- Jul 26, 2019
- 161
- 114
- 33
- Country
- Denmark
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
My parents officially got divorced a couple months ago, after years of struggle and my mother moving out some years ago.
I really love my parents, and I hope I don't dishonor them by telling these things. Since it's anonymous I hope it's alright, as to seek advice.
They are at a place where they can be at the same location, for my brother's birthday for example at his girlfriends mother's house.
But when I talk to my dad about it singlehandedly, he still sounds bitter and can name some of the things he feel is my mother's fault, and he can't seem to understand fully how she could just file a divorce as it suddenly came to his email.
A bit of background story: I remember being 5 years old, I was asked who I wanted to live with as they were going to be divorced. As time went by, nothing ever happened, and they tried to stay together. I remember many fights and loud yelling, cups and plates being thrown to the ground in anger. My mother drinking too much, and sometimes being shamefully drunk infront of me and my young siblings.
So it kind of feel like a relief, that they got seperated because they were never able to fully listen and understand one another. Or to make solutions and work on their marriage. As my father says, he wish he could just be loved for who he is. While at the same time staying much at home with quite self-destructive behavior, smoking packs of cigarettes each day, a habit of drinking daily at times "so he could sleep from my mother's snoring", sometimes making him too vulnerable, talking about suicide and how nobody seems to love him.
I feel like I'm distancing myself to them, even though I would like to seek reconciliation and figure out how to love them and move forward. But it's still a bit of an open wound.
My mother felt lonely back in my hometown just yesterday, so she asked if she could come to my place and stay over for one day. I tried to be supportive, but as we spend together walking in the woods, I felt some resentment, like I couldn't get close with all the memories in my mind. Years of being tangled up in their fights. It build up, so I had to tell my mom how I felt, that I was still wounded because of the situation, so we both agreed it for the best that she returned to her own place. I can't help but feel like a bad son, for rejecting her like this, but at the same time there are feelings I haven't quite worked through. I want to forgive, I want to move forward, but I also feel annoyance and like I need distance towards them.
Also, when I hear my parent's upbringing I get a sense of their own wounds and trauma's of life. I kind of get why they struggle. How my dad was rejected by his own mother, being told she wished him never born. I just don't want to end up with self pity, but work through this.
If possible, I would love to hear your thoughts and what wisdom you might have so I can move forward in all this. Finding the balance between keeping them at a healthy distance while also trying to build a stronger relationship moving forward.
Thank you
I really love my parents, and I hope I don't dishonor them by telling these things. Since it's anonymous I hope it's alright, as to seek advice.
They are at a place where they can be at the same location, for my brother's birthday for example at his girlfriends mother's house.
But when I talk to my dad about it singlehandedly, he still sounds bitter and can name some of the things he feel is my mother's fault, and he can't seem to understand fully how she could just file a divorce as it suddenly came to his email.
A bit of background story: I remember being 5 years old, I was asked who I wanted to live with as they were going to be divorced. As time went by, nothing ever happened, and they tried to stay together. I remember many fights and loud yelling, cups and plates being thrown to the ground in anger. My mother drinking too much, and sometimes being shamefully drunk infront of me and my young siblings.
So it kind of feel like a relief, that they got seperated because they were never able to fully listen and understand one another. Or to make solutions and work on their marriage. As my father says, he wish he could just be loved for who he is. While at the same time staying much at home with quite self-destructive behavior, smoking packs of cigarettes each day, a habit of drinking daily at times "so he could sleep from my mother's snoring", sometimes making him too vulnerable, talking about suicide and how nobody seems to love him.
I feel like I'm distancing myself to them, even though I would like to seek reconciliation and figure out how to love them and move forward. But it's still a bit of an open wound.
My mother felt lonely back in my hometown just yesterday, so she asked if she could come to my place and stay over for one day. I tried to be supportive, but as we spend together walking in the woods, I felt some resentment, like I couldn't get close with all the memories in my mind. Years of being tangled up in their fights. It build up, so I had to tell my mom how I felt, that I was still wounded because of the situation, so we both agreed it for the best that she returned to her own place. I can't help but feel like a bad son, for rejecting her like this, but at the same time there are feelings I haven't quite worked through. I want to forgive, I want to move forward, but I also feel annoyance and like I need distance towards them.
Also, when I hear my parent's upbringing I get a sense of their own wounds and trauma's of life. I kind of get why they struggle. How my dad was rejected by his own mother, being told she wished him never born. I just don't want to end up with self pity, but work through this.
If possible, I would love to hear your thoughts and what wisdom you might have so I can move forward in all this. Finding the balance between keeping them at a healthy distance while also trying to build a stronger relationship moving forward.
Thank you
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