I'm new to this forum. I apologize if this isn't the right forum to post this, but I want to ask a question. (Warning, it's long.)
I'm 25 years old. I lead a pretty normal life: married to a computer programmer, two college degrees, working on a third. I have a 'gifted' IQ, but not sure what my score would be if I took the test now. I'm an excellent writer and artist, but am not so good at math. I have had bouts of severe depression and anxiety throughout my life, and have just been diagnosed inattentive ADD. I recently started reading about Asperger's, when my husband thought he might have it--and wow, does it sound like me.
I was a rather weird kid growing up. I used to obsess over the strangest things, like reflectors in the road. I mean, I would think about reflectors, talk about reflectors, and I got my dad to drive me out to the street where I could stand there and just study the reflector. I also went through other long-lasting obsessions--Little House on the Prairie was one--I read the entire collection tens of times, and went to a Girl Scout meeting once dressed in full garb, including sunbonnet. I asked my mom once to buy me chemicals so that I could imitate bioluminiscence (age 9). She always said I was a "gifted and inquisitive" child.
Although I went through the gifted program and made excellent test scores, my grades dropped to C's in middle school--I think, because of my depression and ADD.
I have always had terrible social anxiety. I've always had one or two good friends, but they used to call me weird, and abuse me. I have always felt like I don't quite 'get it' socially. I got kicked off the yearbook staff in high school because the other kids hated me. They accused me of not speaking to them, not being a team player. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong.
I've worked very hard throughout my life to fit in. In college, I learned to dress right, say the right things, and even joined a small sorority. (Was voted President--they said I was "the most responsible choice", but then the girls booted me for some reason. I quit the group in shame and never found out what the reason was.)
I cannot keep a job--mostly because of my ADD, I think. I have had 7 jobs in the past year. At every job, people seem to like me at first, then for some reason become chilly. I seem to be very prone to brutal bullying, even at my age. I'm not sure why.
I say slightly odd things sometimes too:
Examples: Told my friend, "My mom says my makeup drawer is very clean." Maybe that doesn't sound so weird, but think of a grown woman saying that... it's just not socially correct.
Someone says, "I need some glue. Do you have any glue?" I say, "I have some earwax." Bad joke?
Etc, etc forever...
When I was younger (14 or so) I thought I was going to hell for committing the unforgivable sin of blasphemy. In my mind I would scream curses at God, and the more I tried to stop, the more it would happen. OCD-like. I also thought that God was communicating to me through signs and music. I thought that my family was spying on me through a nonexistent hole in the bathroom wall, and I think I briefly thought that my dad could read my mind. This all stopped when I went on antidepressants, which I've been taking off and on for 10 years.
When I was 12, I left school, stood in the parking lot for half an hour and waited for my parents to pick me up--then realized the day wasn't over.
The main thing that makes me think of Asperger's is my social anxiety. I feel like I can't relate to most people, can't look people in the eye, and am clumsy and awkward, which I've read is a symptom. I stutter, garble, and blank out when I am nervous around someone. And this is after getting a Bachelor's in Communication Arts. I also pick at my skin relentlessly, hum, rock, and do other self-stimulating sorts of behaviors.
I could just go on forever...
I suppose you could convince yourself you've got anything...but I would really like some opinions from someone who knows this disorder. I think I may have a mild case. (Perhaps not so mild?)
More than anything, I would like to just have an explanation for some of my quirks, and read some books--if indeed I have the disorder. I am not sure I want to bring it up to a psychiatrist just yet.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
(Please answer here, I would rather keep my name and E-mail private.)
I'm 25 years old. I lead a pretty normal life: married to a computer programmer, two college degrees, working on a third. I have a 'gifted' IQ, but not sure what my score would be if I took the test now. I'm an excellent writer and artist, but am not so good at math. I have had bouts of severe depression and anxiety throughout my life, and have just been diagnosed inattentive ADD. I recently started reading about Asperger's, when my husband thought he might have it--and wow, does it sound like me.
I was a rather weird kid growing up. I used to obsess over the strangest things, like reflectors in the road. I mean, I would think about reflectors, talk about reflectors, and I got my dad to drive me out to the street where I could stand there and just study the reflector. I also went through other long-lasting obsessions--Little House on the Prairie was one--I read the entire collection tens of times, and went to a Girl Scout meeting once dressed in full garb, including sunbonnet. I asked my mom once to buy me chemicals so that I could imitate bioluminiscence (age 9). She always said I was a "gifted and inquisitive" child.
Although I went through the gifted program and made excellent test scores, my grades dropped to C's in middle school--I think, because of my depression and ADD.
I have always had terrible social anxiety. I've always had one or two good friends, but they used to call me weird, and abuse me. I have always felt like I don't quite 'get it' socially. I got kicked off the yearbook staff in high school because the other kids hated me. They accused me of not speaking to them, not being a team player. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong.
I've worked very hard throughout my life to fit in. In college, I learned to dress right, say the right things, and even joined a small sorority. (Was voted President--they said I was "the most responsible choice", but then the girls booted me for some reason. I quit the group in shame and never found out what the reason was.)
I cannot keep a job--mostly because of my ADD, I think. I have had 7 jobs in the past year. At every job, people seem to like me at first, then for some reason become chilly. I seem to be very prone to brutal bullying, even at my age. I'm not sure why.
I say slightly odd things sometimes too:
Examples: Told my friend, "My mom says my makeup drawer is very clean." Maybe that doesn't sound so weird, but think of a grown woman saying that... it's just not socially correct.
Someone says, "I need some glue. Do you have any glue?" I say, "I have some earwax." Bad joke?
Etc, etc forever...
When I was younger (14 or so) I thought I was going to hell for committing the unforgivable sin of blasphemy. In my mind I would scream curses at God, and the more I tried to stop, the more it would happen. OCD-like. I also thought that God was communicating to me through signs and music. I thought that my family was spying on me through a nonexistent hole in the bathroom wall, and I think I briefly thought that my dad could read my mind. This all stopped when I went on antidepressants, which I've been taking off and on for 10 years.
When I was 12, I left school, stood in the parking lot for half an hour and waited for my parents to pick me up--then realized the day wasn't over.
The main thing that makes me think of Asperger's is my social anxiety. I feel like I can't relate to most people, can't look people in the eye, and am clumsy and awkward, which I've read is a symptom. I stutter, garble, and blank out when I am nervous around someone. And this is after getting a Bachelor's in Communication Arts. I also pick at my skin relentlessly, hum, rock, and do other self-stimulating sorts of behaviors.
I could just go on forever...
I suppose you could convince yourself you've got anything...but I would really like some opinions from someone who knows this disorder. I think I may have a mild case. (Perhaps not so mild?)
More than anything, I would like to just have an explanation for some of my quirks, and read some books--if indeed I have the disorder. I am not sure I want to bring it up to a psychiatrist just yet.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
(Please answer here, I would rather keep my name and E-mail private.)
That possibly is AS and I am not sure. I mean my AS is different from DeanAndersons AS, for example I bite my fingernails 'still doing it and believe it or not have done it ever since childhood, a rude habbit that has to stop' and he doesnt ok 
