Other Peoples Kids

[Picture.Of.Obedience]

Ok So I do a small group bible study and this couples daughter is terrible. She is rude to my kids, she takes their toys and pushes them, she screams NO at her parents, she is barely 3 and says stupid all the time. She is soooo disrespectful and the parents just sit there. When is it ok for me to step in. I mean i dont let her push my kids around but i dont want to step on the parents toes. She is awful . oiy

 

[Leanna]

Beyond protecting your own children, you can't really parent for them, you know?

 

[PolarBear3]

Is this happening at your house? If it is, you may want to tell all of the kids what the rules are for your house (for example, people are not allowed to push each other or use the word "stupid"). Of course, if she still misbehaves, you can't really enforce any consequence without her parents' agreement. But kids need to know what is expected of them and if her parents aren't telling her, I don't see why you can't let her know what you expect in your own home. And that may also let the parents know that you don't want certain behaviors in your home - hopefully they will intervene when they see their daughter doing those things.

If this is not at your house (or even if it is), maybe talk with the group about what you all think the rules for the kids should be? Even the non-parents in the group may be bothered by the kids' behavior.

 

[tiredwalker]

That's a hard one. I'd talk to the parents first. If they are not receptive or just shrug their shoulders, you should step in when she is acting out. If she hits one of your kids or takes their toy, get on her level and say, we do not (insert problem) in this house. If you want to stay and play, you need to stop." If she doesn't, tell her parents that this is obviously not working out and show them the door. I know it's abrupt, but you have to protect your kids from being bullied. If the parents aren't doing anything about it, none of them should be around your children. Church politics can be hard, but your kids are the most important thing! Plus, you don't want your kids using the "stupid" word and start acting like her!

I hope it all goes well.

 

[LoisGriffin]

It depends on the situation. When I was in youth work I removed the problem child from the situation and gave them some one on one attention. A lot of the time thats what they were crying out for anyway.

When its with your own kids I would imagine it must be so much harder because you are automatically more emotive.

We did have strict rules in keeping parents informed on any issues. In general they were always willing to work with us.

 

[BeanMak]

Another suggestion, if she is acting up and not playing well with the other children, you could ask her to please go sit by her mother.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

It doesn't matter where I'm at or who's around, if some other little kid is trying to take something out of Emily's hands or push her, I tell them to stop and then I try to move Emily...because kids will keep at it.

 

[Linnis]

I will step in and protect my child. This happens often, even more so in indoor play parks - parents reading or on their laptops instead of watching their kids.

" I say excuse me, he doesn't like that, we would like you to stop."
We also ask the child to go find his or her parent.

If it continues I have asked a parent to keep a better eye on their child.

 

[seamonster]

I completely agree with stating the rules of your house. If they aren't followed, I would tell the parents that their child needs to comply with the rules or she will have to sit with them quietly during the study and not be allowed to play with your kids.

 

[Neenie1]

Is this happening at your house? If it is, you may want to tell all of the kids what the rules are for your house (for example, people are not allowed to push each other or use the word "stupid"). Of course, if she still misbehaves, you can't really enforce any consequence without her parents' agreement. But kids need to know what is expected of them and if her parents aren't telling her, I don't see why you can't let her know what you expect in your own home. And that may also let the parents know that you don't want certain behaviors in your home - hopefully they will intervene when they see their daughter doing those things.

If this is not at your house (or even if it is), maybe talk with the group about what you all think the rules for the kids should be? Even the non-parents in the group may be bothered by the kids' behavior.

Yep - what she said.

While I agree you can't do the parents job for the parents, you can make it clear what's expected.

Even use the start of small group time while all adults and children are present and explain the rules to the kids with the parents listening. Say something like it's not very kind to hit/push/snatch toys off other children and it's not nice to call each other names and we much try and be kind to each other and share the toys. You get the picture. That way it's all been said and out in the open, no names have been mentioned and no child is singled out.

Also if your kids start imitating the behaviour of the other child (my kids have done this from time to time) just keep emphasising that just because ____ parents let him/her get away with _____ doesn't mean it's right for you to do it. They eventually get the message that that kind of behaviour isn't right.

 

[Picture.Of.Obedience]

Thanks everyone