Playing God

[Niffer]

Since I was married, I've been on birthcontrol (the ortho evra patch) it's worked well enough, meaning I haven't gotten pregnant.
However due to some health issues, (the BC was making me feel sick) My husband and I have switched to condoms.

Our first time using them was pretty hilarious, but thats another story..

Anyway I've been feeling the "baby need" for a few months now, even so much that I've gotten slihgtly depressed over it sometimes. Remi, my husband, wants children but didn't know if now was the right time. He's such a relaxed guy, that if I said I wanted to wait 5 years, he'd be fine with that, but I don't!

I had a good long chat with one of my friends, a married, young mom - and she said that BC has also been making her sick which is why she and her husband just stopped using birthcontrol, she called it "playing god"
Her argument was basically: "If God wants you pregnant, you'll get pregnant regardless of birth control, if he doesn't, you won't get pregnant."

Is that a nieve view?
However, Remi and I decided to stop using BC in 6 months. We're not going to "try" for a child, rather just live life and see what happens. (though truthfully, I'm hoping to get pregnant)

Why does 6 months seem forever and yet so close at the same time??

~ Niffer

 

[peace in the vally]

All I Know Is That The Comment She Made About If God Wants You Pregnant It Will Happen Rather Your On Birthcontrol Or Not Is In My Opinion Completly True. I Wanted To Wait Until I Was 25 To Start Having Children, So I Was On Birth Control And He Used A Condom And He Pulled Out~ Well Low And Behold The Condom Broke And Nine Months Later I Had A Little Girl. I Decided Then That If God Wanted It It Was Going To Happen Reguardless....i Have Not Used Bc Or Condom Since He Just Pulls Out And I Told God ~actually Begged Him ~not To Give Me Another. Have Not Gotten Pregnant Yet And Im At Peace With The Fact That I Wont....i Just Don't Even Worry About It Because He Knows Our Desires And Our Needs All We Have To Do Is Ask And He Knows Whats Best For Us So I Just Left That In His Hands

 

[Niffer]

Hmm, see that might be something we'd consider in 6 months time - Remi needs the 6 months I think to get himself ready for anything that might happen (eg. a child) as well as he's got to finish his government testing (he's a welder) and we're also in the middle of trying to find him a better job, once he is fully certified.

So we have some stuff going on.

But I do desire that peace, what will happen will happen - regardless of what I "plan", but as a human it is hard letting go of the illusion of control, espically concerning child birth.

 

[Leanna]

I had a good long chat with one of my friends, a married, young mom - and she said that BC has also been making her sick which is why she and her husband just stopped using birthcontrol, she called it "playing god"

God has been working on this with me for a while, and I lean pretty near to quiverfull myself so you know what I am going to say. The Bible says children are a blessing from the Lord, a heritage even.

I have been giving a lot of thought to this subject recently and I do think that our culture leans way too far into planning children and being in "control" of our fertility. I do understand wanting to be wise stewards with what we have, preventing pregnancy (by natural means) when our money is not in order and God does not call us to faith specifically, or preventing when there are health concerns, or other things that God might call us to do. I just think that our culture is downright OBSESSED with birth CONTROL. Even the name.... birth control.... shows where our hearts are. We believe we are in control and that we ought to be in control of our own fertility. :o Sometimes I get no hint of God being involved in the process at all... we think we have a right to plan our lives and how many children and how many years apart.... oi!

 

[Niffer]

Thanks for the reply Leanna, and if it was up to me, I'd not be using any bc at all! But I need to respect my husbands wishes, and the /last/ thing I want is to get pregnant and have him not be happy about it.

I'm just happy I got him to agree to 6 months! That was my huge accomplishment

I think too many people think of pregnancy as a sure thing, if you have sex without Bc you WILL get pregnant, but thats not true. And we're in the position that if I did get pregnant, we'd be fine!
Maybe he's just nervous...it's hard to tell with Remi. I call him my "hippie minus the drugs" he's the calmest most relaxed guy I've ever met, so he doesn't look "nervous" often.

Hmm..anyway, thanks again!
~Niffer

 

[Birbitt]

I was on birth control when I got preg with my first child and I was on BC again when I got preg with my second child. I am now expecting child #3 and we didn't use BC. After trying two completely different types of BC and getting preg I came to the conclusion that you can't prevent what God is determined to give you so I decided to just let it be and whatever happens is God's will and it will all work out.

 

[CelticRose]

The Pill produced twins in my case! Last time I used BC. I waited two years to be given my first daughter & another 6 to be given my second so no BC doesn't equal pregnancy.

 

[Serendipity07]

Niffer,
I am currently in the same boat as you, where you are really hoping you end up pregnant. I feel like all I can think about is having a baby, and have been like that for 7 months. My husband sometimes seems unsure about us actually 'trying' for a baby. I think he is worried that if we have a kid it will be crazy expensive, but someone told me if you wait until you think you have enough money, then you'll never have kids. I guess we are kind of in a grey spot now where we are not necessarily trying to get pregnant, but not exactly not trying.

 

[Niffer]

Oh my goodness! Twins on BC? ...I wish I was that lucky I thought I /might/ be pregnant while I was still on BC just because of the way I was feeling - but it turned out being the BC itself that was making me sick.

Serendipity,
Yes! Thats exactly how my husband feels too! He doesn't want to "try", but I have gotten him to agree to just stop using any BC.
My husband isn't so worried about the cost, but I think he believes that once there's a baby, social life is over and we can't "do anything or go anywhere" ...which is ironic since we're not going anywhere or doing anything anyway And both he and I have all the same friends, and even then it's always been a baby-friendly enviornment. (no drinking/smoking/partying etc)

I reminded Remi of that as well, if we wait for everything to be perfect, we'll be waiting forever. *sigh*

But I can wait the 6 months I think, *thats our BC stop date* and just see what happens. Hopefully he'll relax enough about between now and then, that if we do get pregnant, he'll be fine

~ Niff

 

[jgonz]

I have had 10 kids, and almost all of them were conceived when I was on one form of bc or another (the only one we planned was born with birth defects and died, so we stopped planning). God is most Definately in charge! I couldn't do the pill or any other form of synthetic hormone birth control or it would make me crazy. I just didn't do well with them, so we were using various types of barrier methods.

That said, you do have to take your DH's feelings into account. My DH was nervous about just throwing out all forms of bc and letting things happen, because he felt that we weren't being "smart" about it. However, he was fine every single time I got pregnant (and had, in fact, told me he wanted 10 kids when we got engaged! LOL)

 

[Leanna]

You should be careful if your DH is not ready for kids and is still in the prevent mindset, you don't want him to feel resentful if he is rushed into it.

 

[marezee]

BC and barrier methods were my choice as well.
but there are other methods you can use without these.
like knowing your body's cycle....when you are ovulating.
that's how my DH and I got pregnant the last time.
So if you knew when you were ovulating...approx 2 weeks after your period ends, you just obstain for sexual intercourse during that week.
it's not foolproof, but it's a more natural way i think.

but i also agree with everyone else...that God's plans trump all of our own plans!
God bless you and i hope that you get your heart's desire!

 

[Serendipity07]

Leanna, I know what you mean about not wanting DH to feel resentful and feeling rushed into being a parent. Every time we've talked about starting a family I have expressed that I would hate for him to feel that way, and he's completely reassured me that he would never feel that way.

Niffer, my husband has also made suggestions about our social life being over, but we really do not have one either. We have a few friends that are couples that we will go to dinner with, but we are pretty much homebodies. Everyone so often he'll have a work get together, but everything is definitely very family friendly.

Before when he would seem hesitant, I think part of it was we had just moved to Germany, and he was waiting for us to be settled in and figure out where everything is.

Yesterday, DH was telling me about part of his day and he was talking to one of his friends about how we are trying. So I was quite excited to actually hear him say it the way he did.

 

[heart of peace]

I enjoyed reading Leanna's original reply to this thread.

As an Orthodox Christian, I believe the only acceptable way to space pregnancies would be non-abortifacient methods and only in cases where economia is granted due to extraneous circumstances (a Greek term which translates into economy in English and essentially means that an Orthodox Christian is allowed permission to not strictly adhere to the doctrines of the Faith - and preventing conception is not normal or customary in my faith).

I don't understand though what "playing God" means - that is dangerous thinking. I suppose one could go to the extreme that locking your doors at night is playing God or any number of things. Is it not right and proper to utilize the brains that God gave us in our lives so long as they do not go against Scripture? Having an issue with hormonal birth control because it could possibly prevent the implantation of a fertilized egg is one thing but to go the extent of saying one equates themself with God is a bit ludicrous to me.

I think it boils down to basically what Leanna said, what is the driving motive...Is it for control or is one spacing children due to reasons of inability to provide for one's child in a way where (s)he would be fed, clothed, educated and sheltered properly?

 

[Hadassah]

I'm with Leanne, Jgonz and MrsDahl.

I had been on BC when I was not married due to the endometriosis, but it plays with my mental state and physical state in such a way I cannot do it.

So, DH and I have really thought and prayed about it and fee the same as these lovely ladies... however DH wants to "cut things off" at 3 children. He's worried about provision, and what other people would think .... and say.

So we're still working on it.

 

[MamaHen]

My husband and I are refraining from having a number of children in mind. There is a reason things don't often turn out the way you plan them. Our Lord has better things in mind for us. Like that whole "Do you want to know how to make God laugh?" thing.

As for 'not being able to go out anymore' that is true and you should expect it. When my husband and I go out it is a big deal to us. We treasure it because of all the planning it takes to make sure the kids are taken care of and that we get back in a timely fashion. Also, when we are out as a family we always have to make sure to watch the clock and get home in time for baths and other bedtime routines.

There will be times that you mourn your 'freedom' but there is a reason the Bible calls children a gift! They really and truly are. And no one can really explain to you all the amazing things that being a parent does for you - most of all spiritually.

God bless your family.

 

[fated]

In almost every single case, a child as sunshine to their parents. I recommend that, for your marriage and family, and for their sake, that you have several children, as you are capable.