Please Help - 12 year old CONFUSED !!

[franc11s]

We are a loving Christian family and our Children attend a wonderful Christian school. I am blessed to have 2 wonderful, thoughtful children.

However, my 12 year old has recently (2 months) started to take elements from the Bible literally. He is scared of HELL big time. If he makes a single mistake, he tells us he prays 80 times for foregiveness (that exact number). He feels he should GIVE AWAY everything he has, all his pocket money, everything. He takes parts of the scripture literally to prove to himself that you have to give EVERTHING away.

He fears he will go to HELL. He says he is so concerned by it, he is being "worn out", "tired" and "confused"..

This is strange because he has always been, like my other son, so helpful, polite and considerate anyway.

We have spoken briefly with his School minister and they will be talking to him, very soon we hope. They said to us of course it is the last thing they want. The Bible is supposed to give comfort and joy, not fear and hurt.

When I try to talk to him and give him comfort I think I confuse him more. Because he says "how can you be sure"...

Boy, this is really tough. I pray God will Help us.

Does anyone have any assuring words for us? Have any of your parents gone through this with your Child. GOd Bless you for listening.

 

[BeanMak]

I know that God will be with you, but I suggest that you talk to your pastor as soon as possible. It could be that your young man has some depression going on. The words that he uses are very typical. A good Christian councilor will be able to help.

 

[desi]

Act like its not that big a deal and don't spend too much attention on it. If you spend lots of time with him when he brings this up you may reinforce the behavior. Also let your son know Jesus is not legalistic. So long as he tries his best to follow Jesus's example he will go to heaven.

 

[sunshine]

your son sounds like a very sensitive child. perhaps you should investigate exactly what he's being taught about Hell. it's a very scary and disturbing topic, and could be too graphic and upsetting for him (in the way the topic is being addressed). just a thought. let us know how he's doing.

 

[franc11s]

thanks for all your words and support. We are talking with him and he definately feels better when he's around friends and family.

Right now, he has focused on one aspect of the scripture. i.e. he has to be poor to get to Heaven. We are working with his school Chaplain and councillor.

Any help on this "must have no wealth" topic would be great. We know he's taken scripture out of context so other "out of context" counters would be great.

 

[Bookman]

Don't discount the working of the Holy Spirit in this. Your child is under heavy conviction of sin. That's GOOD, not bad. How this is handled will be important. You need to remind your son that the same Holy Spirit who convicts of sin (and judgment) is the same Holy Spirit that gives assurance of eternal life once a person has been saved. Has your son ever committed his life to Christ? Being in a Christian family doesn't cut it. Nor does going to a Christian school.

What your son needs is an encounter with the Holy Spirit (and I'm not from a charismatic church, so that's not what I mean). Your son may be greatly used of God when he has the burden of his sin removed. DON'T DOWNPLAY THIS. HISTORY IS REPLETE WITH MEN AND WOMEN OF GOD WHO LABORED UNDER HEAVY CONVICTION BEFORE THEY WERE SAVED.

 

[IslandBreeze]

I grew up in a hellfire-and-brimstone charasmatic church, and it effects me to this day. There are nights I wake up in a cold sweat, terrified God is going to send me straight to hell (even though I have been saved from the time I was 9 years old). You need to figure out who has been talking to your child so much about hell, and let him know that Jesus was the ONLY perfect person ever. Remind him of the story of Paul/Saul, and how God loves EVERYONE--even after mistake after mistake. Conviction is one thing; overreaction (and over-preaching) is totally different.

 

[desi]

thanks for all your words and support. We are talking with him and he definately feels better when he's around friends and family.

Right now, he has focused on one aspect of the scripture. i.e. he has to be poor to get to Heaven. We are working with his school Chaplain and councillor.

Any help on this "must have no wealth" topic would be great. We know he's taken scripture out of context so other "out of context" counters would be great.

That's not what it says! It says 'it is harder for a rich man to fit through the eye of a needle than to get into heaven but through God all things are possible.' It also says 'we cannot serve two masters God and money.' If we serve God while making a decent living putting God first we are not serving money too. If you look at the story of Job you will find he was well off and never went against God despite many horrible things happening to him. David and Solomon were also rich Kings whom God favored greatly. Your son can be wealthy and go to heaven. When Jesus was speaking to the one guy about giving up everything he was talking to one man. Perhaps Jesus knew the man loved money more than God. I don't know why Jesus told him what he did.

 

[Etharia]

Your son needs to know that God blesses his children. Compassion and a giving spirit are things that every person should posess, however, that doesn't mean you should give everything away. Gods blesses people and one of the ways he blesses them is with money and finances. You bless your children by buying them things they need and present and by trying to teach and guide them. God does the same thing, only better. You don't want you son to give away everything he owns and to live a poor and miserable life. Neither does God. These are things he needs to understand.

 

[jenptcfan]

Perhaps now is the time to talk with your child about how to know for sure he's going to heaven. Explain the significance of Jesus' death on the cross and that Jesus died on the cross for his sins so that he wouldn't have to go to Hell. Explain what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus and assurance of eternal salvation.

 

[Tigermom]

Hi,

Yours sounds like a tough challenge, as you want your son to understand how bad sin is on one hand, but also to understand how great Christ's love is on the other. Have you encouraged your son to read some of the more encouraging passages, like Psalm 23 and John 10 that illustrate Jesus as the "good shepherd" who looks after his flock and makes sure they don't get lost? Another chapter I love is Ephesians 1, which emphasizes that we are adopted forever as children of God. The entire chapter is focused on our incredible identity in Christ and the promises God has for us. It is so encouraging. Find some really great encouraging scripture passages and have your son use them as memory verses. You can also lead him to resurrection story. He'll painfully read about Christ's death, but then get to joyfully read about Christ's resurrection and see that Jesus loves us THAT much. That reminds me that I've been hearing so much about that "Passion" movie. Since it's not out in theaters until later this month, I haven't seen it and wonder whether I should endorse a movie I haven't yet seen, but apparently it's one of those be-ready-to-be-changed movies. It could have a huge impact on helping your son really understand what Jesus did and why. Best wishes!

 

[Astronaut]

To me, these sound like the symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder. Do a google search for "scrupulosity." OCD can be treated with cognitive-behavioural therapy and anti-depressants. OCD can start at a very young age. Christians tend to emphasize aspects of doctrine that can create OCD tendencies, while ignoring aspects of doctrine that can free us from bondage to the law.

 

[Kathryn13]

People do not go to Hell because of the bad things they do, and they do not go to Heaven because of the good things they do. They go to Heaven because they accept Christ as their personal Savior, the one who took on all of those sins so that they wouldn't have to be seperated from the Creator for ever in Hell. They go to Hell only if they have not asked forgiveness and accepted what Jesus Christ has done for them. Once that has been done, there's no reason to fear death and Hell. As far as giving, Jesus also said that the poor would always be with us, so what he really wants is for us to be responsible with the gifts he has given us, including our money.

 

[LoganTrussell]

I was like him exactley, I was told this by a priest. He said that if I don't go to a priest and ask for forgiveness then I would go to Hell. I got sick to my stomach and I think I almost threw up. I read the verse in the Bible "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, so that whoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16 and also tell him that being a "good person" isn't the reason you're sent to heaven, heres the verse "I mean that you have been saved by grace through believing. You did not save yourselves; it was a gift from God. It was not the result of your own efforts so you cannot brag about it." Ephesians 2:8-9 I hope that helped

 

[Mayzoo]

I would be just as curious as to what happened roughly in late December or January that brought on this sudden change in personality, and beliefs. It could be a phase, it could be conviction, it could be he feels he did something very wrong, or it could be something someone he feels is in authority said to him. I would try to address both how to deal with this new sentiment, and what caused it.

My biggest concern in this is that he is being abused, mislead or guilted into something by someone. I was abused by an authority figure, told it was my fault I was abused, and told I was evil because of the abuse. I grew up believing I was evil, and that God was "coming after me" someday . It took me almost twenty-five years to reconcile my beliefs into a more positive belief structure. Not to say that this is what is going on with your son, but I would have to probe as to the cause for this new belief system he has adopted.