Pastor's Kids

[JojotheBeloved]

Hello,

I am not a PK nor do I actually have kids yet myself, but I was wondering for future reference: is there anything in particular a pastor parent should be aware of in raising their kids that's different from any other Christian parent? Also, I know this is still largly uncharted territory, but is there anything different about being a female pastor and a mother raising PKs than a male pastor and father? Just curious.

PS - please don't make any comments that say I shouldn't be a female pastor, because I've already made up my mind about that and if you have a problem with it, take it up with God, because I will just ignore you and refer you to Him.

 

[Tzav]

If G-d gives you children, they are your first ministry; the church is SECOND!

 

[Mrs Awesome]

If G-d gives you children, they are your first ministry; the church is SECOND!"

This is great advice! Sometimes, just like any other calling/job/occupation/what have you, it is easy to get caught up in work and to neglect your family from time-to-time, even if not on purpose.

Also, don't forget that your position as pastor will directly affect your spouse and your children. They will be in the spotlight, people will talk about them and you behind your backs, every little thing will be scrutinized. Things will get bad, that's just the harsh reality of being a pastor - trust me, as a PK, I know all too well. But don't forget to serve God and family together. Your congregation needs your love and attention and guidance, but your family needs and deserves it first and foremost.

 

[razzelflabben]

My husband was a PK and MK, our 5 kids are PKs. The above advice is good. I used to tell my husband, I don't mind living in a fishbowl until they start using dynamite. The life of a pastor and family is far from easy and should be only entered into after great convincing from God. I am a bit concerned that your OP says, "you have decided" but since you asked us not to talk about that, I will leave it there.

Quick story, the first church my husband pastored, the congregation got so upset that he preached a sermon about loving even your neighbor that they threatened him, when he didn't bend, they went after me. Again, he stood firm, so they went after our kids. In the end, they fired him.

Next church, something similar, this time, two much older deacon children physically assaulted our two young boys as witnesses testified it was totally unprovoked by our boys and was the result of standing firm on the word of God. These attacks are not without harm. In fact, there is a reason why PK children leave the church at a greater rate statistically than any other group. Which leads me to this piece of advice. In the end of the matter, you have to be there for your kids and spouse (know a pastor who allowed his family to be ripped apart and end in divorce because he lacked balance) you have to pray for them and teach them with a passion and zeal like none other, but in the end of the matter, when they falter and try to rebell, you have to find within yourself the ability to trust God completely, to surrender even your children to Him, even when you feel guilty for what your life and stand for God brought upon them.

Don't expect life of a pastor to be easy on anyone. My mother in law still fights bitterness, decades later from the evils that have infiltrated the church.

Well, that is the advice I wanted to give. May you find strength to follow God no matter the cost.

 

[Butterfly99]

I think it's important to realize that when you're a pastor and a parent the people in your church will probably have higher expectations on your kids. That's not always fair. Cause all kids mess up. My mom is really sensitive to that & doesn't burden us by making us feel like if we make a mistake that's gonna reflect badly on her. She just focuses on us. Her dad was a pastor and he did that, and it was hard.

I think pastors have to remember that their family is their ministry too. All the time can't be spent taking care of everybody else. My mom does a really good job balancing! I don't know that there's that much of a difference between a dad who is a pastor & a mom who is, except the way they handle things. I think because my mom is a PK too, that's why she's so aware of stuff. One of my uncles is a pastor too and I think him being a PK helped just the same. The only difference I can think of is that a lady pastor needs more time off when she's had a baby. My mom's just had two so it's not like she needed time off every other year for maternity leave.