Online dating

[lilnicciebaby]

I tried my luck at online dating. It took a while, years mind you but I found a match. Now I am not sure how fast to take this. He is about 16 years older than me. I normally do not date that old but everything else seems to fit. My mother is all worried and I get some of her concerns. My friends are all okay with him as long as when we meet we meet in public and do double dates for a long time until they think he is safe an such. I do want to do this right but I am falling fast and do not know how to stop it. He is so gorgeous and very smart. He has a good job and wants to take care of me and my daughter and he respects me for who I am and my morals and values. How fast should l take this? This is new territory for me...not sure how to play it.

 

[scraparcs]

Same advice I'd give any relationship, take it however fast you want to take it. At your ages, the age gap isn't really meaningful anyway.

 

[lilnicciebaby]

Sounds good. I just do not want to rush or take it too slow.

 

[BarelyBreathing]

Ultimately, you will do what you will do regardless of advice. I would recommend taking things slow and getting to know him more offline and in a variety of contexts. The fact that you are expressing concerns and seeking advice is an indication that you hold some reservations-- don't ignore this inner voice.

 

[Deidre32]

I don't believe in online dating and to me, red flags that a man would wish to pursue someone that much younger. Maybe I'm too cautious but don't be surprised if he is very controlling when you move things into a more serious realm. Men that much older than their partners are often controlling.

Can't tell you what to do but taking it super slow and really keeping your eyes open is wise. Especially since you have a child.

I'm wary of men who hardly know someone and want to "take care of them."

Please be careful.

 

[Deidre32]

Ultimately, you will do what you will do regardless of advice. I would recommend taking things slow and getting to know him more offline and in a variety of contexts. The fact that you are expressing concerns and seeking advice is an indication that you hold some reservations-- don't ignore this inner voice.

This!!! Yes yes this.

 

[Paulie079]

This!!! Yes yes this.

lol I knew you were going to be all over this thread as soon as I saw the topic.

My advice when it comes to online dating especially (which I hope means dating someone you met online and not actually dating over the internet), is to be careful and prayerful. You don't really know someone online until you've spent some time with them offline, so I would take time to make that step before even considering yourself to be in a relationship.

 

[Deidre32]

lol I knew you were going to be all over this thread as soon as I saw the topic.

My advice when it comes to online dating especially (which I hope means dating someone you met online and not actually dating over the internet), is to be careful and prayerful. You don't really know someone online until you've spent some time with them offline, so I would take time to make that step before even considering yourself to be in a relationship.

Yes, I am not a proponent of online dating sites.
Frankly, if someone is already stating things like "I want to take care of you," and doesn't know you well....that is a red flag.
Not a compliment. He doesn't know you enough to say these things.

That's something you say after a solid relationship offline has been established.
Beware.....

 

[redblue22]

I tried my luck at online dating. It took a while, years mind you but I found a match. Now I am not sure how fast to take this. He is about 16 years older than me. I normally do not date that old but everything else seems to fit. My mother is all worried and I get some of her concerns. My friends are all okay with him as long as when we meet we meet in public and do double dates for a long time until they think he is safe an such. I do want to do this right but I am falling fast and do not know how to stop it. He is so gorgeous and very smart. He has a good job and wants to take care of me and my daughter and he respects me for who I am and my morals and values. How fast should l take this? This is new territory for me...not sure how to play it.

Why do you normally not date that old? What is the everything else that fits? Why is this new territory for you?

So, when and where did you meet him? How far away does he live? How many times have you been out with him? Who else was there with you? How old were those people?

What is your mother worried about?

Have you made out? or had sex with him?

What is his past? Why is he 47 and still single? Have you asked about his past?

When did he first suggest marriage? what are his beliefs about marriage?

What are his religious beliefs? Does he have any legal problems now or past?

Do you think he is moving too fast? Do you feel pressured to speed up?

What does he do as work? Does he have women friends?

Does he ever say anything to you that you feel weird about? or uncomfortable? Do you find yourself making excuses for some of the things he says or does? How does he respond to you wanting to slow things down?



That would be a start. My guess: Put on the brakes

 

[lilnicciebaby]

My mom does not want me to date older guys because my sister does and they are more like sugar daddies then real boyfriends. He lives in a different state but not too far away. he was married and his wife cheated on him so he is divorced now. we have not done anything physical. He believes in getting married before all of that. He has come clean from all background checks. I do not think he is moving to fast at all. He is waiting for me to move. I have not seen him alone at all. Always with friends or double dating. He is an architect. His best friend is his sister. I am only concerned about my mother being concerned not so much about him. He has the some of the same beliefs in God as I do. He goes a bible believing Church and he teaches Sunday school. My only concern is his age. I have had bad luck in dating guys my age they only want one thing. I know that not all are like that but it seems that I found a worm in every apple I have ever had so to speak. So I am cautious but want to see if maybe the age will help any in finding a decent guy. So I am just trying to keep my mom from worrying.

 

[Paulie079]

I would just say that at some level, while of course you can value and respect your mom's opinion, you are 31 and need to be able to make decisions like these for yourself without letting parents' opinions be too much of a factor. Worrying is what mom's do, but as long as you continue to be careful, neither of you have any reason to worry.

 

[Deidre32]

He's good looking, teaches Sunday school, smart and successful but needs to go online to date someone out of state. Hmmm.

Your mom is a wise lady to be very concerned.
I am, and I don't even know you. Be careful with your heart as to who you give it away to.

 

[redblue22]

Deidre makes wise observations. I also noticed that you avoided certain questions I asked.

But you are backing up. You are only concerned about your mom.

.

 

[Deidre32]

And honestly? His age isn't my biggest concern. My main concern is a man telling someone he hardly knows that he wants to take care of her. It is designed to get the other person thinking about a future and feeling like, wow...I'm so special! This guy wants to take card of me and my child!

My guess? This is a common line he uses, which is why he says it early on. He doesn't know you enough to want a future with you, OP.

Beware of wolves wearing sheep's clothing.

 

[Saucy]

I'm not against internet dating. I think God can use any means to bring two people together, but why not really get to know him better as just friends? Work on meeting each other and building a firm foundation.

I know parents are sorta weird about the whole online dating thing, but if you take the time to get to know each other and he shows the family that he's patient and respectful of the family's wishes, then that will only help them through the process and they might start trusting you.

 

[lilnicciebaby]

I did not avoid or back up I just do not know the answers yet we just started dating.

 

[Deidre32]

What advice would you give to a good friend or relative who was in your situation? Sometimes, we had the answers all along. Good luck to you, in whatever path you take here.

 

[lilnicciebaby]

not sure really.

 

[Deidre32]

I don't know you so please do with my advice as you like but please be careful. This is why getting to know someone through words only is a bad idea. You don't know him really. And he is saying things way too soon without knowing you.

I think you are falling for what you hope he is, and not what he is. Because how can you fall for someone you don't know well?

I'm just trying to get you to pause because you have a child, especially. So many men who are out to use younger women. He might end up being great but I would be careful.

Hugs and good luck

 

[lilnicciebaby]

I have my eyes wide open and want to keep them that way. I am just trying to get advice on how to best do that. I am not blinded by what he says. I am more interested in him than I would normally be because of his age but I do not want to stop dating him just because of his age when other things fit. I know I have to get to know him over time.