Overcoming Deep Scars

[NeedHelp11]

Anyone have any thoughts or ideas on ways to try and remove major psychological damage done during chidhood.
Sometimes things you don even realise are there, that have become so natural, show up in your behaviour and life to other people.
To you it was normal behaviour, to someone else it was an insult, but you never ment to insult them, its just the way you are used to being treated and treating others.
can anyone relate to that?

Really im looking for ideas on how to repair all the damage i know is there and has been done to me, so that i can feel emotions in a healthy way.
So that im not a narcisst anymore and the constant pain and lieing goes away.
I know it all comes from my abuseive childhood, i just dont know how to get rid of it .

 

[katey]

i was sexually abused for just over three years. while i was a christian which is why i am still here. there were mnay times i turned my back on God. but things brought me back to him. i am still strugling with the effects of telling people and having it out in the open. i have depression, and personality disorder. i have an eating disorder which i developed because of the hatred of myself. i self injure. i lost a lot of friends when poeple found out. my relationship with my mum got worse. and is still getting worse. but i am still here. i may not be smiling all the time or be happy (even though i tend to act happy to try and make it look like everything ok.) the reason for that is god and my friends. its has been so hard for me to get by some days but i have managed it. i just hope one day i can get over it all. i know that i will never forget things that happened to me. but someone said to me the other day. you are how you are because of what happened. no 1 can change that.
i am currently seeing a psychiatrist and a councilor and a behaviour therapist to try and sort the problems out. but its been 2 years since ppl found out about it. but they don't know everything and there are bits they never will know and a huge thing that i will regret for the rest of mylife. and never forget. the person is now in prison but poeple think that changes things but it doesn't it just shows a group of peopel believed what happend.
if anyone wants to talk or wants prayer am here.

 

[Angel_of_the_Lord]

I was never abused physically, but I do feel a bit confused mentally and emotionally. I've had traumatic experiences throughout my life, and they aren't pretty.

I suppose the best advice to give you is to ask God for help. Pray to him. I want to bring up one of my favourite scriptures of the Bible, if you'll read on.

Mark 11:23 roughly says that if you say unto a mountain, and do not doubt, but believe in your heart that it will happen, be thou removed and cast into the sea, it shall happen.

That mountain is your trauma. What's ailing you. If you say to your mountain, "Away with you! Plague me no longer, in Jesus' holy name!", and do not doubt, you shall have it.

Of course, you don't have to say those exact words. What you say is between you, your mountain, and God. Remember... words are carriers of faith, and there is an outstanding power in words.

You're in my prayers.

 

[goldenviolet]

NeedHelp11, God bless you!
is counseling an option? alot of churches provide counsel. mens groups help find healthy relationships and all encourage spiritual growth.

let me encourage you! you being awear of people's feelings and things you need & reaching out in fellowship: speaks out that the Holy Spirit is working in you.

now that the abuse is over you will be learning things to help you. God puts His children's feet on paths that lead to growth and blessings. you help yourself each time you surround yourself with the blessings He has given us on this earth.

 

[MBElijah]

There is a wonderful Inner healing ministry, that is used by many of those in different type's of ministry.
It is called Theophostic Pray Ministry.
It has been the best (in most cases) that I have ever seen, it will also give the person the most supernatural encounter with Jesus Christ, that they will ever come across this side of Heaven!
It was started by Ed Smith, his web site will give more info, just look up Theophostic Prayer Ministry.

God Bless

 

[invisiblebabe]

It takes time.. don't expect it all to happen overnight. God heals through relationships with other people and through using the time productively.

I recommend Changes that Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud. It should offer some help, as to how to restore the brokenness of childhood with wholeness.

for you,
kayli

 

[FreedIntheLord]

Anyone have any thoughts or ideas on ways to try and remove major psychological damage done during chidhood.
Sometimes things you don even realise are there, that have become so natural, show up in your behaviour and life to other people.
To you it was normal behaviour, to someone else it was an insult, but you never ment to insult them, its just the way you are used to being treated and treating others.
can anyone relate to that?

Really im looking for ideas on how to repair all the damage i know is there and has been done to me, so that i can feel emotions in a healthy way.
So that im not a narcisst anymore and the constant pain and lieing goes away.
I know it all comes from my abuseive childhood, i just dont know how to get rid of it .

There is a group called Adult Children of Alcoholics. I don't know if you are from a home with addictions or not, but if you are from a dysfunctional home in anyway, this might be helpful. I got some relief there myself. I can only say that if you keep reaching out to God, He will reveal things to you that you need to know. A lot of it is dealing with forgiving yourself and others. I have had to forgive myself for allowing others to seduce me, hoping to get things I wanted like security, love, financial stability and ending up lied to, used and tossed aside. I have had to forgive them for using me and myself for allowing it. Somethings, like people taking out their anger on me, I have had to learn to not allow them to talk to me that way. To move on, move away, speak up for myself. Sexual abuse, I have put myself in harms way, not looking for abuse, but for stability. Not saying no when I should have. Sometimes just have been out and out attacked. Nobody to protect me. Have had to learn to forgive parents that did not value me enough to punish the perpatrator (family member). Deal with the feelings that I was not worth taking care of in this situation. The anger, the grief. No support, having to put a lock on my own bedroom door. I have learned to forgive this one and to love them and not hold a grudge. I have had to forgive my parents. And I still need to forgive them somemore. Please keep trying and don't give up. It can take years for things to improve. For our behavior to change, but God loves us and if we keep trying, it does get better. (I have tried professionals and some have been helpful, but mostly it has been through prayer and forgiving that I have come to feel better and to do better and not feel as I am worthless).

God Bless you!
PS This can take many years, but it is worth it. There is no easy answer, just keep praying and realize it is not your fault. God will heal you. I read the other posts and they say alot of the same thing. You cannot give up on yourself. You are worthy of recovering and do not be ashamed. Get Godly counsel, preferably from others that have walked through the same thing. They tend not to wound you where you are all ready hurting. I am praying you receive the strength you need to face these things each day. You are brave for posting!

 

[divachick]

Anyone have any thoughts or ideas on ways to try and remove major psychological damage done during chidhood.
Sometimes things you don even realise are there, that have become so natural, show up in your behaviour and life to other people.
To you it was normal behaviour, to someone else it was an insult, but you never ment to insult them, its just the way you are used to being treated and treating others.
can anyone relate to that?

Really im looking for ideas on how to repair all the damage i know is there and has been done to me, so that i can feel emotions in a healthy way.
So that im not a narcisst anymore and the constant pain and lieing goes away.
I know it all comes from my abuseive childhood, i just dont know how to get rid of it .

Hi,

It's so hard to get over any form of abuse and can take years. I also suffered childhood abuse and it has had deep effects in every area of my life. It takes A LOT of time and be patient with yourself and don't blame yourself. I tend to blame myself for other peoples' reactions and sometimes think that it's all my fault but that's because that's ingrained in me. I've come to realise that I need to be sensitive to how I'm coming across to others but their reactions to me are not my responsibility - it's not always MY fault. It seems you are in a similar situation. Be patient and good to yourself - you will get over this in very small steps. Books by Joyce Meyer are very good. She is a Christian author who was abused in childhood herself. She wrote a book called "battlefield of the mind". It's very helpful for ways of thinking. Please be encouraged - this is NOT your fault.

 

[cruztacean]

Really im looking for ideas on how to repair all the damage i know is there and has been done to me, so that i can feel emotions in a healthy way.
So that im not a narcisst anymore and the constant pain and lieing goes away.
I know it all comes from my abuseive childhood, i just dont know how to get rid of it .

There is no easy answer.

Some may say it takes time, working through years of therapy. Others will insist that Jesus heals all.

Yes, He does, but I have problems with some who come off as if something is wrong with your faith if you aren't healed instantly, completely, and permanently. This can apply both physically and mentally. One man, during a church service where he was being prayed for with pain in his foot, finally declared he was healed and let the congregation raise the roof with their cheering and clapping. Later he confided in me that he really was still hurting, but the pastor and others were just going to keep praying until he said it. I myself was in the hospital being treated for depression when I happened to meet with a mental health technichian who was also a seminary student. He told me I wasn't truly saved, or else I wouldn't be having trouble with depression.

(!!!) Rookie.

Sorry, I got to rambling there. What I'm leading up to is that yes, miracles happen, but in the case of healing from abuse, probably not immediately. In my own introspection, I think I would have to admit to myself that working through years of therapy has done me more good than it would have if Jesus had simply healed me right away. We always appreciate things more when we work for them, instead of having them simply handed to us. Which is why He *didn't* just heal me instantly, completely, and permanently.

I've just discovered Joyce Meyer. I saw her television program, and I must say I'm hooked. Her teaching--and I was testing it closely--seems as if it lines directly up with the Word of God.

Anyway, sweetheart, I'm afraid you've got a lot of hard work in front of you, but trust the voice of experience when I say that in the end the work will all pay off.

 

[divachick]

I totally agree cruztacean. There are a lot of people in churches who will say you don't have enough faith if you aren't healed instantly. I think with psychological difficulties it would be rare that there would be "instant healing". I was also led to believe by church people that I would be instantly healed and didn't have enough faith and that's so damaging. I was made to feel it was my fault for being in hospital with depression and having an eating disorder. I'm still in the healing process and to be honest, probably will struggle with certain things all my life - but that's ok.

One thing that's been very important for me is to learn how to deal with things in healthier ways. I'm still insecure at times and often revert to the old patterns of thinking about not being good enough, being stupid etc. It's a long hard process but there are plenty of people to help you along the way. Yes, Joyce Meyer is great - I can't recommend her highly enough. She really hits the spot where a lot of people struggle with their mind and thoughts.

You will get there - just take a day at a time and NEVER give up hope. Good luck

 

[uniquetadpole]

Anyone have any thoughts or ideas on ways to try and remove major psychological damage done during chidhood.
Sometimes things you don even realise are there, that have become so natural, show up in your behaviour and life to other people.
To you it was normal behaviour, to someone else it was an insult, but you never ment to insult them, its just the way you are used to being treated and treating others.
can anyone relate to that?

Really im looking for ideas on how to repair all the damage i know is there and has been done to me, so that i can feel emotions in a healthy way.
So that im not a narcisst anymore and the constant pain and lieing goes away.
I know it all comes from my abuseive childhood, i just dont know how to get rid of it .

The only way to heal from abuse is to recover slowly at your own pace...there is no magical remedy...but I definitely would consider professional help. It will make the process not only easier but probably much more effective.

I just emerged from an abusive relationship by what I now understand as a narcisist...I am so glad you are wanting to get help in that. Keep relying on Christ...He will get you through.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

Im sorry that you've had to go through all this. I can only say to trust God and let him guide you. I too am in the same spot as you. Read my post in this forum. And maybe you can help me out as well.
With love in Christ
J.j

 

[NeedHelp11]

NeedHelp11, God bless you!
is counseling an option? alot of churches provide counsel. mens groups help find healthy relationships and all encourage spiritual growth.

let me encourage you! you being awear of people's feelings and things you need & reaching out in fellowship: speaks out that the Holy Spirit is working in you.

now that the abuse is over you will be learning things to help you. God puts His children's feet on paths that lead to growth and blessings. you help yourself each time you surround yourself with the blessings He has given us on this earth.

i suppose it is, its one im thinking a bit about but im not sure. I know that it would absolutely enrage people if i tried to get counselling. most of the abuse is everything being my fault and me not being strong enough to take that constant hate.
Just stopping trying to control everything in my life enough and admitting i cant do it all on my own is a major step im going to need to make at some point. But relying on someone else im going to find that very very very difficult.
Thanx for your reply

 

[NeedHelp11]

i was sexually abused for just over three years. while i was a christian which is why i am still here. there were mnay times i turned my back on God. but things brought me back to him. i am still strugling with the effects of telling people and having it out in the open. i have depression, and personality disorder. i have an eating disorder which i developed because of the hatred of myself. i self injure. i lost a lot of friends when poeple found out. my relationship with my mum got worse. and is still getting worse. but i am still here. i may not be smiling all the time or be happy (even though i tend to act happy to try and make it look like everything ok.) the reason for that is god and my friends. its has been so hard for me to get by some days but i have managed it. i just hope one day i can get over it all. i know that i will never forget things that happened to me. but someone said to me the other day. you are how you are because of what happened. no 1 can change that.
i am currently seeing a psychiatrist and a councilor and a behaviour therapist to try and sort the problems out. but its been 2 years since ppl found out about it. but they don't know everything and there are bits they never will know and a huge thing that i will regret for the rest of mylife. and never forget. the person is now in prison but poeple think that changes things but it doesn't it just shows a group of peopel believed what happend.
if anyone wants to talk or wants prayer am here.

sorry to hear that. i know that it wont change what you've been through having him locked up and some things you cant 'just get over' ever.
It sounds like you have come a long way in sorting things out though, so well done. Further than me anyway

 

[NeedHelp11]

Hi,

It's so hard to get over any form of abuse and can take years. I also suffered childhood abuse and it has had deep effects in every area of my life. It takes A LOT of time and be patient with yourself and don't blame yourself. I tend to blame myself for other peoples' reactions and sometimes think that it's all my fault but that's because that's ingrained in me. I've come to realise that I need to be sensitive to how I'm coming across to others but their reactions to me are not my responsibility - it's not always MY fault. It seems you are in a similar situation. Be patient and good to yourself - you will get over this in very small steps. Books by Joyce Meyer are very good. She is a Christian author who was abused in childhood herself. She wrote a book called "battlefield of the mind". It's very helpful for ways of thinking. Please be encouraged - this is NOT your fault.

thanx for the recommendation.
i blame myself for things like that as well

 

[NeedHelp11]

thanx for all the replys.
appreciate all of them

 

[painNsiolence]

Hun, what I beleive has helped me... (been working on mental recovery 3 years) is I beleive that therapy really helps if you get good people to help and another big factor is God, I beleive God put these people here to help us thru life I hope I helped hun.


((((((((((big hugs)))))))))))

 

[FallingWaters]

Anyone have any thoughts or ideas on ways to try and remove major psychological damage done during chidhood.

Dear NeedHelp11,

You remind me of myself. I remember I used to embarrass myself by behaving in self-defeating and self-sabotaging ways. I used to come on WAY TOO STRONG and offend people. I used to be extremely selfish and self-centered. I used to lie constantly. There was a LOT of anger, control and manipulation in my home, a LOT of pretending.

While I agree with what the others have said (it takes a long time) I also think that you and I think enough alike that you might be able to do what I have done, and you might make a major step forward in the healing process.

Before I go on though, I have to say that the reason I joined this forum is that new pain concerning my mother has recently surfaced and I am dealing with that right now. I did some healing work concerning my mother in 1997. I have been living near her and dealing with her a dozen times a year for the past 7 years, and doing quite well, BUT my grandmother is dying. She was the only safe adult in my childhood. And apparently, this kind of emotionally unsettling life-change can cause a surfacing of a new layer of emotional pain. So I guess I’m in the same boat as you right now.

The basic outline for emotional healing is this: face the truth, grieve the losses, forgive the abuser, be set free from the pain, bitterness, resentment, and anger, be free to be who God meant you to be. (This is my own formula- from my own personal experience.)

The ultimate goal of the healing process is forgiveness. You will NEVER be set free from the pain and anger until you forgive. What I discovered though is if you get down on your knees right now and say, “Father, I forgive them for they know not what they do,” it will probably be a shallow forgiveness, even if you do it with ALL THE SINCERITY OF YOUR HEART. Why? Not sure. This is my theory: When the damage is so deep it changes who you are, it needs to be grieved.

Follow the leading of the Holy Spirit as you go through the process.

First, read and meditate on Matthew 18:23-35 This will motivate you to aim at forgiveness. The truth is: we are sinning when we hold unforgiveness against someone. Of course, we feel like, “Hey! I have a RIGHT to be angry!” “I have a REASON to feel hurt!” etc. Yeah, but, our unforgiveness is holding us prisoner, and we are being tortured by bitterness, resentment, anger, etc. Those things steal our Life.

Secondly, face the truth of what happened to you. (My problem was my mother’s physically and verbally abusive anger and rage, so I went to the library to see what they had on the subject. I don’t have money to buy books, but if you do, I recommend you buy books written by Christians.) This I learned from facing my sexual abuse: I needed somebody else to tell me what they did was wrong. I needed somebody else to tell me how horrible it was, and the damage that it did to me and my development as a person. I needed somebody else to tell me what I lost and suffered because of what they did. Why? Because everybody’s “normal” is whatever they grew up with.

Of course, a wise and godly counselor would be good, too, but I couldn’t find one.

I grieved: I cried, I wrote about my feelings, I talked out loud to God, I cried on His shoulder. I read the books, kept a notebook of thoughts that would pop into my head, did some of the exercises they suggested, etc. I had to GRIEVE WHAT I LOST first, and then I could forgive more deeply and fully. I had to face what happened and call it sin and call it wrong and get angry, and cry, and face all my painful feelings.

Realize that God will hold your abuser ACCOUNTABLE for ALL they have done to you. When you forgive, you are not letting them off the hook; you’re putting them on GOD’S hook!

You will know you are finished your grieving, when you're ready to forgive. You forgive all the pain, all the damage, all the wounds. It's not just a surface thing. It's a deep thing.

You will experience a remarkable freedom. Don’t forget to ask God to forgive you for holding unforgiveness in your heart for so long.

I DO NOT RECOMMEND CONFRONTING YOUR ABUSER. You don't need to in order to heal, and most of them deny they did anything wrong anyway, and it's like getting abused all over again. The healing is between you and God. Don’t cast your pearls before swine.

The night I was done grieving what my mother had done, and I forgave her, I felt an “emotional divorce” occur in my heart. That’s what I call it. I no longer needed her approval. I realized that because of the way she has lived her life, if she was a total stranger, I would never care for her approval. The only approval I need is God’s. I became set free from the sick compulsion to jump at her beck and call, and do whatever she said. And get this! Even though I didn’t tell my husband, he could sense that I was different by the new way I interacted with my mother on the phone!

I pray this gives you hope.