me and has replaced normal sounds and is not in my head at all and there is no way I can explain it. I've begged God for repentance and relief and have seen and still see a pyschiatrist, Christain therapists and I attend church regularly but there is no peace or relief from this tormenting spirit which tangibly keeps me in agony 24/7. This has continued for the better part of year now.

At first I tried making deals with God which I learned was a no no after studying scripture. I tried all manner of prayer that lasted day and night and still does to the point of exhaustion. I've had churches pray, Christians in my family and others.

If anyone has commited blasphemy of the Holy Sprit, it's probably me.. and I was sooooo bad that my punishment has began on earth. One of my counselors who's is a Christian looked at me with a look of amazement and asked me frankly, "so what you're telling me is that you have sinned so grievously that God himself has targeted you personally with a spirit of torment, and you have sinned so much worse than anyone else!?" I responded "YES, I'm saying just that!".

So here is where I am today.. crawling on the floor slobbering in agony with my teeth rotting from lack of hygiene, and going for walks amd collapsing in the forest from mental and emotional exhaustion. Seeing physchiatrist and counselors and taking medication prescribed to me but no help.

God will not hear my cries for repentance even though in my flesh I have given up my sins the best I can do, but it's agonizing as I have no help from the Holy Spirit to maintain this. I have zero comfort day and Night and just looking at my pet cat being relaxed and calm puts me in a state of envy that physically hurts. I've never had an envious mind as I was always happy for other people in their successes, but now I'm completely in envy of even insects that scurry about with no eternal fate awaiting them. Cars go casually by and it physically hurts to watch. I don't want anyone to hurt or be like me, I just want to be like they are. Level headed again, with a chance at salvation.

I'm going to say out of what hope I can dig for deep down that I'm 99.99999999999 percent certain I'm unforgivable, and I will reference the Bible which states "With God all things are possible" and take some hope I can find someone that the Lord would consider a humble Saint who walks upright and knows him in fellowship. The prayer of a righteous man (one made righteous through Christ because that's the only way) availeth much. Ask that person to intercede on my behalf because the Bible speaks of people interceding for other people, and see if they can state my case before the Lord as he won't hear me. My case is this: I'm a terrible, horrible, wretched sinner who is sorrowful for what I've done.. I've done nothing good in my life by Holy standards, please have mercy on me. I have no legs to stand on my own.

Please pray for me, and anything you can say I will listen. Just to see someone communicate with me is like Gold to me.

I know all this is my own fault and I take responsibility for my nightmare.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read my mess. You are greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Nate.

When I read this, I think you need to believe in, and think, who loves the master more, the one who is forgiven much, or the one who is forgiven little? For the harlot was forgiven because her love was great. I'm guessing that you need to feel you're in the right place when you reason in your mind. To beat yourself up is oftentimes a position of self-centeredness. Your countenance needs to be supported by good thoughts. Jesus said he died for you is a positive, just believe it in the positive. If you want to feel better temporarily, you can always watch sad dog commercials, weep and tell God how much you would miss feeling Him inside you.

 

[DevastatedNate]

I want to thank you all for the replies, encouragement, advice and love.

 

[DevastatedNate]

How do I send a pm on here?

 

[DevastatedNate]

When I read this, I think you need to believe in, and think, who loves the master more, the one who is forgiven much, or the one who is forgiven little? For the harlot was forgiven because her love was great. I'm guessing that you need to feel you're in the right place when you reason in your mind. To beat yourself up is oftentimes a position of self-centeredness. Your countenance needs to be supported by good thoughts. Jesus said he died for you is a positive, just believe it in the positive. If you want to feel better temporarily, you can always watch sad dog commercials, weep and tell God how much you would miss feeling Him inside you.

I understand what you're saying. I have been bearing myself to a pulp, and yes it is self-centered. There is work to be done there.

 

[Neogaia777]

How do I send a pm on here?

Highlight the person's name and click on start a conversation, which is PM, or private messaging, and appears in their or your inbox at the top of the screen.

God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

I understand what you're saying. I have been bearing myself to a pulp, and yes it is self-centered. There is work to be done there.

Even the great Apostle Paul admitted to having a messenger or angel (demon) of Satan in him that he tried to pray away very earnestly three times, but that God told him basically was there to keep him from getting too proud or puffed up, etc, and God did not take it away for him or from him, etc...

Beyond that though, Paul did not give us any details as to what exactly this spirit was, or was doing to him specifically, etc...

And all forms of beating yourself up or down, being depressed, having a pity party, etc, is just excessive pride/selfishness turned inward most of the time, or is a consequence of it (that pride and/or selfishness), etc...

God Bless!

 

[DevastatedNate]

Even the great Apostle Paul admitted to having a messenger or angel (demon) of Satan in him that he tried to pray away very earnestly three times, but that God told him basically was there to keep him from getting too proud or puffed up, etc, and God did not take it away for him or from him, etc...

Beyond that though, Paul did not give us any details as to what exactly this spirit was, or was doing to him specifically, etc...

And all forms of beating yourself up or down, being depressed, having a pity party, etc, is just excessive pride/selfishness turned inward most of the time, or is a consequence of it (that pride and/or selfishness), etc...

God Bless!

I understand and recognize this, which is good because I didn't for a long time. I've been trying to pm you at your invite to do so, but I don't see the options to do so as you had mentioned above for some reason.

 

[NBB]

oh... the infamous blashphemy...

I never went to a physiatrist before this, but one day i had a very strong satanic attack about the blashpemy when i was weak in the faith, and ended with a physiatrist in terror shaking my head like crazy. Some 'dark spirits' i felt were coming to me from behind and what not, it was horrible...

Don't waste time, if some deliverance minister can't help God will, God doesn't torment anyone these days, the blood of Jesus is here. So take courage and go to a church that do deliverance, don't accept a no, its witchcraft and sorcery stuff most probably the same that happened to me.

Don't waste 15 years thinking you were condemned like me, there is hope buddy, lets go, make efforts, go to a church, ask for help to deliverance minister or pastors, look for someone that can support you. Insist on praying and reading. Cry out to God.

If you feel you even get the most miniscule positive response from God after going to church or praying and reading and crying out, understand this: God is there for you!
And also, this step you make toward God is going to angry all the evil spirits tormenting you, so fight the calmest way you can, but God wins.

Repeat versicles. God word has a ministering effect.

I even think i'm feeling the Holy spirit supporting me in saying this buddy, there is hope. I went through the same.

 

[Neogaia777]

I understand and recognize this, which is good because I didn't for a long time. I've been trying to pm you at your invite to do so, but I don't see the options to do so as you had mentioned above for some reason.

I just sent you a message, do you know how to check your inbox?

 

[NBB]

Hey buddy, if there is hope or not i think your post has the answer, if Jesus told you:
'i died for you'
Understand this, this is totally biblical obviously, and Jesus would not tell anyone this to condemn or reproach them like some cinical thing, no, this would be totally out of character from God, because he died for us we have the opportunity to be saved!.