- Oct 31, 2008
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- US-Libertarian
So I've been single for five years now, with the exception of a brief LDR a couple years ago. I don't really count that though since we actually spent very little time together and live 400 miles apart.
I recently met a girl who ticks just about all of the boxes on the proverbial list I had for myself, if I were ever to remarry. Our beliefs and values line up exactly, she's kind of old fashioned and traditional like me, we're both introverted so we understand each other's needs in that regard.
Theoretically I should be pretty stoked because this chick is supposed to be the kind of girl I'd want to marry and start a family with. And yet, I feel completely ambivalent. I don't feel an urgency to spend time with her like I have women I dated in the past and I'm not sure I'm actually even attracted to her physically. In fact, last night she invited me to a group dinner thing she was going to but I declined because I had dinner plans with my friend. I feel like in the past when I've been into the girl I would've asked my friend if I could take a raincheck and cleared space out for the girl so I could spend time with her.
Meanwhile, I've had a crush on a coworker of mine for a long time. I love her personality, we
'get' each other really well, she's attractive, hard working, and very smart. But—and she doesn't know this—our values don't line up at all. She's a liberal agnostic and I'm a religious conservative. Nobody at my job knows my faith and political values because it's a very liberal workplace and I'd probably be skewered for my beliefs, so I have to be shrewd with how I handle them. But she and I have hung out together in group capacities like hikes, dinners, going out to bars, and have had a lot of fun.
So why is it that I'm into the second girl but not the first one? My friend thinks it's because the first one is too much like me. Since when does anybody really want to date themselves? I kind of agree with him, but I also understand how difficult a romantic relationship/marriage can be when people don't line up in matters of faith. Even though my ex-wife and I were both Christian the fact that she was pentecostal and I was more traditionally-oriented created a lot of problems. That's dialed up to 11 if one of us is religious and the other isn't.
What are your thoughts here?
I recently met a girl who ticks just about all of the boxes on the proverbial list I had for myself, if I were ever to remarry. Our beliefs and values line up exactly, she's kind of old fashioned and traditional like me, we're both introverted so we understand each other's needs in that regard.
Theoretically I should be pretty stoked because this chick is supposed to be the kind of girl I'd want to marry and start a family with. And yet, I feel completely ambivalent. I don't feel an urgency to spend time with her like I have women I dated in the past and I'm not sure I'm actually even attracted to her physically. In fact, last night she invited me to a group dinner thing she was going to but I declined because I had dinner plans with my friend. I feel like in the past when I've been into the girl I would've asked my friend if I could take a raincheck and cleared space out for the girl so I could spend time with her.
Meanwhile, I've had a crush on a coworker of mine for a long time. I love her personality, we
'get' each other really well, she's attractive, hard working, and very smart. But—and she doesn't know this—our values don't line up at all. She's a liberal agnostic and I'm a religious conservative. Nobody at my job knows my faith and political values because it's a very liberal workplace and I'd probably be skewered for my beliefs, so I have to be shrewd with how I handle them. But she and I have hung out together in group capacities like hikes, dinners, going out to bars, and have had a lot of fun.
So why is it that I'm into the second girl but not the first one? My friend thinks it's because the first one is too much like me. Since when does anybody really want to date themselves? I kind of agree with him, but I also understand how difficult a romantic relationship/marriage can be when people don't line up in matters of faith. Even though my ex-wife and I were both Christian the fact that she was pentecostal and I was more traditionally-oriented created a lot of problems. That's dialed up to 11 if one of us is religious and the other isn't.
What are your thoughts here?