Hi everyone, I'm new to these forums. I'll tell you a bit about myself. I'm 23, grew up in a charismatic home, began attending an Evangelical Church about two and a half years ago, and finally became Reformed about a year ago, but I am now questioning Evangelicalism/Reformed theology and leaning toward Eastern Orthodoxy.
I've always believed homosexuality is wrong, or, at least harmful, and I still do, but from since I can remember, I have been attracted to men and sometimes also women. I gave up on the Charismatic faith I was raised with when I was 19 and remained undecided on my religious beliefs until I turned 22. I have had many Evangelical "born-again" experiences and Charismatic "Holy Ghost" experiences, and all of them have turned out to be disappointments to me, and I have developed a somewhat cynical outlook on the purpose of life though I still believe in Jesus.
Here's how this all relates to homosexuality - I had a very close friend about three years ago while I was most frustrated with my faith who was always there for me, prayed for me, cried with me, who I could talk to about anything, and who was Evangelical. I eventually got to the point where, when I was talking with him, I told him that I figured I would struggle with homosexuality for the rest of my life, and that I might never have a family. He told me that he understood, and that God had a plan for my life even in my struggle. From that day on, I had new resolve to embrace that tragic aspect of my life and possibly remain celibate until the day I die.
I grew apathetic to my homosexuality, but still acknowledged the pain it caused me. I got to the point where I gave up on God almost entirely, and paradoxically, I began to feel attracted to women, and most of my homosexual feelings went away. I accepted the Reformed Faith (ie Calvinism) about a year ago, but now I'm having my doubts about that too. My struggles are just as strong as they've ever been, even though homosexual feelings are now only a very small part of my life. I have a much stronger craving for sex than when I was attracted to men, but no experience pursuing women. I have more cynicism about religion. I began to look at porn and still do, and I struggle to see the big meaning in my life. I guess the lesson I learned from this is that the things that most bother us about our lives are rarely our biggest problems.
I've always believed homosexuality is wrong, or, at least harmful, and I still do, but from since I can remember, I have been attracted to men and sometimes also women. I gave up on the Charismatic faith I was raised with when I was 19 and remained undecided on my religious beliefs until I turned 22. I have had many Evangelical "born-again" experiences and Charismatic "Holy Ghost" experiences, and all of them have turned out to be disappointments to me, and I have developed a somewhat cynical outlook on the purpose of life though I still believe in Jesus.
Here's how this all relates to homosexuality - I had a very close friend about three years ago while I was most frustrated with my faith who was always there for me, prayed for me, cried with me, who I could talk to about anything, and who was Evangelical. I eventually got to the point where, when I was talking with him, I told him that I figured I would struggle with homosexuality for the rest of my life, and that I might never have a family. He told me that he understood, and that God had a plan for my life even in my struggle. From that day on, I had new resolve to embrace that tragic aspect of my life and possibly remain celibate until the day I die.
I grew apathetic to my homosexuality, but still acknowledged the pain it caused me. I got to the point where I gave up on God almost entirely, and paradoxically, I began to feel attracted to women, and most of my homosexual feelings went away. I accepted the Reformed Faith (ie Calvinism) about a year ago, but now I'm having my doubts about that too. My struggles are just as strong as they've ever been, even though homosexual feelings are now only a very small part of my life. I have a much stronger craving for sex than when I was attracted to men, but no experience pursuing women. I have more cynicism about religion. I began to look at porn and still do, and I struggle to see the big meaning in my life. I guess the lesson I learned from this is that the things that most bother us about our lives are rarely our biggest problems.
