Past relationship reminders?

[spartan118]

For those of you that were in relationships before meeting their spouse, did it remind you of your ex when you said, or did the things you use to do with that particular ex?

How did you guys decide that you were over an ex, and ready to move on?

 

[JCLover779]

How did you guys decide that you were over an ex, and ready to move on?

I think you are ready to move on when you don't particularly wish things had turned out differently. IOW, you can let it be in the past. Maybe there is still hurt, or happy memories, or whatever, but they are in the past and they no longer control you. More like you have to dig them out of a dusty box to remember things than something that is staring at you on your bedside table.

 

[dayhiker]

I have no problem with a GF/wife talking about her previous relations when its appropriate. She would have learned a lot about life in those relationships and its only appropriate that she share how she learned those lesson in life.

When someone wants a friend to just wants to reminisce about their ex with then I'm not interested in that and will move on.

 

[Adrianmaddox]

Coming from a previously physically and mentally abusive relationship there deep pains and hurts that I had to deal with. I had to make the conscience decision to love God, my family, my future husband, and myself more than to hate my abuser.

Once I chose LOVE then I knew I was able to move on.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I never looked back and said "I wish it could have turned out differently.". If anything I look back and thank God it didn't end well. I would have been stuck with some pretty horrible people. The only side effect that I got was the ability to not be as trusting for awhile. Like when I met someone I'd tell myself "How long until she tells me something bad!" or if she would be offline for a few days I'd be like "Shes probably cheating on me now!".

Thats the bad thing about being in abusive relationship where he person stepped all over you. That is my only regret, being desperate for what I thought was love. THankfully with my wife all my issues went away because I feel real love now. I trust her with my life. About the only time I worry is when shes offline because where she lives is bad and I don't want someone hurting her. As it is someone almost stole her purse a few days ago. but thats not a bad thing really (worrying in that aspect). Its good to wanting to know if the other person is ok.

Granted I try to not worry and leave it in Gods hands of course. Hes protected my wife thankfully.

 

[Inkachu]

When you can experience memories of the past without any particular emotion, I'd say you're OK. If you see a place you used to hang out or a momento that you forgot you had, and your heart hurts and you feel like crying... you're not ready for someone new lol.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Considering we've both been married and his marriage resulted in two kids, yeah, we have to face that the other had previous relationships pretty often, and we do things together that we did with former spouses.

I think what makes clear that we're past a point where we'd have feelings about such things is that we can talk those things with the same level of casualness that we would anything else. For example, when we were planning a Disney vacation, I asked if he'd eaten somewhere before. He said he had, with his ex-wife and her family. I asked if he wanted to eat there again, he said it didn't matter, the food was neither great nor terrible, and while he could eat there again, he thought that there are places that have better food. That was the end of it.

If he said "I ate there with my ex wife on our honeymoon, she had the chicken and I had the beef and I remember how we laughed over how fun the waiter was and enjoyed how romantic the setting was" or even "I ate there with my ex, so I'd prefer to eat there again. Going there reminds me of her and our honeymoon" then there would be a red flag for me. Both tip off that there might be feelings or raw emotion still there.

Really, even when there is overlap on our experiences and an experience we had an ex, it doesn't matter. It's like something that happened in another life. It's neither good or bad, it just is.

 

[DianePerez]

It will depend upon a couple or an individual about how they manage their past life with the present. They have to forget their past life no one can live by taking their past with them.

 

[Fangtastic]

When you can experience memories of the past without any particular emotion, I'd say you're OK. If you see a place you used to hang out or a momento that you forgot you had, and your heart hurts and you feel like crying... you're not ready for someone new lol.

Right away I read this and thought out loud. It's very accurate . You should not become involved marriage wise until you have healing. My first marriage was a real learning experience and made me a different person once she walked out on me. At first you need them and then you need them gone...just how it was with us. I found all my fears and hang ups leaving with time and my new girlfriend whom I knew all my life in the first place so I felt safe. Look,you have to let go of people and all their strings before you marry someone and then you will be firmly set for life.We are not human though if you don't at times shed a tear or smile at a memory!

 

[Fangtastic]

It will depend upon a couple or an individual about how they manage their past life with the present. They have to forget their past life no one can live by taking their past with them.

Diane-there are some things you never forget because we are not made that way. Unless you have no heart!

 

[annafullofgrace]

I was in a not so good relationship for a few years before I met my husband. He showed me what I should be treated like-he was a breath of fresh air. He made it as easy as breathing. Not to sound all mushy, but he did.

 

[Adelyn Woodcock]

I think that our past relationships should never be totally forgotten. I mean that in a not romantic way though. We should always remember the good and lessons we had in that relationship. I would say good and because it made our hearts stronger. And as what my sister told me, meeting my husband made me realized why it never worked out with anyone else. Maybe I have matured that is why, I no longer live with bitterness brought my a painful past.