Pastor resigned

[ChristopherinLA]

My church's lead pastor resigned and it has affected my wife. She was part of his staff and she was able to see his personality from a unique perspective and is also a good friend of his wife. When he resigned, he provided the church with an explanation that the church was not growing, he needed to work on himself, go into the corporate world, etc., but did not go into specifics. My wife knows more about the unaddressed problems: pride, failure too listen to others, too much power/failure to delegate, lack of Christ centered-ness and Kingdom values. She wants to talk to somebody about it because it has shaken her faith to have witnessed a so-called man of God lead a church for so long and now leave the church without any accountability to his real problems. She doesn't want to stir up any gossip among other church members. Do you think this is something she should discuss with the new pastor or other church members?

 

[Paidiske]

The new pastor might be an option, but it might be good to talk with someone totally outside the situation. Would your wife maybe consider seeing a spiritual director?

 

[ChicanaRose]

My church's lead pastor resigned and it has affected my wife. She was part of his staff and she was able to see his personality from a unique perspective and is also a good friend of his wife. When he resigned, he provided the church with an explanation that the church was not growing, he needed to work on himself, go into the corporate world, etc., but did not go into specifics. My wife knows more about the unaddressed problems: pride, failure too listen to others, too much power/failure to delegate, lack of Christ centered-ness and Kingdom values. She wants to talk to somebody about it because it has shaken her faith to have witnessed a so-called man of God lead a church for so long and now leave the church without any accountability to his real problems. She doesn't want to stir up any gossip among other church members. Do you think this is something she should discuss with the new pastor or other church members?

Definitely not with the new pastor. The old pastor already left. It is not the new pastor's responsibility to resolve the old pastor's issues.

Now, with other church members, if you want to avoid gossip, I would discuss it with no more than three people whom you know to keep information confidential.

But I would also keep in mind that since he left the profession of a pastor, this is no longer a church issue but a personal issue.

 

[Paidiske]

Ahh... every new pastor deals with the previous pastor's issues. Sometimes the last several pastors' issues. That's a normal part of the territory, and an important part of getting to know the history and the live issues in your congregation.

 

[tturt]

Respect your perspective.

Seems she wouldn't talk with the locals. It sounds like he is doing the right thing for the church"s sake. If he didn't have someone to be accountable to as a pastor, doubt he would do that now.

It may not be in this case but sometimes staff and others are gravely dissappointed when they learn of the leaders' shortcomings.

Actually we all have "things" that we need The Lord to help us take care of; otherwise, "it" will rear its ugly head especially in our greatest service area.

 

[Radagast]

Now, with other church members, if you want to avoid gossip, I would discuss it with no more than three people whom you know to keep information confidential.

You're right, except that that "three" should say "zero."

Nothing breeds gossip quite like "I'm telling you this in confidence; don't pass it on."

Any personality flaws the old pastor might have had are now other people's problems, it seems to me.

 

[Lost4words]

Say nothing as its the business of the exiting pastor and nobody else.

 

[brocke]

This is a problem one I would say. For one your wife has an issue of confidentiality with the previous pastor and his wife; as she was both a friend and on the staff. Also, it can be unfair to burden the new pastor with issues that involved the previous pastor. IMO definitely do not talk to other congregants about it. It is in the past, and can stir up problems for the new pastor by creating a group dynamic of gossip, and complaints that he will be unable to resolve since they have nothing to do with him. I would consider discussing it with the new pastor since he is now your spiritual guide. If you are not comfortable with that perhaps getting a reference from the pastor. Be honest with them, tell them you are having questions/issues of faith because of things you witnessed about the previous pastor. Tell the new pastor you don't want to put them in an awkward position; so could they refer you to another pastor or person who you could discuss these issues with. Who knows just that conversation alone could go a long way for healing for your wife.

I am an ex-pastor, so I'm giving advice on how I would like to see things occur as a pastor. However I could be wrong in my views. But I would definitely not hide it from the new pastor. Let the Spirit work through your new shepherd, as God has sent them there for a reason. The reason I disagree with not discussing this issue with the new pastor is because you said it has raised a question of faith for your wife. That is the area for your new pastor. Personal issues is different, those should be given up and not mentioned.

 

[topher694]

Say nothing as its the business of the exiting pastor and nobody else.

This is not entirely true. The pastor's actions have negatively effected his wife's confidence/faith and that should be addressed and talked about or it will lead to greater issues down the road. This is why there are biblical standards for ministry leadership. Their actions effect so many more than just themselves and their families.

That being said, absolutely do not talk with other members of the congregation about it. Even if they talk to you. Be the positive example there.

Talking to the new pastor is a good option. In similar situations I have talked with a pastor I know who is in a completely different state and knows no one involved. If you know anyone like that, that could be a good option as well.

 

[ChristopherinLA]

The new pastor might be an option, but it might be good to talk with someone totally outside the situation. Would your wife maybe consider seeing a spiritual director?

How would she find a spiritual director? It is a non denomination church.

 

[paul1149]

Definitely not with the new pastor. The old pastor already left. It is not the new pastor's responsibility to resolve the old pastor's issues.

I don't see this as a question of the old pastor's issues, I see it as a question regarding the ecclesiology that would allow this to happen. If the problem were a one-off, then just bury it and get on with life. But if it could reoccur, then we've got an organizational problem that we need to deal with.

I could be wrong, but it sounds like OP's wife needs assurances that the church is serious about spiritual integrity, that she doesn't want to be taken for a ride again. And I don't blame her one bit. Time is too precious to waste on a church structure that is not serious about holiness.

I would say to discuss this with the new pastor or with qualified existing elders if there are any. It can be done in such a way that specifics regarding the old pastor are minimal. In fact, he doesn't even need to be named, though the context may well be obvious.

I've been deeply burned by churches, and believe me I wouldn't commit to one without having some basic understanding of the framework of authority.

 

[Paidiske]

How would she find a spiritual director? It is a non denomination church.

A good start would be to google "spiritual director [your town]" and see what comes up. In my city I can find at least four or five different places offering spiritual direction, and they don't limit that to members of their own denomination. In fact my own current spiritual director is Catholic.

 

[Tigger45]

Although it is common for some congregants to question their spiritual choices in life when a pastor’s fallen nature arises but what is best is for it to strengthen their faith in Christ and except we all fall short of the glory of God including pastors. One of the convincing elements of the Bible is how normal even the greatest persons in it were. All I can say is I pick my spiritual mentors carefully but realize they are but human like the rest of us.

 

[Radagast]

This is a problem one I would say. For one your wife has an issue of confidentiality with the previous pastor and his wife; as she was both a friend and on the staff.

That's a very important factor, and a good reason not to gossip about it.

 

[dayhiker]

SO many good things said by others above.
Since its a non-denominational church, consider of your pastors has any close relations to other non-denominational pastors in the area. I think it would be good to ask to meet with one of those pastors a few times before speaking with the new pastor about what your wife is feeling. Might be good to have a couples session as well so your both on the same page.

 

[Dave-W]

How would she find a spiritual director? It is a non denomination church.

One of the reasons I dislike non-denominational groups.
No accountability beyond the walls of the local congregation, no place to go for outside help.

 

[topher694]

One of the reasons I dislike non-denominational groups.
No accountability beyond the walls of the local congregation, no place to go for outside help.

Interesting, because in my experience denominations can tend to protect their own and at times even attack the one seeking help. Of course that is by no means the norm, but I've seen it first hand.

 

[Paidiske]

No institution is perfect, but I'd rather be in an institution which has frameworks of accountability, proper complaints processes, etc, than one which doesn't. To refuse to have those things is unhealthy and, at worst, dangerous.

 

[topher694]

No institution is perfect, but I'd rather be in an institution which has frameworks of accountability, proper complaints processes, etc, than one which doesn't. To refuse to have those things is unhealthy and, at worst, dangerous.

Oh, I couldn't agree more. I hope my post didn't suggest otherwise. And it quite possible and common to have such structures in place in Non-Denominational settings.

 

[Radagast]

No institution is perfect, but I'd rather be in an institution which has frameworks of accountability, proper complaints processes, etc, than one which doesn't. To refuse to have those things is unhealthy and, at worst, dangerous.

Quoted for truth.