I told God many months ago that I have ocd and I do not make promises. it is just my ocd and due to frustration. I told Him I would mean a promise if I validate it by doing the cross sign 3 times.
Months after that I completely forgot about it, I think. My ocd was telling me to do a compulsion outside from a church in Neos Kosmos. Ocd was telling "you must pray and finish the prayer with the cross sign 3 times, more than once."
I did not want to redo the compulsion. I was frustrated and when frustrated a part of myself, without my will, makes suggestions about promises to God not to do the compulsion and that makes me free and helps me ignore the compulsion due to the fear of the promise.
I do not remember what exactly were my thoughts, but I remember telling myself stuff like " I should never return to that church again, due to the new thoughts without my will"
What if these thoughts without my will about promise, popped up during the cross sign compulsion? what if it looked like as if there was a real promise because I told God in the past a real promise would be validated by the cross sign?
I can not confirm if these thoughts are 100% without my will. I can not remember. but I worry if a part me, suggested to allow these thoughts to pop up during the cross sign compulsion, in order to trick ocd.
I do not remember. I have been overpraying the last months. I told God many many times that I do not want to make promise and that I am ill and no matter what never to accept them. I prayed about it many times and asked a protection. the problem is I do not remember if the request of protection was asked after the "church in neos kosmos compulsion" or before.
If you ask me, I am almost sure, I would never validate any promise. I never validated any promise by doing the cross sign. I would remember it. but I worry if all things got tangled up during the cross sign compulsion.
cross sign validation is different than cross sign compulsion. but what if they got mixed, due to frustration? and I forgot it?
the only thing I remember was "better not return to that church again"
why I said that? were they just fast random thoughts without my will as I was walking? or stronger thoughts without my will during the cross sign compulsion?
and what were exactly my words without my will ?
never to return to redo the compulsion?
never to return in that church in general?
I worry cause there is a chance I passed from that church days ago, while on taxi. 70% chances.
I once had a big problem with these things, because due to frustration, I almost validated thoughts without my will but I stopped at the last second. and I remember it so vivid in my mind.
I do not remember anything similar about the church in neos kosmos, so I guess I never did the cross sign in order to validate something. but... what if I forgot it since it was a street that I never go?
I try to answer these questions and remember
1) were the thoughts without my will popped up during the cross sign compulsion or after as I was walking?
2) was it before I asked protection from God or after?
3) probably, without my will, stuff about punishment without my will was thought along with the promise without my will. but what were exactly these thoughts? never return to redo compulsion or never return in general?
4) did I forget it because it was a street I do not go, or because they were some fast random thoughts without my will that popped up in my subconscious, in a second, as I was leaving and since I have ocd, I got freaked and that is the reason I remember it?
5) I would remember if it there was any cross sign validation, so it never happened. but what if the thoughts without my will got mixed up during the cross sign compulsion? and that is the reason I freaked?
ocd tells me
ocd: you may semi-intentionally made these thoughts without your will during cross sign compulsion and it looked like as if you were validating the thoughts with your will about a promise in order to trick ocd but maybe God got angry and validated the promise
all these worrying thoughts was the reason, I overpray and ask God to protect me from these thoughts no matter what. but did I have a protection that day? what if the request was made after that day? what if I was without protection and the thoughts without my will popped up during the cross sign compulsion?
Months after that I completely forgot about it, I think. My ocd was telling me to do a compulsion outside from a church in Neos Kosmos. Ocd was telling "you must pray and finish the prayer with the cross sign 3 times, more than once."
I did not want to redo the compulsion. I was frustrated and when frustrated a part of myself, without my will, makes suggestions about promises to God not to do the compulsion and that makes me free and helps me ignore the compulsion due to the fear of the promise.
I do not remember what exactly were my thoughts, but I remember telling myself stuff like " I should never return to that church again, due to the new thoughts without my will"
What if these thoughts without my will about promise, popped up during the cross sign compulsion? what if it looked like as if there was a real promise because I told God in the past a real promise would be validated by the cross sign?
I can not confirm if these thoughts are 100% without my will. I can not remember. but I worry if a part me, suggested to allow these thoughts to pop up during the cross sign compulsion, in order to trick ocd.
I do not remember. I have been overpraying the last months. I told God many many times that I do not want to make promise and that I am ill and no matter what never to accept them. I prayed about it many times and asked a protection. the problem is I do not remember if the request of protection was asked after the "church in neos kosmos compulsion" or before.
If you ask me, I am almost sure, I would never validate any promise. I never validated any promise by doing the cross sign. I would remember it. but I worry if all things got tangled up during the cross sign compulsion.
cross sign validation is different than cross sign compulsion. but what if they got mixed, due to frustration? and I forgot it?
the only thing I remember was "better not return to that church again"
why I said that? were they just fast random thoughts without my will as I was walking? or stronger thoughts without my will during the cross sign compulsion?
and what were exactly my words without my will ?
never to return to redo the compulsion?
never to return in that church in general?
I worry cause there is a chance I passed from that church days ago, while on taxi. 70% chances.
I once had a big problem with these things, because due to frustration, I almost validated thoughts without my will but I stopped at the last second. and I remember it so vivid in my mind.
I do not remember anything similar about the church in neos kosmos, so I guess I never did the cross sign in order to validate something. but... what if I forgot it since it was a street that I never go?
I try to answer these questions and remember
1) were the thoughts without my will popped up during the cross sign compulsion or after as I was walking?
2) was it before I asked protection from God or after?
3) probably, without my will, stuff about punishment without my will was thought along with the promise without my will. but what were exactly these thoughts? never return to redo compulsion or never return in general?
4) did I forget it because it was a street I do not go, or because they were some fast random thoughts without my will that popped up in my subconscious, in a second, as I was leaving and since I have ocd, I got freaked and that is the reason I remember it?
5) I would remember if it there was any cross sign validation, so it never happened. but what if the thoughts without my will got mixed up during the cross sign compulsion? and that is the reason I freaked?
ocd tells me
ocd: you may semi-intentionally made these thoughts without your will during cross sign compulsion and it looked like as if you were validating the thoughts with your will about a promise in order to trick ocd but maybe God got angry and validated the promise
all these worrying thoughts was the reason, I overpray and ask God to protect me from these thoughts no matter what. but did I have a protection that day? what if the request was made after that day? what if I was without protection and the thoughts without my will popped up during the cross sign compulsion?
