please help me (new here)

[mindfullofstatic]

I have religious OCD and it keeps getting worse and worse. I no longer know what voice is God's and what is "mine". I constantly think that certain things I do are sins (eating certain food, listening to certain music, TV shows, having intrusive thoughts, not spending enough time in prayer/reading the Bible, etc.) and I'm afraid to death that God abandon me to my sins (as He did to some in the OT) or that I will be sent to Hell.

My latest "obsession" is whether it's sinful to have nonbelievers as friends if it's only online. Is it okay if you're set on trying to show them the way to Christ? Is it wrong to continue being friends with them if they continually reject Christ? I feel like if I enjoy a nonbelievers company (and forget for even one minute what my "job" is, then I'm sinning!

I know the Scripture to support why it's good and bad, but it feels useless to reflect on any of this, because I have no idea what is truly right and what's wrong. Everything in my head is so entangled that I don't know what is what. I don't want to hurt the nonbeliever friends that I have, but even more so, I don't want to make God angry. I don't know what to do. Help me with this before I go insane.

All in all, I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't feel like I even know God anymore. He's a bipolar God - a lover one minute and a tyrant the next. People have said to just focus on God-related things like Christian music, church, and reading the Bible, but honestly, I'm too afraid. It's gotten to the point where I'm so afraid to approach Him. I'm like a dog who has been beaten one too many times, a dog who cowers at even a twitch of its owners hand.

What can I do? I can't stand it anymore. I want to know Him as normal Christians knows him, but it seems impossible. I'm terrified and I feel dying sometimes because it's just too much. If I can't trust God, if I can't know His love, then I have nothing and it seems pointless to even live.

 

[dabro]

Ummmm certianly this is OCD. God in His Son still had hope for unbielvers and your OCD is attached to that. Also I have this well two obsessions. Ones's about being pre destined to go to Hell the other is God's Final Judgement. These are spirits of fear and condemnation attacking you. Thats why in God's word it says why do you ? whats going on in your fleshly bodies as if something strange is happening to you. Our bodies are our own worst enemy. I would go see a Pdoc that can prescribe an anti depressent and also a benzo for your anxiety. We can get thru this. I'm going on a two and a half yr battle with it and it does make you stronger.

 

[frank1234]

My dear sister. My heart cries for you. I too have religious OCD. One thing you have to remember that you are not alone who is struggling with this, and most usually believers who care so much about pleasing The Lord and have a tendency to have OCD, fall in to this trap. Also, people who have OCD(like myself) generally know what is right and what is wrong, but they can not apply it to their own lives(because of fear, doubt,etc...). I would encourage you to try, first of all, not to keep this to yourself, but share them with some believers in your church(perhaps your pastor). In other words, don't allow satan to trap you in the corner of being alone and overwhelm and bombarding you with all of these thoughts. Second, i don't know if you already have or not, go to a therapist who deals with OCD. Third, pray that The Lord will help you to stand on the things you already know is right(all the scriptures that deal with your paticullar situations. But above all, know this, that The Lord loves you unconditionaly and He knows that you have these paticular mental issues and He cares for you deeply because you are His child and nothing separates you from His love. In the mean time, hang in there and know that The Lord will never ever leave you or forsake you, but that He wants to help you. It's your mind that has created these over- sensetivities to sin, but know that His grace has covered you despite all of your sins. I'll pary for you. Don't give up. God bless you and keep you always.
P.S: you can keep hanging with unbelievers, until you know they are not pulling you toward commiting sin with them, but as long as you are the light of the world, you can keep hanging out with your unbelieving friends and be an instrument of God.

 

[mindfullofstatic]

Thank you both for your advice and thoughts. I just started seeing a therapist about it. She isn't an OCD specialist, but I think she might be able to help me anyway. I'm unable to go to church right now, so I hope to find the support that I need here.

But above all, know this, that The Lord loves you unconditionaly and He knows that you have these paticular mental issues and He cares for you deeply because you are His child and nothing separates you from His love. In the mean time, hang in there and know that The Lord will never ever leave you or forsake you, but that He wants to help you. It's your mind that has created these over- sensetivities to sin, but know that His grace has covered you despite all of your sins. I'll pary for you. Don't give up. God bless you and keep you always.
P.S: you can keep hanging with unbelievers, until you know they are not pulling you toward commiting sin with them, but as long as you are the light of the world, you can keep hanging out with your unbelieving friends and be an instrument of God.

Thanks for this as well. I needed to hear that God still loves me and understands that this is not me, this is my disorder. In my darkest hour, I forget that He really loves me and when the storm has passed, it seems almost insulting to Him to think that He would love me because I feel like such a failure and a screw-up.

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

Is it wrong to continue being friends with them if they continually reject Christ?

I don't think there is anything wrong with having unbelievers as friends, as long as you are not engaging in sinful behavior with them. Since they are unbelievers they are still in there sins, some of the people I work with I cringe when I am around them because of the things they say, but I don't run around them with a holier than thou attitude, when I hear a dirty joke or something I just keep my mouth shut, I don't join in with there sinfulness.

But again some of my best friends have been atheist and unbelievers, I just try to do what Jesus did, He didn't run from unbelievers, He went and ate with them, hung out with them, how else will they be saved! We are the ones they are looking at and they know there is something about us that's different and deep down they want it too.

I know personally though that when I got saved the Lord had me stop talking to some of my friends who I used to do drugs with and party with and stuff, so if I were you I would pray about it, if you feel that some of your friends are hurting your relationship with God then I think you know Who is more important.

If I can't trust God, if I can't know His love, then I have nothing and it seems pointless to even live.

I know that what your going through is so hard right now, but God will give you strength to get through it, you are being put through the fire right now and God has allowed this in your life for some reason that you do not know at the moment, but just keep trusting in Him.

Jesus will not forsake you, He will in no wise cast out any who come to Him as Savior and Lord. God doesn't condemn you, your OCD and the devil does, just remember that our feelings and thoughts can easily be manipulated by these two enemies, just try to focus on God during these times, trust Him to bring you out every time your in mental turmoil.

Again remember the bible says that He will never forsake us, "when we are faithless He remains faithful" (2 timothy 2:13), the bible never tells us that our feelings wont forsake us or that our minds wont try to trick us, we are never promised happiness in this life. But what we are promised is salvation through the blood of Christ.

I know He is true and perfect and that whatever He allows in my life will be used for His glory one day. Jesus will not forsake us, His word tells us this, that is all that matters, my thoughts and feelings may try and trick me but Jesus never will, what He says in His word is all we can hold on to. Praying for you.

 

[mindfullofstatic]

Thank you, SoldierOfSoul, for your thoughtful words and for providing some helpful Scripture. I will be meditating and praying on all of these things. I'm so relieved to hear others say that they know what it's like. I've felt so alone in this. I'm glad that I came here to seek help and received so much sound advice.

As of now, the friends that I do have that are unbelievers do not hinder my walk with Him. In fact, one of my friends actually bends over backwards for me - watching that he doesn't cuss or say crude things - so as not to hurt me. I'm thankful for all my friends and, God willing, I hope I can be a good representative of our Lord.