Overly-Controlling Parents

[kca4christ]

you want to know why you should be listening to your parents and doing what they say?

EPH 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise),3 SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.

I only quoted part of the statement by Tenorvoice, but I agree with most of what was said but it seemed like the poster was more acting as a renegade than one giving advice, it was very preachy....

Here is a question.....what if the parents are not CHristians? I am a first Gen CHristian, and became a CHristian six weeks into my freshman year @ college. So now am I obligated @ the age of 24 to do what they want? I think not.....even if they were CHristians, I think 24 is a bit old for such a powerplay for a parent to make.

Another question. If I am 48 and my Dad is 82, should I let him control me? It sounds as if the poster is trying to advocate that. There has to be a cutoff, somewhere between 18-24....I would say at some point in the college years, parents should ease up, after that its just parents getting off on having power.

 

[boughtwithaprice]

I only quoted part of the statement by Tenorvoice, but I agree with most of what was said but it seemed like the poster was more acting as a renegade than one giving advice, it was very preachy....

Here is a question.....what if the parents are not CHristians? I am a first Gen CHristian, and became a CHristian six weeks into my freshman year @ college. So now am I obligated @ the age of 24 to do what they want? I think not.....even if they were CHristians, I think 24 is a bit old for such a powerplay for a parent to make.

Another question. If I am 48 and my Dad is 82, should I let him control me? It sounds as if the poster is trying to advocate that. There has to be a cutoff, somewhere between 18-24....I would say at some point in the college years, parents should ease up, after that its just parents getting off on having power.

Notice that the scripture says, "Children" obey your parents, not "all adult offspring", obey your parents. A parents job is to guide children to adulthood, and after that, the child becomes a man or woman and acts independently.

1 Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.


It is never right to disrespect your parents, but there comes a time when one has to grow up. You hit the nail on the head. It is usually about 18-24, some of us a little longer, but the time does come. I try to love and honor my parents, but they don't tell me what to wear, when to get up, who to talk to, what to do, what to think, when to work. That time is past; it will pass for you too

 

[kca4christ]

Yeah my parents have never been like that once I went to college, I have been lucky....but there is still the question not necesarrily for me now that I am 24, but for younger CHristians whose parents arent Christians....what are they to do....for example if a parent restricts them from going to church etc, or reading their bible? What would the course of action be for lets say a 17-year old?

 

[Tenorvoice]

I only quoted part of the statement by Tenorvoice, but I agree with most of what was said but it seemed like the poster was more acting as a renegade than one giving advice, it was very preachy....

Here is a question.....what if the parents are not CHristians? I am a first Gen CHristian, and became a CHristian six weeks into my freshman year @ college. So now am I obligated @ the age of 24 to do what they want? I think not.....even if they were CHristians, I think 24 is a bit old for such a powerplay for a parent to make.

Another question. If I am 48 and my Dad is 82, should I let him control me? It sounds as if the poster is trying to advocate that. There has to be a cutoff, somewhere between 18-24....I would say at some point in the college years, parents should ease up, after that its just parents getting off on having power.

OK....here we go.

The word "child that is used in this scripture is not refering to the age of a person, like most people think, if you look at in in the original language it is reffering to ANYoffspring of ANY one born of another person.

You wanted to know that since you are a new Christian do you still have to Honor/obey you father and mother? The answer is still yes!

The only time that you are to not do what they want you to or tell you to do is if it goes against the Word of God : AC 4:19 .... " Whether it is right in the sight of God to give heed to you rather than to God, you be the judge;

As you get older in life you Honor them more than you obey. You still obey their wishes so long as you are under their roof (so to speak). But if you are out living on your own you Honor/Respect them more than anything else. For when you Honor them you are giving them reverence, the right attitude. For that is what honor is, it is an attitude, where as obey is the action.

I know that it is long but if you have not please visit this site and read what Dr. John MacArthur has to say on this subject. http://www.biblebb.com/files/MAC/1948.HTM

You can also order a cassette tape of it by calling 1-800-55-GRACE and I belive the reference code is GC 1948 or the Scripture that he was preaching on at the time was Ephesians 6:1-3 Series: "The Fulfilled Family" (Ephesians 5:18-6:3)


peace and Love in Christ

 

[vibrant]

deliberately waking you up hours before you need to get up AFTER you gave them a logical and rational reason for your request is clearly provocation and exasperation. and while children are commanded to obey and honour their parents (ephesians 6:1-3), parents are also told "to not provoke (or exasperate) their children to wrath (or anger)" ephesians 6:4.

you are under their roof, but i find their behaviour to be unreasonable and disrespectful. i'd ask them if they indeed did raise an intelligent and resourceful son -- cause if they did, then they can trust his actions and use of time.

 

[mina]

I only quoted part of the statement by Tenorvoice, but I agree with most of what was said but it seemed like the poster was more acting as a renegade than one giving advice, it was very preachy....

Here is a question.....what if the parents are not CHristians? I am a first Gen CHristian, and became a CHristian six weeks into my freshman year @ college. So now am I obligated @ the age of 24 to do what they want? I think not.....even if they were CHristians, I think 24 is a bit old for such a powerplay for a parent to make.

Another question. If I am 48 and my Dad is 82, should I let him control me? It sounds as if the poster is trying to advocate that. There has to be a cutoff, somewhere between 18-24....I would say at some point in the college years, parents should ease up, after that its just parents getting off on having power.

I'm a first gen christian too. I'm 24 also. I think you can be respectful and honoring of y our parents without obeying every little thing they say. Certainly if they ask for help, you should seek to help your parents in any way no matter your age. But I think there comes a time when their commands don't hold as much weight, because you are now a person that can think and reason as an adult. Jesus was always respectful of his mother when he was an adult, but I see no where in scripture where he obeyed everything she told him to do. Especially when He knew that God had something else for him to do. When He was 12 he didn't stay with the caravan traveling back from Jerusalem and caused his parents worry. He was not disrespectful but he didn't obey what they probably told him to do-stay with us while traveling. (Luke2:41-52). As an adult, his mother and brothers came to him wanting to speak with Him. Jesus didn't obey and go out to them. He was finishing what God had for him to do at that time (Matt. 12:46-50). Even at the first miracle, Mary wanted Jesus to do something and at first he resisted (Luke 2:1). So I think there is a line here. As you are growing and learning and being molded as a child, you do have to obey your parents- unless it's totally against Christ. As you become an adult, you first and formost have to obey God. And by the time y ou are an adult you should have the maturity to listen to God and know what is consistant with Him. It's wise to listen to the advice of your parents and to be always respectful and reverent of them. However, grown up children that have the mental capacity to think for themselfs and be independant, do not have to always obey. On the other side parents should not be commanding their grown up children to do ridiculous or inane things if their child is capable of deciding things on their own. I'm not a parent but if I was I would want to have a child that by the time they were in their 20's, they could function on most things without having to hold my hand or be worried about what I would think about every little thing. It would be my hope that I raised them right and so that now they could be able to stand on their own two feet and have total allegence, not to me, but to Jesus and his commands.

 

[blackpurseninja]

Hey I'm right there with you. My parents have always been restrictive and moreso at times than others. Give the guy a break here, he is frustrated with the behavior from his parents that from what I can tell doesn't have clear grounding on any moral teachings or values. (Doesn't sound like he is keeping them up!)

The fact remains is that you are an adult now, and basically your parents are doing you a favor by letting you stay and save money while you are in school. Either you respect their lifestyle and rules and take that as a sacrifice you must make right now, or move out and set your own rules and lifestyle.

From what I can tell the guy doesn't need to be fed verses about disrespecting or hitting his parents, he's just a frustrated adult living in an uncomfortable situation. You can honor your parents without agreeing with everything they believe is best for your life. Ultimately, its YOUR life and path that you must choose. Respect their decisions and honesty, but as an adult you choose your own path. That's the beauty of growing up.

I moved back in for a while and really make an honest effort to make my presence as smooth and easy to them as possible. They are really great to let me come back in while I save money, so I respect them EVEN though they can get really intrusive! It's a sacrifice of privacy I am making as an adult right now. Good luck.