Opening up...I'm ready to tell.(Trigger Warning, detailed)

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I've been thinking about writing it, that's how I've shared it with people before. I haven't really said it out loud much. I want to tell her...I'm just not sure when or how yet. I guess I just need to be patient.I've really been having a hard time with flashbacks...to the point where they physically make me sick. I really wanted my doctor to know about the abuse because I really think I should have an exam done just to make sure things are okay...I haven't been checked since it happened but I think that my abuser tore something when she abused me. I would feel better if I had it checked out, but that is going to be a hard step for me because the doctor would have to touch me and I don't know if I can handle that...I remember the feeling...
I feel awful right now. I'm beginning to get a cold and I'm very weepy today...might be a result of the depression meds. I just want to feel better

 

[RuthD]

I am praying for you. I know the feelings and have been there. It is awful pain and I am hoping you will feel better soon. Try to get your courage up and seek a doctor, prefferably a woman.

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I think that before I talk to a doctor about this that I'm going to need to work this out in therapy first. Maybe by the next time I have to go back to the doctor I can tell her( in a month) I would certainly feel better If I knew everything was ok down there. Thank you for the prayers. Really struggling right now.

 

[secretshadows618]

I was sexually abused by my best friend. I was 7, she was 8 or 9. I always went to her house when my mom worked. One day I was at her house( it was during the summer), she decided that we should play doctor,I didn't think much of it because we had played doctor many times before. Well this time was different. She pushed me onto her bed, and made me lay down. I screamed and screamed " NO!" and "Don't do this" "Don't touch me" I tried to push her off, but I was younger, weaker, I couldn't get her off me. I cried, and I tried and tried to keep fighting her off, I screamed, and finally after about 15 minutes of this her mom finally came in, and found me laying on the bed half naked, and my friend there sitting over me. My friend was punished, and her mom told my mom what had happened when she came to pick me up after work. I still to this day do not believe that what my friend's mom told my mom was true, because when I got home that night I was punished too. I didn't understand then why I was being punished for this. I still don't understand. I struggle with this question a lot, where was God in all this? Why did he not give me the strength to get her off me? Why did he let this happen? It's been years since this incident, but I'm just finally starting to face it. It hurts.

He didn't give you the strength to get her off because the strength to not only get over this but to use it to help other people in this situation is far more valuable.

He loves you and is proud of you for your courage, as am I.

Sarah

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

well I don't feel like he loves me anymore...and it hurts.

 

[Johnnz]

But He does. Your feelings will be pretty scrambled at times. Maybe you need someone close to you just to affirm that Jesus is till firmly there and on your side?

John
NZ

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

Maybe that's what I need. It's so hard to see anything clearly right now.

 

[Criada]

Remember, sweetie, that feelings don't alter truth.. they are based on so many things.. what you eat, how much you sleep, hormones etc.
But they don't change what is real and unchanging.
Hang in there, and remember that even the darkest night has a dawn.

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

feelings don't alter the truth
God may still love me but there is no way I love myself.

 

[Criada]

Yeah, I know that is more difficult, sweetie... I struggle with that one too.
Just remember.. it wasn't in any way your fault, and however you feel, you were a small child and had no way out
Loving yourself takes a lot of work.. but I find it helps to imagine how I would react to someone else in my situation.
If someone came to you, and told you she had been abused, she was hurting, struggling with anger at God and the world, and didn't love herself, what would you say to her? I suspect that you would hug her, tell her it wasn't her fault, and try to comfort her. If you would do that for someone else, sweetie, try to do the same for yourself. Because you deserve it

 

[Johnnz]

I often use the image of a broken city when talking to badly damaged people. When the exiles returned to Jerusalem the city was in ruins and the walls torn down. The exiles realised thay needed to rebuild the city's walls to keep their enemies out before they could begin rebuilding their own homes and even the temple.

So with you. You need building blocks of affirmation, support, encouragement, and appropriate counsel to give you the ability to really address the negative roots within. Damaged self image is enormously powerful. It acts like sieve through which far too much drains away. You can't even see how God can help, or even is there for you. That is often the situation for someone facing their hurtful past. With the help of good people the gaps in your defences will be plugged.

Jesus knows where you are at. He is your friend, whatever you may feel or think about Him, and He can live with you just as you are without being offended, or about to abandon you.

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I have a hard time with my self image. I'm having a really hard time today.