Parents in control?

[GodDreamer]

You can certainly ask. But if you really want a tattoo, the fact that her husband dislikes them shouldn't be a deterrant.

Again, we'd all be screaming bloody murder if a husband disallowed his wife to wear make-up. How is a tattoo any different? Its self-expression. Regardless whether you find them appealing or not.

I'd be running for the hills if some husband was acting the way the OP outlined. Because I guess, this controlling attitude on the part of one's husband is supposed to be very sexy to a wife.

Really, it makes no logic whatsoever.

um i think you are taking what i orignially posted out of context and the wrong way.....when i said that i would ask my husband, i didn't mean it as if he was "controling"...where as make-up and clothes are temporary, tattoos are more so permament....plus, if he finds tattoos as trashy, i don't want to get something done that my husband will find trashy....so when i said "ask", it'd be more of a discussion...like i said earlier, when married, bibilically, my body is no longer my own, but it's also my husband's....just like his body will no longer be just his own, it'll be mine as well.
Oh, and just a comment on the clothing, if something i'm wearing my husband thinks is trashy, i'd want him to tell me....not that he can "forbid" me from wearing it, but out of respect for my husband, i wouldn't want to wear it. now that that is settled, lets move on to the original topic that was my concern...my parents.

 

[Balugon]

Hey all, i was wondering what your view point on how much say your parents have in your life.....i'm almost 20, and my mom and sister and i were having a conversation the other day....they both believe that until the day you get married, my mom and dad have the absolute say in my life...even if i'm not living at home....even if i'm 30 years old and single....for example, i have been forbidden to ever drink any alcohol, it doesn't matter if i'm of age, i've also been forbidden to ever get a tattoo, even if my husband says it's ok....or if they don't want me to take a trip while i'm living on my own, they have that authority to tell me i can't go....they claim it's biblical..... Now i understand that we are to honor our mother and our father....i believe that means to show them respect...however, i do not believe that means you have to obey them until you are married....
i was talking to another Christian friend of mine the other day and she was saying that in the Bible, that was expected of women....however it was cultural...women were seen as property.....
i want to be obedient to God's word.....but i also want to live my own walk with God and be an adult....
i was just wondering what your thoughts are....er...well...scripturally

Personally, as the country's standards (US anyway), ur legally allowed to walk out of the house at 18 if u want, and u can do whatever u want at 21.

As for Biblically, i think ur parents are on a bit of a power trip, no offense. Like ur friend said, women didnt have a whole lot of options back then. Its not like they could go get a job in a factory and grab an apartment. That said, women today have a lot more to look forward to than being someone's baby maker.

As for Scripture, ill look, but its not like u could expect me to find an age written down for when someone was considered an adult or not. Though i do remember hearing that some of those girls would get married at like 13, because thats when they were able to have babies.

"24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:24. Similarly, one would believe that the wife would also leave her family and go to be with her husband. Leaving the house i would think would be a big thing, an act of independence, or at least different dependencies.

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4

"12I write to you, dear children,
because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name.
13I write to you, fathers,
because you have known him who is from the beginning.
I write to you, young men,
because you have overcome the evil one."
1 John 2: 12-13

The last one would show that even in their culture, u might see that their is a difference between a child and a young man, and someone who is an older person. I know this is a spiritual reference, but still.

Also, God has said:

"Fathers shall not be put to death for their children, nor children put to death for their fathers; each is to die for his own sin." Deuteronomy 24:16


U might just have to do some research. Maybe look a little on http://www.family.org/ . Its a Christian site that was help built by a prominent Christian psychologist. At least u could get some other christian viewpoints or thoughts about if ur parents ideas are really what others follow.

And if u cant find an age in the bible, and neither can ur parents, who is to say ur parents are right? Even just on the basis of logic, they have just as much chance of being wrong at that spot as they would as being right. And also, u would have to look at degree. Obviously if the Bible says each man is to die for his own sins, if a persons parents bossed him around his whole life and was only being obedient, then his parents would have to be held responsible, but the law said otherwise.

anyway, good luck with the research, i gtg.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

TL; DR version at the bottom for those of you who don’t like walls of text.

Honoring one's father and mother is not the same as religiously obeying every one of their wishes and commands. Being a parent is not the same as being a dictator.

If a person is living in another's house, it's very reasonable to abide by the rules of who you're living with (children living with parents, a person living at a friend's house, parents living with children, or any situation where a person is living in another's house). A person 18 or older has a choice of where he or she wants to live, and if he doesn't like the rules of where he's living, he can leave. This goes for any living arrangement under the sun. Even homeowners don't have freedom to do whatever they wish. For instance, if a homeowner decides to have a rowdy, loud party (where everything is legal, mind you), and the neighbors complain about the noise, the police will come by to tell the party to limit the volume! It's an issue of community and the tolerance of those around you. Similarly, at my place of rent, renters are not allowed to have dogs. If I as a renter have a problem with that, I can either abide by the rule and live in peace, or disobey and risk eviction and the loss of my deposit. Different parents have different rules, different landlords have different rules, and different residential communities have different rules. Ultimately, it is one’s own choice (assuming legal age) where to live and where not to live.

My mom almost decided to move to my place this past weekend because of an argument with my dad, and if she had moved and lived with me, she would have had to abide by my rules. Again, it's not about obedience or control: it's about respecting those around you, and that applies to anybody living in community with other people. The only place a person can truly do whatever the hell he or she wants is on a deserted island with no one else!

My question to the OP is how do your parents plan to enforce their rules on you once you are out of the house, living on your own, and financially independent? To answer my own question…they can’t! And yes, I do know that some parents, no matter what, will try to manipulate their children after they’re adults using sinful, extremely hurtful methods, and if that’s the case with your parents, I am sorry. Nothing is hopeless with God, however, so here are a few things you can do to help your parents if they sinfully manipulate you as an adult: love them as Jesus loves them, do not enable them by caving to their manipulation, and pray for them.

A couple of you have mentioned a wife getting a tattoo without a husband's permission. For me personally, I wouldn't do anything permanent to my body, including getting a tattoo, without talking with and getting an ok from my wife. Why? Because I think doing anything permanent to me without her approval is selfish. I would care what my wife thinks about me and would, as far as it depends on me, do my best to please her. Doing something permanent to myself without talking to her first is definitely not respecting and loving her. And in no way would I consider her controlling if she expressed disappointment in something I did if I didn’t inquire of her first.

TL; DR version:
Be respectful of others no matter the relation. If you live in another person’s house, weigh whether or not it is worth following their rules and guidelines in order to live with them. If you accept their rules, live with them, and if you don’t accept their rules, no one is stopping you from making the choice to live elsewhere. Basically, live by this verse “18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18 (NIV)

 

[Trashionista]

um i think you are taking what i orignially posted out of context and the wrong way.....when i said that i would ask my husband, i didn't mean it as if he was "controling"...where as make-up and clothes are temporary, tattoos are more so permament....plus, if he finds tattoos as trashy, i don't want to get something done that my husband will find trashy....so when i said "ask", it'd be more of a discussion...like i said earlier, when married, bibilically, my body is no longer my own, but it's also my husband's....just like his body will no longer be just his own, it'll be mine as well.
Oh, and just a comment on the clothing, if something i'm wearing my husband thinks is trashy, i'd want him to tell me....not that he can "forbid" me from wearing it, but out of respect for my husband, i wouldn't want to wear it. now that that is settled, lets move on to the original topic that was my concern...my parents.

Well, the comment was to Ishida.

But there isn't really that big a difference between a tattoo, and even permanent hair dye or make-up, really. If one is wearing a face full of make-up, like a MAC counter exploded on their face, its going to have repurcussions. If its not the perfect make-up for their skin, its going to have effects. So, if the husband isn't attracted to acne, the woman's supposed to give up make-up if it makes her happy?

And please. If you didn't want an opinion, don't ask the question. You can't use an example like a tattoo and not expect people to comment on it.