Online Relationships

[Lighthouse]

I met someone online last summer and we began to talk. then after some time had passed, we decided we wanted to meet each other, so we did. Then we began a serious relationship. He lived four hours from me but came up to be with me every other weekend.

We were happy until about the last two weeks of the relationship. He had asked me to marry him and even though it was a short time since we had met, I felt that he was the right person for me.

Then I began to see a different person and had planned to give his ring back and call the relationship off the next weekend that he was up. But instead he sent me the email at the beginning of the week that he was supposed to come up on the next Friday evening.

The relationship lasted until around Thanksgiving when he called the relationship off, through an email no less. We have had no contact whatsoever since then.

It really hurt me that he did not even want to talk about the relationship or work through the issues that were there. He just left me "cold turkey". No explanation hardly at all except he felt we needed to end the relationship because I would not move down to where he lives.

I am interested in hearing about what others think about online dating? Do you think it works? What are your feelings?

 

[solo66 man]

Yes, it always hurts to end a relationship of any kind, but be glad that you did not have to do it. he did you a favor. And at least you found out before too much time went by and you were even deeper.

 

[truthseeker2758]

Hi there Lighthouse. This is Garry424 from MC. This site is pretty cool too.

 

[jesusaves]

I think online romances can be quite iffy. How do you know if the other person is being truthful. There's some pretty scary people out there. Even in Christian sites you'll find them lurking. Now I don't say all online romances will never work out. There maybe a few out there that have.

:o How about a show of hands. How many of you have had online romances and did they work out or not? And why?

 

[Blackwing]

I have a friend who had an online relationship before and it caused her nothing but heartaches.

Lurkers feed on people finding meaning in their relationship through the internet.

They can be very persuasive and you may think they are serious but they are not.


They are a nuisance and a pain

God bless

 

[FFX]

I also have a friend who met someone online on icq. They seem to be going alright. But his parents don't really approve, I think its because the woman he is seeing is 31 years old and he is 24 years old. He actually left his girlfriend to be with her. Well, currently it seems to be going ok. I don't really know... everybody's relationship is different from everybody's. I also just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years... but I think that this choice was a good choice, it not only feels right, but God has had his say in it too... So, try to look to God, and pray about it.

 

[RN]

I have a relative who met someone online...they're married now, and have a daughter together. I guess at first I was skeptical as to how successful the relationship would be, but as long as they're still together, and they still love each other, all the best to them.

ermm....I've tried to have a long-distance sorta thing with someone overseas. A lot of the communication was done thru the net, and I have to say, I don't at all believe that it makes for a healthy relationship. It really blew up in the end. My advice is to tread with caution in such things.

 

[Lighthouse]

All the advice that you guys have given was taken, even before I came to this site. I was skeptical at first as well and wanted to give this person a chance and I see where it got me. So I decided it would be best if the relationship ended where it did and boy am I glad he ended the relationship before I had an opportunity. I hate to be the one to end a relationship, but have done it before and will do it again if I need to.

 

[ZiSunka]

Online relationships are inherently unsatsifying, because they don't allow you enough hours together in each other's presence.

I had an online relationship for about 10 months with a guy who lived just an hour and a half away, but because we couldn't be there to experience life with each other, he broke it off (by email, just like your guy). Little things like going out to eat on a week night, or watching a favorite tv show together and being around each other's friends are an important part of dating and courting, and since you don't really get to do that with an online relationship, they are almost doomed to failure from the start. You can't get sufficient emotional satisfaction from an absentee boyfriend.

You were even feeling that yourself. The guy who lived close was more attractive to you because he could fill that need to be WITH the one you love.

So, don't feel bad or think that you were abandoned without reason by the online guy. The relationship had just run its natural course.

After that relationship ended for me, I took a second look at a guy I had known for years and found him to be nice, and accessible. We are now engaged to be married this summer! The online guy was wonderful, but it just couldn't work out in the long run since neither of us was willing to move.

 

[AngelAmidala]

Online relationships work sometimes. And other times, they do not. I guess it really depends on the 2 people involved and how committed they are to making the relationship work...no matter what obstacles arose...the main one being distance.

I have had a few on-line relationships. One lasted a few months, another lasted almost a year. The first one didn't work out because the guy I was with wasn't really ready for any sort of boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. The second one I ended because I wanted more then just chats and e-mails. I wanted to be able to go places with him...and our distance was just too great. (I was in NY he was in Georgia.)

But...there are relationships that do work! My dad knows a guy from a Christian retreat thing called Tres Dias who married a woman he met online.

*shrugs* At least that's how I see it.

 

[kingdave]

I actually did get involved in a relationship that started online early last August (We met on the Internet a month before that) and lasted only just over 2 months (despite the fact that we live 10 minutes from each other). The cause of the split was that our characters don't seem to fit into each other. It didn't help that I am a Christian and she is not but the problems lie elsewhere (character incompatibility is one). We are still friends but no longer the same of friendship as when we are in a relationship.

Whether you are involved in Internet relationships, long-distance relationships or face-to-face relationships, it's always important for you first to be friends with whoever you're with and build up a strong bond there. If you decided to go ahead with the relationship because you feel that person is right for you, take that next step. But it's very important to choose wisely or else it will affect you for the rest of your life.

On the other hand, if you see signs that your relatioship is not working out, get out of the relationship as early as possible and don't linger for too long. Someone will get hurt but the earlier you deal with it, the earlier the hurt from someone can be dealt with. That was exactly what I had to do when I told my then girlfriend the bad news and she was hurt by what I did. I was thinking about splitting up for over a month and when I realised that I could take no more, the decision was made.

I can't tell you whether Internet relationship works or not because I have seen both sides of the coin. I can tell you that it is better to go for someone living closer to you than someone a long way away from you because of practical implications. But let God lead the way when you are searching for a partner for life.

 

[Josephus]

so you'd all probably say the chances are 90 to 1 that an online relationship could really be one that works out?

 

[AngelAmidala]

Eh....I don't like doing odds....because somewhere, somehow there will be something that beats them.

I'd mostly say, if it's in God's Plan for you to have an online relationship, then you will...and you'll know it's His Plan when things fall into place. If it's not His Plan, there still might be painful times (*sigh* if anyone wants to know more, drop me a line) but in the end you'll wind up with who you're supposed to be with.

Thank God for that!

 

[Redheaded Goddess]

Ditto Jenn! Very nice way to sum it up. I totaly agree.

 

[Lighthouse]

I am just thankful that I saw the signs early on and got out of the relationship before either one of us were hurt anymore. And it has helped tremendously that there has been no contact since 11/21/01

 

[E-beth]

Hey ya'll

I met my husband of seven months on ICQ. I had recovered from a disasterous first marriage to an abusive adulterer and I found the net to be a way to meet people and talking without strings attached. I am by nature a very shy person and if it weren't for the internet it is hard telling what I would be like today.

I met my hubby ( Iddie4him around here) last December and he asked me to marry him February first of last year. It seemed quick but I decided to have a long engagement. He also lived three hours away from me, but I talked to God alot about it. Then when he got a new job in Pennsylvania, I had to make a decision quick: marry him in a month and leave my home and family, or break it off. Again, I talked to God about it and sought His plan. He told me that it is His will for me to be here with the man from the internet He put me with. When I moved and gave myself to His will, He blessed me beyond belief with a minor miracle due in a few months!

The point is, it isn't always bad news. You have to be very very careful and safe. But I don't know any other medium where you can talk for hours to someone for not much money every single day.

God can use anything-- even the net- to bless ya with somone to love.

In your case, though, Lighthouse, it seems that God told ya early on that the relationship was not in his plan for just then. Even though it is an icky feeling, it could have been worse or gotten ugly on ya.

 

[lizgal220]

Hmmm. I don't like the idea of meeting someone online solely.

I used the internet as a communication method after I'd met a guy in person. Then I tracked his email down on line, since he was eight hours away, and we chatted every day. And it worked, but the milestone commitments and breakups came in person, when we could cry and pray together. But I got to be really obsessive about checking my email.


In general, what I learned from it is that before you head into Any Romantic Relationship, you and God have to be totally tight. You have to be living in the center of God's will and listening to him. Your job is to fall more in love with God and let Him do the looking for potential dates.

Otherwise, If you and God aren't right, a boyfriend or girlfriend or simple one time date will only be a major devastating distraction to your life.

 

[Blackwing]

How true ,how true

We really must keep in mind our focus and priorities

 

[swish8]

hi everyone. this board is pretty cool!

on line relationships don't necessarily have to be, or turn into, romantic ones.

shortly after getting into the internet. i "met" this person in a chat room....by sheer chance....and we just clicked. it didn't take long until we were spending time "together" on icq every day. we really became "close" after a short while. it's hard to explain. and, here i am, a married man...............the wife was starting to get concerned.......understandably so. anyways, we both recognised the danger in the close personal bond we had developed and backed off. we now "see" each other on occasion and still consider each other good friends. by the way, my wife talks to her as well.

my observation, based on my experiences and those of others, is that online relationships are somewhat dangerous....obviously depending on the participants, because of the simple fact that you, or the other party, are sharing only what you chose to share. you and they don't get the whole package. do ya know what i mean? take mine for example: my "friend" was "seeing" this real sensitive guy that was kind and honest and funny and all of that good stuff. there was no down side. try living with me....... i don't know if i made my point very well..... for instance:
a girl that i worked with, for a short time, moved here to marry this guy that she had met online. after a very short time, she found out that she hadn't known who this guy really was at all. i mean not at all. the marriage lasted less than a year. oops

as for you, e-beth......looks like you might be an exeption......and i'm glad for that. praying, and allowing GOD to be involved in the decison, is a HUGE help and the ONLY way to proceed with some thing like this.

i can't believe that i rambled like this......i am generally just a lurker. GOD bless u all <><

 

[E-beth]

Swish8: Howdy neighbor! It's nice to be at a board where people don't think you are nuts when you mention Wawa!