Overcoming the fear of being judged

[LovebirdsFlying]

Anybody know how?

I don't know if I can. I mean, I'm 50 years old and if I haven't gotten over what people think of me by now, will I ever?

From childhood onward I've heard mixed signals. On one hand, "It doesn't matter what people think of us." On the other, "Keep your voice down! What will people think?" Even nowadays, you have to "look presentable" in order to "make the right impression," so you can get a job and whatnot. People have told me on more than one occasion, sometimes saying it humorously, "What other people think of you is none of your business." But I can't wrap my head around that, because it's what other people think *of me.* I'm in there. How can it not be my business?

I still have driving anxiety sometimes, and yesterday I found myself kind of lead-footing it because I could picture the driver of the car behind me saying, "Ah, come on, move it, lady. You're too slow." I've heard such feedback, driving, walking, doing a chore, playing a game, or whatever, my entire life. Fortunately for me, the driver in front of me was an even bigger slowpoke than I normally am, so that kept me from going hog wild just so the driver behind me wouldn't get impatient.

Then when I got home, and I couldn't successfully back into my parking space (which I've done exactly once) I was very down on myself. I told myself how stupid and mentally challenged (this site won't allow the word I actually used) I am for being so late in learning to do something most people are doing when they're 15 or 16, and when you're my age you should be able to back into a parking space easily, etc., etc. It's exactly the kind of thing I would have been told in childhood, when making a mistake of any kind. Stupid, worthless, an idiot, that r-word, a loser, not so smart after all, no good to anybody, never going to amount to anything, etc. If my mother or grandmother didn't say it, my brother did.

I think I know the answers intellectually, but I'm having trouble getting it to where I feel it. Does anyone have any suggestions?

 

[Goodbook]

Stop being a people pleaser. The only one who matters and the only one we need to please is God. If you please Him and He delights in you, then nobody else matters. By pleasing God, you will please other people. He is the only one who has any right to judge you because only He knows you from the inside out.

Even your own mother cannot judge you though she might think she has the right as she carried you in her womb for 9 months. She cannot watch you 24/7 and know your ALL your thoughts and your heart's desire. The only one, I repeat, who can truly judge you, and He will judge righteously, is God Almighty. If you love Him, then you will have no fear of being judged because perfect love casts out fear.

Don't make other people a god in your life.

 

[Markde916]

Yeah, it sounds like your a people pleaser. I am a anxious person myself. I'm learning to overcome this excessive thinking by putting my complete and full focus on everything I do. I notice that when I do something and think I tend to get caught up in the anxious thoughts that run in my mind. But if I just focus fully on what I am doing I no longer have those way too serious anxious thoughts that take everything way too seriously.

 

[Emmy]

Dear LovebirdsFlying. Jesus has some good advice for you,
in Matthew 22: 35-40: Jesus tells us: " The first and great Commandment is:
Love God with all our hearts, with all our souls, and with all our minds.
The second is like it: Love our neighbour as we love our selves." Simple and straightforward, treat all you know and all you meet, treat them as you would love to be treated. God will Bless you, and people will like you.
In Matthew 7: 7-10: we are told: " ask and ye shall receive," ask God for Love and Joy, then thank God and share all Love and Joy with your neighbour.
If you still believe there are some who judge you, remember that God is stronger than anyone else, ask God to deal with them, and then ignore them.
God is Love, and God wants our love, freely given and NO tags attached.
Keep asking God for Love and Joy, and keep thanking God, and share all Love and Joy all around you. Love is very catching, and we will find that people will treat us, as we treat people. Jesus our Saviour will help and guide us:
JESUS IS THE WAY. I say this with love, LovebirdsFlying. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[ToBeBlessed]

Anybody know how?

I don't know if I can. I mean, I'm 50 years old and if I haven't gotten over what people think of me by now, will I ever?

From childhood onward I've heard mixed signals. On one hand, "It doesn't matter what people think of us." On the other, "Keep your voice down! What will people think?" Even nowadays, you have to "look presentable" in order to "make the right impression," so you can get a job and whatnot. People have told me on more than one occasion, sometimes saying it humorously, "What other people think of you is none of your business." But I can't wrap my head around that, because it's what other people think *of me.* I'm in there. How can it not be my business?

I still have driving anxiety sometimes, and yesterday I found myself kind of lead-footing it because I could picture the driver of the car behind me saying, "Ah, come on, move it, lady. You're too slow." I've heard such feedback, driving, walking, doing a chore, playing a game, or whatever, my entire life. Fortunately for me, the driver in front of me was an even bigger slowpoke than I normally am, so that kept me from going hog wild just so the driver behind me wouldn't get impatient.

Then when I got home, and I couldn't successfully back into my parking space (which I've done exactly once) I was very down on myself. I told myself how stupid and mentally challenged (this site won't allow the word I actually used) I am for being so late in learning to do something most people are doing when they're 15 or 16, and when you're my age you should be able to back into a parking space easily, etc., etc. It's exactly the kind of thing I would have been told in childhood, when making a mistake of any kind. Stupid, worthless, an idiot, that r-word, a loser, not so smart after all, no good to anybody, never going to amount to anything, etc. If my mother or grandmother didn't say it, my brother did.

I think I know the answers intellectually, but I'm having trouble getting it to where I feel it. Does anyone have any suggestions?

If I read what you wrote correctly, it's actually you judging yourself and thinking that this is what others are saying. What was engrained into your head as a child is playing like a record over and over in your head. When you start doing that think 'would God think of me this way?'.

People make mistakes, we do judge, we shouldn't but that's sin in our own carnAl minds and bodies. If you continue to play that record in your head, you are nt treating yourself as God tells us to treat one another. Would you say those words to another person that you say to yourself? We have to show ourselves love sometimes. Sometimes we don't realize the hurt and pain we cause ourselves and even worse sometimes we feel like we deserve it. We punish ourselves, which doesn't lead us more towards love but away from love.

Try to show yourself the love of Jesus

 

[Pal Handy]

Anybody know how?

I don't know if I can. I mean, I'm 50 years old and if I haven't gotten over what people think of me by now, will I ever?

From childhood onward I've heard mixed signals. On one hand, "It doesn't matter what people think of us." On the other, "Keep your voice down! What will people think?" Even nowadays, you have to "look presentable" in order to "make the right impression," so you can get a job and whatnot. People have told me on more than one occasion, sometimes saying it humorously, "What other people think of you is none of your business." But I can't wrap my head around that, because it's what other people think *of me.* I'm in there. How can it not be my business?

I still have driving anxiety sometimes, and yesterday I found myself kind of lead-footing it because I could picture the driver of the car behind me saying, "Ah, come on, move it, lady. You're too slow." I've heard such feedback, driving, walking, doing a chore, playing a game, or whatever, my entire life. Fortunately for me, the driver in front of me was an even bigger slowpoke than I normally am, so that kept me from going hog wild just so the driver behind me wouldn't get impatient.

Then when I got home, and I couldn't successfully back into my parking space (which I've done exactly once) I was very down on myself. I told myself how stupid and mentally challenged (this site won't allow the word I actually used) I am for being so late in learning to do something most people are doing when they're 15 or 16, and when you're my age you should be able to back into a parking space easily, etc., etc. It's exactly the kind of thing I would have been told in childhood, when making a mistake of any kind. Stupid, worthless, an idiot, that r-word, a loser, not so smart after all, no good to anybody, never going to amount to anything, etc. If my mother or grandmother didn't say it, my brother did.

I think I know the answers intellectually, but I'm having trouble getting it to where I feel it. Does anyone have any suggestions?

The best way to get over caring what others think is to receive
from God what He thinks about you.

How?

By praying and asking God to impart His love to you through the Holy Spirit as
you read His words of love in His word, the Holy Bible, especially
Christ's words of love and acceptance.

If you truly can get it....really get the love of God for you as
expressed in Christ, you will be transformed.

Pray and ask God to give you His Holy Spirit in a greater way so that
you can truly understand, sense, feel and receive God's love for YOU.

The natural mind cannot understand the love of God.

The Holy Spirit is our connection to God in love and fellowship.

Through the Holy Spirit we have communion with God and His love for us.

Pray and ask God in Jesus name to fill you with His Holy Spirit of
love and wisdom so that you can know who you are in Christ and
then have confidence before God and men.

When you know who you are in Christ and you know that you know
that you are completely and absolutely loved by God and are His precious
and greatly loved daughter in Christ....who cares about what other think, good or bad...

Relationship....

You need to go deeper in your personal relationship with God the
Father through God the son, Jesus Christ.

Cry out to God in Jesus name as this pleases Him that we come through
and honor the one who died so that we may live.

Take all your worry, fears, angst, insecurities, self loathing and
rejection from self and others to Christ and ask Him to lift all the crap
off of you and to fill you with His perspective, love and desire that He
has concerning you.

If someone mistreats you or is unkind, forgive them and pray for them that they
would be drawn closer to God through Jesus Christ.

It is either ourselves or the devil who ministers negative thoughts to us
but it is the Holy Spirit that ministers the truth of God's love and acceptance to
us as expressed definitively in the life and self sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

Take all your burdens and cast them upon Christ because He really
does love and care about you....


Ps.

Here is a key I want to share with you....

The quickest way I know for a believer in Christ to feel the love of God is
when we tell Him that we love Him, trust Him, appreciate Him and want and desire
Him in our lives more that anyone or anything else in this word.

When you meditate and confess your love for God, the Holy Spirit Comes
and gives us a witness to our love confession for God and in that moment we
will sense or feel the love of God flowing back to us through the Holy Spirit....

We may need to spend more than a minute or two loving on God as it can be
a battle as the devil will try very hard to dissuade us but if we keep going,
we break through the static and dissuasions and we will not be disappointed.

Go and lock yourself in your room and lay upon your bed and spend time loving
on the Lord and don't come out till you have broken through and have touched
and been touched by God.

Psalm 63:6
When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches.

 

[ToBeBlessed]

The best way to get over caring what others think is to receive
from God what He thinks about you.

How?

By praying and asking God to impart His love to you through the Holy Spirit as
you read His words of love in His word, the Holy Bible, especially
Christ's words of love and acceptance.

If you truly can get it....really get the love of God for you as
expressed in Christ, you will be transformed.

Pray and ask God to give you His Holy Spirit in a greater way so that
you can truly understand, sense, feel and receive God's love for YOU.

The natural mind cannot understand the love of God.

The Holy Spirit is our connection to God in love and fellowship.

Through the Holy Spirit we have communion with God and His love for us.

Pray and ask God in Jesus name to fill you with His Holy Spirit of
love and wisdom so that you can know who you are in Christ and
then have confidence before God and men.

When you know who you are in Christ and you know that you know
that you are completely and absolutely loved by God and are His precious
and greatly loved daughter in Christ....who cares about what other think, good or bad...

Relationship....

You need to go deeper in your personal relationship with God the
Father through God the son, Jesus Christ.

Cry out to God in Jesus name as this pleases Him that we come through
and honor the one who died so that we may live.

Take all your worry, fears, angst, insecurities, self loathing and
rejection from self and others to Christ and ask Him to lift all the crap
off of you and to fill you with His perspective, love and desire that He
has concerning you.

If someone mistreats you or is unkind, forgive them and pray for them that they
would be drawn closer to God through Jesus Christ.

It is either ourselves or the devil who ministers negative thoughts to us
but it is the Holy Spirit that ministers the truth of God's love and acceptance to
us as expressed definitively in the life and self sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

Take all your burdens and cast them upon Christ because He really
does love and care about you....


Ps.

Here is a key I want to share with you....

The quickest way I know for a believer in Christ to feel the love of God is
when we tell Him that we love Him, trust Him, appreciate Him and want and desire
Him in our lives more that anyone or anything else in this word.

When you meditate and confess your love for God, the Holy Spirit Comes
and gives us a witness to our love confession for God and in that moment we
will sense or feel the love of God flowing back to us through the Holy Spirit....

We may need to spend more than a minute or two loving on God as it can be
a battle as the devil will try very hard to dissuade us but if we keep going,
we break through the static and dissuasions and we will not be disappointed.

Go and lock yourself in your room and lay upon your bed and spend time loving
on the Lord and don't come out till you have broken through and have touched
and been touched by God.

Psalm 63:6
When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches.

 

[Autumnleaf]

I think you are great.

You won't make everyone happy. There is only one guy who does that and there can only be one Mark Wahlberg.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Hahahaha!

Thank you.

Actually, there are two. Slightly different spelling.

 

[saved24]

i relate to what you are saying, sometimes I think someone(s) might be thinking negative about me. This might help you. When you think in your mind "that person is thinking I am an awful driver" change it in your mind to "that person is probably not even thinking about my driving" (or something similar) just try to change the negative thoughts into positive ones. In the end it only matters what Jesus thinks, but I know it is hard when we wonder of fear what others might think of us. Also what is helping me is to think of good things like the Bible tells us to. Whatever is true, honest, pure, lovely, of good report... think on these things. It sure is helping me. Praying for you. God bless.

 

[TheDag]

Anybody know how?

I don't know if I can. I mean, I'm 50 years old and if I haven't gotten over what people think of me by now, will I ever?

From childhood onward I've heard mixed signals. On one hand, "It doesn't matter what people think of us." On the other, "Keep your voice down! What will people think?" Even nowadays, you have to "look presentable" in order to "make the right impression," so you can get a job and whatnot. People have told me on more than one occasion, sometimes saying it humorously, "What other people think of you is none of your business." But I can't wrap my head around that, because it's what other people think *of me.* I'm in there. How can it not be my business?

I still have driving anxiety sometimes, and yesterday I found myself kind of lead-footing it because I could picture the driver of the car behind me saying, "Ah, come on, move it, lady. You're too slow." I've heard such feedback, driving, walking, doing a chore, playing a game, or whatever, my entire life. Fortunately for me, the driver in front of me was an even bigger slowpoke than I normally am, so that kept me from going hog wild just so the driver behind me wouldn't get impatient.

Then when I got home, and I couldn't successfully back into my parking space (which I've done exactly once) I was very down on myself. I told myself how stupid and mentally challenged (this site won't allow the word I actually used) I am for being so late in learning to do something most people are doing when they're 15 or 16, and when you're my age you should be able to back into a parking space easily, etc., etc. It's exactly the kind of thing I would have been told in childhood, when making a mistake of any kind. Stupid, worthless, an idiot, that r-word, a loser, not so smart after all, no good to anybody, never going to amount to anything, etc. If my mother or grandmother didn't say it, my brother did.

I think I know the answers intellectually, but I'm having trouble getting it to where I feel it. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I'm sorry that you had that experience as a child. I had a similar experience and it still affects me a bit. Having said that please read Zechariah 3. Joshua the high priest is being told he is no good. An angel of the Lord says "The Lord rebuke you satan. Is not this man a burning stick snactched from the fire?" You were that burning stick and God thought you were so precious that he reached into that fire to pull you out. He scarred himself for life to rescue you. I pray that you will be able to overcome this. It is never too late.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Ooooh, thanks for the Scripture reference. I'll get right on it.

Thank you everyone for your replies.

 

[melody123]

I think I know the answers intellectually, but I'm having trouble getting it to where I feel it. Does anyone have any suggestions ?

LoveBirdsFlying, once I became aware that my thoughts were not my own, and that I was automatically siding with them, as if they were mine, I started to question them. What I found was a couple things.


First of all, I didn't want to think that, and second, how did I know it was true? How did I know that so and so was thinking negatively about me, or rejecting me? And this was when I was miles away from the person ! So I examined myself, and determined that I was not a fortune teller with a crystal ball, nor was I God to know that this was occurring. In fact I realized I was playing God by knowing things I could not know!

Once I concluded that I did not know such things, it occurred to me why I always thought negative and bad things ? Why couldn't it be positive or faithfilled, or at least neutral?


That's when I started to take every thought captive, and with the help of the Holy Spirit I started to recognize what was God and what was Satan. Satan always talks in a condemning voice, but God is a gentleman. Even it it's hard to swallow, he talks to the believer with conviction.

I was able to do that by renewing my mind with the Word of God and through time it allowed the Holy Spirit, as my Helper, to give me revelations and understanding that became my own. It's really a process, a journey, and little by little I became changed.


Much like the beloved people in our life, or even our neighbor, we learn to *trust* these folks because we have spent a lot of time with them, we have gotten to know them and that is where a trust relationship comes in. So it is much the same with God, just sitting at His feet and reading and studying His Word. We can pray that He helps us to give us a desire to read and understand His Word. We can ask the Holy Spirit to help us understand the Word and to change our hearts.



For me verses like Romans 8:28-39, was very instrumental but also meditating on Fear, Anger, and God's Love, my identity in Christ scriptures.. \I learned that frequently unforgiveness causes us to fear Man, so there are many emotions at play and behind people pleasing.

Finally, you can just tell the Fear etc to leave you in the Name of Jesus. Rebukeit, ca st it out and command it to leave in the Name of Jesus.
It HAS to.

Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart,

It is just too sad that they didn't teach this in Sunday School... I cannot imagine how my life would have been different. But it's never too late!!

Keep your chin up, don't give up.. Choose to believe in and agree with God's Word from now on, and what He says about you, and you will find you will be on a journey of transforming Peace. He has given us everything to be equipped to live this life. It's His gift to you, if you will take what He wants to give to you.

2Timothy1:7 ~ For God did not give us a Spirit of fear but of power and love ,a calm and well balanced mind , discipline and self-control.


Here's a good article on the Biology of the Brain: Biology of Your Brain | Be in Health

Hugs

 

[yuppers]

Im a pritty odd person because of anxiety. I've noticed I get speech studders sometimes. Usually when I notice I get it I start to talk down to myself. I'm starting to try and teach myself to short circuit those thoughts. Once I notice I'm doing it I try to calm myself a bit and I try to not care what they think of me. Then once time has passed the situation is gone forever. They act no different to me before and after I stuble on my words. I'm not saying this will work perfict. Sometimes I'm the hardest on myself when I'm alone. It's maybe a good method to try and do it less often, and over time not at all. I heard a saying that I like... Those who matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter.... If you feel slow in traffic move over so the guy can drive by, for all you know there could be a speed trap right around the corner.

 

[melody123]

LoveBirdsFlying, this teaching may help you. I just finished watching it, and am so excited!! I thought of you, and wanted to share it with you. It is long, but it's so interesting and comprehensive, it is so worth it!

Hugs


http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?p=66324245#post66324245