Another thread strayed into this most thorny of topics and in discussing it with others (hi beechy) I thought it would be best to finally clear the air. What I would like to do is discuss what patriarchy exactly is, is the societal idea different from the biblical idea, is the biblical model of marriage even patriarchy at all, and what exactly is being taught and/or practiced in our churches today.
I will reiterate my view on some of this as related in the other thread.
Patriarchy is defined as "A family or society in which authority is vested in males, through whom descent and inheritance are traced." I believe feminism has demonized this definition even more, adding spousal abuse, domination, and even sexual slavery as inherent elements in the system. To summarize the contemporary idea, patriarchy is a social system where "men 'lord it over' women". Indeed, when patriarchy is usually mentioned in a contemporary social context it is this male domination of women that is being spoken of.
In my view, the biblical view of marriage is completely the opposite of this unbiblical and sin filled model that we have come to define as patriarchy. That is why I would not use the word to define the biblical model, simply because of people’s preconceived notions of what it means.
So what is the biblical model? Well, to start with, the ultimate authority in a family is God. Men and women are to both submit to each other in love but submit to God in authority. Moreover, roles and responsibilities in the family are to be delegated not based on gender but based on giftedness and divine direction. Decisions are made with consideration of everyone’s input and often, as with roles, the final say goes to the person most experienced or gifted to make those decisions. Sex, within this structure, is something equally shared, with both partners giving themselves selflessly to meet the other partner's needs (1 Cor 7).
Doesn't sound too patriarchal so far. But everyone gets hung up (and freaked out) regarding "headship" and "submission". The biblical family structure is still a patriarchy in that the man is the head. So, what the heck does that mean?
First, understand that this is not a position of dominion and it is not a position of privilege. Headship means we are to interact with our families like Christ interacts with the church.
First and foremost, it means we are to be accountable for our family. It is our job to take responsibility when the family screws up, and our job to intercede when the family is threatened. This means protection, but it is even more on a spiritual front than on a physical front. Adam's failure to fulfill these two essential elements of headship were, in fact, the original sin. He did not intercede between Eve and the serpent, and he did not take responsibility for both his and Eve's actions when God sought out him to give an account of what had happened.
The second element of headship is to serve the family. This is a self sacrificing service. Our family should be our number one (earthly) priority and we should serve and sacrifice for it even unto death, just as Jesus did.
Finally, another responsibility of headship is to pray for the family. Although it is good for all of us to pray, it is specifically a husband's responsibility as demonstrated repeatedly by Jesus.
So, that is what biblical headship demands and expects and that is what makes the biblical model patriarchal. It is a far cry from how our contemporary society defines it and an even farther cry from how traditional societies have lived it.
Now, to be sure, there are some Christian families that go above and beyond. There are many wives who willingly and gladly cede authority to their husbands and happily accept traditional gender roles. That is their prerogative. That does not make their family or their husband any less biblical. In fact, such freedom is a welcome change to the strict and formulaic patterns sociologists like to plug us into (such as classical patriarchy as an example). Each family needs to work out the parameters themselves within the framework outlined in scripture. But just as the family that "looks" traditionally patriarchal (although looks are deceiving) can be perfectly in line with scripture, so can be the family where mom works and dad stays home with the kids. The NT model is quite flexible as long as these two things are being lived out: the couple submits to each other in love and to God in authority, and the man fulfills his headship obligation to pray for, intercede for, serve, and be accountable for the family.
To summarize my opinion, patriarchy as it has been practiced even amongst God's people throughout the ages onto this very day does not reflect God's design for marriage.
I will reiterate my view on some of this as related in the other thread.
Patriarchy is defined as "A family or society in which authority is vested in males, through whom descent and inheritance are traced." I believe feminism has demonized this definition even more, adding spousal abuse, domination, and even sexual slavery as inherent elements in the system. To summarize the contemporary idea, patriarchy is a social system where "men 'lord it over' women". Indeed, when patriarchy is usually mentioned in a contemporary social context it is this male domination of women that is being spoken of.
In my view, the biblical view of marriage is completely the opposite of this unbiblical and sin filled model that we have come to define as patriarchy. That is why I would not use the word to define the biblical model, simply because of people’s preconceived notions of what it means.
So what is the biblical model? Well, to start with, the ultimate authority in a family is God. Men and women are to both submit to each other in love but submit to God in authority. Moreover, roles and responsibilities in the family are to be delegated not based on gender but based on giftedness and divine direction. Decisions are made with consideration of everyone’s input and often, as with roles, the final say goes to the person most experienced or gifted to make those decisions. Sex, within this structure, is something equally shared, with both partners giving themselves selflessly to meet the other partner's needs (1 Cor 7).
Doesn't sound too patriarchal so far. But everyone gets hung up (and freaked out) regarding "headship" and "submission". The biblical family structure is still a patriarchy in that the man is the head. So, what the heck does that mean?
First, understand that this is not a position of dominion and it is not a position of privilege. Headship means we are to interact with our families like Christ interacts with the church.
First and foremost, it means we are to be accountable for our family. It is our job to take responsibility when the family screws up, and our job to intercede when the family is threatened. This means protection, but it is even more on a spiritual front than on a physical front. Adam's failure to fulfill these two essential elements of headship were, in fact, the original sin. He did not intercede between Eve and the serpent, and he did not take responsibility for both his and Eve's actions when God sought out him to give an account of what had happened.
The second element of headship is to serve the family. This is a self sacrificing service. Our family should be our number one (earthly) priority and we should serve and sacrifice for it even unto death, just as Jesus did.
Finally, another responsibility of headship is to pray for the family. Although it is good for all of us to pray, it is specifically a husband's responsibility as demonstrated repeatedly by Jesus.
So, that is what biblical headship demands and expects and that is what makes the biblical model patriarchal. It is a far cry from how our contemporary society defines it and an even farther cry from how traditional societies have lived it.
Now, to be sure, there are some Christian families that go above and beyond. There are many wives who willingly and gladly cede authority to their husbands and happily accept traditional gender roles. That is their prerogative. That does not make their family or their husband any less biblical. In fact, such freedom is a welcome change to the strict and formulaic patterns sociologists like to plug us into (such as classical patriarchy as an example). Each family needs to work out the parameters themselves within the framework outlined in scripture. But just as the family that "looks" traditionally patriarchal (although looks are deceiving) can be perfectly in line with scripture, so can be the family where mom works and dad stays home with the kids. The NT model is quite flexible as long as these two things are being lived out: the couple submits to each other in love and to God in authority, and the man fulfills his headship obligation to pray for, intercede for, serve, and be accountable for the family.
To summarize my opinion, patriarchy as it has been practiced even amongst God's people throughout the ages onto this very day does not reflect God's design for marriage.