Opposites don't really attract

[HazelWings]

London, July 11 (ANI): 'Opposites attract' is an age-old concept that has been batted around for centuries. And in fact, it is very true when it comes to falling in love.

But do opposites really attract? A new study has found that more often that not, similarity rules the day.

Researchers at Berkeley found that people are drawn to potential romantic partners if they are of their own or similar league and desirability, which they called the 'matching hypothesis'.

Personality traits and common interests do play a factor but for that instant attraction, like is drawn towards like, putting paid to the phrase 'You're out of my league', reports the Daily Mail.

The researchers measured the popularity of more than 3,000 heterosexual users of an online dating site and looked at the popularity of each.

Popularity was defined by the number of opposite-sex individuals who had sent unsolicited messages to a user.

Analyses indicated that high-popularity users contacted other popular users at a rate greater than would be expected by chance.

Similarly, the less popular users of the site also contacted other low-popularity users.

The researchers then conducted a follow-up study of more than a million users and found a similar result - when it comes to dating, potential mates stick to someone in their own league.

"Individuals on the dating market will assess their own self-worth and select partners whose social desirability approximately equals their own," said the researchers.

Using data collected in the laboratory and from users of a popular online dating site, the authors found evidence for matching based on self-worth, physical attractiveness, and popularity, but to different degrees and not always at the same stage of the dating process.

"The most striking prediction is that undesirable individuals will choose undesirable partners," the authors concluded. (ANI)


Opposites don't really attract, finds study - Yahoo! News


Makes sense and also makes me wonder why they had to do a study on something like this. Also, that last sentence about "undesirable individuals" makes me wonder how they define someone as undesirable?

 

[ks777]

I've always been a fan with the saying opposites attract, I think it's true. I also agree with their conclusion, to paraphrase, hot babes will go out with hunks and average people end up attracted to average looking people. But when it comes down to the nitty gritty, men and women are complete opposite and they're drawn together. I think the saying might have something to do with negatively and positively charged electrons too

 

[Blank123]

hm. are they referring to looks only? I always took the saying to refer to personality.

I don't personally believe in the existence of "leagues" and its not exactly a scientific definition anyhow since attraction is subjective.... so i doubt I would put much stock into this study besides that it says they looked at 3000 members of an online dating site. so it doesn't sound like they did a lot of study in a lot of different settings or even websites to determine how attraction works. For all we know they just went to something like hotenough.org where the basis is pure superficiality and conducted their study there.

 

[HazelWings]

I wondered that exact same thing too...

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Obviously not every relationship can be an example of 'opposites attract' because that just isn't the case between some people. However, in my opinion, I think opposites attract in most cases. I know it does for me. I am a true, 100% introvert and I'm very much attracted to talkative, extrovert. The opposite...completes me. Simple as that.

 

[Blueforest]

Opposites don't usually attract. Maybe when it comes to gender or food preferences, but not when it comes down to the important stuff, like religion, money, social status or family values. People are best off with someone more similar than different.

The study seems to just be talking about looks, which I already knew anyway. I don't necessarily believe in leagues, but it is somewhat true. It raises some interesting questions in my own experience, but we won't go there. The bottomline is people tend to go for others who are around the same level of attractiveness as they are. (But it's all relative seeing how everyone has a different opinion of his or her self. Someone who is butt ugly may think he's quite good looking and someone who is quite pretty may think she is a goblin, so it depends too.)

I know I've had the situation where I've looked at a couple and thought or said to myself, "What is that dork doing with HER?!"

 

[HazelWings]

I think opposites attract to a certain degree because each of us comes to a relationship with strengths and weaknesses and like Miss said, I believe we need someone who balances our strengths and weaknesses. I also agree that we work best with those that we share certain likes and beliefs with, and in that case opposites don't attract.

 

[HazelWings]

I know I've had the situation where I've looked at a couple and thought or said to myself, "What is that dork doing with HER?!"

I had to giggle at this as I remembered all the Big Johnson tees kids used to wear in my high school back in the day

 

[TheOliveSeed]

I think balance is important. It’s great to share similarities with someone, but at the same time differences are also important – they would make the r/ship more interesting and help you complement each other.

 

[mina]

I do think opposites attract (in terms of temperment or personality traits) , at first and for a little while. Then differences CAN become too much for the initial attraction or the couple can consciously choose to work together and balance each other out. But obviously not every couple is an opposites attract sort of case.

 

[KingCrimson250]

I'm surprised they did this study. As far as I was aware, every piece of psychological and sociological research has demonstrated that "opposites attract" is bunk and that the healthiest relationships are generally had by the people who are the most similar, so it seems a little redundant. I know everyone has a friend of a friend who married someone completely different than them and they're deliriously happy, but statistically speaking that's not the norm. The only real opposites that attract long-term (aside from the obvious, i.e. male and female) are introverts and extraverts. Haven't heard any explanation as to why, though. People who have similar goals, dreams, interests, philosophical/religious perspectives, living styles, and most importantly communication styles are generally going to enjoy far happier relationships, which really is common sense.

Even as far as physical appearance goes, I thought it was pretty well established that people are more attracted to people who look like them (i.e. same hair colour, eye colour, build, etc).

 

[MehGuy]

The study doesn't really surprise me... I know for one that I aim to find a woman who has as much in common as me as possible. I'd rather be on the same page as her and grow mentally and intellectually than have someone I can hardly relate too and get nowhere significantly with....

 

[LadyOfMystery]

I'm not going to say opposites do or don't attract - that's not really in my opinion for me to say. I think it's all up to God on whether one is attracted to another. They may be opposite in most ways but the same where it counts (both being christian, etc).

 

[Gista]

opposites don't attract, they attack

 

[SnowyMacie]

I don't think opposites attract. I have met girls who were the opposites of me, and I do not like them. The idea of opposites attracting is comes from the idea of of complementing personality. Its generally not a good idea to marry someone too similar to you, and its really not a good idea to marry someone who is too different either. My parents were "opposites" that attracted, and they got divorced. That isn't that common among those opposites attracting. The idea to get someone you are compatible with, not someone who is the opposite of you.

 

[Thunder Peel]

Of course opposites attract! I'm a man and I like women. See?

 

[MehTeh]

I'm surprised they did this study.

People need to do something to get their post grad degrees.

Even as far as physical appearance goes, I thought it was pretty well established that people are more attracted to people who look like them (i.e. same hair colour, eye colour, build, etc).

Most redheads I know aren't all that attracted to redheads. Probably because we know how messed up we are.

I mean I like some redheads but not generally.

 

[LadyOfMystery]

Of course opposites attract! I'm a man and I like women. See?

Thats actually a good point

 

[MehTeh]

This way you can all join me in audible misery.

YouTube - ‪Paula Abdul - Opposites Attract‬‏

 

[Amber.ly]

Opposites don't attract, people are attracted to other people and sometimes that other person will be different from you or similar to you.

Most redheads I know aren't all that attracted to redheads. Probably because we know how messed up we are.

I mean I like some redheads but not generally.

Gee, thanks Aaron