PLEASE HELP! How do you know when enough is enough?

[jess9450]

I'm going to do my best not to sound like a whiny brat, but I really would love to hear some advice about being a good friend to someone.

This situation with a particular friend of mine revolves around my belief that she is far less invested in our friendship than I am. I know that some people have different ways of showing others that they care, but I also am aware that this person has done very little to show/tell me that I matter to her.
Often times I find that I'm constantly the one that's reaching out to her to talk or meet up, and so many times it feels like we have a one-sided friendship. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt - we've been friends for 12+ years - but it's starting to weigh heavily on my heart that she doesn't really care.

You might say that I should talk to her about how I'm feeling, but believe me we have had that conversation many times, and it hasn't really changed anything. I would gladly welcome any advice you might offer or a prayer for God's guidance in this situation. Thank you!

 

[Isurrendermylord]

Is this person a bad influence in any part of your life?I have gone trough this with my cousins but i believe its in god's interest that i don't associate with them at the time being.I quit ciggaretes and weed a month ago and they smoke both constantly.They have been making less and less of an effort to seek me.I decided to believe that it was just not healthy for me to be around them no matter how much i love them.


I am by no means an expert or the greatest christian and i don't know the word as much as people do but that is what i took from my experience.I also had a friend who would be like this,he was more interested in money out of me than anything else.

 

[Istaly]

If she doesn't put a real effort then I think deep down you know.

And perhaps you are hesitant to leave because you are dependent on the relationship. Is she manipulative in any way?


Does she make you feel like what you do is enough? Have you read the 5 love languages book. It talks about how ppl express love like you said u know they do differently, but the assessment can only come from you.

If she doesn't bother to reach out then you may have to. Move on.

 

[BFine]

Let her go.
A friendship is a two-way street, what you have described is an "association"- the same
thing I let go off recently, "we" had been "friends" for several decades
and yes, it was VERY one-sided.
I tried many times to salvage the relationship when she
said she really wanted "us" to be "friends"-- the truth is, she put forth
no effort to do her part.

You can continue to pray for her and be open for reconciliation should she
put forth sincere effort to actually be a friend to you and ask forgiveness.

 

[If Not For Grace]

If people do not appreciate your presence-maybe you should give them a chance to miss you..

 

[jess9450]

thanks for all your advice! I see what you mean about waiting to see if she will contact me first, but I could go for weeks without hearing from her. So maybe that's not a big deal to her...

 

[salida]

Get another friend-she sounds like a big drain.

 

[turkle]

I think that after 12 years it's pretty obvious that she is not going to change, and there is nothing you can do about it. I think you need to make a choice: are you willing to continue the relationship as is and stop expecting more from her, or will you allow the relationship to fizzle out?

Personally, I would seek out new, more mutually satisfying friendships.

 

[TheyCallMeDave]

I'm going to do my best not to sound like a whiny brat, but I really would love to hear some advice about being a good friend to someone.

This situation with a particular friend of mine revolves around my belief that she is far less invested in our friendship than I am. I know that some people have different ways of showing others that they care, but I also am aware that this person has done very little to show/tell me that I matter to her.
Often times I find that I'm constantly the one that's reaching out to her to talk or meet up, and so many times it feels like we have a one-sided friendship. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt - we've been friends for 12+ years - but it's starting to weigh heavily on my heart that she doesn't really care.

You might say that I should talk to her about how I'm feeling, but believe me we have had that conversation many times, and it hasn't really changed anything. I would gladly welcome any advice you might offer or a prayer for God's guidance in this situation. Thank you!

As a guy, i have had several situations like yours with other guys and an occasional gal or two. What ive found is that not everyone knows how to cultivate a relationship and sometimes doesnt want to work that hard at it. Many people are good at recieving love, but pale at giving it.

So, how i handle it is like this :

1. Either accept the friendship for what it is (a bit more than an acquaitenance-ship) and navigate with it.

or...

2. Pull back from being the assertive One and see if the Other person picks up the slack.

or...

3. If there are sufficient reasons to consider the friendship a toxic one, to depart from the friendship and revert it back to just an acquaintance ...still being pleasant to the Other person should you see them out and about.

Regardless what you choose to do, i think its important not to spread around the disappointment of your friendship in a gossipy manner with Others ; just realize it is what it is and sometimes it goes that way with people. Then, work to establish new friendships keeping in mind that there are many levels of relationship with people and not all are going to be enduring .

Hope that helps a bit.

 

[tbogunro]

I'm going to do my best not to sound like a whiny brat, but I really would love to hear some advice about being a good friend to someone.

This situation with a particular friend of mine revolves around my belief that she is far less invested in our friendship than I am. I know that some people have different ways of showing others that they care, but I also am aware that this person has done very little to show/tell me that I matter to her.
Often times I find that I'm constantly the one that's reaching out to her to talk or meet up, and so many times it feels like we have a one-sided friendship. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt - we've been friends for 12+ years - but it's starting to weigh heavily on my heart that she doesn't really care.

You might say that I should talk to her about how I'm feeling, but believe me we have had that conversation many times, and it hasn't really changed anything. I would gladly welcome any advice you might offer or a prayer for God's guidance in this situation. Thank you!

Simply give her to God! Let God know you want that friendship to work, then leave her alone and let God work things out. There's only so much you can do by human efforts so now give her to God. It might seem hard, but you should know God ALWAYS knows what's best and His plans are ALWAYS better than yours. Whether things get better or not LEAVE it to God...He's NEVER failed to come thorough, NEVER!

 

[Eloy]

Leave her. Stop reaching out to an ice cube, and find some other friend whom will gladly share and reciprocate in return your care which you give out. There are a lot of people in one-sided or unhealthy relationships, you don't need her and you cannot force someone else to feel towards you in the same way that you feel towards them. There are many fish in the ocean, stop dangling your bate in front of the same uninterested fish, and go fishing on the otherside of your boat. Amen? Amen.

 

[KimberlyAA]

I really think you should talk with her. I'll definitely offer a prayer. Things'll work out : )