Personalities

[exitstageright]

I think much of what we believe are problems in "dating" relationships are really a clash of personalities. We tend to approach the world in a certain way and assume that other people experience the same situations the same way we do.

In psychology class, our instructor had us take a well respected personality test online to learn more about ourselves. I did this at the time and promptly forgot about it. However, a nursing friend of mine mentioned it in a conversation and he was somewhat "embarassed" by his. I looked his up and it fit him very well, but because it is more emotion based, he doesn't see it as being "manly" even though there is nothing non-masculine about him. Reading it also helped me understand how he thinks and I was able to see things through different eyes. There are things that I have viewed as "weakness" in him that I was able to now see both as strengths. They are related to being a peacemaker and really caring about people enough not to want to cause strife.

After reading that, I took the test again and was both horrified and amazed by how accurate mine assessment was. Although I "feel" a lot of emotions, I don't act based on them. The explanation of my personality says that others often perceive me as being "unfeeling" because I do live by what I consider "logic" and don't follow my heart. As far as this forum goes, it explains why I could live in peace with someone killing my adult child if he was a psychopath.

Reading this made me rethink how I approach the world and a little less judgemental about the people around me. Just because they do things that I don't understand does not mean that they are "wrong" or less Godly. God just designed them differently. It has also changed how I interact with my emotional friend...and how I encourage him. Words that would encourage me often have the opposite response on him...now I can be a better friend.

Here is the site that has both the test and the explanations of the personalities. It is a safe site.

Personality Test - Keirsey.com *** Keirsey Temperament Sorter II

My is ESF ( Guardian Provider). Yes I have provided strangers with money,attention,and with respect.

 

[blackribbon]

Michelle, There are actually dating sites/forums that use these personality types to pair up. I don't know that I'd use them for that..but I do think it is wise to learn the personality of your partner or potential partner so that you can build them up and understand why they act/react like they do. With my study friend, without meaning to, I was actually disregarding his feelings when I was trying to encourage him. I wanted things to be "logical" like I address the world. He needed someone to listen to his frustrations and vent his feelings ... and just have them validated in order to be encouraged. I almost wasn't being much of a friend because I wanted to fit him in my "box" of how the world should be. Since learning this, I have learned to sit back and just listen and not try to "solve" his problems...he can do that just fine after he is allowed to just feel what he is feeling.

 

[blackribbon]

My is ESF ( Guardian Provider). Yes I have provided strangers with money,attention,and with respect.

You are missing the last letter...are you a P or a J


The different letters stand for:

Attitudes: extraversion/introversion (E/I)

Functions: sensing/intuition (S/N) and thinking/feeling (T/F)

Lifestyle: judging/perception (J/P)



There is no wrong or right...no bad or good personality types...and there are variations within each because we can fall as just barely one over the other...or distinctly one over the other.

 

[exitstageright]

I am a INTJ like you Dr S. I am even more unique in that I am female.

Exit...there is someone for everyone...just because he is so serious does not mean that there isn't a woman who values that in man...and last I looked around here, we are ALL STILL single...be careful about throwing those stones...

Well,I know that being so serious,at an young age;was the reason why I scaring the girls and the young ladies away from me.

I always hear women say that there is someone for everyone. How can that be? Women out number men in this country. So,mathematically,with the numbers not being gender balanced,this is not true.
Even on singles cruises,especially in my age group,the women always outnumber the men. One of the reasons that there are more women than men is because of wars. Also,younger men take more risks that younger ladies,or typically have more dangerous jobs. Some young men just do stupid things to cause their deaths. We hear about this on the News all of the time.
So are you saying that God made me so quirky,that most women would not accept me? I refuse to believe that God would play such a cruel,and a sadistic joke on me,in order for me to be faithful and true to that one,and only one woman, who would accept and want me.

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

I am a INTJ like you Dr S. I am even more unique in that I am female.

Exit...there is someone for everyone...just because he is so serious does not mean that there isn't a woman who values that in man...and last I looked around here, we are ALL STILL single...be careful about throwing those stones...

Well, we are both INTJ - I thought you would be *NT* something. Didn't you say on some thread that you studied engineering? That really fits with INTJ. I wonder how much of our personalities are genetic and how much comes from early experiences. Did you also grow up feeling that you were a little different and not really caring that you were different, but noticing it nevertheless?

I was grimly serious from childhood up through young adulthood. I guess I understand why I wasn't exactly popular. One thing that bugs me is that our culture sees seriousness as a character flaw almost - seriousness is seen as a coldness or as a lack of compassion.

 

[blackribbon]

Well,I know that being so serious,at an young age;was the reason why I scaring the girls and the young ladies away from me.

I always hear women say that there is someone for everyone. How can that be? Women out number men in this country. So,mathematically,with the numbers not being gender balanced,this is not true.
Even on singles cruises,especially in my age group,the women always outnumber the men. One of the reasons that there are more women than men is because of wars. Also,younger men take more risks that younger ladies,or typically have more dangerous jobs. Some young men just do stupid things to cause their deaths. We hear about this on the News all of the time.
So are you saying that God made me so quirky,that most women would not accept me? I refuse to believe that God would play such a cruel,and a sadistic joke on me,in order for me to be faithful and true to that one,and only one woman, who would accept and want me.

You have been married. You have been accepted by at least two women in your life.

I really just meant that there is a personality match for each personality...finding them is another story.

 

[blackribbon]

Well, we are both INTJ - I thought you would be *NT* something. Didn't you say on some thread that you studied engineering? That really fits with INTJ. I wonder how much of our personalities are genetic and how much comes from early experiences. Did you also grow up feeling that you were a little different and not really caring that you were different, but noticing it nevertheless?

I was grimly serious from childhood up through young adulthood. I guess I understand why I wasn't exactly popular. One thing that bugs me is that our culture sees seriousness as a character flaw almost - seriousness is seen as a coldness or as a lack of compassion.

I have a degree in engineering. I wasn't grim but I like the world to make sense...and will arrange and rearrange it until it does. I also have feelings that I feel very deeply but I do not make decisions based on those feelings. I probably could be a good emergency room nurse. I can "check my feelings" and start sorting out misc. body parts...matching them up to the correct owners like a big puzzle. I also am the nurse that could give quality care to the Boston bomber in spite of everything he did because I promised to care for everyone equally. I'd go home and cry later when nobody needed me to be logical.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

I've never read about Single Dating in the Bible. Where is that?
Also it is quite difficult or impossible to not let our feelings or our past personal experiences influence our decisions. It is in fact the very fiber of who we are. We are formed by our personal experiences and feelings that went with them. And alot of people in the Bible went thru alot of bad circumstances and even made mistakes when they were trying to follow God but in the end they were blessed by God.
I didn't read in anyone's posts that we want to be our own "god". I found this personality test to peg me pretty good. I don't see anything wrong with it.

Specifically, there are no passages i have found about 'Single Dating'..but there are passages from Paul about warning Timothy how to look upon the younger women / about how to remain Single if we already are / about Singleness being a high calling / and a smattering of passages in the book of Proverbs about how to treat others in relationships.

We become our 'own god' if/when we go off of our feelings when we do not want to choose what Gods Word has to say on the specific matter . Feelings that have developed from past experiences need not veto what Gods Word says on any certain issue ; in fact, we should use Gods Word to validate the feelings we are having or, to invalidate them so we end up with the ultimate truth .

 

[blackribbon]

Going by feelings isn't "becoming our own god". It is by following feelings that we experience true compassion. Compassion and grace are not "logical"...they are acts of love which is a "feeling".

I am not vetoing God's word because I do not see it saying what you say it does. I am a widow with children. I am not a virgin anymore but I am single not by any fault of my own or any ungodly activity on anyone's part. The Bible does address widows and it is fairly clear, that I am allowed to marry and should marry if my "feelings" (burning passion) make it hard to stay alone.

In the wake of my husbands death, I read my Bible very closely looking for guidance on how to face life...and I was surprised the number of times that I found what it actually said was not quite what the church is teaching. God tells us to love Him and love our neighbors. Those are the two most important things. It isn't book of don't but rather a book of "dos". I am quietly waiting to see if God does put a man my direction that I feel allowed to marry. Interesting enough, the people God sends my way now (both male and female) are often very broken people who need someone to love them "as is" and not dump a million rules on them. Sad to say, I can't count the number of people that said I was a different kind of Christian and I am horrified their experiences with the Christians they have met.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

We must be careful not to let our feelings, our past personal experiences, etc.. cloud the ultimate truth source for us to acquire sound teaching (and then to faithfully implement it) : Gods Word. There is a good amount of instruction in the Bible relating to Single Dating Relationships and Marriage Relationships ; its just a matter of whether we want them to have authority in our life or if we want to be our own 'god' to do what we feel like doing regardless.

YOU said the above "There is a good amount of instruction in the bible relating to Single Dating Relationships and Marriage Relationships". So now you come back and say there isn't? Well you are correct. There isn't. In biblical times most of the marriages were arranged and they did not "date".