Out of control youth group?

[SimplyComplex]

Hey there,

I have a few questions concerning how to deal with our youth age group. My DH is the youth pastor and sometimes I help out with the group. We currently have around 6-8 kids that come regularly but none of them are older than 13. We really dont have a lot of High School age kids at our church so we normally just have jr. high age kids coming. We have learned this is a TOUGH age to minister to. Most weeks my DH has to stop in the middle of his message to tell them that if they dont stop messing around (talking while he's talking, goofing off, disappearing to the bathroom for 20 minutes, etc.) they wont have youth group the next week. He really doesnt like to threaten them like that but they rarely listen. Example: Tonight at youth group we watched a movie and had soda and popcorn. half way through the movie the girls decided that they wanted some fresh air and to go to the bathroom. We let them go out for a few minutes but the boys wanted to follow them out. Of course we said no but they still tried to sneak out anyway. Then after group they ran outside to the van, by the time we came out to take them home half of them disappeared again, we pulled around the building to find them and they were hiding somewhere. Had to get out of the van and look for them. Its just ridiculous sometimes. We have to tell them every week that if they misbehave then the next week we either wont have youth group or they get something taken away (free time afterwards, snacks, etc.) but it doesnt seem to work. We are here to minister to these kids and to help them grow in their relationship with God and to learn and be able to show that love to others but its really hard when all they do is goof off. I know this is just what they do at this age but we are running out of ideas. How can we get them to see that there is a time to have fun, and there is a time to be serious and listen to whats being taught. We dont want to have to "threaten" them with no youth group everytime, but we arent here to babysit them either. Please Help!

 

[razeontherock]

Bless you for your volunteering. My .02:

you have to come to terms with what it is you're trying to do, and willing to do. You can't expect them to act like adults. If it were up to them and they were given the chance to sign on the dotted line to hear the Gospel, they'd likely pass. IOW, you need to minister to them, more than they want to be ministered to.

You need to resign from the power and control struggle, and design in some give and take so they want to co-operate. This does mean giving in to a certain extent, but it should become more rewarding for all involved, including you. IMHO, no need to do all this yourselves. You can (and should) be up front with the kids about what isn't working, and ask them what they'd enjoy. I hesitate to term it in terms of rewards, but maybe that is ok. (?)

You have to avoid enabling them to feel punished for hearing the Gospel, obviously.

I also don't think you necessarily have to give them what they really want most, just some things they'd enjoy. If those are things they come up with themselves, they'll be much more receptive to it. I highly advise keeping structure, and getting away from anything like free time. (Depending on how that actually works, obviously)

Everything about this situation is challenging: the # of people, the age, and what you're trying to do. How long has this youth group been in existence?

 

[saved24]

Hello, this sounds a lot how our group was and we still are having some challenges. We were having ages 3 and up, no age limit, but have changed it to 14 and under. Your kids sound so much like ours! we have got the fresh air thing too! and the girls need to check out their hair in the bathroom. One night the girls actually managed to rip the sink partially off the wall! I suspect they decided to sit on it!

The children were getting hard to control. We had a large group and sometimes the smaller group can be more of a challenge. I found that out last week when we only had 6 children!

We had to change the program. We had a lot of free choice, but now we do not. We had to have more structure, that is what you may need. We start our program with board games, most of them are Christian games and Christian jig saw puzzles. We then have a time for memory verse, then story, then crafts and/or pictures and search-a-words that go with the story.

I am not suggesting you follow what we have done, but finding more structure might be helpful. Change your program. Our kids were disappointed at times, but we just said, sorry colouring is after the story. Your group might need a radical change! we used to start out with free time. They could do 2 or three crafts, colour, play Lego, play puzzles, do a search-a-word, and in the beginning the children would help with baking too! now are program is way different!

We have decided to make sure the girls go to the washroom, 1 at a time. The children who have this need of fresh air? well we had to put our foot down, no more fresh air. I find it is an excuse to do something else. It is hard but I suggest that the fresh air and such should no longer be an option. I finally see that after quite a long time!

It would be nice if your DH had someone who could tell the kids shhhh when he is telling the lesson. I usually like telling the story/lesson when the kids are sitting at their tables after playing games. It is good to have something that will hold their attention. It might be a good idea to ask Mary to sit by the helper if she is difficult. You may have to ask John to move beside Pam if John tend to hit Fred during the lesson.

Another option is having the children do a craft they really enjoy and teaching the lesson while they do the craft.

We need to follow through with our "threats" if they all are goofing around then cancel the next week. It's hard, but otherwise they do not take it seriously. I know where you are coming from, I have been there! One thing we had to do was take the markers away! a number of children would mark each other on the face! no not face painting! After a number of weeks of warning, we finally stopped using them, we use crayons and pencil crayons. A few times the children have asked for them, but are learning to live without them.


We are fortunate, our minister is in the hall taking attendance, when a child does not listen to us we say, would you like us to call the minister and talk to him? usually the answer is no and they obey us. It would be nice if you had this option. I am very grateful that he is there. When he wasn't the kids would often ignore what I asked them to do! As we have often had 20 children, it is only a handful that are a challenge.

These are just some suggestions. I do not know your children, so I can only make suggestions and let you know some of the things we have tried.

God bless. Praying for you

PS You do not need to answer this question, but what does DH stand for? I was thinking maybe Dear Husband?

 

[12StonerFB]

we have about 30 mins of hang out time before. then we turn on a 10 min countdown. Then we play a stupid video like extreme sports fails or bad singers. Then we play a goofy game where the winner wins a candy bar or monster. Then we explain that their is a time for goofiness and loudness and then there is a time for reverance and this is one of those times. Then afterwards we have more hang out time.

 

[saved24]

we have about 30 mins of hang out time before. then we turn on a 10 min countdown. Then we play a stupid video like extreme sports fails or bad singers. Then we play a goofy game where the winner wins a candy bar or monster. Then we explain that their is a time for goofiness and loudness and then there is a time for reverance and this is one of those times. Then afterwards we have more hang out time.

Sounds like fun!

 

[Distex]

We have a couple of kids that distract from the rest.
Like to hide, etc.

Number one rule, don't threatened something unless you are willing to carry it out. Kids will call your bluff. So, if they misbehave and you said if they did it one more time then there is no youth group next week. Then there is no youth group. If it is only a few than you may just have them hang out with the preacher for a while during youth group.

Also, on one rare occasion one of the kids did a good job.
I sent a letter home with him to his parents stating what a great help he was.
This encourage him for a little time but it wore off.

Usually, if they are getting in trouble in youth group, they are getting in trouble at school.

 

[melsray]

I believe the cause of this problem is communication. There is an age gap between seniors and juniors as well as pastors and normal members. so,my suggestion is, the seniors as well as the pastor should humble themselves, to talk to them(in their slang of course), mix with them, ask about their life, personal problems, give advice and so on. bear in mind, that this is a christian group, not any ordinary school activities.God bless...=)

 

[Kristos]

Hey there,

I have a few questions concerning how to deal with our youth age group. My DH is the youth pastor and sometimes I help out with the group. We currently have around 6-8 kids that come regularly but none of them are older than 13. We really dont have a lot of High School age kids at our church so we normally just have jr. high age kids coming. We have learned this is a TOUGH age to minister to. Most weeks my DH has to stop in the middle of his message to tell them that if they dont stop messing around (talking while he's talking, goofing off, disappearing to the bathroom for 20 minutes, etc.) they wont have youth group the next week. He really doesnt like to threaten them like that but they rarely listen. Example: Tonight at youth group we watched a movie and had soda and popcorn. half way through the movie the girls decided that they wanted some fresh air and to go to the bathroom. We let them go out for a few minutes but the boys wanted to follow them out. Of course we said no but they still tried to sneak out anyway. Then after group they ran outside to the van, by the time we came out to take them home half of them disappeared again, we pulled around the building to find them and they were hiding somewhere. Had to get out of the van and look for them. Its just ridiculous sometimes. We have to tell them every week that if they misbehave then the next week we either wont have youth group or they get something taken away (free time afterwards, snacks, etc.) but it doesnt seem to work. We are here to minister to these kids and to help them grow in their relationship with God and to learn and be able to show that love to others but its really hard when all they do is goof off. I know this is just what they do at this age but we are running out of ideas. How can we get them to see that there is a time to have fun, and there is a time to be serious and listen to whats being taught. We dont want to have to "threaten" them with no youth group everytime, but we arent here to babysit them either. Please Help!

It's tough. They don't like it, but I only let them drink milk, water or juice - no soda or energy drinks - the sugar and caffeine only make things more difficult. With snacks, I try to avoid simple sugars for the same reasons (plus it's not healthy). You could try starting with a very physical activity to let them blow off some steam, then transition to something moderate, to help them calm down and then finally they might be able to sit and listen. I wouldn't get too frustrated if you can't get more than 10 minutes of their attention. Be ready for that and make your 10 minutes count as much as possible It doesn't mean that you are wasting your time, it's just a lot of work to get that precious 10 minutes and it does make a difference!

 

[Brandon01]

I have been working with my church's youth minister for the past year and I've learned these things which may help.
This age group is really into doing what they want to do so I suggest asking them often what they want to do and do some of those things if and when it's appropriate.
Keep their attention span in mind when teaching. Keep each activity, especially if it involves them sitting and listening, relatively short.
With movies, I think having an alternative more active thing to do can help. That way the ones who are into the movie can enjoy it in peace and the others can do something more active.
Occasionally take them out to eat or to do something fun. If they get too out of hand you can use this as leverage! For example, if they don't behave tell them if they don't get such the activity done there will be no trip to the local smoothie shop.

 

[Olderisgood62]

I don't know how much help my comments will be. I have served as the Jr. High SS teacher in my church for 15 years. It has been an interesting adventure!

I have learned that keeping their attention can be a real challenge. There are some things I keep in mind when planning my lessons. The attention span can be measured according to the age of those in attendance. The average is for every year of age you have one minute of attention. Example a 13 year old will pay attention for 13 minutes. There are exceptions going both ways.
My teaching style is interactive. I ask a lot of questions. Big drawback to that is you cannot plann ahead for what thought those questions may provoke! Remember this age of believer is really still a babe in the word. Just starting to be weaned off the "milk" and starting to taste the "meat". In my case most of my "students" have grown up in SS. They know the stories. But they are that, Bible stories. I lean towards application. How can we apply these stories personally. That is where I can get those "out there" responses. When this happens I have what is called "The Hot Seat". Have them explain their thought.
This age group have minds that are constantly on the move. I have found that many times the lesson I have prepared for rarely is completed! I would suggest if you were to try this method start with very basic simple topics. Even those can get complex in a hurry. Always have someone for "crowd control" my wife serves in this capacity for me. Mainly to help keep the extra contributions from being overlapped. Be warned I once started on the topic of what a fleece was and ended up explaining (barely) election and predestination.
I do a lot of object lessons. The curiosity of the object seems to keep their attention focused for a longer period. Of course that could be because a lot of my lessons someone or all leave with something that reminds them of the lesson and application.
Don't just be a teacher. Any of the youth know I am available to ask questions too. (At appropriate times). If they know they can approach you they won't be as apt to interrupt your lesson for a one on one question.
I spend a lot of time just reading my Bible. Staying familiar with the stories. It is a must to be well rounded in the Bible. It is not a nessity to know chapter and verse. I have actually used this to show the youth how to research their question themselves. The concordance in the back of a Bible is a big help with this.
This age is real compulsive. You just can't assume a strict control. They will fight that and the control will be a continuing battle. They need to think that paying attention is their idea. Use their biggest trait to make them think they are staying of their own choice. This is curiosity. Make them curious. They will want to find out why. I am amazed how excited these youth can get when they are discovering something "on their own".
Another warning. This excitement can be contagious and often the outbursts of delight can be a bit louder than you would care for. The larger the group the louder this outburst can be. This however does promote the idea that learning from the Bible is fun. Every one likes doing fun things. Bible FUNdimentals!

 

[Livvy95]

I empathise with you! We had this problem! So hopefully, what has recently worked for us, may work for you too!

There are a few things we did.

We got security. We get one or two blokes from our church. We implemented a new rule. If you leave the building, you are not allowed back in. (If they are happy to leave, the rule is that we have to call their parents to pick them up because they are in our care). We make the rules about no going to the bathroom clear, and security enforce it. If they're allowed to go to the bathroom, they will. If they're not allowed, one or two might try, but security shouldn't let them get away with it. After two or three months, they get the idea.

With the talking.. that's a tough one. Firstly, having a personal relationship with them, where they look up to you and respect you, goes a long way. But often not long enough Praise the ones who are well behaved. And single out the ones who misbehave.

Some things that can affect all of that, their crazy, hyper behaviour, etc, is the atmosphere you are setting. Is it a big space? Get a bunch of petitions and close the room off to make it seem more intimate. Are the lights up bright? Get some low lights and turn the bright ones off during the preaching and the worship. It really sets the tone for the whole night.

Also, think about the order of the night. If you are going straight from a crazy game into the preaching, of course they're going to be hyped up!

Our 11-13 year old group is run this way: 3 games, afternoon tea, culture talk (guildlines, like respecting and encouraging each other, etc), Bible talk, pray, game.
Our 14+ year old group is run this way: hang time, count down, segment (mini game/challenge or funny video), worship, annoucements, game, offering, preaching. It's not a perfect plan.. They are still a little rowdy during the offering, but they're much more settled by the time the preaching starts.

The biggest thing is just building culture, and that takes time. It means having people in your youth group who will be an example to the rest and help set the tone.

Also, a suggestion for getting older kids - do high school ministry We've gotten 80-90% of our kids through lunch time programs. We just go into school during lunch, run games, hand out little chocolates for prizes, then at the end, plug our youth group and hand out flyers You could alternatively do a breakfast club, cooking pancakes, or giving cereal and toast. Very popular and a great way to build relationships